Igniting Sparks
by nickaroos
Summary: The ground under the Cullens had shifted since Esme's vision in 2005, changing them all, bar Edward due to his absence. Upon his return he was greeted as family, but his former role no longer existed. Instead, Bella had a spot at their dining room table having been promised full inclusion, making Edward and Bella's relationship barely cordial. Third of series-after A New Sunrise
1. Prologue: A New Sunrise

Acknowledgements: A Little More Heart is a story that I finished posting in 2016 and was followed by New Sunrise in 2017. It had very few, yet devoted fans. Almost all of them requested that I write a third story. Thus, this is a thank you to them for their support and encouragement, and would not have been written if not for their pleading.

Title: Igniting Sparks

Summary: The Cullen family members changed, even though Edward hadn't been present to be altered alongside them. Upon his return after the battle with the newborn army he was greeted as family, but his former role in the family no longer existed. Instead, Bella had a spot at their dining room table. Despite Edward and Bella's barely cordial relationship, the other Cullen members' were holding to their promise to Bella that they would make her a full Cullen when she was closer to 30-years-old. Truthfully, the ground under them all had shifted since Esme's vision in late 2005, and no one could say for sure what the future held, even Alice. (Third of a series following New Sunrise.)

Rating: T (The themes and struggles as well as a few scenes in this story are meant for older teens and adults, at least in my opinion.)

Disclaimer: I did not create the original characters found in this story, however the plot is entirely mine.

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**Prologue: A New Sunrise**

Me, Bella Swan, receiving a letter from Esme at the start of the New Year seemed more unreal than the fact that they had existed in my life at all. It was such an innocuous thing that belonged in a supernatual world. Even more surreal was when they decided to move back. I desperately wanted to be selfless and tell her that I was fine, that I didn't need them to return to Forks, that I wasn't worth the trouble. But the words had stuck in my mouth. The simple truth was that the pain was too severe to utter the words my brain told me to say.

Part of the issue was that she had caught me at my weakest. By the time her letter had arrived even my zombie state was weary. The effort to fight everyday just to breathe made it impossible to keep my selfishness in check and had been unable to deny my desire to have them near me. What was also true, but I managed to not say, was that I needed them not for their presence, although it was appreciated, but because they brought relief to my otherwise unending torment. In that moment I understood for the first time when I had overheard Billy admit to Charlie that at times he would do anything to get rid of his pain, even visit Forks Memorial Hospital with Carlisle working there. Despite his admission, he had held to his convictions. I had not. By all accounts my inability to stop myself from using them like I used Jake made me weak, and a horrible person, but the hope of relief overrode it all.

The first day spent with Esme after her return had been a rollercoaster. It was good to have her near, however I hadn't expected the different kind of pain her presence brought me. Gratefully, it was a more bearable kind. And although me breaking down in her arms was beyond embarrassing, it felt cleansing. There was something about having cold arms around me, even if they weren't _his_ that assured me. With her near it seemed only logical that one day _he_ would return. _He_ still wouldn't want me. I would never be more than the human _he_ had once dated. However, as horrible of a person it made me, I had determined that even to have _him_ near would be better than these past months. It was an appalling thought, as it pointed out my absolute dependency on _his_ proximity to function, which was horribly unhealthy, I knew, but to my utter chagrin it was true nonetheless.

If my own desperation and humiliation in this regard was not enough, then there was the possibility that my presence would cause _him_ mortification. Even though I desperately did not want to bring anything negative or even uncomfortable into _his_ life, the pain I felt overrode even that. Despite my loathing of being this kind of woman, as it seemed opposite to the self-reliant independent person I had been in Phoenix, I instead banked on being as unremarkable to _him_ as _his_ departing words had conveyed, and that we could move on to being friends. It seemed like it would be the mature thing to do.

_He_ was over a hundred and I had always been told that I was mature for my age, so it seemed the most likely way forward that assuaged my pain as much as possible without making _him_ uneasy. In the worst-case scenario were _he_ could not tolerate my presence in the least, if that were to happen, I would wish the Cullens goodbye and stay in touch with Alice and Esme over phone and email. Even that option caused me to twinge, so I hoped it wouldn't come to that. Nonetheless, it was clear to me that I would do even that if it was what _he_ needed to be happy. They were _his_ family, after all.

When Esme had caught the scent of another vampire as we had left the Seattle bookstore, I had been concerned for her. She was here by herself because of me. There was no one to protect her if she was attacked. If something happened to her, it would be my fault. I had to do something to help her, but didn't know what to do. So, until I came up with an idea I decided to follow her suggestions. Fortunately, with Alice's help over the phone we managed to leave Seattle untouched. The gratitude I felt towards Alice and how she had looked out for Esme was tremendous, and I was ashamed at how me being a danger magnet could have caused Esme to be harmed.

All my life I had been a burden, tripping through life, inconveniencing others or hurting them. I was such trouble, and brought such risk and pain into other people's lives. Whether it was Jake, Esme, or that one time Jasper spoke to me, they kept saying that I was worth it, but I couldn't agree.

As we travelled in the car back from Seattle, Esme told me about her past. I enjoyed it immensely and she talked about her relationship with Carlisle. It was nice to hear, but her stories cut into me deeply. The more she spoke, the more I realized the truth of _his _words in the forest. He came from such a different time, a different way of life. There was no way that I was what he wanted, what he had dreamed of. Even apart from our different natures, we weren't equal and could never be. I had known from the beginning that I had given my heart away to him, but clearly that made little difference in his world.

Hers was a story of building trust and deepening reliance upon one another. In using her description to evaluate his and my months together, it was suddenly crystal clear how _he_ hadn't confided in me and shared _himself_ with me like Carlisle did with her. _He_ didn't need me like I had needed _him_. _He_ was obsessed with my quiet mind and attracted to my blood, not to me, not to my character. How many times had _he_ called me silly? How many times had _he_ ignored my wishes or said that I was ridiculous? Obviously our relationship had been one sided, and although I didn't doubt that resisting my blood had entertained _him_ for a season, our time spent had been nothing like what Esme and Carlisle shared. In fact, the more she spoke, the more I withdrew into my fuzzy space where I didn't have to feel, where it was safer, unable to handle these truths that threatened to tear my heart apart.

Later in the week, I became fully aware of my surroundings once more, finding myself to be in Jake's garage sitting in my usual spot. Watching him, I had vague memories of Esme and a golden-eyed non-Cullen vampire coming to visit me at work. The disadvantage of my zombie state was that I could not remember if Esme had introduced us or not and if I had humiliated myself at any point. Hopefully, I had behaved human enough to not warn Esme of my true state or cause her to be concerned for me.

As soon as my eyes focused on Jake he asked me, "What happened Bella?" clearly upset.

Shaking my head, I wasn't sure what to say.

"Spill," he nearly growled at me.

We still hadn't got a chance to really talk about him being a werewolf, but my ability to handle that conversation was doubtful.

"Esme came and took me to Seattle," I muttered into my legs unsure unwilling to utter the reality of what was going on with me.

"Esme?" he asked the accusation clear in his tone.

"She's nice, Jake," I told him defensively. "Calm down. She took me to a bookstore."

"You got into a car with a bloodsucker, drove three hours to Seattle to go book shopping, and then three hours back home?" he asked livid.

"Yes," I answered meekly. "I'm fine," I insisted. "Esme's nice."

He bore holes into me while muttering "she's nice" over and over under his breath like it was an expletive.

"She kept me safe from the nomad there," I threw at him angry at his insinuations and unwilling for him to think badly about Esme.

His mouth dropped open and his shaking increased.

I watched him carefully Esme's warning flaring in my mind. It had allowed me to see that although Jake would never mean to hurt me, accidents can and could happen, if Emily was any indication.

"Please can we talk about something else, Jake," I begged. "I don't think either of us can take this conversation."

He huffed, taking in deep breaths intended to calm himself, and said nothing.

"So," I asked slowly, deciding to risk the elephant in the room, as it seemed safer than talking about my life. "What's it like to be a werewolf?"

"Shapeshifter," he corrected with the corners of his lips twitching only the barest of shaking leftover.

Smiling at him, I acquiesced, "Shapeshifter."

He told me what it was like to be a part of the pack, how much he had missed his friends and how good it was to be part of the group again.

By the time he had answered my questions and talked about his altered life it was dark. It had actually been fun to hear him talk about his freaky new life.

"I should get back and cook dinner for Charlie," I let him know.

"Please Bella," he begged me as I got into my truck. "Don't let them break you again."

"Esme came back because she missed me and said that she was wrong to leave," I spit back at him slamming my door refusing to have him run her name through the mud.

He began shaking violently as he stepped back.

My eyes widened, but my anger overruled everything else as I drove away. In the rear view mirror a wolf as large as a horse appeared disappearing into the trees.

Hopefully he would believe me and leave the Cullens alone. The treaty was there, so I was slightly mollified, but the image of Jake attacking Esme in his wolf form resulting her her being torn to pieces. It was a horrible image that haunted me all the way home. Something happening to anyone on my accord was too much to bear.

I only worked a few hours the next day before heading over to La Push again, needing to fix things with Jake. After some apologising on both our parts, Jake took me over to Emily's. She and I had a wonderful time making food for the guys. It wasn't Esme's company or Alice's or even Angela's, but it was good nonetheless. That caused me to ponder how I was going to handle Alice, but put it out of my mind deciding that was a problem for another day.

Driving out of La Push, I watched some of the guys jump of a high cliff in the distance. It looked like they were enjoying themselves. Near home came the realisation that I had experienced a great time at Emily's and with the guys. They weren't the Cullens, but it was nice to be surrounded by a group of people who accepted me and included me. Esme was one thing, but I wasn't a fool to pin my hopes on her. They had left already once, dropping all communication. There wasn't anything keeping them here. They weren't by any means rooted to this space like the Quileutes. As _he_ had pointed out, there were far more interesting things in the world than me.

The next day my shift ended later than expected, so it wasn't too surprising that when I got to Jake's he wasn't there. After considering going over to Emily's, I decided to not bother her. Instead, I walked over to First Beach to see if Jake was there. After about an hour and getting slightly chilled, it was clear that he wasn't coming soon. Walking back to his place and getting into my truck, the image of the cliffs came to mind. I was certain the view from the top of them would be incredible, so drove closer in order to attempt to find the place where the guys had jumped from. When my truck seemed like it couldn't get any nearer, I got out and went by foot.

It took me over thirty minutes, but eventually the trees cleared. Once near the edge, I sat down reflecting on everything that had happened since Esme's letter had appeared.

There was a part of me that desperately wanted to believe her, but my mind simply could not accept it, because the truth was that nothing much had changed. Sure she was here and the hole in my chest had closed some from her proximity and the hope that instilled in me, but how long would she stay? How long until she too decided that I wasn't meant to be a part of her world? It wasn't like they were planning on changing me and really keeping me.

From that first risk in Port Angeles with the motorcyclist, it was clear to me that my choices were either being miserable and zombie-like or living on the edge. The second was far riskier to my well-being, and was contrary to the promise _he_ had forced out of me, but I preferred feeling alive with the rush and seeing _his_ face, even if it was illusionary, than being a zombie. Jake helped; God knew he helped. He was my sun and there was no ability to imagine where I would be without him, but nothing, not even Jake or Esme, could fill the hole in my chest. Then, there was the possibility that Jake would imprint one day. Jake might be my best friend and my sun, but he couldn't be anything more.

The Cullens wouldn't change me. I wasn't dying; not to mention how upset Jake would be. _He_ was off with his distractions. Jake was busy being a shapeshifter and defender of his tribe. And having Esme here helped, but nothing would ever be right again. I had given away my heart and could never get it back.

With these thoughts I stood planning on going back to my truck. Looking out into the ocean, the guy's yells of excitement and glee as they had jumped off the cliff bombarded me. I wanted to feel that. Just for one second I wanted to feel happy again, excited again, to have back what _he_ had given me over the summer and then taken with _him_. I needed my fix, and since _he_ wasn't here, I couldn't help but wonder if sloppy seconds might help just a tad. They had in the past. Taking a step closer to the edge, I began to seriously consider jumping. The risk was better than feeling dead. Did I have the nerve to do it?

Looking down once more, I saw a figure in the distance on the beach. I waved and they waved back with both hands as if trying to stop me from going over the edge, but it was too late. I was tired, bone tired, tired of trying to live for my Dad's sake, tired of using Jake to make myself feel anything, tired of needing Esme so desperately in order to have even the tiniest sliver of hope, tired of unrequited love. With that thought I ran and took a flying leap off the cliff.

The exhilaration lasted until the sound of waves hitting rocks filled my ears, even with _his_ illusionary face and voice speaking to me. Then, suddenly like the moment in the ballet studio when it became clear that my mother was safe and my willingness to offer myself had been needless, I was fully and painfully aware of the fact that I did not want to die. Somehow the awareness hit me of my own self-destructive nature and how my Edward fix was even more harmful to myself than I had realized. It was like nails on the chalkboard forcing my mind into a tunnel like focus that jarred me and rearranged my thoughts. With absolute clarity that I had not experienced since knowing that I was irreconcilably in love with Edward, I asked the heavens that if Carlisle was right and God existed, that I might survive my own stupidity.

Then, as if in slow motion, I watched my body somehow in its last ditch effort to live point my toes breaking through the water without severe damage to myself. Inch by inch the water swallowed me whole until I took my last breath and was submerged. Even when I opened my eyes and used all my strength, a part of me knew that my fighting was a lost cause. The waves were too strong, and I was too weak. It was the story of my life since moving to Forks. I was too weak to hold onto _him_, too weak to hold onto _his_ family and my best friend, too weak to reject Jake's advances outright. I was a weakling and a coward. A part of me decided that my imminent death was a manifestation of my weaknesses right before strong arms grabbed my midsection and pulled me towards the sky.

When we broke the water and I took my first breath tears fell. I cried for the cowardly part of me that I hated. I cried in the exuberant feeling of living and surviving. I cried, because in that moment there was no doubt that I was just like any junkie that teachers had warned us about and that I had seen on the streets while living in Phoenix. If possible, I would request to become a vampire, just so I could be in proximity to _him_.

Could I stand it in a hundred years or three hundred when _he_ met the love of _his_ life? Could I be _his_ friend then? Truthfully, as much as it would hurt, and there was no doubt to me that it would hurt greatly, even that was better than the pain of not having _him_ in my life at all. That was the deplorable depth of my addiction. That day in the meadow _he_ had called me his personal brand of heroin. It seemed that _he_ had it wrong. Instead, _he_ was mine and my ability to hurt myself in order to get a fix was immense.

Certainly if I didn't shake this addiction, especially since the Cullens wouldn't ever offer to change me, I would be like the protagonist in that movie where the addict had destroyed their whole family. As strong arms held me and we moved towards the shore, I considered if leaving Forks and protecting everyone from my destructive nature would be for the best. The worst part was that even as a part of me thought leaving was the best idea for everyone concerned, my pull towards _him_, my need to have this gap in my chest closed prohibited it. Perhaps when I was stronger and had a better control over this need, it could be a consideration. Till then, I would simply have to figure out a way to overcome this compulsion. My mind was set, and although I suspected it would be easier said than done, I was relieved to have my deliberation complete.

At that moment my saviour and I arrived at First Beach.

"What were you thinking?" Jake roared at me. "You could have died!"

"You said you'd take me cliff diving," I reminded him meekly feeling the need to protect myself from the unspoken accusations.

Even if my truths were clear in my mind, I refused to have someone else see them. Standing up, I forced myself to ignore all the signs my body was giving me that it did not want to stand, or walk, or climb into my cab, or drive. Jake, naturally, climbed into my truck with me and kept ranting at me. I refused to allow him to believe that I was trying to kill myself. I hadn't been trying to die. I was trying to get a hit, to pull something into my body that would soothe my insides.

My awareness of my obsession, of how I'd probably moved past recreational use into the worst kind of addiction did nothing to change the craving. My belief had always been that my feelings were because _he_ was a mythical creature. Since my chat with Esme's in the car, my mind couldn't help but wonder if perhaps it was more to do with the fact that there was something wrong with me. I was addicted to things that were bad for me. No wonder _he _didn't love me. No wonder _he _left me. I must have been such a pitiful excuse of a distraction, a boost to _his_ ego that _he_ could resist my blood and be near me. _He_ was bound to get tired of me. I had always known that, but driving back to Charlie's with Jake upset at me, I couldn't stop myself from recognizing how much _he_ must have had to endure to put up with me.

At one point Jake stiffened and muttered under his breath, no doubt catching the Cullens' scent, but I didn't want to fight with Jake anymore, so said nothing about it. Over the next few days my behaviour was all my mind mulled over, how I was endangering myself for a hallucination, how upset Jake had been, how he could have gotten hurt rescuing me, how I had caused the Cullens to uproot themselves and come back to Forks, thereby risking their nature being found out. My conclusion was that I didn't like the person I had become. I wanted to be stronger; I wanted to stop hurting others around me. Thursday I called Esme as promised. It always tickled me when my calls surprised her. She seemed so entirely human to me in these moments.

During the phone call and as the time passed until she arrived on Friday, as she had promised, with Alice, I tried to find a way to force myself to be strong enough to send her and the family away before they all got here. I couldn't. Even the thought of doing so hurt me immensely, so instead I used my newfound determination to be stronger in other ways, and held my ground with Alice, holding onto Esme's words for dear life that doing so would allow me to teach Alice important lessons. It wasn't anywhere close to the kind of person I wanted to be or the kind of person Esme seemed to imply that I could be, but it was a step in the right direction. Hopefully, one day I would be strong enough to say no to Jake and no to the Cullens. Ironically setting boundaries with Alice worked, and with Esme's help I had a good time with them in Vancouver, even though we spent a good amount of that time shopping.

School resumed and for more days than not I was aware of my surroundings rather than being zombie-like. Angela, Ben, Alice, and I usually sat together, causing me to be even more appreciative of Angela. As the days passed and Alice was there every cloudy one, I began to force myself to say _his_ name. I would always love _him_. There was no doubt of that, but maybe one day I could be less obsessed. Maybe one day I would be strong enough to have a friendship with _him_ like I witnessed between Alice and Rosalie, or Jasper and Emmett, or even Jasper and Rosalie, as that seemed more likely then sending them away completely, although perhaps, given enough time, even that would be possible.

A few weeks after Spring Break, I went out for coffee with Esme. It was mortifying, given my inability to hide my pain from her, and like our trip to Seattle, I ended up crying. At least Esme was a comforting presence. Unfortunately, at a certain point I withdrew into my mind and Esme ended up calling Carlisle. It was great to see Carlisle again, even if the circumstances were humiliating. Then, he told me that Victoria had built herself a coven of new vampires. It seemed like just about the time I decided to live, there was someone trying to kill me. Despite what Carlisle had to say, his inclusion of me and his transparency was a balm on the hole inside my chest. It dawned on me that my inability to say no to their returning, as a result of my weaknesses and selfishness, meant that the people of Forks and the Quileutes were safer. For some reason that seemed to assuage my mind and heart considerably.

As much as that awareness helped, what really assisted me was the dawning that Carlisle's treatment of me wasn't like _him_ keeping me at arms length, keeping secrets, and refusing to confide in me. Carlisle even offered to consider giving me a vote. Voting didn't matter to me, not really, but what did matter was my voice being heard. I was so tired of being ignored and belittled, and the promise made to myself to become stronger came out again. Not surprisingly, Carlisle handled me well. By the time he left I felt more assured than ever, because no matter who was here, and how diplomatically the Cullens tried to be, it had always been clear to me that Carlisle got the last word.

While drinking coffee and chatting I learned that Esme was a force to be reckoned with in her own way. She challenged me and corrected me gently, while also insisting that she make me my own room in her house. She was mothering and motherly in a way that was foreign to me, but a part of me appreciated it nonetheless. I felt bad about her insistence of making me a room, since it was doubtful that I would ever be able to handle going to their house. Even if I was working at getting stronger, it was with baby steps, and that was a huge gigantic leap.

Once she dropped me off, my mind couldn't stop comparing Carlisle's and _his_ treatment of me. Carlisle had taken care of me medically and made sure I was okay, but hadn't hover, and once I was better, let me take care of myself. Carlisle hadn't belittled me or told me how ridiculous I was being. Carlisle had considered my opinion and request, while also insisting that I think about some things as well. Analysing this interaction, I realized that _his_ behaviours were not due to being a vampire, but because of _him_. _He_ hadn't trusted me to live my life, _he_ had treated me like I was made out of glass, and I had proved _him_ right over these past months. _He_ had left and I had broken. Clearly there was something wrong with me.

Esme and Carlisle had been apart and she hadn't broken, although no doubt she had missed her husband. Could that be me one day? Could I come to a place where I missed _him_, but his absence didn't break me? Perhaps I inadvertently sent out messages to _him_ that I was easily breakable, apart from our species differences. Jake certainly seemed to have a similar complex at times. Did I want to be the damsel in distress that needed a prince on a while horse to save me? No, I decided. That was not the kind of girl I wanted to be. Before coming to Forks I had been an autonomous, responsible person, perfectly content in my own company with the occasional exciting bursts as a result of my mother's insistence. With even firmer determination than before, and even though unsure of how to do it, somehow I would find a way to get back to being that version of me.

The next weekend I spent time in La Push and enjoyed myself. However, with Carlisle's warning in my ears, I saw things differently. Jake was my sun and I owed him so much, but I was neither a Quiluete nor an imprint. Since the Cullens returning, Esme's encouragement, and my impending graduation, my plans had turned back towards the direction I had intended before arriving to Forks: going to college. Eventually the Quiluetes surrounding me, who had taken me in because of Jake, would become people I'd see occasionally upon my brief return visits. A part of me didn't want to lose my bonds with them, but given my desire to create a future for myself, Cullens or not, I began to see that our closeness was unlikely to last after high school graduation. For the first time, people in Phoenix saying that high school friends didn't last moved from an abstract concept to what would become a reality.

The ugly truth was that unless I stayed in Forks, the people in Forks would become a part of my past. It saddened me, and then there was the fact that as great as the Quileutes were, they simply did not heal me like the Cullens. The Quileute presence was a Band-Aid to a twelve stitch wound, whereas the Cullens presence was like four stitches, not enough to allow my heart to fully heal, but enough to make a difference. These awarenesses were sobering and sad, yet they were also empowering in a strange way, because they allowed me to have a sense of moving one step closer towards becoming the kind of woman I wanted to be.

Ironically, it didn't take Alice long to guilt me into coming over to their home. The reality was, even though I didn't feel ready, I couldn't let her down and have Esme's hard work go to waste. I didn't even want to consider how much money they had spent.

That first visit to their house was difficult, but assuring. In some ways it was even better than before. They included me and there was no protective boyfriend growling and hissing at the most minor of things. What did it say that I enjoyed them more without _him_? Disliking where that question took my mind, I brushed it aside. At the same time, the house was filled with memories of _him_, and being there without _him_ was a form of torture.

In the moments where my grief and pining attempted to overpower me, I tried to imagine myself strong enough to withstand the memories and longing they carried. Luckily everyone helped me do so. That was until I saw the room that Esme had created. It was better than anything I could have imagined, and my heart clung to them. In that moment it was clear that no matter how strong I imagined myself to be, nothing would protect and keep me sane if they left again, and that I could never be strong enough to send them away.

The problem was that even without _him_ I loved them. I had clung to Jake in their absence, but could see how doing so hurt him and the limitations of our friendship, whereas neither seemed to be the case with the Cullens. I had always known that they had been kind to me, and that Alice was my friend, but standing in the room, for the first time I felt fully accepted. My mind attempted to resist the implications, terrified that I would get hurt even more, but the joy of their gesture refused to allow me to be rational.

Like tearing off a Band-Aid, I decided that if they were going to leave, then it was better sooner than later. Collecting all of my courage, I exposed myself, explaining to them my rationale regarding why I wanted to be a part of their family, even as a pet. When I came down the next morning Carlisle told me that they had all agreed to offer me to be changed and get a vote, but they had stipulations. The conversation felt like they were dangling a carrot in front of a donkey. My greatest wish before they had left was being coupled with obstacles that were impossible to achieve.

The truth, which was hard to admit, even to myself, was that I didn't really trust them. Clearly, I wasn't enough to hold them or force them to keep their word. I was nothing but a weakling and the chance that they would decide to walk away from me seemed likely, like a pet a family couldn't take with them when they moved on. Thus, I drew the obvious conclusion that their actions were because they felt guilty about my state and condition as a result of them leaving. They were planning on nursing me back to health, ensuring that I wouldn't do anything like cliff jumping, forcing me to keep my promise to _him_, and then would leave. Their offer was nothing more than an incentive to make sure they got what they wanted, even though I had to admit that their suggestions would also do me some good. When everything seemed to point in the direction of my conclusions, and I could see no flaw in my assessment, without warning, Jasper confronted me and I fell apart.

It was like he saw into my soul and had spoken my greatest fears out loud. A part of me wanted to tear into him, and another part of me knew that he was right. I wasn't worthy of them. No matter which way I turned, there was pain. I just wanted to disappear and never return. I just wanted it to end, except no escape was visible.

When Carlisle brought up his disappointment in me with what happened in Phoenix, I felt horrible. From his point of view my actions seemed childish and naïve. No wonder Edward had no faith in me, and despite what Jasper had said, my conclusions seemed only fortified. Later as Carlisle and then Esme told me their stories, I felt overwhelmed, livid at how much Edward had hidden from me. Simultaneously, I was grateful at how much _he_ had hidden from me. Had I known the truth their stories revealed, would I have been so enthusiastic to be changed? There was no way to know. They made their lives look easy, and I was beginning to see that it was not. I could see better why _he_ might see himself as a monster, even if it wasn't true.

While working on my homework I began to see how hard it was for them to be around me. I had noticed that Esme had taken to not breathing when she held me. It seemed like I was bringing a lot of difficulty into their lives. For a split second I wondered if they would be better off without me, but then my epiphany from cliff jumping and then Jasper's scolding stopped it. I was just me, and didn't think that I was worth it, but they seemed to want me around for the time being, despite the challenges. Esme confirmed her desire for me to be with them, despite me giving her multiple opportunities to tell me that I wasn't worth it. Part of the thing was that I wanted to get back my autonomy and I couldn't do that by depending on them. It seemed like sometimes I was at war with myself. One part wanting to be a part of their unit, one part wanting to get back to the strong self-sufficient caretaker I used to be.

It was hard to concentrate on my homework when Rosalie, Emmett, Jasper, and Alice were doing recognizance in Seattle, but I managed to get it nearly complete. When they did get back, Rosalie ended up telling me her story. Edward had told me once that something similar to Port Angeles had happened to Rosalie. He couldn't have been more wrong. Rosalie was betrayed by her fiancé. What had almost happened in Port Angeles had nothing on Rosalie, and I began to see how Edward lied to me, even when _he_ had spoken a version of the truth. What else had _he_ lied to me about? What more had _he_ hidden from me in the name of it being for my own good or respecting others' privacy?

In a daze I went home, my brain unable to comprehend what Rosalie had gone through and her relationship with Carlisle. He had wanted to save her, and she had hated him for it. Was that what Carlisle was concerned about when he had spoken about Edward's guilt? Did Carlisle feel guilty for Rosalie's hate? Did Carlisle feel guilty for Edward hating that _he_ was a vampire? Was Carlisle afraid of me hating him as well, even though I was asking to be changed? And at a snap the sky became the ground, the ground became the sky, and nothing looked the same.

I had been successfully avoiding going over to the Cullens, trying to not think about all that I had learned, and drowning myself in my school work. It was successful for a little while, until Alice had a vision. Fortunately, my ignoring them didn't stop them from inviting me over to hear what Alice had seen. I was glad to be there, even though I didn't treat Esme well. Then, just like that, everything I had been certain of came crashing down upon me. What if I had been wrong? What if they truly meant their offer to make me into a Cullen in every way? It seemed impossible, and yet … After a few hours Esme sought me out and forced me to admit why I was upset. Against my will it all tumbled out, and Esme did a great job of listening. Ironically, Carlisle had been right. Talking had helped. It irritated me, but after three hundred years I supposed he probably knew a thing or two.

In the morning we talked some more. Carlisle and Esme seemed to read me so easily, and they pulled things out of me that I would have rathered never said. It left me feeling raw and exposed. To manage these feelings, I got Emmett to tell me his story. In many ways it reminded me of my relationship with Edward, only in his story the girl rescued the guy. The other part that was different was that Rosalie didn't hesitate to ask Carlisle to change Emmett. Perhaps that was because Emmett had been dying, and Rosalie couldn't stop that process. Either way, the end of his story had left me with a sour taste in my mouth.

It was becoming more and more clear to me that I would always be the bridesmaid and never the bride, because the person my heart had chosen to give itself away to didn't return my sentiments. It was a life of unrequited love, and yet a part of me knew that anything less than Edward would ever be enough. Jake was my sun, of that there was no doubt, and if the supernatural world had never graced us perhaps we could have made a future together, but Jake was supernaturally matched through imprinting to someone who was not me, while I had been fated to Edward. _He_ wanted to consume my blood, while my love for _him_ offered it willingly. It was pitiful and painful, and nothing less than the absolute horrible truth. In reality any substance addiction, from what I found out in my internet searching, had nothing on the self-destructive elements of how I loved Edward. It was an unhealthy sick kind of love, and yet it held onto me so surely that I had no escape.

Just as Alice had seen in her vision, Victoria arrived to Forks. Unfortunately, all of the planning didn't matter in the end, and Victoria got away. However, after following her to Seattle they returned with two newborns and were taking care of them. Even though I missed them, it meant that I went to Jake's more and did other stuff, which helped push all my mental considerations aside. Them taking in these strays confirmed that the Cullens were good-doers and only in Forks to see me well before leaving again. Yet, my heart didn't seem to care. As long as they were here, I would bask in their presence. The future pain I would inevitably experience was pushed aside for the lessening of the present pain that them still being here brought me.

After the first few days, I got to see Alice again and life seemed to go back to semi-normal, well as normal as my life in Forks got. Rarely did I get lost in my head or behave like a zombie. Even though it probably meant that the Cullens would leave sooner than later, I allowed myself the smallest sliver of hope in Esme's prodding and Carlisle's promise, and took steps to take care of myself, including sleeping and eating. Shockingly, I got into a number of colleges, which pleased my parents. It was nice to see them so delighted. It appeared like life was coming together for me in a way that hadn't seemed possible when the Cullens had left. Thus, I was immeasurably grateful that they had returned, even if they were not planning on keeping me in their life.

By the time that Bree and Diego, the two newborns they had taken in, left, my heart had grown to miss the Cullens to such a degree that upon arriving to the house the very first thing I did was find Esme and throw myself at her, unfortunately before remembering how hard she had said it was to be so near my heartbeat. Fortunately, she didn't seem to mind and just held me close. When we talked about colleges it was such a different conversation than I had experienced with either Renee or Charlie. It was so clear that my parents, as much as they loved me, did not know how to parent me, and so left me to my own devices. Esme, on the other hand, asked questions, made suggestions, and although I felt like she trusted me to make good decisions, was there as a guide. I had never known how much I had wanted that in my life until it was there and a little more of the hole in my chest began to close.

As she talked about Bree and Diego, and then I talked about Jake it dawned on me that somewhere between her letter and that moment I had gained a genuine relationship with her. She was no longer Edward's mother. She was Esme who seemed to care about me in her own right. It also began to dawn on me that perhaps she did actually see me as one of her own. My mother hadn't minded getting rid of me, but then Esme wasn't like my mother. In that moment the hope that they wouldn't leave me behind began to grow. Carlisle might have the last word, but certainly Esme, as his wife, would get some say. At the same time, she had admitted that he had overruled her in their vote to leave after my disastrous birthday party. We all played board games, and the next day they told me what had happened with Victoria. Even without a vote, I had ended up with what I wanted: a say, to be treated with dignity, to be included. It was the most wondrous feeling, and the hope that had grown deepened itself within me.

It was a testament to my blossoming hope and my feelings that when Jake kissed me against my permission it wasn't Renee I wanted or Charlie, it was Esme. I wanted a mother who would allow me to feel safe, who would comfort me. I had wanted those things so desperately with _him_. A small corner of my mind began to wonder if I hadn't been trying to get Edward to fill gaps left within me from my parents. Even though _he_ was quite a bit older than me, and the thought repulsed me, I could not help but see the possibility.

As Carlisle took care of me physically and both he and Esme asked questions and became upset, the stark differences between Carlisle's reaction and Charlie's was shocking. Here gentle, compassionate Carlisle was more upset than my own father. Just about the time that I considered getting angry Esme pointed out the importance of respecting the boundaries of others, and I was washed in guilt. All the times that I had pushed against _his_ boundaries flooded me. I was mortified by my own behaviour. Sure, Esme was probably right that I shouldn't have needed to resort to punching Jake, but I had done far worse to _him _than Jake had done to me. Forgiving Jake easily, I tried to consider and remember all the ways that I hadn't respected _him_ and _his_ no. It was a long list.

It was hard when Emmett got hurt, because I had to keep my distance. However, I didn't want to cause problems, and their stories allowed me to begin to understand how hard it was at times to resist my blood. I didn't want to die, first. But more importantly, I didn't want Emmett to do anything that he would regret later. That night I tried to stay awake for their phone call, but it never came. I fell asleep against my own wishes and Esme called in the morning. At the same time, I had promised to do my part for the family, so followed the instructions given to me.

With Carlisle's and Esme's words ringing in my head, I realized that trust went both ways. If I wanted them to trust me, then I needed to trust them. I didn't like being the one stuck at home, but like Alice had said, it was temporary. The next day Emmett was healed, and much of my worries about losing them faded. It wasn't that I hadn't trusted how durable they were, but seeing how Emmett looked like he had never even been hurt helped me a lot. That was when Jasper told me his history. It was truly the likes of a horror movie. The worst possible things that could be done he did or saw done. He had so little regard for others; it was as if he was telling me a story of someone else. It was a struggle to reconcile his story with the man I knew as Alice's husband.

Then at the end, he admitted that Edward and I had all the emotional indications of being a couple. Except, _he_ wasn't here; _he_ had told me that _he_ didn't love me, and had left. Nothing made sense any more. It was like my head had been put in a washing machine. There was no answer, no solution, so I simply pushed it aside, focusing instead on the upcoming confrontation with Victoria.

It was great going to the training. Although someone was always by my side, so I felt like a burden, it was worth it to see what they could do. More importantly, I began to see that they honoured their word. They weren't flighty and unpredictable like my mom. They weren't distant and otherwise occupied like my dad. They said something and they did it. Esme said she wanted to make me a room and she rearranged the whole floor for me. They said they wanted to see me healthier and stronger, and were helping me get there. They gave me a role in the family and explained things to me. They listened to my fear and tried to solve the problem. It was strange, but wonderful and comforting all at the same time.

When Carlisle told me what role he wanted me to play in the upcoming battle I was livid. I didn't want to play possum. As we stared each other down, I knew that if he could have picked a safer route he would have. At the same time, since I had already begun to see him differently, it became clear that I had to trust that he was doing what was not just in my best interest, but in the whole family's. Sometimes that meant that I wouldn't get my way. This, I realised, was what being a Cullen was really about. It wasn't being vegetarian. It wasn't the respect for human life. It was trust. They trusted each other. Jasper expressing his irritation at me not trusting him in Phoenix meant that he cared. Each of them in their own way had shown me, since their return, that they genuinely cared about me. I didn't know what they saw in me or if it was a lie, but at some point I would be required to let go of my doubts and trust them, trust their decisions. I could rely on my own strength and be lonely, or trust them and gain a family. When put like that it wasn't that hard to allow Carlisle to drug me, even if I didn't like it.

When I woke up in a small shack with Victoria and a boy, presumably Riley, Victoria had cut me and had been drinking from me, while she called me a cow and claimed that she had killed the Cullens. Clearly the plan had not gone the way that they had wanted. So, a part of me was despondent with what she had said. However, another part of me told me that she was like James, someone who could not be trusted. I had seen Emmett heal. Alice could see the future. For better or worse, over these past months, they had earned my trust. Therefore, my decision had been made already; I was going to trust that they were fine and they would find me. Although telling myself that, didn't stop the tears from rolling down my face.

When the Cullens proved themselves and came into the space, the best part was the look on Victoria's face right before it happened. All of their plans had gone up in smoke. Nothing had gone how they had expected it, and yet they were still here rescuing me. Unfortunately, shortly after their arrival I passed out from the smell of my blood. The loss of blood probably didn't help either. Upon awakening I was in a hospital with Alice. She explained that the Volturi had come, and so she and Jasper had spirited me away with a false name. It was fun in a way to pretend to be someone that Jasper had created just in case. I was beginning to think that Jasper's 'just in case' options were more necessary and smarter than at first glance. And Jasper's admonishment for me not trusting him in Phoenix sat heavy with me.

"I'm sorry Jasper," I told him.

"For what?" he asked me.

"For Phoenix," I explained. "I didn't understand it then, and I can't say I completely get it now, but I get it better. I was wrong, and I am sorry."

Smiling ruefully he told me, "You're forgiven."

Relief coated my features and I focused on my gratitude and sincerity hoping he would understand the truth of my words.

Jasper never spoke of it again, but things were different between us after that. When we got back to Forks I got to see for myself that although there were some injuries, no one had died and my father had been left ignorant. Carlisle asked me to come see him at the hospital and explained to me that he had put a GPS tracker under my skin without my permission. It was hard to be upset with him about something that had saved my life. So, I forgave him easily, although my trust in him being my doctor was undermined. I wanted to trust him. I did, but it was like my body was unable to forgive his betrayal as easily as my heart had.

A few days later Esme took me out, checked up on me, and had me talk about what had happened with Carlisle. Then, she dropped a bombshell on me, telling me that Edward had returned, but that _he_ was not well. In one statement I was elated and completely devastated. _He_ was so close, but being kept from me. She insisted that their quarantine of _him_ was for my safety and due to _his_ poor health. I didn't want to imagine how Edward had become unwell, when vampires were unable to be sick.

To my great surprise Esme asked me to continue growing up. I didn't like the idea of getting older than Edward, but they had made valid points about the advantages I would have being older in human years when changed. Esme was a number of years older than Carlisle and their relationship was great, so I began to reconsider my insistence at being changed sooner than later. There were still moments when I doubted that they would honour their word, but was honouring my part in case they had been truthful.

Later that night mulling over everything, I realized that in addition to my hangups about me being physically older than Edward, I also was afraid of out growing him. I kept reminding myself that _he_ didn't love me, and so all my fears about age and growing apart were unnecessary. Didn't stop me though.

Through the summer I spent time with Jake, enjoyed the snippets of time with my Dad, spent time with the Cullens, while Edward was locked in the basement, worked some at Newtons, and generally enjoyed the last summer before starting college. By the time I had settled into being a college student it was Thanksgiving. The whole journey Esme was my passenger, as the family refused to have me travel alone.

As a result of my setting limits on Alice with Esme's help, my relationship with Alice had grown into something that was wonderful. I allowed her to teach me a little about clothes and makeup, but she respected my limits. Slowly Rosalie and I were developing a friendship, mostly over her showing me how to take care of my truck. Emmett and I enjoyed each other's company as usual, and Jasper and I were getting to know each other as individuals. In fairness, though, I didn't spend much time with them overall. I wasn't sure exactly when I wanted to be changed, but, especially after my brush with Victoria, I wanted to enjoy my human years while they still existed. I made friends, not great friends or close friends, but hanging out friends with my classmates. I went out with people and even went to a few parties. I knew they was at the end of a phone or often in the trees looking out for me. Often when I could feel them near a smile would emerge, knowing that they cared about me and this was their way.

The quarter had just finished when Carlisle and Esme were visiting Bellingham and sat me down with everyone else in the room.

"Bella," Carlisle began, "Edward has completed all the things we requested of him. And as far as we can determine, he seems to be completely healed physically and mentally. As we talked about previously, for the last month we've been desensitize him to your scent and to your blood. In the last week he has done a exceedingly well. I now believe it safe for the two of you to be in proximity. However, at least for the time being, the two of you may not be alone. You need to be here in this common area with at least two other members of the family."

Blushing I quickly realized that meant that our conversations would not even have the illusion of being private. "Sure, Carlisle," I told him, "I trust your judgement."

"Thank you, Bella," he replied with a sad smile. "That means a lot to me."

Nodding at him, I smiled back genuinely.

He really did care.

"Would you be up to visiting with Edward tonight?" he asked.

Taken by surprise, I tried to think about it, but irrelevant of anything rational, what was most forceful was my craving to be in his presence.

It had taken a while, but eventually Esme got to tell me her imaginings that caused her to write to me, and then how her life had really gone. It hadn't taken long into her stories for me to realise that she and Carlisle were not obsessed about the other like Edward and I. They were separate beings that worked as a team and supported one another. Through her stories I grew to see Edward and my relationship as juvenile and shallow. We were both obsessed with the other. _Him_ for my blood, and me due to my attraction to _him_. We spoke about loving each other, but it was a tragic love like Romeo and Juliet. My heart had given itself away to Edward, and like my father my heart was loyal, but with the lessons I had learned since the Cullens had returned, our relationship no longer looked like a romantic movie. Instead, it looked like a teeny-bopper fairytale. I didn't need a white knight to rescue me at the expense of my freedom. I didn't need an over protective boyfriend who tried to keep me away from his own family. For better or worse, I wanted what Carlisle and Esme had, or even Jasper and Alice or Emmett and Rosalie. I wanted equality and respect. And I had learned from these past months that having that kind of relationship with Edward would start with me.

Esme's words rang in my head as Carlisle had spoken reminding me that what Edward and I needed the most was for me to do what was right by me, for me to continue to mature, and for me to expect _him_ to do the same. With that in mind, I examined myself.

Unable to say no, but also wanting to be a healthier version of me, I turned to Carlisle and told him, "Yes, I am up to that. How about we play a game as a family?"

Esme smiled proudly at me while Carlisle said, "That sounds wise, Bella."

Emmett went and unlocked the basement door and then shadowed Edward menacingly.

"Hello, Bella," Edward said looking towards me, but avoiding my gaze.

"Hello, Edward," I uttered timidly. "Want to play Pictionary with us?" I asked.

He looked around at his family as if he was lost. Then, his shoulders slumped.

Surely Carlisle was giving him a mental talking to.

Finally, in a much longer span of time than expected, _he_ answered, "Sure, I would be glad to join you."

"Great," I answered tersely.

Alice saw my decision to sit by her, so arranged things so that she was on my right with Rosalie on my left. Emmett was next to Rosalie and then Edward. On Edward's left was Carlisle, then Esme, and then Jasper. We had great fun, next playing Resistance. By the third round I was tired excusing myself to bed.

Edward stood up as if to accompany me to my room. Emmett, Rosalie, and Jasper glared at him and Emmett put his hand on his shoulder. After a moment of indecision, Edward said, "Goodnight, Bella."

"Goodnight everyone," I uttered as I walked up the stairs, knowing that they all would hear me.

When not working at the coffee shop, whoever was in the house and I would play something including cards or video games. If there were more than two others home and I agreed, Edward would join us.

It was a few days before Christmas, so packing up to head to Forks. The whole family was going to make it appear like all of us "kids" were returning home for the holidays. This included Edward.

It was so hard to be close to Edward without reaching out to _him_, without touching _him_, but even _his_ proximity had helped heal me, and so I was grateful for what _he_ was willing to offer me. _He_ might be my drug of choice and being near _him_ might be like an alcoholic in a bar, but I was unwilling to risk losing my new inner strength, so worked hard at being polite, while also being firm about my boundaries.

Alice came to me while I was packing. "Edward requested that you travel with him in the Volvo."

"Nope," I told her without hesitation. "I'm driving my truck." Looking at her, I smiled noticing that she had left my door open, allowing my words to carry easily to Edward, even if he wasn't seeing me through Alice's eyes.

She smiled back a secret communication passing between us. "I figured you'd say that, but I was just checking."

After a moment of contemplation I told her, "Hey, if he can convince whoever was planning on riding with me to give up their seat, and he wants to allow someone else to drive his baby, the more power to him." Then, I smiled widely at her watching Alice check her visions.

"You are a dangerous creature, Bella Swan," she told me clearly impressed.

"I learned from the best," I told her.

"Victoria?" she teased.

"Victoria," I confirmed before we both ended up in a fit of giggles.

Not surprising Edward didn't sit next to me during the drive to Forks, although Jasper did for a few hours. No doubt Alice had seen my wish to talk with him and had worked it out.

After a hundred miles or so had passed under my tires, I asked him, "Do you still see the indicators that you told me about before?"

With a sly grin he told me, "Yes."

Sighing sadly, I admitted, "I don't understand."

After some contemplation, he told me, "Give it time."

Trusting him, I let it go, and we talked about other things.

Christmas with Charlie was great. It was good to see the pack. And spending time with the Cullens, Edward included, was enjoyable. It was the evening of Christmas with Carlisle and Esme in the room when Edward approached me slowly.

"I wanted to return something to you, Bella," he told me sincerely. "I should have never taken them from you in the first place," he admitted solemnly. "I am sorry for my deplorable actions."

Looking up from my book that Jasper had gifted me, I gingerly took the large envelope that Edward had handed me. After it was in my possession, _he_ put _his_ hands in _his_ pockets standing very much like how I imagined _he_ would have during his era.

Opening it carefully, ensuring there were no paper cuts, I dropped the contents onto my lap. Once the contents became recognisable, tears began to flow.

"Where?" I started to ask, but was unable to finish the question.

_He_ looked down at _his_ feet as if embarrassed. "I hid them in your bedroom in Charlie's house under the floorboards. It was childish of me. I am sorry."

Flummoxed I wiped my eyes and stared down at the photos and CDs along with the tickets from Carlisle and Esme the evidence of my eighteenth birthday. After many long minutes, I took some deep breaths and looked up at Edward. _He_ was right; it had been childish, but my behaviours had been childish also. It made it easy to let the anger and hurt pass.

"Thank you for returning them. I appreciate it."

_He_ took a deep breath and looked up at me. "I owe you the greatest of apologies, Bella."

Raising an eyebrow at _his_ tone, I stopped him. "Certainly you've seen this conversation, as I had it with the rest of your family. I will tell you what I told them. No more apologies. I'm good. I just don't want things to be awkward between us. Your family loves you. They want you here with them. I don't want you to feel like the outsider."

_He_ seemed to be listening to someone's thoughts before responding, "If there is any awkwardness, it is of my own doing not your presence, Bella." Then, _his_ features fell. "I should have been here to protect you." _He_ started growling lowly.

I put up my hand. "Stop, Edward. There is no shoulds. You were doing whatever it was that you were doing. Your family took care of it. I'm here. It all turned out okay."

_His_ growling increased in volume, "But she got you, and violated you."

"Edward," I heard Carlisle warning, which probably meant he had warned _him_ mentally multiple times.

Taking a deep breath, I looked _him_ in the eye. "Here's the thing Edward. You're not God. And when you chose to leave, you also chose to leave my future to the fates. I told you before that without your presence in Forks I would have ended up in the cemetery. That didn't change by your leaving. You had your reasons, and I respect that. You didn't want to continue with something that wasn't true for you. I can respect that."

_He_ went to interrupt, but I held up my hand again.

"No, Edward," I told him firmly. "Thank you for returning my belongings. I don't want to argue and I don't need apologies. We're family, and I just want to get along." To my eyes it seemed like _he_ had winced at the word family, as I had internally.

After a moment _he_ replied, "How about friends?"

Smiling widely I agreed, "I would really like that Edward."

_He_ reached out _his_ hand as if to shake mine.

I took _his_ and we shook on it us both uttering, "Friends," while the spark that I always had felt with Edward and I touching spread through my body.

Afterwards and with great difficultly, I went back to my book, while _he_ sat at the piano and played music. Being friends wasn't what my heart wanted, yet it seemed like it was the best I could get.

I wasn't sure how _he_ managed it, but _he_ rode with me most of the way back after the New Year allowing Rosalie to drive the Volvo. We talked about music and my classes, as well as my job and the people I met thus far.

"Know what you're doing next quarter?" I asked _him_.

"If you're comfortable, I would like to attend college with the rest of you," _he_ told me.

I waved my hand like _he_ was being ridiculous. "It's a free country." After a moment I added, "But the stipulations I put in place for your siblings apply to you as well if you attend."

"Stipulation?" _he_ asked clearly taken aback.

"Yup," I confirmed. "No taking classes with me. No walking with me between classes. No following me around. No coming to where I work. If you're at college to genuinely study, then you do your thing and I'll do mine, and sometimes we can see each other at home, if I'm there."

_He_ stopped breathing and looked like I had slapped _him_. _His_ reaction was odd, given our agreement to be friends. A small part of my heart hoped that meant that Jasper was right, but I quickly pushed that aside.

"Reluctantly I will agree," _he_ told me after a few minutes.

"And, given your gift, no reacting to others thoughts and going off half-cocked. If Alice can learn to not use her gift when it comes to me, then you can too," I told _him_.

_His_ mouth dropped open and _he_ appeared like I had told _him_ that the tooth fairy was real. "But …" _he_ stuttered.

Holding back my giggles at Edward stuttering, I reiterated, "We're all appearing to be normal human beings that share college housing together. No gifts, no having unfair advantages."

"I'll do my best," _he_ told me through a clenched jaw.

"I have the utmost faith in you," I told _him_ patting his arm before I put my hand back on the steering wheel.

Annoyingly that electric current that flowed within me whenever I touched _him_ was there once more. When would my body get the message I didn't know, but eventually it would give up, I hoped.

As the quarter started I doubted Edward would keep his word, so I mentioned what _he_ had promised to everyone else, and made them promise to keep _him_ in line. They all smiled like I had made their day. True to their word, they made sure Edward kept to my stipulations. A few times I had seen _him_ striding across campus only to have someone else, usually Jasper or Emmett stop _him_. Each time I would smile to myself and then make sure to thank them later. Whether Edward liked how I was going about it or not, I was living my human life, just like _he_ had said that _he_ wanted.

Unfortunately, Carlisle and Esme had been right. As the second quarter turned into the third I found myself more centred, more knowledgeable about who I was, stronger, more able to stand up for myself, and growing into myself. As I did, Edward's behaviour seemed more and more immature. I still loved _him_ deeply, but much of our past no longer looked attractive to me. I was taking Esme's advice and becoming the woman I believed that I wanted to be. I could only hope that Edward would do the same. I wouldn't want to be a spoiled teenager all of eternity, and I secretly hoped that _he_ would grow up with me, for _his_ own sake and for the sake of the family. The smallest deepest parts of myself, I acknowledged that otherwise, there was a chance that we would outgrow each other, even as friends, and more than anything, I really didn't want that.

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_A/N: I am well aware that this chapter is longer than my usual, but I simply didn't want Bella's pov of A New Sunrise to venture into two chapters. _

_I await your thoughts while I bite my nails in anticipation. _


	2. Chapter 1: Edward and Bella

_A/N: I have never added an author's note at the start of a chapter, but then again I've never had a prologue, so I guess there's a first time for everything. _

_In my desire to avoid confusion, I wanted to warn you that the prologue ended further in the timeline than this chapter starts, thus, we are going back in time a little. If you read, A New Sunrise, you will note that this chapter starts right as that story ended._

**Chapter 1: Edward and Bella**

* * *

The number of conversations Carlisle and I had about Edward and Bella were bordering on the ridiculous.

It was not so much them as individuals, although, Bella wasn't out of the woods yet, by any means. Rather, the impact of our family leaving was just beginning to wane.

After Victoria had been ended, she gained weight to a healthier level and as a result her scent became even more alluring. Unfortunately, the healthier a human became and the closer they came to their physical optimum maturity level the more their blood called to our nature. Carlisle suspected this was why the vampire community was so full of individuals changed between late teenagers and early twenties.

When Bella had been in bed sleeping the family had discussions, sans Edward, since he was still not permitted to contribute, about what made her so attractive to our senses. Jasper believed that, in addition to Carlisle's theories regarding human development, she was meant to be in our world and her scent pulled our kind towards her. The evidence, at least as it related to Edward and maybe even James, seemed to support his opinion. What that might mean if another coven came upon us or if traditional friends visited while Bella lived with us was a mystery, but not something any of us wanted to consider. If nothing else, fortunately, Carlisle wasn't willing to have a repeat of James' coven, so agreed with Jasper's plan on detaining any strangers if they exhibited any untoward thoughts, assuming Edward would stand with us, if Jasper picked up any concerning emotions towards Bella, or if Alice saw anything alarming.

In the private conversations between Carlisle and I about Edward and Bella we decided on a divide and conquer method. Carlisle would speak to Edward, while I would be responsible to speak with Bella. We both agreed that out of the two I got the easier assignment. At the same time, I still didn't know Bella well, and certainly Carlisle knew Edward very well. Not to mention how Carlisle and Bella's relationship was strained, due to his violation of her body. Therefore, Carlisle and I decided that before saying anything to Bella about repairing her relationship with Edward, I needed to get to know her better and her thoughts about Edward more, while Carlisle would determine where Edward stood in relation to Bella and have Edward admit what he told Bella that day in the forest when he had left her.

Fortunately for us all, as the summer progressed Bella was busy spending time with her dad and the Quiluetes as well as us, so she usually wasn't at the house for more than a few days. This allowed us all to adjust to her fragrance as it changed, since she left her clothes in the house and her scent lingered, while also giving us a break, although holding our breath around her still became occasionally necessary. It was a way to build our tolerance, even though we all were frustrated about it. Irrelevant of how we felt, we decided as a family to all participate in order to ensure her safety from us. Despite these precautions, on more than one occasion Jasper excused himself and hunted. In August I brought to the family's attention the toll of our bloodlust on Jasper. We all agreed to hunt more regularly, particularly once Bella moved in with us. We also all agreed that we should keep our precuations from Bella unless she said something, as she was likely to feel guilty.

About a week after graduation, Rosalie opened her garage for the Quiluetes. It was slow going at first, but by the time the kids were meant to leave for college she was there two days a week. Ironically, she and a number of the guardians, particularly Jacob, had bonded over the cars. To the most part, as it turned out, instead of fixing cars from the reservations, she ended up showing them how to fix their own cars. When she wasn't there, often with Emmett or Jasper, she was in Bellingham working on the house. The months were occupied, even when the day was sunny, which seemed to please the kids. By the end of the summer Rosalie and the Quiluetes has agreed that they could have access to the shop as long as Sam was present, since he was older than twenty-one, and that if she was going to be in Forks, she would let them know, so she could offer them some more of her knowledge. It was an even better outcome than Carlisle had hoped for.

Through the summer I went out of my way to chat with Bella, often inquiring about her family. From both the fact that her mother did not come for Bella's graduation and from what she told me, I gleaned that her mother was fun, but immature, often focused on herself and unable to care for others in a way that I would have expected for someone of her age. Bella also described her as flighty and absent-minded. She seemed deeply connected with her mother, while also being relieved that she no longer was the one responsible for ensuring her mother's well-being.

The whole thing upset me tremendously, and I spoke to Carlisle about it for many hours. Ultimately, we concluded that Renee had been too young and immature when she had Bella, and although had done her best and had made Bella's childhood fun, it also had created some unhealthy habits in Bella. We weren't sure how to help Bella develop in this way, as this wasn't Carlisle's area of expertise and I was used to mothering vampire teenagers. Rather quickly it was made clear that my vampire mothering wouldn't much aid me with knowing Bella's needs. Consequently, I bought some books written by humans about human teenagers. Some of them weren't worth the ink printed, but a few had some ideas that I liked.

My conclusions about Charlie were similar in some ways. It had seemed like he too hadn't been adequately prepared to raise a child, but had sent child support and fulfilled his financial obligations. Other than that, he seemed at a loss of what to do and how to handle a young teenager, particularly a girl and one who didn't share his interests.

It seemed like Bella perceived herself as a blend of them: more like her father than her mother in temperament, but more like her mother than her father physically.

The parenting books seemed to imply that young women, without a positive male father figure, were likely to attract men who would not treat them well. I hated to think of Edward fitting into that category. However, more than once when they had been dating, I had reminded Edward that although she might be physically more fragile than us, no woman wanted to be treated like porcelain, and that respect as well as communication were vital for a solid relationship.

It was late July when out of the blue Bella told me, "I think my dad is interested in Sue."

Trying to remain impassive, as I wasn't sure what she needed from this outburst, I enquired, "Clearwater?"

"Yes," Bella confirmed. "Both of her kids are shapeshifters, Leah and Seth, and I believe that she took Harry's seat on the council."

As neither her reply nor tone gave away his feelings on this matter, I wondered, "Do you like Sue?"

She pondered that for a moment before answering, "I don't know her super well, like I know Billy, but yeah, she seems okay."

"Okay enough for Charlie?" I pressed.

Her eyes were on some random space out the window for a while before her eyes focused back onto me. "It's weird to think of Charlie dating, you know. But in reality he's not really that old. If she's good for him, then, I'd be happy for him. I don't want him alone. And Seth's great."

Smiling I had to agree. Seth was probably by far my favourite of the Quiluetes. Over and over I had appreciated how he had approached us. He reminded me more of Ephraim than his forefather, actually. His desire for peace was greatly appreciated.

After some more thought she added, "And having Sue know the truth will make things easier in some ways I think." She looked slightly uncomfortable, and then admitted, "I'm just struggling to see Charlie as a guy who is attracted to a girl. He'll be a great step-dad to Leah and Seth, which might help him when he has to lose me."

Reaching across the space, I squeezed her hand a feather amount. "It's hard to see our parents as people, and your reaction is a very mature one. Just like he wants to see you happy, you wish him the same."

She smiled shyly and agreed.

Bella and I didn't have much time alone again until it was the beginning of September with everything nearly situated for the kids to move to Bellingham. This time it was the morning without anyone else in the house, bar Edward, of course.

"How are you feeling about starting college, Bella?" I asked her as she sat watching me finishing up her breakfast.

"Excited and a bit nervous," she replied her cheeks warming some.

"Sounds just right," I told her smiling. "Classes all picked out?" I checked.

"Yeah," she told me shrugging. "It's the standard freshman first quarter classes, so nothing I'm really excited about, but it is what it is."

"I think we all appreciate when we're more juniors or seniors and are taking classes in our major. One of the advantages I have, given to me being a little older, is that it's easy for me to enrol in a Master's program instead, or even as a transfer student with my pre-requisite classes completed already," I explained to her.

She looked down bashfully. "I can certainly see that being an advantage."

Smiling slightly at her admission, I said nothing more and instead changed topics. "Any idea what major you want?"

"No," she told me sadly. "Maybe English, as I love literature. I'm also good at science and a number of my teachers have encouraged me to pursue a degree in Chemistry or Biology."

"No matter what you choose, just follow your heart," I advised. "After your turned you'll have time to do another. There's no pressure."

Her features turned serious and she whispered, "I'd like to get a job and add to the family income, maybe even build something for my parents, and the Quiluetes. I know I'm choosing to take myself out of their lives and I'd like to leave them something."

I started speaking, but she interrupted in a rush as if she had been holding in the words for a while.

"I know we could use some of the Cullen money and just put it in my name. And I know that Alice can take a little and multiply it to ungodly sums, but it's a bit like cheating, Esme. I get that money is important and it helps keep distance from humans, but I feel like I'm going to miss out on important life lessons by taking the shortcuts. I agreed for Carlisle to help pay for college, because Charlie would have picked up the debt, and I can't allow that, but for the rest …" then she sighed.

"Bella," I uttered.

It took her a good three minutes before she looked up at me. When she did nervousness and some fear were covering her face.

"I think that's great," I told her with a smile. "And I think you have some valid points. I grew up on a farm. We weren't poor by any means, but I didn't grow up in the opulence of Rosalie or Edward or even Carlisle, such as it was for his era. I have a tendency to agree with your outlook. I think hard work is important. I also hope that the result of you doing the very things you just suggested is that they will help you in controlling your bloodlust. Being able to set a goal, put your mind to something, and carry it through I think it a great lesson. What can Carlisle or I do to help you?" I questioned trying to show my support.

She smiled in gratitude her fear disappearing completely. "Well, for starters I want to work a part-time job in Bellingham."

I nodded in acknowledgement.

"I'd like to use some of that money for going out with friends, and stuff like that," she said slowly as if she was considering her words as she spoke them. Her face scrunched up causing me to ponder if perhaps she had been so certain I would have resisted her idea, that she hadn't considered these details yet. It was a sad possibility, and something for me to work on repairing between us.

"Following you thus far," I told her as a form of encouragement.

She took a bite of her food and thought some before she spoke more. "What if I make a savings account and you or Carlisle match what I put in? Then, when it gets to say a hundred thousand dollars, Alice can invest it for a year? Then, with whatever that comes up to we can say that's for my mom, then we start over for my dad, and then for the Quileutes?"

Smiling proudly, I told her, "That sounds really mature and reasonable."

"You'll keep Alice in line?" she checked appearing a little nervous.

"She can only invest what has been accumulated in the account, she is not permitted to add to it herself?" I checked.

"Yeah," she confirmed.

"I can do that, no problem. I'd like you to consider something, however," I stated with some hesitancy.

She looked reluctant.

"Carlisle and I have wanted to do something for the Quiluetes for a while. Particularly, we'd like to offer them funding to upgrade their schools and to add a trade school, so that the guardians can learn different trades without leaving their community and breaking their commitment to their tribe. We have been trying to do so through a dummy corporation or some fake government grant. The problem is that those ideas require that they have applied for some aid, and they have not and are unlikely to do so at this point."

Looking at her carefully she seemed receptive, so I continued, "If it is acceptable to you, we could set up the trust in your name and in addition to what you accrue for them, Carlisle and I could add the things we would like to do for the community."

She smiled warmly if not mischievously. "I could agree to that on the condition that the name on the trust is Bella Swan Cullen, so future generations of guardian and tribal leaders will hopefully be more receptive when we return to Forks in the distant future."

Smiling at her sweet thought, I told her, "That sounds like a great plan, Bella. You really are beginning to think like a Cullen. I am so proud of you."

Then moving at a speed that would allow her to see me, I came over to her and wrapped her in my arms.

"Thanks, M-Esme," she said and then the blood increased in her cheeks and I stepped back an arms length.

"I'll be Mom to you anytime, Bella. All of my children had mothers that carried them in their wombs and raised them for many years. That doesn't change that I have adopted them and they call me Mom, although Jasper is by far the least likely to actually do so."

Her blush increased, but her embarrassment seemed to have waned. After a few minutes she asked clearly curious, "How come?"

"You should ask Jasper," I recommended going and started cleaning the kitchen, "but I suspect it has something to do with leaving home, leading armies as a human, and then as a vampire. Hard to feel like a kid in need of a mom at that point, especially as a guy, although I think that we all need that feeling at times."

She another bite keeping her eyes on the food uttering softly, "Yeah, you're probably right."

"I'd still recommended you asking Jasper. I'd be curious his answer myself, actually," I admitted.

Nodding her head, she turned back to her good, and then after a few minutes had passed asked, "When will everyone be back?"

"A few hours I'd guess," I told her. "Alice and Rosalie went shopping for last minute house things, and Emmett and Jasper are putting on the last touches to the new place," I reminded her.

"And Carlisle is working," she added.

"Carlisle is working," I agreed with a smile missing him, although I hoped that he would be home soon. After a few more minutes had passed I asked, "How are you feeling about what happened with Carlisle?"

"I've forgiven him. Moving on, I guess. Still struggling to trust him with medical stuff, though," she admitted quietly.

"That makes sense," I concurred. "You know he's not one to make the same mistake twice. He's learned his lesson."

"What lesson did he learn?" she asked as if challenging me.

"That it is important for him to acknowledge and admit what he feels, even if that's fear," I told her.

"Hmph," she retorted.

"Have you spoken to him about this?" I asked.

"No," she answered sharply as if appalled. "And he's never brought it up," she added as if defending herself.

"First, Bella, please learn from my difficult lesson this past year. Not talking about difficult subjects does not help. So much between Carlisle and I would have been different if I had only had more courage before. I beg of you not to repeat my mistakes," I implored her.

"Okay," she said into her plate her head bowed.

I still struggled not to comfort her when she exhibited this action, but the books had said that such a thing was a sign of repentance and comfort might stop the teenager from learning his or her lesson. I hoped the authors were right, because restraining myself was hard to do.

"Second, Carlisle is a gentleman and ashamed of his behaviour. He might just be waiting for you to be comfortable," I pointed out.

"Right, okay, then," she mumbled.

"This is not a command, Bella. You're not required. It's not even a request. Just some motherly wisdom," I attempted to convey warmly.

She looked up at me, her face having so many emotions on it that I didn't know how to interpret what I saw. Then, she mumbled lowly, "Alright Esme, I'll take it into consideration."

"I know you will dear," I told her while with the lightest of pats touching her arm.

After a few moments she asked, as she had taken to doing each time we were alone together, "How's Edward doing?"

"Well, considering," I answered. "He's frustrated with the slow rate of improvement. He disagrees with Carlisle often, and is impatient. It might be not at the rate he wants, but he is progressing. He hunts less than he was, and is gaining control of his gift. He will get there. It took him nine months to get to the state he is in. It will take time for him to recover. As I mentioned before, part of the problem is that none of us have experience with this sort of things. We are all learning as we go."

"Can I do anything to help?" she asked clearly wanting to play a part.

It was a question she had asked multiple times before. Her care for him was transparent. Often my answer was for her to keep herself safe and to stay in her room at night.

This time was different though. "Actually, yes. We were hoping that you could wear a shirt overnight that you don't mind getting ripped to shreds, and then put it in a Ziploc bag in the morning. We're getting close to starting desensitizing. That would certainly be helpful."

Her face flushed pink some before she told me, "Sure, Esme. No problem."

By this time she was done with her food, so I cleared her plate and put it in the dishwasher.

The look on her face said she had something she wanted to talk to me about.

"Your room?" I asked indirectly questioning if she wanted privacy, given how her room was insulated sound wise.

Smiling she nodded and moved in that direction.

Once in her room, I closed the door. It was a good thing I had hunted last night while she had slept. Holding my breath to make it a bit easier, I settled myself into the rocking chair in the corner while she took the bed.

She fiddled with the seem along the bottom of her shirt for a while as I tamed myself.

"I'm really afraid that Edward and I can't be friends, even though I really want us to," she told me.

"Why couldn't you be?" I asked her assertion confusing me.

"Last time I saw him he wanted nothing to do with me," she stated her sadness at this clear.

Even though I completely disagreed with her assessment and conclusion, it wasn't my place to contradict her. So, instead I approached it from a different venue, "You've changed. Edward's changed. It's hard. I'm not claiming it's easy, but sometimes we have to talk things through, accept what has happened, learn our lessons, and move on, allowing the present to inform our actions, rather than the past," I told her.

"Like with Carlisle," she questioned.

"Yes, like with Carlisle," I agreed. "It was incredibly hard for me to let go of the fact that he left me behind and walked away from me completely when I was sixteen. When I saw him again after he had turned me, I wanted to forget about my hurt and keep him for myself. But that didn't serve our relationship. It has only been as a result of us talking through things that we've been able to heal. I want that for you. Like I said before, I want you to learn from my lessons."

She sat seemingly thinking about my words. When she did speak she asked, "Any idea when Edward and I will be able to talk?"

"When he can be around your blood and not lose himself to his bloodlust," I told her plainly.

She nodded in acceptance, although she appeared sad.

"It will come," I stated as a way of assurance.

Her nineteenth birthday gave a hint that she was moving past healing into substantial growth. However, it wasn't until Bella asked for a family meeting in late September when who she might grow into began to shine. All eight of us were in the Bellingham house with college starting on Monday sitting around the dining room table, while Edward remained locked in the basement.

"You have the floor," Carlisle let Bella know once the seven of us were seated.

"So," she started in a kind of spluttering fashion. Then, she looked at Carlisle and took a deep breath. "I've been keeping my end of the bargain."

With that Edward could be heard pacing and snarling and talking to himself. Some of what he said made it sound like he would rip Carlisle apart before he'd let Carlisle bite Bella.

I looked sideways at my husband who squeezed my hand back while he kept his eye contact with Bella.

"I know we talked about holding off until I'm closer to thirty," she continued on without pause, probably unable to hear Edward. "I'm still not sure about that part, but that's a conversation for another day."

Carlisle nodded for her to go on.

She twisted her hands together and looked up at Carlisle. "As much as I want to be a part of your family, I won't force myself onto any of you for all eternity, and that includes Edward."

Frowning, I looked around at everyone at the table.

They all had grim expressions.

Then, her eyes lowered and she stared at the tabletop. "On that condition, assuming that no one objects to me being a Cullen, I wanted to talk about what might happen if I get hurt, either here at the house or away from you guys."

"We'd clear out and get Carlisle," Alice answered like Bella was being dense.

"Let's go with that for now. But just as a worst-case, what if someone tried to sample me again?" she pressed.

This time Carlisle answered. "We're taking extra precautions like hunting more, just to be safe, but you're right. There is a risk with you living with us. Our first reaction would be to restrain the individual and remove them from the situation."

She held his gaze and nodded that she had heard him.

"If someone were to actually get close enough to bite you," he continued, "then we would immediately pull them off and allow the venom to spread, assuming that's still what you wanted."

"Along as no one in the family objects, like I said, then yes," she answered.

"And if you were to want to alter your opinion?" he pressed.

"I'll tell you the moment I change my mind," she promised.

"Agreed," he stated his tone carrying a touch of sadness and regret.

"What if I'm in an accident or something like that?" Bella questioned pressing on. Clearly she had given this topic quite a bit of thought.

Her looking at different angles and possibilities, along with wanting to talk it out showed her maturity.

I couldn't help but be proud of her.

"It would depend," Carlisle answered. "If it wasn't life threatening, we would probably keep our distance, maintain our cover, and allow the human medical teams to do their jobs."

"And if it turned life threatening?" she questioned.

"Then we would bite you," I stated firmly before Carlisle could have the chance to speak.

"Who would?" she asked.

"Whomever is closest," I told her, making my expectations clear to the family. "Unless we could get you back here to Carlisle," I added my voice softening.

"One of the reasons I'm asking," Bella stated clearly, even while she swallowed nervously, as if she had the need to explain, "is because our cover story this time means that for lots of periods of time Carlisle will not be nearby, and neither will you Esme." She looked apologetic and breathed in collecting herself. "If he's not here, then who?"

"Me," Rosalie said meekly.

"Or me," Alice added firmly.

Bella looked at Rosalie shocked.

"I have good control and if I lost myself Emmett or Jasper could pull me away," Rosalie stated matter-of-factly.

"I don't have as good of control as Rosalie," Alice admitted, "but I could also be more easily taken away from you if I lost myself."

Jasper and Emmett both looked sheepish.

When she looked at them they both smiled sadly.

"As you know I'm a good fighter," Jasper said. "And am especially good at protecting my meals. I have changed humans. It was when I was with Maria, but that was then, and it would be different now. When human blood was my regular source biting another human wasn't as much of a contrast as it would be now. I've worked really hard and to have that flavour in my mouth again … " he shook his head as Edward's growls turned louder.

Bella glanced towards the basement and then turned back around in a purposeful manner, almost as if she was choosing to ignore the sounds.

"If there were no other option and time was of the essence I would, but I would prefer the honour to help Alice or Rosalie if need be," Jasper told Bella smiling brotherly at her.

"Similar stuff to Jasper," Emmett stated. Then with a big smile added, "If you're willing to wait about another seventy years, I might be ready to have Rose's control."

"Nah," Bella answered with a big grin towards Emmett. "Carlisle and Esme are having a hard time convincing me to wait five, I doubt they could manage seventy."

Everyone at the table chuckled at the truth of her statement.

"So," Bella started slowly probably collecting her thoughts, "if Carlisle is not here and something serious happens to me, it would be a minimum of a two person job, one to bite and one to watch."

Edward roared as if he was in great pain.

We all agreed with Bella expressing a collective, "Yeah," and "that's right," but at Edward's bellow she hung her head.

"This isn't fair to him. I don't want to hurt him," she sputtered as tears ran down her face.

Then, she got up from the table and ran to her room as fast as she could safely go. Even with her door closed and her sounds insulated, I imagined her on her bed crying.

Standing up irate, I went over to the basement door and travelled downstairs. I was so fuming that my thoughts were incoherent. Fortunately Jasper did nothing to alter my mood, and only followed me along with the rest of the family. Edward tried to get past me, but with us united he didn't stand a chance.

"You," I pointed to him, "are going to stop this nonsense. You are hurting a young girl, the girl that you claimed to love. Stop it," I snarled.

That got his attention and he stared at me in shock.

"Edward Anthony Masen Cullen you are one of the most stubborn good men I know. I have heard you and Carlisle philosophize about souls, heaven and hell, and God too many times to count. But you know what? Christ said that all the commandments could be summed in loving God and loving our neighbour. That girl upstairs crying her eyes out is willing to walk away from one of the few desires that she has clearly and emphatically stated over and over again because of your righteous self-assured conviction in an idea that cannot be proven.

"How is that love? How can it be love if you reject her choice based on your own values? Our leaving caused her great harm. How is that love? Love is patient, kind, does not envy, does not boast, is not proud, does not dishonour others, is not self-seeking, is not easily angered, and keeps no record of wrongs. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Examine this scripture and tell me how your behaviour tonight is a demonstration of love."

Waiting with a stern look on my face, I watched Edward carefully. When silence had gone past being reasonable I told him, "Edward you are my son and nothing, not your rebellious period, not you running away these past months, not your present state, changes that. But help me God if I won't allow your brothers to quarter you if you don't figure out how to love that girl in the way she's meant to be loved." Then, I searched out Bella's speech about why she wanted to join our family and ran it through my mind. "She might change her mind. If she did, I would grieve, while I would also trust her to live her own life how she sees best. It's her life and she gets to make the choice, irrelevant of what I might want. And until she either is changed or leaves our family, I will do everything in my power to make sure that girl knows she is wanted, valued, appreciated, and cared for. Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes, ma'am," he stated in the softest of whispers looking at the floor.

Then, I turned and walked out still fuming.

Carlisle touched my shoulder and gave me a look asking if I was okay.

I stared at him firmly allowing him to see my ire, but also attempting to assure him that I would let it go. When I got outside Rosalie was with me.

We ran together with her giving me nothing but her presence.

I took down a doe and allowed my anger to leave me. After burying my kill, I rose and at a gentle trot moved back towards the house. Even though she had said nothing, I had appreciated her accompanying me.

Opening the door waiting for her to step inside, I told her, "Thank you."

"Sure," she stated as if my appreciation was ridiculous.

Slowly I walked up the stairs to Bella's room. Knocking I waited. After more than five minutes had passed, I had to assume Bella had fallen asleep. We had agreed to only open the door and enter if she invited us or if there was an emergency. Since this was neither, I went to Carlisle's and my room, found a windowsill, and perched there watching the world around me, not wanting to go back to the basement and join in. Mostly they were keeping Edward company. Presumably they were also speaking to him through their thoughts.

Some time later Carlisle came in and wrapped his arms around me. "How are you?" he asked his tone softer than a whisper.

"Calmer," I replied with a sigh.

He simply pulled me in tighter and I laid my head on his chest.

The sun was within an hour of rising when Carlisle told me, "I think we had a family intervention." Collecting his thoughts some more he continued, "I have never in all my years seen you so upset, Esme. I didn't even know you had the capacity to be so angry."

My shoulders sagged. I wasn't ashamed for my words or even my tone. It was a long time coming. Probably something I should have told Edward ages ago, actually. Yet, Carlisle had a point. It was rare for me to be angry, and irate wasn't an emotion I could remember having.

Carlisle detailed to me, "After you left Emmett, Jasper, and I talked with Edward while Alice sat on the stairs her head in her hands. I told Edward how we all love Bella in our own ways, which unfortunately got me no where, as all he did was growl lowly. Trying once more, I told him, 'You left. We helped her put herself back together. We've bonded to her. You can't change that. On a good note, everyone else is in agreement about making Bella a permanent member of the family.' Edward reacted by reiterating that he refused to damn her, but there was no strength in his words. My only reply was to tell him that I or anyone else in the family would take that on, that we would all look out for her, and that each of us would honour the promise we made to her.

"He looked like he was in such pain, Esme. It was the most heart-wrenching sad expression I have ever witnessed," Carlisle mused before going back to his telling. "Edward seemed defiant and defeated at the same time while he uttered, 'I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, but I can't agree. She deserves better.' My only response that she might, but it was nevertheless what she had chosen, and we would honour her choice, even if we did not agree. I then pointed out that Rosalie did not agree and yet was honouring Bella's choice. I suggested he speak to her about it. He said nothing more and wrapped his arms around his legs and rocked himself," Carlisle concluded.

"Is there something wrong with me that I attacked one child in defence of another?" I asked Carlisle, uttering my thoughts out loud.

Kissing me on the cheek, he told me, "No, I think your reaction is a reflection of your care for Bella. She is more fragile than our other children, and also more tender. Then, there is the fact that she could request not to be changed, and practically insisted that she wouldn't want to join the family if Edward were opposed. Her choice is based on self-sacrifice out of respect for someone else." Then, he sighed like he had committed a grave sin.

"It just boils me, Carlisle," I tried to explain. "Edward is welcome to believe whatever he wants, even though I think some of his beliefs contribute to his more negative emotional states. Nevertheless, I can respect his opinions. What I can't respect is him digging his heels in so far that he would allow his belief to hurt her, someone he told over and over that he loves. She gives him far too much say in her thoughts and decisions, and he is more focused on what he thinks is right than what is happening."

"You mean to say that they are immature teenagers with unresolved family of origin issues that have no idea what a healthy balanced mature relationship looks like?" Carlisle teased speaking quietly enough that the rest of our children would not hear us.

"He should know better," I argued. "It's not like he is really seventeen."

"If he's anything like me, then Bella's presence has awoken parts of him that were dormant, that are seventeen. He might have almost a hundred years of being seventeen, but that doesn't mean he has grown up."

Nodding in agreement, I pointed out, "People are more important than ideas. I know we live by morals, and I get that, but I don't need a belief to tell me that I feel guilty for each human's life that I've taken, or that I am ashamed at how I've let you down, or humiliated at how my family has had to cover for my actions. Those aren't ideas. They aren't beliefs. It has nothing to do with souls or heaven or hell or God. It has to do with doing our best to do the least amount of harm to the world around us." Sighing heavily, I stared back out at the woods allowing my mind to focus on what was in front of me.

"If only the whole world saw their lives as you do, my love," Carlisle whispered while nibbling on my ear.

"His behaviour did not reflect love," I pointed out.

"Perhaps hers doesn't either?" he countered.

After much thought I relented, "Could be."

The sound of the water from Bella's room jolted me.

"I should start her breakfast," I let him know.

"You should talk to Edward once more now that you are calmer and preferably without an audience," Carlisle suggested.

"Yes, of course, you're right," I admitted.

"Not often," he replied playfully.

"I truly didn't intend to cut into him so deeply, and I am sorry for that." Smiling ruefully I admitted, "Perhaps all of those theological conversations between you and Edward impacted me greater than I realized."

He smiled widely like he had won a prize. "I am glad my dear Miss Platt that you have formed an opinion, even if it completely differs from my own and Edward's." Then, he looked at me playfully. "Perhaps more of the Miss Platt from your imaginings is shining through?"

My eyes grew wide. That was it. I had acted more like I had behaved in my imagining, the version of me that argued with Carlisle via letters.

"Glad to help," Carlisle told me smiling brightly.

"Willing to help me in the kitchen?" I asked with a broad smile glad that this development within me seemed to please him.

"Of course, my darling," he replied stepping back and offering me his hand.

Taking it, I came out of my perch and together we walked downstairs.

The omelette was almost done when Bella came into the kitchen and sat down on the other side of the island from us.

"I just wanted to commend you on how you handled yourself last night, Bella," I told her. "I came and knocked on your door, but presumably you were already asleep."

She blushed a little and stated softly, "Yeah, I was."

"How did you sleep?" Carlisle asked.

"Fitfully," she replied with a sigh still uncomfortable with being honest about these types of things.

Carlisle went over to her and put his hand on her shoulder. "That is to be expected. You opened yourself up and were vulnerable last night. I am proud of your courage and how much thought you put into everything."

Her blush deepened. "Thanks."

Handing her the food, I told her, "Carlisle needs to go back to Forks for work tonight, and I am staying here to take care of Edward. Once the five of your schedules are settled and we have a routine to also mind him, then I will be accompanying Carlisle to Forks."

She nodded that she heard me while moisture collected in her eyes.

Choosing not to comment on her emotional response, I instead told her, "Come to the living room when you're done. I've told the other kids that we're going to spend time together as a family before Carlisle leaves."

"Okay, Esme," she replied before returning to her food.

After finishing cleaning up the kitchen, Carlisle and I found a spot on one of the couches. Emmett and Rosalie as well as Alice and Jasper each came out of their rooms and found places. Then, we played games for the rest of the day until Carlisle left for work. By then Bella claimed being tired and got ready for bed.

When I was hopeful that she was decent, I knocked on her door.

About a minute later she opened it.

Closing the door behind me, I asked her, "How are you?"

"I don't know," she told me as she flopped onto the bed.

"Tell me the first thing that comes to mind," I urged her.

"That the human mind is not a sieve," she started to say while tears began to fall. "Sometimes I wish that he had been right," she whispered. "Maybe forgetting would be easier."

"Who was right?" I asked as I moved next to her taking her hand.

She shook her head forcefully as if trying to dislodge something. I had seen her do this before and did not understand the motion. When I had asked Carlisle about it, he simply told me that humans have very odd behaviours when they are upset.

After a while of her saying nothing and simply crying, I gave up waiting for her to say something and simply pulled her into my arms. "Shhh, there," I cooed slowly while stroking her hair not knowing how else to comfort her until she fell asleep. At that point, I tucked her under the covers and went to talk to Edward.

When I walked in he looked more shameful than usual.

_You violated Carlisle's rule and her privacy,_ I accused him.

Guilt was added to his features.

Letting his guilt go to pursue his shame, I asked with a tone that told him that I was looking for direct answers, "Do you know what she's talking about?"

"Yes," he told me meekly.

Staring at him, I waited. _Well, out with it._

"I told her when I left that the human mind was like a sieve and that she would forget me," he muttered so softly it was hard to make out.

Gasping I looked at him sternly feeling equally appalled and dismayed. _Why would you tell her such a thing?_

"I was trying to assure her to move on without me," he explained in a whisper. Then, without notice he started blubbering. "I just wanted … she was supposed to … I never thought."

_My poor ignorant boy_, I thought as I went over and put my arm around him pulling him onto my shoulder.

He kept his sobs in, but I could feel his body moving.

_Let it out, Edward. It will do you no good to hold it in._

Although a sound never left his lips, his sobbing continued. When he calmed some and sat up, hours had passed.

_How often are you using your gift to be with Bella? _I asked thinking back to me holding her.

His eyes got big and guilt was written clearly on him.

_I thought Carlisle talked to you about that_, I stated frowning.

"It's almost impossible not to. Everything within me craves her presence," he admitted shamefully.

_I understand that you're struggling, Edward, but what happened to being a gentleman and respecting a woman? Bella invited me to comfort her, not for you to join along, _I pointed out.

"I know that I'm a disgrace," he bellowed standing up abruptly his eyes turning midnight, his movement pushing me back a little.

Between the movement and looking up at him, I automatically cringed and an image of Charles involuntarily flew through my mind.

Before he had gotten to his last word Jasper and Emmett were in the space and Jasper's faux calm could be felt. Allowing it to soothe my irrational fears, I stood up slowly and moved away from Edward.

He fell onto his knees as if he had been punched in the gut. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry," he repeated over and over.

Jasper and Emmett exchanged looks of confusion and then Jasper looked over to me. Allowing my own uncertainty to become predominant, I attempted to radiate it to Jasper.

"Let's get you fed, man," Jasper told Edward.

"I'm on it," Alice told us as the front door being closed could be heard.

"How about a story, Emmett?" I suggested not knowing how else to help Edward.

It didn't take long for Alice's feet to be heard running back towards the house.

"How do you want to do this?" Emmett asked Edward cutting into his own story.

"I'll walk," Edward retorted in ire.

Jasper went first, then Edward, then Emmett, and I trailed up behind.

Edward took the first deer and consumed it perfunctorily. The second he seemed to take in more slowly and by the end seemed calmer.

_Better?_ I asked.

He nodded once.

"Do you need more?" I asked out loud for the other's sake.

"No, thank you," he replied turning towards the basement.

Like every time when he entered the house he froze for a nanosecond, took in a deep breath, and then with forced determination moved once more. Walking in the direction of his present living quarters, he took in big gulps of air.

_You're smelling Bella,_ I reminded him.

His face looked like he was upset at my statement, his lips in a thin line pressed firmly together.

It seemed that I was just hurting him, even though that was the opposite of my intention.

Once we were in the basement, Jasper and Emmett left without saying anything.

After collecting my thoughts, I told him, _I didn't mean to upset you, Edward. You are my first son and I love you dearly. I only want to see you healthy and happy. You using your gift to spend time with Bella vicariously through us is against the conditions Carlisle set for you. You know this._

He nodded sadly appearing remorseful.

_I accept your apology from before. I cannot help those flashes. Intellectually, I know you meant me no harm._

He looked at me with tremendous sadness and regret.

_And I apologise for how I approached your discomfort with the idea of changing Bella. I know you only want the best for her. Please understand from my point of view. Charles thought he knew what was best for me, too. That is not the kind of man I want you to be, even in the slightest._

"I would never," he growled sounding threatening, which resulted in me flinching just slightly. Edward in turn appeared deeply apologetic.

Moving on, I told him, _This is true that you would never set out to hurt her, and that you are nothing like Charles in your motives. I mention it to explain some why your behaviour unsettled me so much._

He nodded like he understood.

_You were raised to protect and defend women. This is a great quality and honourable. However, there is a limit. Many men at the time struggled to know where that line was, and women were hurt and abused as a result. The balance, Edward, is to protect and defend while also allowing the lady to have a strong voice and mind along with trusting her to make wise choices. Certainly Bella is fragile due to her being human, but she is also incredibly strong. You cannot equate the external with the internal. I have always agreed with you that this modern era has lost much of what was valuable from our era in their pursuit of equal rights, but at the same time, they do have a point that in many ways men and women are equally as capable, and Bella is a modern woman. Who she loves, who she becomes, what she becomes are her choices. We can guide and recommend, but in the end she gets to decide. When any of us fail to do that, we are failing her and ourselves. If I don't do that, then I risk being paternal in a patronizing way that attempts to take away her free will._

He looked like the Biblical story of Jacob and the angel wrestling were happening within him.

_You can hope she'll choose a certain path, and Carlisle and I want you to tell her your past. Perhaps if you told her about your struggles and rebellious period in more details, she might see the world as you do and agree with you. But what is unacceptable is using your strength, skills, gifts, and her care for others against her. Do you understand what I'm trying to explain here?_

"Yes, ma'am," he replied his voice shaking.

_Please do a better job in the future in refraining from spending time with Bella vicariously through us_, I requested.

"Yes, ma'am," he stated, although I could hear the wavering.

_You can do anything you put your mind to, Edward. I've seen you over and over accomplish incredible feats. This is no different. I suspect you are struggling because a part of you really wants to keep doing it. You miss her._

He nodded sadly.

_Then work hard at proving yourself trustworthy._

Taking a breath, he looked up at me. "I tried to do right by her, but only hurt her, the family, and myself."

_You thought you were right. Your error was in making the decision for Bella instead of along side Bella._

He looked down again in disgust.

_Being wrong makes you imperfect, Edward. Don't be ashamed. Does not the scriptures say that all have fallen short of the glory of God?_

He started laughing in a way that was unhinged. When he sobered up he said, "We're below the scale of the fallen as implied in that verse."

_Then, it wouldn't say all. And the scriptures say that God sent his only begotten son to be the saviour for all. You are no exception._

"I disagree," he stated crisply.

_You may disagree. I see you much differently than you see yourself. This is true. The point I'm trying to make here is that you making a mistake does not necessarily make you a monster. It makes you imperfect. I have forgiven you. Your family has forgiven you. And when you show yourself in enough control, you can ask Bella for forgiveness. In the mean time, work at forgiving yourself. Learn your lesson and let the guilt and shame go._

His face looked similar to when Bella was trying to do complicated math problems.

_You might not believe that you deserve forgiveness, but it is yours nonetheless. Learn, grow, mature, change, and show yourself worthy._

"I am trying," he told me.

Moving towards him slower than usual, I wrapped him in a hug. _I know you are. I see your efforts. Keep it up, and remember what I said about allowing the people you love the freedom to live their own lives and respecting their choices._

"Yes, ma'am," he answered.

Pulling back some I slapped his cheek lightly twice. _You're a great kid. I'm proud to call you mine._

Looking bashful, he uttered, "Thanks." After taking in a deep breath he muttered, "But maybe I don't want to be a kid anymore."

With a penetrative gaze I told him authoritatively, "Then don't be."

Surprised at my statement, I could see that he wasn't sure how to take what I said.

_I love you Edward. You will always be my first son._

Turning, I left to go upstairs.

"I'm going on a run," I let everyone know as I left.

Once I was outside of Edward's range, I allowed my mind to wander over all that had been said between us. I wasn't sure if being tough on Edward was going to help, in a similar way to my ignorance of how to parent Bella, but I had coddled him through the decades and that seemed to have done little good for him. Hopefully for us all he'd get a handle on his bloodlust and his gift soon.

* * *

_A/N: Please let me know if the timeline movement was too confusing. I look forward to your thoughts about the chapter._


	3. Chapter 2: Self-Control Is The Answer

**Chapter 2: Self-Control Is The Answer**

* * *

It took Edward far longer to master his bloodlust and gift than we had expected, often making one or the other a focus of Carlisle's and my chats.

"Carlisle, Edward admitted to me that he is accompanying us when we are with Bella," I told him over the phone when he had called.

"Is that so?" Carlisle repeated back to me his disappointment clear.

"I suspect that his longing for her is overshadowing his morals," I explained.

"I see," Carlisle uttered stiltedly sounding tired.

"We trusted that he would behave above reproach," I stated to him needing to reiterate why there was so much disappointment apparent in my tone.

"I will speak to him the next time I am there," he assured me, trying to comfort me in his own way.

"Thank you," I replied, acknowledging how he was meeting my request, before asking him how his day had been.

Our next conversations were much more like our regular mundane ones.

The kids first week of college had gone well enough.

"How are they minding your guidelines?" I asked Bella on the first Saturday night after classes had started with her door closed, so we could have some privacy.

"Good," she told me confidently.

"I'm glad," I said. Then, with a smile requested more details.

She smiled back at me, teased me for being such a mom, but the glint in her eye made it clear that she was revelling in it, and offered me the details. Her willingness to do so demonstrated how far our relationship had come.

That same day, after Bella was asleep, Carlisle joined us in Bellingham. First thing, after greeting me, he travelled into the basement and spoke with Edward, as the couples were out, and thus we had privacy in the house.

I busied myself in the kitchen making snacks and treats for Bella.

Initially when Carlisle first broached the subject, Edward argued that Carlisle and I were asking the impossible.

"It's almost instinctual," Edward growled out.

"So was your bloodlust as a newborn or your inability to hear everyone within miles, yet you have mastered a level of control over both these things," Carlisle pointed out.

Words too quiet for me to hear combined with what was most likely Carlisle speaking mentally to Edward resulted in what I imagined to be an almost silent argument until Edward ranted, "It's not like I want to be confined to see her through other's minds. Mike's were vile as were Jessica's, but I needed to see her. I can't help it." The tone was one of utter defeat, so unlike the young man I knew.

My heart broke at the tone, but I had given into believing his words and arguments before we left, and I wouldn't this time.

_You can_, I told Edward.

Carlisle must have said something similar, because a heavy sigh from Edward followed. Then, with a deep saddened tone he confessed, "I love her so much that it hurts. I want her safe, but the pull to her is so great. I returned to Forks despite my best attempts to stay away. To now have her nearby and not glimpse at her, even through others eyes is unbearably painful. It's bad enough I can't see her at all when she's out of the house or in her room alone."

"You chose to leave her," Carlisle rebutted his tone soft and compassionate. "That is the path and the consequences you chose."

"I thought I was doing the right thing. And I came back," Edward retorted his tone half angry, half self-condemnation.

"You did, but not in a healthy state of mind. Your present frustrations are the costs of your choices. You returned because you missed her. You still miss her, despite her close proximity. These facts do not excuse your boorish behaviour, especially your unwillingness to find control over this and respect Bella's privacy," Carlisle pointed out gently.

"It's much harder than I imagined," Edward admitted.

"It is very hard, I agree," Carlisle declared. "However, we choose not to live like animals possessing and domineering our other halves, even if our nature might incline us to. We tame this beast like all the others and we give each other the ability to be our fullest selves."

There was another long period of silence, most likely indicating silent communication transpiring between them.

"I will try," Edward vowed, "I will attempt to not focus my concentration to a person's mind if they were with Bella. Nevertheless, I cannot guarantee that I will not pick her up or be entranced before I am even aware of where my mind has gone."

It was a half-hearted agreement, but seemed to be the most he was able to offer to do for the time being, so Carlisle did not press further.

Sunday Carlisle enjoyed the family's company, and made sure to spend time with Bella.

The next week I stayed in Bellingham again. Bella's tension, which had been coming off her in waves the week before, seemed to have dissipated some. The advantage of her working at the coffee shop was that she often came back smelling like coffee, masking to a small degree her scent. We had asked her to stay in her room after a shower until she was dry, so she often didn't shower until right before bed.

By mid-October Bella was more settled and Edward had made some progress with Bella's scent on her clothing. It was frustrating him, as he would have excellent control and then Jasper would do something to catch him off guard and Edward would show himself to be out of control once more. I suspected that Alice was helping her husband find the best ways of testing Edward's bloodlust. I was glad that they were both taking Bella's safety so seriously, although I sometimes wondered if they didn't enjoy the process a little. It certainly was a boost to Jasper.

That first weekend of Bella's planned time to visit Charlie she took the weekend off from work. We left Friday early afternoon, and she and I travelled together in her truck. The plan was for her to stay with Charlie for the weekend. Even though she didn't say anything about it, her presence in Forks also meant Carlisle and I would be guarding her.

Until we got to the ferry Bella seemed to need silence, so I gave it to her, enjoying the scenery. On the ferry we exited the car and found a table inside. She ate the lunch I had packed for her, seemingly to not even register the flavours.

When her food was gone, as an icebreaker into her thoughts, I asked her, "How would you describe the first month of school?"

"Thrilling, exciting, overwhelming," she answered in a rush.

She had told me some of the details through the weeks regarding individual classes, but it was nice to get this overview.

"Glad you're attending?" I checked.

"For the fifth time, yes," she answered with a grin.

"Is the English intro class still your favourite?" I wondered.

"For sure," she told me easily. "The books are different than anything I've read before. The expectations are fine, although the grading is rough."

"Perhaps they're intending to show you the areas for you to improve," I suggested.

"Probably," she agreed, "either way I'm enjoying it."

"Everyone minding your rules?" I verified.

"So far," she answered with a smile like there was an inside joke to her response.

But I didn't press it, instead enquiring, "How's work?"

"Hard, gruelling, but good," she let me know.

"Can you describe what you like about it?" I questioned.

After a pause she told me, "Honestly, I like that I'm taking care of myself. I like earning my keep and doing something productive. It's not curing cancer, but I like making people's day a little better each morning."

"You continuing to add to that savings account?" I checked.

"Yup," she told me, shining brightly clearly proud of herself.

"I'm glad, Bella," I congratulated her. "I'm really proud of you."

"Thanks," she muttered bashfully.

When we were in her truck once more with her behind the wheel she asked, "What has Edward decided?"

Sighing heavily this was a topic of conversation I had expected, but didn't want to have. "Truth?" I offered to her.

"Absolutely," she requested.

"He is struggling. There is a part of him that wants to keep anyone from becoming what we are, as a result of how he sees himself."

"Is that because of his years of consuming human blood?" she questioned.

Her question indicated that she had given this a lot of thought and was trying to understand.

"In some ways," I agreed. "It is also a reflection of his interpretation of Carlisle's mental understanding of vampires."

She eyed me speculatively.

"You have to understand that Carlisle hunted the creature that changed him. He grew up believing in true evil and in supernatural creatures. Those beliefs were firmly planted in Edward as a newborn. Carlisle also believes that vampires, like all creatures, are capable of redemption and tries to live in harmony with the world. Edward took on much of Carlisle's beliefs about vampires, but seemed convinced, particularly after drinking human blood that vampires are truly soulless creatures. Because of that Edward would not want you to become something he sees as fallen."

She bit her lower lip in response to my words, appearing to ponder them deeply. After a while she asked, albeit hesitantly, "Does that mean he is objecting?"

"Therein lies his struggle. He can see through our memories what you've shared with us about this topic. He knows this is what you're choosing and believes in the importance of free will. Thus, his views on vampires are at odds with his desire to grant others the right to choose."

"That must be hard on him," she mused after a bit.

"Yes," I agreed.

"Can his views on vampirism be changed?" she questioned.

"I can't change them," I told her bluntly, "but I would be supportive of you trying to budge him."

"After he's safe?" she checked.

"Yes, after he's safe," I verified. "Be warned, my sweet girl, he's a stubborn mule."

"I can be too," she insisted her face appearing cross.

"Of that I have no doubt," I said to her in a light manner a smile on my face.

She smiled sheepishly at me.

"May I make a suggestion?" I wondered.

"Sure," she told me with a slight vacillation.

"Live your life," I told her with as much strength in my tone that I thought she could handle.

She lifted her eyebrow and had a look of disbelief.

"Go to parties, be safe, but go, make friends, join a club, go on a date with someone who asks you," I encouraged her.

Her mouth opened up a little in surprise. Then, as the minutes passed, she frowned.

"What is it?" I pressed.

Taking in a deep breath she appeared to gather her courage before speaking, "I don't want my friendships with anyone to hurt them or pull them into the world of the supernatural."

Smiling ruefully I commented, "You're such a thoughtful tender-hearted caring young woman, Bella."

She reddened under my words.

"We all have these concerns. Thus, we are careful. Don't invite anyone over to our place. Tell us where you are and your plans if you change them. Call us if there's an emergency or if your instincts tell you something is wrong. But generally, Bella, even if it's for a short time, it's worth enjoying the company of others. The flowers might only bloom for a few weeks, but that doesn't mean we close our minds or hearts to them. Yes, we invite a bit of grief when they fade away, but it is worth the sense of loss we experience as our lives have been made richer as a result. Don't close your heart off from others because of your fears."

She seemed to consider this for a long time. Then she questioned, "If that's the case, then why did Rosalie, Emmett, Alice, Jasper, and Edward keep to themselves and purposefully rebuke the others?"

"In part because of the risk inherent in small towns," I tried to explain, "and high school particularly due to gossip, which isn't the case at college, but also due to the temperament and struggles of them. Rosalie hates change, although she's getting better about it. Emmett was afraid of hurting anyone and generally follows Rosalie's lead. Jasper struggles with his bloodlust, and so Alice keeps her distance for his sake. Edward's distance has much to do with reading minds and poor past experiences than anything else."

"What do you mean by poor past experiences?" she pressed.

"You should ask Edward," I told him. "I have encouraged him to tell you his story once it is safe for the two of you to be around each other."

After a moment she asked, "So, it hasn't always been like Forks?"

Shaking my head, I told her truthfully, "No, it hasn't, and both Carlisle and I have acquaintances wherever we live. Carlisle mostly has colleagues. When there were doctor's wives committees at the hospital, I was a part of that. Now, I join some volunteer organization that needs assistance in the community."

She had a look of awe. "Which ones do you work with in Forks?"

"One to improve the library in Forks and another to offer remedial tutoring in reading and writing for elementary-aged children," I told her.

"Couldn't you just give them the money?" she questioned.

"Of course, but it comes with a social price that often garnishes attention we can't afford. Instead, I will often recommend applying to a grant that comes from one of our non-profit gift-giving organizations, which will certainly give the money, but money doesn't always have the answer. The organization needs to have a purpose, a need, someone who will carry it through after we leave, and a desire from the community for these things. I try to bring ideas and suggestions to assist them in meeting their needs, but ultimately, the community is not mine before I arrived and it won't be mine after I leave. Like the flowers, I am temporary. While there, however, I try to make the lives I touch lighter."

She looked at me in reverence.

"You could do this too, Bella. You could touch the lives of all those with whom you are in contact, whether that be at work or at school. Touching people's lives for the better, and bringing them joy doesn't mean being separate. And you can share with others your struggles, even if it doesn't include the details," I advised.

She shook her head. "You make it sound so simple, so straightforward when I know from your stories it's not so easy."

With a serious tone I agreed with her, "It is difficult. You're right. I often want to do more than what others want. I am often frustrated by their limited visions and unwillingness to do the work to make their community better. I am often sad about the choices others make, but then there are these moments when I meet a truly incredible individual and for me it makes it worth it."

She smiled slightly. "Thanks, Esme."

"Whatever for?" I asked completely confused.

"For encouraging me, for sharing your wisdom, for just everything."

"You're welcome," I told her even though I didn't think I had anything to be thanked for. When it seemed like she wasn't going to add anything more I told her, "If you're struggling to find balance, let me know. It's tricky to live authentic lives that touch others for the better when there is so much about our lives that we must keep secret."

"Yeah," she mumbled under her breath clearly lost in thought.

She drove me to the house and dropped me off and then took herself home. Naturally, I followed her on foot to her place, texted Carlisle that I was outside of Bella's house, and waited for him.

Bella and Charlie said very little to each other, but nonetheless seemed to enjoy each other's company. It was after they had both gone to bed that Carlisle's gait could be heard.

"Hello my love," he whispered in my ear as he wrapped his arms around me.

"How are things?" I enquired.

"Well enough," he stated.

Raising an eyebrow at him, my look demanded that he explain himself.

"There's a junior doctor that is about the age I'm posing as, and he is attempting to find a manner in which I am incompetent," he explained.

"He is jealous?" I wondered.

"Perhaps," he allowed, "nevertheless he poses some danger to exposing me. He often mutters to himself about my techniques or diagnoses, but I'm not about to alter how I doctor."

"What about that time when there was something similar and you were able to get the doctor promoted?" I offered after going back through my memories.

"That worked," he explained, "because the other doctor was good at his job and the promotion opened up. This doctor is struggling. It seems like he's suffering from a mild mental illness of his own, then there is the part where there are no promotions available."

"Can you change shifts so that you don't have to work with him?" I wondered.

"I did that already," he informed me, "and he's taken to checking all my diagnoses and when he can get away with it changing them." He sighed heavily. "I am loathed to do so, but I see no other option than to mention it to the chief of staff."

Thinking back to my conversations with Bella, I suggested to him, "Maybe you could mention it to Bella and ask her opinion."

He looked at me surprised.

"Apart from her being human, she thinks in ways we don't, and it might be a way to continue repairing your relationship with her," I pointed out.

Pursing his lips, he appeared to be considering it. After a few moments he asked me, "How are things with you since last weekend?"

"About the same. Like I said on the phone, Edward is feeding about every four days, able to control himself better, and bloodlust regarding Bella is making slow but positive steps. Everyone else are doing well, and I would even say pleased to be assisting Edward, since he usually is the one assisting them. And he claims to be working on staying out of our minds when we are with Bella."

Like how I had appreciated Bella telling me the overview, I suspected Carlisle appreciated the same.

"Any new problems living with Bella?" he enquired.

"The same ones, but everyone seems to be handling it fine. It helps that Bella is gone most of the day. She leaves about 4am for her shifts, 7am on the days when she doesn't work, and most days gets back about 2pm. I suspect that she likes that her classes are after work, and therefore she's done early. The kids, unlike her, chose classes in the late afternoon and evening, so they often pass each other. We're all hunting regularly, as we've done these past weeks, but we all could do with a long weekend trip with bigger game, Edward included."

"Does someone need to stay with her?" he wondered.

"Probably us," I stated after a moment's thought. "I don't like the idea of our scent being saturated around the area, drawing others to the house, and then there be no one there. Also, I doubt any of the boys would want to miss that kind of hunting. They all could do with it, honestly."

"Then, you and I, with Edward, if necessary, could go the following weekend?" he proposed.

A text came in from Alice less than a minute later We all agree. Edward will go both weekends, more than anything to stretch his legs.

"Good, it's agreed," Carlisle stated with an indulgent smile.

"I think college is really doing her well," I commented a few hours later. We had changed positions and were sitting on the forest floor, his arms wrapped around me.

"How so?" he asked.

"She seems to be more coming into her own," I told him.

"Well, that seems to be one of the purposes of college for this modern young generation," he mused.

"She is keeping her end of the bargain," I pointed out. "Has she met your requirements?" I wondered.

"Yes," he said softly, "although I will wait for her to ask herself. It would do well if she was stronger in this way. And I would greatly enjoy her parents being able to watch her graduate from college."

"That is at least four years away, if not five," I mentioned. "Honestly, I don't know if Bella will wait that long. Additionally, as much as I dislike this reality, given Bella's family discussion before school started, I suspect that Edward's joke about her being a danger magnet might not be entirely untrue. Then, there is just the sheer impossibility that we will go that long without visitors. Someone passes by at least once a year. If it's not Garrett, then it's Charlotte and Peter, if not them, then it's Randall or the Denalis, or how many times over the decades has Demetri popped by? We're taking a terrible risk to give her a few more years," I stated needing to speak the obvious.

"I know," he agreed.

"And we're not telling her?" I questioned.

"If we do, her selfless nature will want to take this from us, but it is our gift to her," he stated.

"And we all agreed," I concurred. "Just as long as there's no denial or misunderstanding."

"No, none," he spoke clearly. "I have spoken privately to each person in addition to the family discussion. Edward is budging some in his objections to change her, and is especially in agreement of waiting, and Jasper the least, but even he acknowledges the benefits of waiting in the long run."

"Are the Quiluetes coming to guard her at all this weekend?" I wondered.

"My understanding is that she and Charlie are going over there all day today," he told me.

Raising an eyebrow at him, I nonverbally demanded that he explain.

"Sam calls regularly to inform me of any activity he picks up and if his guarding of Charlie moved into neutral territory or ours," he explained to me.

"Glad that things are improving with this new pack," I told him.

"Me too," he agreed smiling like he had won the lottery.

"I made them food and brought it down in Bella's truck via coolers. She is meant to give it to them when she sees them," I informed him.

"Between the two of us we make a formidable team," he teased.

"Deadly," I teased back with a huge smile on my face. After a few moments had passed, I asked him, "How are you doing, really my love?"

"I am finding the nights long and lonely," he admitted.

"Perhaps after this next week, I shall spend the week here in Forks with you," I offered.

"The family comes first," he insisted.

"A few days alone would not do them harm," I told him flirtatiously.

"Perhaps not," he agreed, smiling at me.

"It will be near Halloween by then," I highlighted.

"Yes," he uttered as if unaware of what he was saying. "Yes, it is."

"Will the hospital be holding an event that we will need to attend?" I questioned.

"No, not this year," he told me.

"Would they appreciate it if I came and helped decorate?" I wondered.

He smiled at me, "Yes, they would." Then, after a pause he added, "Shall I take All Saints Day off?"

"Only if you desire," I told him truthfully. "We have honoured the dead in the wee hours before. We can again."

"Flowers?" he enquired.

"I was thinking trees," I rebutted.

"That would be a grove," he told me in surprise.

"For as many trees as Edward has destroyed in anger or frustration or the boys getting too rough, I think a grove is just right," I explained with a touch of playfulness.

"Touché," he replied.

We sat in silence enjoying each other's company until Charlie and Bella got into Bella's truck with Charlie driving. We followed them until the truck crossed into the Quileute lands. The guardians could be seen. We nodded in their direction and they in ours.

"Be safe," I told them in my motherly tone before we turned around and ran back to our home.

We spent the day enjoying each other physically spending much needed time reuniting. We both had agreed that our present arrangement was for the family's best interest, but it was hard on Carlisle and I to be away from each other for so many days at such a distance. I had already driven down once this week after Bella was asleep and had been back before she had awoken, but the four hours we had spent in each other's presence at a halfway point hadn't been nearly enough.

Once more we spent the evening keeping an eye on the Swans and enjoying the simple presence of the other.

Sunday the Swans spent the day in the house together. Bella did laundry and made food, while Charlie watched sports.

He asked how college was going and she answered, "Good," to which he asked nothing else. Later in the day he asked, "How is it living with the Cullens?"

"Like ships passing in the night. I'm an early riser, especially because of my job, and they like to start classes at like four or something. I rarely see them, actually."

"Hmph," he muttered in a sound that might have been approval. "And Esme?" he asked after a lengthy pause. From the sounds it had been the next commercial break.

"She's been busy setting things up, but she makes sure I'm out the door on time with a lunch bag and then eat dinner when I get home," she told him with a tone somewhere between irritated and appreciative and embarrassed.

"I thought she was staying in Forks?" he questioned.

"She's only in Bellingham temporarily. When she's got everything in the house to her liking, I'm sure she'll return to Forks." Much later she asked, "You think you'll take the drive up and see it?"

"We'll see," he answered.

His non-committal answer, his lack of enthusiasm in her life bothered me, but it wasn't my place and Carlisle had already warned me to stay out of it.

As Bella drove to our place we ran with her. Once she arrived, I grabbed my bag, gave it to Carlisle to place in the cab of her truck, and got into Carlisle's car while he slid into the passenger seat of her truck.

The incredulous look she gave him was apparent, even across the drive and through two planes of glass. I chuckled softly.

"I'm having a problem at work," Carlisle told her once she had started onto the main road, "and Esme said you might think of a way of approaching it that we wouldn't."

"Alright," she replied hesitantly.

The distance between her truck and me was close enough to hear them, although the sounds of the engines meant I had to pay attention and tune into them.

"I have this fellow doctor at work that is upset at my skills and seems to be attempting to find fault in me in order to get me fired," he told her.

"But, let me guess, you're too perfect," she stated with mirth. After a few minutes she asked, "Ever have this problem before?"

"Certainly," Carlisle told her.

"How did you handle those ones?" she wondered.

So he told her in detail what had happened, what he had done, and the outcomes.

"And none of those approaches worked?" she verified.

"He is a competent enough doctor, but I can't afford the scrutiny," Carlisle admitted.

"Maybe it's because you're too perfect," she told him point black.

"Excuse me?" Carlisle asked clearly taken back.

"It's what told me everyone wasn't human," she explained easily. "Humans are imperfect, messy creatures. We trip, we write illegibly, we drop our pens and papers, we forget things."

"I'm not going to compromise the health of my patients," he told her sounding indulgent.

"How about Alice make you a series of wigs that causes you to have a receding hairline?" she suggested a slight mirth in her tone.

"How would that help?" Carlisle asked bewildered.

"I'm thinking that maybe he's jealous, so he's thinking no one can be that perfect. As a result, he's looking for a flaw, somewhere you've messed up. But if you look like you're losing your hair, then maybe he can find something in which he's better than you and ease off," she told him.

"I shall talk to Alice," he agreed, but I could tell that he was baffled from his tone. "However, I should mention that the last time we had such a discussion it wasn't feasible."

There were a few minutes before she spoke again, "What if you took up smoking?"

"That would work?" he questioned sounding mystified.

When we had smoked in the past we had only done so to fit in, as the other humans smoked. Now it was seen as being bad for a person's health.

"It's a way to show you imperfect that doesn't negatively impact patients," she pointed out. "You'd need a good excuse too, like you and Esme are struggling with your marriage now that it's just the two of you. Most doctors might be excellent at their jobs, but it's at the detriment of their wives and family. You're just too perfect, Carlisle."

I could only imagine the look on his face at him lying about our relationship.

"Whatever you need," I told him. "Might even have the women warm to me."

"I get not drawing attention to yourselves," Bella added in a rush like she was justifying herself, "but being so perfect in all facets of your life isn't normal."

There were a few minutes of silence and then Carlisle told her sounding a little contrite, "It used to be." When she said nothing more he continued, "Since I was born humans strove to demonstrate to their other community members their standing by being hospitable, polite, working hard, and being upstanding. Flaws were hidden and seen as weaknesses. People might have been envious of our looks, but it was generally assumed that our flaws were kept secret, which was true in a way." Then with a sigh he said, "So much has changed."

After a couple of minutes Bella replied, "Not so much, especially in a small town like Forks. Humans are still competing against each other to be at the top of whatever pyramid determines their world. You just want to make sure you're not at the top, otherwise others will want to knock you down. And, in my opinion, in this case, appearing unperfect will do the trick."

"Thank you for the advice," he offered.

We knew and agreed with her premise, but as I had told him her solution looked different than we had discussed.

They talked some about her classes. He was particularly interested in her Biology class, naturally. It was nice to hear them converse in this way.

When we got to the ferry Carlisle came and took the car back to Forks while I continued on with Bella.

"Thank you for offering your assistance," I told Bella.

"No biggy," she refuted.

"It was appreciated just the same," I insisted.

After telling her the plan regarding the hunting trips over the next two weekends, we chatted a little about what the Quileutes thought about my food, what I should change, and how much I should make the next time. The conversation was appreciated.

She told me that the time with her Dad and the Quileuetes, including Jake, were "Good." She seemed to imply that the fact that she was living with us and returning to Forks human had eased something with the Quiluetes. It sounded like she had spent much of the time with Emily baking and had appreciated doing so. I wasn't sure how, but it seemed like somehow in the last month she had found a way forward with her Dad, the Quileutes, school, and us. I was incredibly proud of her, and told her so.

In the next week when the kids were in school and Bella was asleep, I went to speak with Edward. Although I often spent time with him, usually it was by merely being present with him in his space. This time I confronted him.

_Have you considered the possibility that Bella will outgrow her connection to you?_ I asked to determine if he had considered the possible options.

"Yes," he admitted unable to meet my eyes. After a prolonged silence he added, "I suspect that she is already doing so. She is 19 now."

"That she is," I agreed.

"I will forever be stuck at 17 in some ways," he stated bitterly.

_Yet, there are multiple variances of maturity at 17,_ I pointed out, _and just because your body is 17 doesn't mean that your thoughts, emotions, or behaviours need to be._

He looked at me like I had said something ridiculous.

"Tell me that you at 17 weren't different than Jasper at 17 or Emmett or Carlisle," I prodded.

He looked down saying nothing.

_I know what Carlisle and I are asking is difficult for you, Edward, but it is also a path towards increased maturity. If you want to win Bella's heart, then you will need to show yourself to be worthy of her._

"I know," he growled clearly upset.

_That means taking her opinions into account. That means not being ruled by your emotions. It means being the best version of yourself._

He sighed. "I shall never be worthy of her."

"Perhaps not completely," I agreed knowing him well enough that it was highly doubtful that he would ever feel completely worthy. _But perhaps enough to win her heart once more. She gave it to you once._

"I shouldn't," he stated as if in an argument with himself.

"Why not?" I asked pressing him.

"She deserves better," he stated unequivocally.

"Perhaps," I told him even though I disagreed, _but if you is what she wants, then who are you to reject that._

"Reject?" he asked appalled that I would suggest such a thing.

_What is it that you are suggesting if not unrequited love?_ I questioned.

"She might think I was rejecting her," he whispered as if he hadn't heard me.

"I would," I confessed.

"You thought Carlisle had rejected you," he muttered as if speaking a blasphemy.

"You know that I did," I pointed out.

"I had dismissed it as a fleeting fear rather than what you believed," he admitted.

"I see," I told him, understanding what he was trying to say a bit better.

His eyes got bigger. "Oh no," he mumbled.

"What did you do?" I enquired softly hoping he would open up to me.

"She believes that I don't love her, that I rejected her," he muttered horrified.

"Yes," I concurred. _Did you give her any reason to have her believe otherwise?_

"All the time," he growled. "Two thousand, six hundred, and seventy-three times I told her that I loved her."

"You left," I countered.

He looked absolutely grief stricken.

Unable to stay away any more, I went over to him and pulled his shoulders near me.

His body shook with anguish. Finally he mumbled lowly, "How can one choice undo so many words?"

"Actions speak louder," I whispered back. After a long while and after his sobs had decreased I told him. _A part of maturity is being able to speak honestly, to listen completely and earnestly, and to accept the words of another as their truth._

He sighed once more clearly disliking what I said.

Rosalie and Emmett came home and then later Alice and Jasper, but none came to join me.

When the sounds of water moving through the house started, I told Edward, "I need to go and make her breakfast."

"Of course," he replied with a cadence that had been his usual manner of speech when I had been a newborn.

Although Edward and I continued to spend time together, I didn't bring it up again and neither did he.

Halloween came and left without incident. Carlisle and I honoured All Saints Day with a grove, as we had discussed. Selflessly, I hoped that it would be a significant dent into repairing the damage our sons had done to the forest. Alice had informed me that Bella had gone to a party and she and Jasper had kept an eye on her from some nearby trees.

My next encounter with Bella I asked her about her thoughts on the party she had attended. The only answer I got was that it was "Okay." I pressed her a little, but she didn't seem able to articulate her feelings on the matter.

Maybe, like Edward, she wasn't a fan of large congregations of people.

We seemed to settle into a comfortable routine in November. I spent most of the time in Forks, as Edward was deemed to no longer need a constant companion, although he was still sequestered in the basement.

Carlisle spoke to Alice about the wig idea and she told him that she would look into it. Disliking Bella's idea of smoking, I suspect from a purely prideful reason, Carlisle told me that he started stumbling, dropping pens, and other small mishaps when there was no risk to others and after he had been on shift for a while and presumably tired. Ironically, Bella had been right to some extent and Carlisle's colleague had stopped looking for anything suspicious, although he continued to be extremely competitive as well as trying to show Carlisle to have made a diagnostic mistake. We both decided that the concern over Carlisle's other worldliness had dissipated at least for the moment, thanks in large part to Bella's perspective.

Thanksgiving was the first time we didn't go on a family hunt in many decades, since it was Bella's second time travelling to Forks to visit Charlie. The Wednesday she was planning on driving down I had flown up to them.

Alice and Jasper picked me up at the airport, with her reporting that she still hadn't seen any issues over the holiday, except for the parts where the Swans planned on going to the Reservation. The final decision was that everyone else, Edward included, would go together hunting while Carlisle and I stayed in Forks, him working some, but mostly him and I keeping an eye on Bella.

Rosalie was in a huff about the plan, even when I arrived, as she didn't like us seven not being together for the holiday. Unfortunately she had been out voted and had relented to the need to keep Bella safe. When we embraced I whispered in her ear, "It's only temporarily." Fortunately, that seemed to calm her ire some.

As planned, Bella and I drove down together with her talking about her classes, work, and a few outings with her classmates that she had gone to. The entire journey I said very little, solely making minor comments and asking questions here and there. More than anything, I noticed that she was coming into herself. She spoke more assuredly, excited about the world. My imaginings of my own letters to Carlisle when I had been in college came to mind. College, even in that context, shaped the mind and honed the intellect. It was a pleasure to watch that happen to Bella. Additionally, the time away from her had given us lots to talk about, so it was only after the ferry passage that she asked her always present concern, "How is Edward?"

"He is nearly his old self," I answered her. "In fact Carlisle believes that he is ready for the next stage of descentulization."

"Oh, that's good," she said with a smile on her face. After a brief pause she asked, "What is the next stage?"

"Your blood," I told her.

She blanched, her teeth pulling her lower lip into their grasp.

"Would you feel comfortable with Carlisle drawing some?" I enquired.

A moment later she answered, "Yes, as long as it's nothing more than that."

"You may speak to him, but he has solemnly sworn," I explained. "Of course, you could ask Rosalie to do it, if you wish, she does have some medical training after all."

"When?" she asked as if I hadn't mentioned about Rosalie at all.

"At the house right before we leave," I told her. "He'll come up the following weekend to administer the trials."

"So, everyone will be at the house next weekend?" she verified.

"That's the plan," I confirmed.

"Christmas?" she questioned.

"Yet to be determined," I answered. "We're still hoping Charlie will come to us."

"Renee?" Bella wondered.

"Welcome, of course," I told her.

"Could I go there?" she asked.

"Naturally, although with Alice probably," I stated.

She sighed.

"What is it?" I wondered.

"I'd like to not have any escorts," she admitted.

"Our nerves could not take that," I explained honestly.

Nodding the once, her body language conveyed that she knew this already, even if she didn't really like it.

"Did you expect anything else when you announced your desire to be a Cullen?" I pressed her confused on her reactions.

After a few moments she told me, "I honestly hadn't thought about it, but if I had taken the time to fully consider the consequences to my request, it would not be that unrealistic. I am a danger magnet and you all want to keep me safe. The logical step is to make sure two people are nearby at all times. We agreed to this. I was there. I just didn't realize how claustrophobic I would feel. I have been a single child and independent for a long time now."

"Does it help if I tell you that being in Forks earlier this year was the first time since Edward's rebellious years that I was in a house alone?"

Her eyes grew and her top teeth once more nibbled on her lip. "That's huge," she stated in awe.

"Perhaps," I allowed, "but I mention it to show that one thing that makes us Cullens different is that we nearly always have at least one other person with us. It is more than liking each other's company, which we do, but it's also about covering each other's backs. Edward was the most likely to not adhere to this, but I've always believed it was because he was the only single man in the midst of three pairs coupled with his gift."

"And now?" she pressed.

"It is a part of Carlisle's expectations with Edward these past months," I told her.

"I don't understand," she admitted after a few minutes in silence.

"Because Edward was Carlisle's first companion, at that time, each had nearly half the say, and watched out for each other. When Carlisle changed me, Edward became a kind of third wheel and started to do things alone. Carlisle didn't say much, because Edward claimed to be giving us time alone to be a couple. And although we did appreciate it, we failed to recognise that it placed Edward as the man out looking in. Part of Carlisle's expectations is that Edward make himself more of a member," I explained.

"That expectation has already been given to me," Bella realized shortly after.

"Yes," I agreed.

"I see," she stated.

"You do?" I questioned doubting her.

"Even though I am given the illusion of privacy, there is always someone else there in the shadows. Someone is always watching my back," she admitted.

"Two, actually, since that's what we had agreed," I pointed out.

"Yes, we did," she concurred.

By the time we arrived at our house so she could drop me off, she seemed lost in her thoughts. I trailed her back to Charlie's and then stood guard. The weekend went well and she permitted Carlisle to draw blood Sunday before she and I left. The following week I stayed in Bellingham and Friday late evening Carlisle arrived.

We did the first test with Edward while we were all in the basement, as we decided having him contained would be best. Carlisle had placed some of Bella's donated blood relatively recently on a towel and then had placed it in a ziplock bag. I could smell her scent along with the smells accompanying plastic, but it was diluted by the sealed tomb in was in. We were all present, prepared to restrain Edward, when Carlisle opened it. It took only the smallest gap, then chaos rained.

Edward immediately went into a crouch clearly determined to get to the blood. Emmett moved to secure Edward, while Jasper had moved to a corner away from Edward seemingly battling the bloodlust Edward was throwing off, as he had been around Bella's blood in the past year without an issue. Rosalie moved with Emmett going in front of Edward, between him and Carlisle, who had been standing in front of Edward with about ten feet in front of them. Alice moved with Jasper trying to calm him. Carlisle and I stood motionless. Then just as everyone moved, Edward projected himself up, flattened himself like a board so that he sailed over Rosalie's head, past Emmett's hands, and then landed behind Carlisle. Carlisle turned around to face Edward, moved the bag still containing the rag behind him along with me, removed it out of the bag, and then placed the rag in my hands.

"You may not have her," Carlisle commanded in a low tone.

For a nanosecond it seemed like Edward heard Carlisle, but just as quickly he grabbed Carlisle's arms wrenching them.

By this time Emmett and Rosalie had moved to the right and left of Edward.

Edward's growl was nothing less than animalistic, a warning and a command, something I had heard from Emmett and Jasper when they had wanted to kill a human and we had prevented them. The sound was something so beast like, while also communicating something primal. Yet, in this moment I could say that the volume of it as well as the depth of the tone was intended to do nothing less than have a person quiver.

"Calm yourself," Carlisle spoke gently and softly.

"Mine," Edward growled back.

"No," Carlisle stated firmly with authority, but there was also compassion and love there.

Then, Edward moved towards Carlisle. Emmett grabbed one side of him, Rosalie the other, while Edward jutted his torso forward biting deeply into Carlisle's left arm right where the arm met the shoulder. Carlisle neither moved nor winced, as if he expected Edward would want to take a bite out of him. When Emmett and Rosalie used their combined strength to wrench Edward back, a chunk of Carlisle came with him. The sound of tearing flesh seemed to do something in Jasper. He straightened up moving into what could only be described as a military stance and took a deep breath in. Rosalie and Emmett moved together to secure Edward's arms behind him. Then, the room was coated in Jasper's faux calm, but with a touch of compliance.

Knowing a little about what Jasper was doing, I looked over at him for confirmation.

He nodded to me.

Placing the rag in Carlisle's hand, I went over to Edward.

"Let it go," I demanded.

His response was a similar growl, except perhaps with even more anger.

The emotions Jasper had sent out increased in intensity, but added to them was fidelity and familial love.

Allowing Jasper's gift to fill me, leaning into them, trusting that he sent them out for a purpose, even if it was a cocktail that he'd never before pushed into the atmosphere, I gathered my courage and my love for the son in front of me. "Edward Anthony Masen Cullen that blood you smell, that you desperately want, you resisted it once, you can again. That blood is the life force of Isabella Marie Swan, otherwise known as Bella, who loves you, and you love her. That is the blood of someone you love and cherish. And you have removed a portion of your father and my husband simply because he was trying to keep you from it. Now, let it go."

For the first time since Carlisle had opened the bag, I saw Edward's eyes soften. He growled at me, but the intensity of it was weakened.

Jasper took in another deep breath and then with a precision in his steps moved towards us. He placed his hand on Edward's right forearm and closed his eyes.

Oddly Edward looked like he was sleepy or drunk, neither of which should be anatomically possible.

"Release the piece of Carlisle you have in your mouth," I instructed.

His jaw opened, while he appeared even more in a stupor, and the piece fell out.

Grabbing it, I turned towards my husband. Tearing away the fabric that was near the injury, I examined the wound carefully figuring out which way it went before aligning it. Once it was back in its correct placement, I licked along the seams making sure to drip extra amounts of my venom where Edward's teeth had made indentations. While I had repaired Carlisle, he watched me tenderly, and there were almost no sounds from behind me. We had all seemed to collectively hold our breath while I had repaired him. Even when I turned around and stood next to Carlisle the sounds of tendons and muscles being re-knitted dominated the space. The only change I could see in Edward is that his mouth had closed and it was in a thin line.

Carlisle and Jasper exchanged a glance and then Jasper removed his hand from Edward and took a step back with Alice standing next to him.

"You are welcome to try again, Edward," Carlisle told him softly and with tenderness, "but I will not be moved, as I will protect her as my own, even if it is against you."

Edward growled in response, but there wasn't the same demanding furious energy behind it.

It took hours for Edward to become completely calm. By the time he no longer needed Rosalie and Emmett to restrain him, he was full of nothing but remorse.

"Thank you for your help," Carlisle told Jasper after Edward was pacified under his own volition rather than Jasper's. "Your resistance was remarkable," he commended.

Saying nothing, Jasper simply nodded his head in the affirmative before leaving to hunt. Once Jasper and Alice returned, the rest of us went hunting, leaving the two of them to take care of Bella.

Following Edward successfully finding some game, Rosalie and Emmett went to find their own.

After Carlisle had found and drained a buck, Edward uttered, "I am so sorry," apologising to Carlisle and me.

Carlisle clasped his hand on Edward's shoulder. "I would give this and more," he told Edward earnestly.

A part of me wished that Bella were with us to see this display of how much Carlisle cared for her.

Carlisle must have added something telepathically, because the look on Edward's face was close to the desperate look he had worn when he had returned to us in 1931.

Looking back between us he repeated, "I am entirely sorry."

"Forgiven," I told him wrapping my arms around him.

"Forgiven," Carlisle reiterated standing a little to the side.

After that Edward did not lose control with the following tests, even when Carlisle brought the blood in warmed. Edward's eyes blackened and his hands were in fists, but he breathed it in and stood in his place. The tests also seemed to be improving Jasper's control, which was a wonderful added bonus. By the time Bella was finishing the semester we were as confident as we could be in Edward's abilities to be in control of his bloodlust around her.

* * *

_A/N: I cannot find the story or author, so if it's you, please let me know. In the story the planting of flowers was done every year by the Cullens to honour each human life taken. I modified it here to be All Saints Day and something Carlisle and Esme do, but the idea is the same. _

_We are nearly to where the Prologue left off, if that helps keep on track of the timeline._

_I look forward to hearing your thoughts/opinions about the events in this chapter._


	4. Chapter 3: No Magical Wands

**Chapter 3: No Magical Wands**

* * *

After Bella had finished her last final, we sat her down with the family, leaving Edward in the basement, and Carlisle explained to her our belief that she and Edward could safely share the same space, making our request clear that they not be alone together, at least for the time being. She took our stipulations better than I had expected, expressing her trust in Carlisle, much to his pleasure. For the Edward's first inclusion she seemed to choose wisely, offering for him to join us that evening for a family game night. Also, her decision to sit between Alice and Rosalie pleased me, showing her wisdom and trust in Carlisle's warnings.

Christmas also went well. Bella split her time between her father, the Quileutes, and us. December 30th the kids headed back to Bellingham, and Carlisle and I chose to accompany them, in order to monitor Edward. He even rode with Bella in her truck without incident. They spent most of the time speaking about inconsequential things. However, near our arrival to Bellingham, Edward used his wit and charms to convince her for him to attend college with the rest of them. She agreed, but with the stipulation that he follow her guidelines. I was exceedingly proud of both of them.

For the first time the eight of us sat at the dining room table for our family's annual New Year's conference, although it was held later as usual, as we had waited for Bella to get up and finish breakfast.

I was bursting with joy.

Carlisle sat at one end of the table with me to his left. Bella was next to me, and Alice next to her. Then, next sitting at the other end of the table from Carlisle was Jasper. To his left was Rosalie, then Emmett, and then Edward, who was to Carlisle's right.

"Bella had given her approval of Edward attending college," Carlisle stated simply for everyone to know the topic, since we had all heard the conversation. Looking at Edward, he told him, "In hopes that would be the case, your paperwork was already submitted and you have been accepted."

"That is much appreciated," Edward told us.

"Bella's schedule appears to be about the same as last semester," I added. "I assume you five will continue to take evening classes."

The four nodded in agreement while Edward looked at Carlisle like he wanted to object, but Carlisle must have told Edward something, as Edward frowned and said nothing.

"Did you need any changes to last semester's agreement?" Carlisle asked Bella.

Her cheeks pinked some while telling us, "No, thank you." Then, after a pause added, "Unless someone objects."

_Don't you dare,_ I warned Edward.

He frowned and his body stiffened, but he said nothing.

When sufficient time had passed to assure her that no objections would be officially raised, she asked, "What room will yours be, Edward?"

Edward cleared his throat looking uncertain. "I thought it would be best if I stayed in the basement for the semester."

Rosalie, Emmett, Alice, and Jasper looked at him in puzzlement, but said nothing.

"When Bella is here, there are to be at least two of us," I insisted ensuring that Bella's continued guarding duties were discussed openly. There was a clear implication that guarding her would include outside of the house.

"We'll make sure the schedules make that the case," Alice assured me.

"That isn't necessary," Bella insisted.

"It is," Carlisle stated leaving no room for argument. "It is unlikely that anyone of our kind would enter your workplace or pick up our scents on you while you're at school, but they are likely to come by our residence. Our friends especially know to seek out our home, and our scents would lead them here. They would never intend you harm, and are respectful of our rules, but we don't wish to chance any miscommunication. That could cause problems with our relationships with our friends and perhaps even other visitors."

"Oh," Bella said with a tone that indicated that she had begun to realize the seriousness of my request.

She said nothing more about it and we moved on. We then solidified the cover story for Edward, which we decided would be that he had been travelling and just gotten back, and made sure all the other details were firm.

"What's next?" Carlisle asked.

"Cars are all in good repair," Rosalie put in. "I modified Bella's truck for a higher speed than came standard with the appropriate adjustments for her protection if there was an accident. I have also done the standard upgrades to Esme's. The engine allows for a little more than the previous version, so it could get up to 180, even 200 if needed. The rest of the vehicles are best kept for the year. The next would be Emmett's off-roader. We should plan on that for next year and I'm estimating two hundred thousand."

Bella's jaw dropped open and she squinted at Rosalie like she had heard wrong.

Rosalie, God bless her, kept talking like this was normal no doubt deciding that giving Bella a crash course was best. "All the stored vehicles are fine for the next year. The storage company prices went up, but not enough to look for another place." Then, she looked at Bella directly, "We are adding a new vehicle. Want to come see?"

Bella looked baffled, but agreed seemingly just going along.

When Rosalie moved to the back of the garage and took off the tarp we all happily told Bella, "Merry Christmas."

She looked stunned for a moment before walking over and lovingly running her hands along her old truck. Rose had done a beautiful job restoring it. After Bella admired all the little touches she went over to Rose and hugged her.

"Thank you for everything, Rose," Bella gushed.

Rose hugged her back, albeit somewhat awkwardly, and told her, "Welcome to the family."

Bella laughed with tears coming down her eyes.

Their newly developing connection please me immensely, including Bella beginning to call her Rose.

We all looked at Jasper, no doubt collectively sending him our confusion, who whispered at too quick a speed for Bella to catch, "She's happy."

When we went back to the table Bella glowed with happiness. "Thanks for restoring and now storing my old truck. It means a lot to me."

"It is our pleasure to keep a part of your life with Charlie for years to come," Carlisle assured her, and then once we settled once more stated, "Next."

"Our portfolios lost a little this year in order to not catch attention," Alice stated. "We've created a new subsidiary which will be the funds to match Bella's investment in the family and for the money agreed to be given to her parents and the Quileutes. With the dividends there should be room for more growth than usual this next year."

"The little I've taken care of my role as monitor for our non-profits they seem fine. There seems to be more need, though, so two to five billion more dollars would be useful," Edward added stoically.

"That would actually help offset the additional earnings I'd like to make to our portfolios for next year," Alice put in.

"Objections?" Carlisle asked.

Bella's eyes were huge, but she held her tongue and there were no objections.

After the silence had moved beyond its agreed upon time for someone to add anything, Jasper stated, "The digital stuff is becoming more problematic. We can't remove pictures easily when we're in the background, as my face recognition and deletion software doesn't work well in those situations, and the technology is improving that with time we will become clearer. We need to consider other options."

"Suggestions?" Carlisle asked.

"None at the moment, but focusing our learning on figuring this out is crucial," he answered.

"Do we need to plan a shorter timeframe and more education next move?" Carlisle asked.

"Maybe," Jasper allowed. "By next year I hopefully can have firmer answers."

Interjecting, I added, "I also think that we each should consider possible options to stay connected to the human work world. Just Carlisle and I in the world of work isn't going to be sufficient in the future, I believe. We can find some way to give the money away or even generate jobs, if possible, but there are a ton of new fields and our family needs to know what's happening if we are to stay current and hidden."

There were murmurs of agreement and then silence.

"I liked the garage with the Quileutes," Rosalie said hesitantly. "I was wanting to ask about opening a trade school for girls to learn mechanics, electronics, plumbing, HVAC, and other occupations with scholarships for low-income mothers, single mothers, and survivors of domestic violence."

"Projections?" Carlisle asked.

"For Seattle," Emmett answered, "five million minimum for a building for the school and then another million for the equipment. Ongoing costs between a million and two. Projected loss first year five million, but one million by the fifth year, unless we add, expand, or something else."

"Can we withdraw twenty million?" Carlisle asked Alice.

She stilled a little and then smiled. "By April no problem."

Rosalie was grinning widely clearly pleased.

Poor Bella looked like she had been in a tumble dryer and couldn't find her bearings.

"Objections?" Carlisle checked. When no one spoke after the agreed upon awaited time, he asked, "What else?"

"We had two tenant changes over the last year," I told the family. "I took the opportunity to make the appropriate upgrades in the kitchen and bathroom, change carpets if needed, any repairs, and other things like that. I'd like for the family to consider us beginning to add solar panels to the houses as we update the roofs. The solar panel technology has improved enough that I'm more confident about them. Any energy created would first go to use of the tenants and any extra sold to the energy companies, but given our houses are generally in low sun regions, selling energy is doubtful. More likely is that tenant use would most likely be 80% from the panels, leaving them purchasing 20% of their use." Then, I looked over at Emmett.

"It would cost about half a million per house, but it would save the tenants money, reduce our carbon footprint, and when we are in the house again it would mean that we could stay in touch while being off grid, in the off chance that one of Jasper's insane doomsday scenarios happen," Emmett told everyone.

"It also increases property value," I added.

When no one asked a question, Carlisle questioned, "Objections?" We had silence once more, so Carlisle asked, "Any other issues past or upcoming?"

Regretting my previous action of silencing Edward, I told him so mentally.

Aware that it would be better as a family to talk about our disagreements openly, I stated, "I'd like to discuss once more Bella's request to become a vampire. Last time she stated that she didn't want to be changed if anyone objected. It seems only right that we verify that for the next year and confirm our plans."

No one said anything for a few minutes and then out of the blue Edward said quietly, "Despite my personal beliefs, I will not object."

_Thank you, my son. I know doing so is a challenge for you._

Everyone else added their voice in wanting Bella to join us as a vampire.

"Since there are no objections to Bella being transformed, we should discuss timeframes. Esme and I requested she consider waiting until she is near thirty to be changed. She agreed to get her college degree first and then see. Any requests for changes to this agreement?" Carlisle asked looking meaningfully at Bella.

"I'm good," Bella stated with a smile, clearly pleased.

It was a huge accomplishment and statement reflecting her trust in us that she had agreed to finish college.

Everyone else shook their head no, although Edward looked defeated.

"Any changes to the transformation and support agreement?" Carlisle checked.

Everyone stated a negative.

"Any other business?" Carlisle asked. When no one spoke it seemed like we covered everything. "Meeting adjourned," he stated.

"Seconded," I added with a smile.

We played games as a family. Then, as Carlisle and I wanted to get back to Forks, after Bella was in bed, I whispered to Alice, Jasper, Rosalie, and Emmett while hugging them goodbye that I was counting on them to keep her safe. There was no question that they would set up a schedule to monitor her from a distance, just as they had last quarter.

Carlisle enjoyed having the car at nearly its top speed, as we travelled back to Forks, and we talked about what we guessed 2007 would hold. We hoped that Edward and Bella could find a way forward, we hoped she would be human for her 20th birthday party, and we hoped that Edward would find a way to mature into the kind of man he needed to be. It seemed like an long-shot to get any of them, and an impossibility to achieve all three.

"Hope, faith, and love," Carlisle reminded me when I shared my scepticism.

"Hope, faith, and love," I repeated knowing I would need strength.

It was a relief to be closer to Carlisle. It was enjoyable to see him everyday, to connect with him regularly, and to rejoin the volunteer work in Forks that I had put on hold, although I missed everyone else tremendously.

The reports I got from both Alice and Rosalie regarding Bella and Edward was that they continued to have awkward stilted brief conversations, while Emmett and Jasper reported that they were making sure to keep Edward in line.

While Carlisle was at the hospital and when not engaged with my volunteer work, I continued to paint. I begun to imagine what my life might have been like if Carlisle had courted me back in 1916. In the first painting, I drew us having a chaperoned date in a park. Then in the second, we were getting married. The third was us enjoying an outdoor concert. The fourth was us being intimate, although nothing private could be seen. It was strange to see these images of me being human while Carlisle was a vampire. The first thing I realized when studing them was how difficult such a relationship would have been, especially on Carlisle. I considered all the ways we were a couple, and saw him having to hold himself back in most of them. These images also gave me new insight into Bella.

February arrived and Bella was due to come back to Forks for a visit, so I decided to fly up to Bellingham early in order to have a frank conversation with Edward.

Naturally, Alice saw this decision, which meant Edward had also. Thus, upon my arrival Edward looked uncomfortable. After greeting everyone, bar Bella who hadn't been home, I asked Edward to accompany me on a hunt, and he complied, albeit reluctantly. I took down a doe to be on the safe side with me travelling back with Bella.

"How are things?" I asked Edward.

"Acceptable," he replied with a touch of sadness.

"Tell me, son," I implored him.

Then, his face fell into anguish. "She's so cordial to me."

_And this isn't what you want?_

"It's more than I deserve," he refuted.

_Perhaps, _I agreed, _but not what you want?_

With a strong semblance of being forlorn he told me, "I miss her. I miss her touching me. I miss the way she used to look at me. I miss her company."

_She doesn't spend time with you?_ I questioned confused.

"No, no, that's not it," he tried to explain. "It's just she doesn't seek out my company. She doesn't ask me to play the piano. She isn't rude or cold; she's polite." Then, with a snarl he repeated, "She's just so ridiculously polite."

My mind flashed back to 1919 and the customs of the time. _Is she more reserved?_ I wondered after some consideration.

His eyes grew large. Then, he appeared to be reviewing his memories. "Could it be?" he asked in reverence.

_What are you thinking Edward?_ I pressed him.

"Could it be that she's behaving more like the women from my era?" he pondered. "She certainly reads enough turn-of-the-century books."

"I don't know," I told him honestly pondering the possibility myself. _Perhaps she is attempting to respect you in a way that she presumes you would appreciate. Perhaps she is unsure of how to behave around you. This is new to her too,_ I reminded him.

He frowned.

_What is it?_

He smiled ruefully. "It pains me to admit that I miss her modern ways."

Looking at him seriously, I reminded him, "But you went out of your way to behave as if you were courting her. Other than being unchaperoned there was little you did that was modern."

He looked chagrined. After some moments he admitted, "She scared me."

Raising an eyebrow at him, I waited for him to explain.

Crestfallen he confessed, "Alice saw her dead at my hands or my teeth so many times. If it wasn't my bloodlust, it was my strength. I killed her over and over in gruesome terrible ways. I was so scared that one of these possible futures would come true. I created boundaries and made rules and set limits because I wanted her alive."

The space between was filled with his sorrows and regrets, broken only with the sounds of leaves blowing, trees moving, and animals scurrying.

Putting his face in his hands, he moaned, "I can't do anything right. I just mess it up."

_Do you love her?_ I asked after a long pause.

Gazing at me intently, his eyes demanded that I believe him. "With everything that I am."

_Do you believe that she loves you?_ I questioned.

"Perhaps at one time, but not anymore," he voiced quietly despondent.

Just like with Bella, I was unwilling to disagree. Instead I enquired, _How did you win her heart last time?_

His face appeared questioning and curious like he hadn't thought to ask himself this question prior. After a long stretch, he admitted, "I don't know."

Confused I pressed, "How do you not know?"

"She just kept pursuing me or letting me be, but she never once backed away. At one point I just decided to give into it, because I was tired of fighting my feelings, fighting her. Then, we were together until I left Forks."

"So her feminist ways pushed you into a corner?" I teased.

He smiled slightly, "Yeah, I guess, but she's also shy and reserved."

_What might happen if you took the initiative?_ I asked my mind filling with images of them playing cards or going on walks near the house or him reading her Keats and them discussing the merits of his words.

He got a dopey happy look on his face. "Thanks."

"You're welcome," I told him sincerely glad to have helped. After a moment, I told him, "I also wanted to talk to you about something else."

His face fell once more. "Yeah, I saw that in Alice's vision. I had hoped you had changed your mind."

"I hadn't," I let him know. Gathering my thoughts, I told him, _I understand your desire to give Bella a human life, especially given our values as a Cullen, but by her remaining human you are cutting off many aspects of yourself._

"It's worth it," he stated emphatically.

"To you," I agreed, _but to a woman who would want to know all of you, it would be the cruellest of lives. To know the person you love only in part, never being able to share his joys with him in the way he can, especially when the man she loves refuses to give her that opportunity._

"You're assuming she loves me in that way," he pointed out.

_I am assuming that you will win her heart once more,_ I agreed.

He sighed heavily. "I want to give her the world."

"Because you love her."

He nodded in agreement.

_Then you give her all of yourself, if she wants it._

"And if she doesn't?" he asked his voice quivering.

"Then you'll have to find a way to live with that," I stated.

He looked like he had taken a punch.

"How's school?" I asked letting the topic go.

"Better than high school, but still dull," he stated evenly.

"You minding Bella's rules?" I checked.

"Yes, ma'am," he replied quickly.

"Even through your gift?" I verified.

"Not always," he reluctantly admitted looking guilty, and quickly added, "but I'm working at it."

"Good enough for now," I told him. _We should get back._

We were nearly at the house when he told me, "Thanks, Esme."

_I'm always here for you._

"I know, even when I forget," he replied before he went to get washed up.

Being a mother to a hundred year old man in a seventeen year old body was a challenge. So many times he was crotchety and irritated with the world, because it had dared to change. While recently he was a blundering idiot trying to learn how to navigate love and his heart for the first time.

I made a decision to ask Alice if my talk to Edward helped our family any.

She looked into the future and then back at me and shrugged.

Too many variables to have a firm outlook I suppose.

Nodding back to her in appreciation, I looked at Rosalie until her eyes met mine. "Let's take the car out before you tune it up."

She nuzzled into Emmett's arms saying nothing.

After cleaning myself up and putting on a fresh set of clothes, Rosalie and I went for the drive.

"It's sounding good," she commented after a few miles.

"It was a good choice," I told her. After some silence, I asked, "How are things, Rose, really?"

"A mess," was her terse answer.

Remaining silent, I waited for her to say more.

"They are both stubborn and afraid of hurting the other, or of themselves getting hurt. The thing is, even if Edward refuses to see it, Bella is growing up. She's beginning to come into herself as a person. She's more mature, less emotionally driven, more self-aware. All the while Edward stays the same, caught between his instinct to claim her and his Edwardian ways of being in mixed company. There's a good chance, as I see it, that in a year or so she will emotionally outgrow him. And slugs move faster than Edward."

"Not last time," I pointed out.

"Only because fate kept forcing the issue," Rosalie retorted. "I know I wasn't much help to the situation, but even though I've not interfered in the least since his return, they are at a standstill."

Smiling ruefully I decided to change the topic, "And how are you?"

She smiled sadly, "Same old, same old. Little changes in the nature of the world, you know this."

"While we change," I pointed out.

"No, we are not stone, but we are also not fully alive," she retorted.

"We could be," I told her gently.

The look on her face was an odd mixture of confusion, irritation, and disbelief.

"I have spent much time reflecting over all the changes to each of us and our family since Bella's presence shook our world. There's this theory that I recently came across," I explained.

For a moment the old Rosalie who was more teenager than adult flashed across her face, and then it faded. The new Rosalie emerged, someone open to hearing what I had said, and even to change if needed.

"It says that we walk through life and there are these small events that require us to adjust. We learn how to adapt as a result. But then an event comes into our lives that is so impactful that it shatters everything that we thought we knew and understood. Consequently, we no longer understand who we are and our place in the world. These monumental events are called cosmology episodes. Bella is Edward's. In one quick swoop with her scent and closed mind and clumsiness appealed to everything in Edward, vampire and human. He lost sense in his world and he clung to the idea of keeping her safe above all else as his anchor, except when he acted on that idea he lost everything once more. His attempt to remake his understanding of the world failed.

"He needs new meaning, new eyes in which to see the world. And it's possible that Bella is the only one to give that to him fully, as I believe that they are bound to each other. Nevertheless, she is not ready to do that for him, and he is not ready to allow her. He is everything a man of his era was raised to be. I suspect that from the moment you entered the family he turned you off, because he had too many qualities of Royce, not in the poor ways, but in station and etiquette. It says something Rose that you mated to a man who would of, at best, been a paid servant in your human life. You and Emmett could not come from different social upbringings. In my mind the fact that Emmett is so unlike the men that surrounded you as a human makes him safe, but look at what it took for you to let go of the ideas of social class and propriety that you were raised with.

"Your brother needs you Rose. He doesn't know it, but you are from his world, and he needs a bridge from who he was to who he needs to be. He doesn't need you jealous or haughty or frustrated. He doesn't need the spoiled socialite who always got what she wanted because she was the prettiest girl in the room. He needs a big sister who will in love pull him into the modern era while allowing him to keep the best parts of that young man who died from Carlisle's venom."

By the time I stopped speaking and silence settled over us Rosalie was stone except for her eyes and hand that made slight movements for driving.

When she did speak she sounded like she had suddenly become five. "Am I really a spoiled socialite?"

"You were," I told her softly. "I have memories of you being human. You had superficial friends, social climbers for parents, and acted exactly how you had been raised to. You honoured your parents in every way. You were a good daughter, Rose."

Venom coated her eyes and she blinked rapidly as if she was trying to stop herself from crying.

"But you are her no longer," I reminded her.

"Yeah," she agreed.

"But sometimes you use her as a barrier to protect yourself," I stated.

"No longer," she retorted with a defensive tone.

"It is true that I haven't seen you pull her out in a while. This past year has altered you. Yet, with Edward it is like you cannot help but revert back to her. Perhaps it is his mannerisms and behaviours that pull on that part of you. I'm not sure. What I am sure of, though, is that he needs that reminder. He needs to remember what courting should look like, how to respect a woman, how to be a man. While he also needs to let go of the ways of his era that made women into objects to be worshipped or abused."

"You're asking a lot Esme," she finally told me after a long stretch of heavy silence.

"Yes," I agreed.

"He has Alice," she exclaimed as if it was the perfect explanation to get out of what I was asking her.

"He does, and she will keep him from doing anything too idiotic, but she does not remember like you do. She cannot guide him like you, simply because she has not travelled it like you. You have made the journey already. You only need to guide him."

"That's like getting a pig headed blind man who is convinced he can see to trust you to walk off a cliff," Rosalie replied blithely.

"Good thing you're up for a challenge and don't deter easily," I replied with a smile in my tone.

She huffed. "Fine," she scathed after long minutes of silence. "Only because otherwise Edward might destroy this family."

"He wouldn't mean to," I pointed out sadly.

"Wouldn't change how utterly successful he would be," she retorted.

"No," I agreed.

She frowned. "What has Alice seen?"

"Not much," I told her. "Edward is too volatile for her gift to be of much help."

"So, make sure Bella doesn't die while also inching Edward towards growing up into a modern man with some of his better Edwardian traits," she scathed.

"Something like that," I concurred.

She huffed in irritation once more.

"You can do this," I encouraged her. "You love him. That's enough."

"I'll probably have to recruit Emmett and Jasper, which means Alice. Better a united front like when he first came back," she told me.

"Whatever you think is best," I stated wanting to convey that I trusted her.

She nodded and I could almost see that strategic mind of hers at work. For better or worse, she had learned a lot from Jasper over the last year.

"This is how we live," I told her softly. "We live by changing ourselves and helping each other change. We cannot be stone if this is the case."

After allowing my words to settle into her she started telling me about her classes and her ideas regarding the technical school for women as she turned the car towards the house. By the time we rode up the drive she seemed calmer than when I had arrived.

"You're a good daughter and sister, Rose," I told her as we parked in the garage.

"It should be fine as long as she keeps her end of the bargain," she replied in a whisper.

"She gave her word," I reminded her.

Her lips went into a thin line as she walked into the house, no doubt going to find Emmett.

I found Jasper and Edward playing some game on the television, with Alice in the corner of the couch drawing.

Coming up from behind her, I looked at the different designs.

"Yours or the futures?" I wondered.

"Mine," she admitted full of hesitation, which was incredibly unusual for her.

"What is it?" I asked her.

"I'd like to put my stuff out there," she told me shyly like she was expecting a rebuttal.

"Do you see a way?" I asked genuinely curious.

"In a few years, yes," she answered.

"Shall we have a family discussion?" I checked.

"Yes, please," she answered almost bashfully.

It was a pleasant surprise to see her this way.

"I shall speak to Carlisle and plan on us both being here soon," I told her.

"Thanks," she replied.

"No checking the outcome, please," I requested.

She nodded her head in agreement, even though she looked slightly reluctant.

"So, tell me your designs," I instructed.

While the boys played Alice showed me her ideas and where they had come from. It was a delightful time spent.

Later in the evening Emmett had gone to find Rose and Alice was still focused on her creations.

Sitting down next to Jasper, I asked softly ensuring the words would stay between us, "So, how are you?"

"Adjusting," he answered after taking some time to reflect.

"Has the atmosphere improved?" I wondered.

"In many ways, yes," he replied after contemplation, "Edward and Bella no, though. Although, in fairness, she's rarely home and seems to be attempting to control her emotions when she is here. She underestimates my gift, but I have allowed her to believe this mistruth, as doing so seems to comfort her. She really seems to hate causing anyone else discomfort, even to her own detriment."

Nodding I took in this information and filed it. "I have made a difficult request of Rose, and thus hinted that she might need your support, particularly your talent for strategy."

He smiled with a mischievous glint in his eyes. "I look forward to it."

"I am trusting you to see the danger Rose might not." Pausing to collect my thoughts, I told him, "She tends to be a bull and sometimes delicacy is what is needed."

He smiled in respect and I could see his mind working out what I had already requested of my daughter. "I would not let you down."

Smiling back at him, I tapped his hand gently, "Of that I have absolutely no doubt." After a moment I added, "I hope you continue to be proud of your control over your bloodlust. How has the last month been?"

"Everyone continues to hunt regularly, which is certainly helping, and as Bella is simply a part of the standard scents in the house, she has become less tempting. In the bit of time she has given to me, I have begun to teach her chess. Seeing her more and more as someone I enjoy and potentially as my little sister has helped also."

"You have much to be proud of, then," I commended him.

Appearing slightly uneasy with my praised, he changed the topic and asked, "How is it being there with us here?"

"Quiet," I answered definitively and then shrugged. "Nice at times to be just a couple, but I miss you all. I struggle to rest in assurance that you all are safe, even though in my mind I am confident in your ability to protect them all."

He frowned slightly. "We worry about you in that house alone if any stranger were to visit."

Nodding in understanding of his concern, I offered, "Alice would see?"

"Hopefully," was his reply. Putting his hand on my shoulder, gazing into my eyes, and send me a cocktail of familial affection he implored me, "Please keep yourself well. We would become lost without you."

Smiling at his tenderness, I agreed with a slight teasing tone, "Yes, Major."

He smiled at my answer and nodded in agreement.

It was almost midnight when Bella came home. Upon entering the house, she gave me a hug, yelled hello to everyone else, and then climbed the stairs. After a shower she went to bed.

All five of the kids were situated in the living room, so I asked the room at large too softly for Bella to hear, "Is it usually like that?"

"Yup," Emmett answered frowning a bit, "then up, breakfast, and leave in the morning."

"Humm," I mused considering what her behaviour might indicate. Honestly, I had little to go on. If my knowledge of human high schoolers were limited, then my understanding of the habits of modern college teenagers was worse.

With the kids help I completed a few odd jobs on the house and yard during the evening, and then after a shower enjoyed watching them be siblings.

Bella's behaviour in the morning was just as Emmett had described. It wasn't two hours after she had risen that she told me that she was ready to go.

We were just a little bit from the house, close enough that Edward would probably still be able to read my mind, so I asked, "How's the new truck holding up?"

Bella beamed, "Great, but then Rose is a great mechanic."

"That she is," I agreed.

The smile left her face as she confessed, "This is a great truck and it is reassuring to me that the old one isn't far away, being stored and all. Even still, I still miss driving my old one. It felt incredibly stable and indestructible. However, I have to admit that this is easier to handle, quieter, and can go over 55."

Pondering the meaning of her words, it took me a few minutes before I said, "Yes, it is often a challenge to let go of things that worked for us and gave us comfort. We are required to open our grasp, take a step into the unknown, and hope that what is waiting for us will fit our needs."

Almost twenty minutes passed before she whispered, "I don't think we're talking about my truck."

Smiling at her, I refuted, "Of course we were."

She shook her head and insisted, "You were talking about Edward."

Letting go of my slight teasing, I asked, "Is loving your new truck and letting go of the old one any different of a life lesson than letting go of the past regarding Edward and embracing what might develop?"

She chewed on her bottom lip for a while before she answered, "Maybe there isn't much difference in the grander scale, but in the minutia, there's a world of difference."

"How so?" I wondered.

She scrunched up her face and seemed to be deeply considering her answer before she stated, "The first truck was a gift from Charlie and an expression of his care for me. This truck is also an expression of his care for me. So, even though I changed trucks, the meaning of them hasn't. My relationship with Edward before my birthday and now can't be compared in that way. An analogy might be that what we had was totalled, only good for the garbage heap. There's no continued meaning."

Musing over her views, I questioned, "Do you no longer care for him?"

Instantly she looked like I had punched her in the gut.

"Pull over, darling," I instructed softly.

When the car was safely stopped I wrapped my arms around her shoulders and she placed her head on my chest.

"Let it out, my darling girl," I encouraged her.

And then like a dam had broken, she started wailing. In mutters that hardly were coherent I finally pieced together something about how her loving Edward hurt, how he didn't love her, along with her being an addict wanting a hit, even if she was bound to crash in the future.

Pretending like I didn't hear her broken utterings, I simply held her. Eventually the tears slowed and the wailing stopped.

"I'm sorry, Esme," she offered to me.

"Nonsense," I refuted. "Clearly you just needed to let it out."

She nodded slightly.

I slowed my breaths so she would match mine, like Carlisle had shown me, and we were silent for a while.

"I've been really busy," she mused.

When she said nothing more after long minutes I added, "Maybe you didn't have time for a good cry, then?"

She chuckled and agreed.

"Want me to drive?" I asked.

After a minute of consideration she answered, "Nah, I'm good."

"Alright," I conceded, continuing to run my fingers over her hair.

After a while she shifted indicating that she was ready to sit back up. Scooting back to my side of the bench, I told her, "So tell me all about how things are."

"Good," she answered without pause.

After a long couple of minutes, I prompted her, "You're going to need to say more than that."

She sighed in the resigned way that Rosalie might when she knew I wasn't going to back down. It still took her another five minutes before she started speaking.

"College is so different from high school that they almost can't be compared. In my classes there are hundreds of students, and then graduate assistants teach the labs. I feel invisible, which is pleasing, since I prefer to blend into the background. It's more that no one cares if you succeed or not. There's no teacher reminding you that your assignment is due or noticing if you turn into your work or not. I kind of liked it, but it was definitely an adjustment." Then, she petered off almost hoping that what she had shared had been sufficient.

"Do you like the subjects at least?" I asked unwilling to let her stop there.

"They're all gen ed classes, so not really. At least I'm learning new things, but I'll be glad to get them done," she admitted.

"Have you picked a major yet?" I wondered.

"I like reading, but when I spoke to an advisor they were saying that as an English major I would be doing a lot of analysing texts, and I think I'd rather keep my reading for recreational." Her cheeks began to get flush as she confessed, "Carlisle has been encouraging me to pursue the sciences."

"He has?" I asked gently trying to sound slightly surprised, even though Carlisle had already told me of this.

Her blush darkened.

I was proud of myself that it was manageable. To me it showed another step forward in overcoming my base nature.

"He says that not all degrees in science end up working with people. He told me about positions where I could work in a lab. I could make a real difference in people's lives, without having to deal with blood. He also mentioned that a job like that would work well once I'm changed." Then, she got real quiet. When she spoke again it was at a whisper. "I'm not sure what to think of the fact that Carlisle knows me better and is more attentive to my future than Charlie. I mean, obviously, I didn't grow up with Charlie, but Carlisle has only known me for two years."

She seemed to retreat into herself and I allowed her. When she took a deep breath about twenty minutes later I told her, "Carlisle is a rare man in that he pays attention. He cares deeply for you, Bella, and wants the best for you. He also knows a lot about the world of work between his own career and then ours. Charlie loves you in his own way. Those just aren't his strengths."

"Yeah," she agreed quietly. Then after a few minutes added, "Charlie does care. There's no doubt. I just keep thinking about the future and I can't imagine where Charlie would fit. He's barely been a part of my life for most of it."

Pondering how to assist her, I finally said, "In that case, enjoy every moment you have with him."

Wearing a sad smile she told me, "I will."

"And the rest?" I pressed when she seemed to intend on saying no more.

"I'm barely home," she divulged, and then stopped short.

"How come?" I probed after ample minutes had passed.

She sighed sadly. "Some of it is that it's easier to stay close to campus to get my work done. Some of it is pushing myself to try new things. And a small part is wanting to give everyone else space away from the human."

With sadness at what she was implying I refuted, "You aren't just a human, Bella. You are a member of the family."

"Doesn't make me any less human," she returned with deep sadness.

After trying to put the pieces together of what she was attempting to describe, I asked, "I don't fully understand, Bella. We love you. We want your company. When you're gone, we miss you. What is going on?"

She huffed in a typical teenager way. "Everyone adjusts for me. Everyone talks slower, moves slower, tolerates the smell of food. I mean, sure, Edward showed me that one time, and I've seen how vampires can really act, but for me, each of you were more human and humane than most humans. As each of you told your stories and I am getting more information on how different it is, I cannot help but see how irritating it must be to not be yourselves in the one place, your home, where you should be able to." By the end her passion and certainty were transparent.

After mulling over how to approach this, I asked, "Do you make adjustments for us?"

Her lips crashed together in a scowl and then she began biting on her lip. Eventually she admitted, "Yes."

"How so?" I asked making sure my tone was open and sounding genuinely curious.

After a couple of minutes and an irritated huff, "I don't know. I try to be considerate. A few times I mentioned to Edward that he should hunt, as his eyes were looking too dark."

"And does our diet bother you?" I probed gently.

"No," she answered hotly. "Everybody has to eat to survive. That's just the nature of life."

Giving a few minutes of silence for her words to sink in, I offered, "Then why would your substances bother us?"

She gnawed on her lip before answering in a defensive tone, "Because my method of eating penetrates the atmosphere of the house."

"Does them being gone impact the atmosphere of the household?" I asked.

She looked at me suspiciously, but nevertheless answered, "Yes."

"The thing is dear, is that these differences mean that we're each adjusting to each other, but it seems unjust that you should have to shift more than anyone else. It's not like the Fork house, which is really mine. This home is yours and theirs. You all contribute to its care and upkeep in your own ways." Saying nothing more, I gazed out the window and allowed the silence to be comforting.

More than an hour had passed when she muttered, "You know Esme, I think you might even have Jasper beat in being dangerous."

Chuckling a little, I admitted, "Jasper is the most dangerous in a way, because he is a soldier. But Carlisle has insisted that I have a gift of seeing into the heart of a matter. That is only dangerous if you're wanting to avoid the truth."

She huffed with an irritated defeated sound.

"Bella," I said softly and gently, "there is nothing wrong with being considerate of others, but not at the expense of your own needs. There is almost always a way for everyone in the situation to get what they need, if not what they want. Rosalie, Emmett, Jasper, and Alice would not have offered to live with you without knowing what that would mean. They haven't asked you to make yourself smaller. They want to enjoy you as you are, since you're only being how you are in this season of your life once. You need to remember that time means very different things for us, and they wanted this."

By the end of my speech she had water at the edges of her eyes.

When she collected herself she admonished, "No need to bring in the heavy artillery."

Smiling at her reaction, I said nothing more.

Eventually she completely calmed and asked, "How has it been living alone?"

"Nice at times, especially not needing to clean up after Emmett, but too quiet. It's strange to be home alone without Carlisle, as the last time that happened Edward had run away and life was very bittersweet–bitter because I missed Edward and sweet with Carlisle and I getting to know each other. There are even moments when I have to actively remind myself that everyone is fine."

Bella said nothing for a while, and then commented softly, "Sounds lonely."

Considering how to answer, I admitted, "At moments, but like you, I enjoy my own company, so most of the time it's pleasant. I'm contributing to the committees I'm on as well as other such things, so I'm in town more than before. At the same time, like we talked about, a part of being a Cullen is having each other as support. Not having anyone but Carlisle close by is strange. I'm actively reminding myself to enjoy the solace and that everyone is still available to support me. In a way Alice's visions help that endeavour. And then there's the simple fact that I don't ever hunt alone."

"Hmm," she mused.

After a few minutes had passed and it seemed like she wasn't going to comment, I asked, "You getting much alone time?"

"When I'm studying at the library," she answered a little to quickly.

"Needing some alone time?" I wondered.

After a while she divulged, "Maybe some."

"From Edward or everyone?" I questioned.

She looked at me sideways, like she believed me to be up to some secret way of catching her out, before she answered, "Even when I'm in my room alone, I can't help but be aware of the fact that everyone in the house can hear each other. I don't feel like I'm alone like when I'm at Charlie's."

"And they're over protective of you," I surmised.

"That's an understatement," she agreed.

"In a bothersome way?" I wondered.

She paused, clearly thinking before she answered, "In a having siblings kind of way, which is kind of nice at times. I do enjoy their company, but I'm also used to being an only child, so there are these moments when it feels stifling."

"Cause you're not used to it?" I checked.

"Exactly!" she agreed.

"And you don't want to convey that you don't like their company, because you do, but it's also overwhelming because it's new to you," I surmised.

She smiled widely, pleased at my words, "You're good at this."

Letting her new self-awareness set in, I offered, "You could just say that, you know."

Her mouth dropped and she looked at me like I had gone crazy.

"They'd understand," I told her. "They each get moments when they need time alone or as couples. In our family, you simply have to ask."

"And they'd all leave?" she checked clearly in disbelief.

"Even Edward, probably to go hunting," I stated.

"Huh," she muttered in surprise like voicing her needs in a clear manner like that had never occurred to her.

It probably hadn't. I held in a smile at the realization of how much more of a Cullen she would be, even before she was changed. I had to hope it would make for an easier adjustment and thus newborn years.

Some time passed before I opened the can of worms, "So, how are things between you and Edward?"

"Truth?" she verified.

"Absolute," I confirmed.

"Hard," she answered. Instead of commenting, I allowed the silence to grow. Eventually she continued, "It's like we no longer know how to be around each other. It's awkward and strained, honestly."

Giving some time before speaking, I asked, "Any ideas as to how come?"

It took her almost thirty minutes before she spoke. "I'm afraid we've outgrown each other."

Was this not my fear?

After deep thought I told her, "That might be the case, but that does not automatically mean that you cannot once more be what the other needs. Our warnings to you about the challenges of changing after your transformation are absolutely true. But challenging does not mean impossible. In many ways Edward is all of his age and a typical centenarian. In other ways he is seventeen. And I suspect that you need him to grow into a young man of his early 20s. The question I believe you need to ask yourself is if you're willing to do your part in assisting him to do this, assuming that he would want to change?"

She bit her lip and tapped the steering wheel until she asked at a whisper, "What would that mean?"

Knowing the importance of the question, I responded with a question of my own, "Did I ever tell you that in the '70s I went to college and studied Family and Marriage Counselling?"

Her eyes grew large and she mumbled a "No."

"Alice and Jasper had been with us a little over 20 years, and the newness of us being a family of seven had officially worn off. We were struggling as a family. So, when everyone went to college, I forged the dates of one of my previously earned bachelor's degrees and gained a master's degree."

It took awhile for her to find a question, "Did it help?"

Smiling at the memories, I told her, "In many ways. That kind of knowledge of how families work and thus how to help improve things between family members simply didn't exist in my era. It was exciting, and has given our family tools we didn't have before. Jasper in the next decade studied psychology. It is one of the reasons that at family meetings about resolving conflicts in the family, it is expected that Jasper and I will offer the family the most assistance."

"Hmm," she mumbled, and eventually said quietly, "That makes sense." After a few more minutes she added, "It also suits you both. You have a gift to see things from everyone's perspective and with Jasper's gift of empathy, he has an inside scoop."

"True," I agreed. After a few minutes I said, "What I am offering is to assist you and Edward in finding a way to live together more harmoniously."

"Couples counselling?" she asked agasp.

"In a way," I supported. "I am assuming that a romantic relationship is off the cards for the moment?"

Her whole face fell. "Yes."

Patting her hand a few times in encouragement, I told her, "Couples counselling doesn't have to be about romantic couples. I've done some couples counselling with Emmett and Alice as well as Rosalie and Edward. In both cases, each were given work and expected to do their parts to aid in the repair of the relationships and to find a way to live together in relative harmony."

She started turning beat red and flustered a few times before she finally admitted, "If we're meant to be together, then once I'm turned, won't things work themselves out?"

Smiling indulgently at her, I reframed, "You mean won't your and his hormones pull your together and override whatever is holding you both apart?"

Looking even more embarrassed, she nevertheless found the courage to expound, "He said he was tired of playing human. If I wasn't human anymore, then maybe he might want me."

"Oh, child," I uttered in soft sadness crushed by the truths she was holding within herself. When I found words I told her, "This isn't a fairy tale. Any 'happily ever afters' come from hard work. You're welcome to ask any of the couples, and Carlisle, but I will tell you that it wasn't like a romance novel. First time I laid eyes on Carlisle I was in awe of him and then terrified. There was no lust or love or any of those things. I had jumped from a cliff to kill myself and filled with grief from the loss of my son and fear of men. It was a hard and rocky road for us. Rosalie and Emmett have a similar story. Alice and Jasper are unique, because of their gifts, but they too have had difficult years as a couple. So, no, being a vampire isn't a magic wand. In fact, in many ways, it makes life more difficult. If you want Edward and you to have a friendship, then it will require work on both of your parts, along with Edward being willing to change and your willingness to be patient."

"I'll think about it," she offered after a few minutes.

"That's all I could ask," I told her before asking, "Plans to see Jake?" aware that we needed a change of topic.

She smiled, but there was some reservation there. "Hopefully."

"Is he being a butthead again?" I wondered.

She started chuckling, which led to laughter. "Esme, somehow you saying butthead doesn't quite fit."

Smiling with her, I said nothing more, giving her space to continue speaking.

Eventually she added, "Yeah, he's being Jake."

"Maybe his feelings got hurt?" I wondered.

After some thought she agreed, "Yeah, probably, but that doesn't excuse his behaviour. He's acting like a child."

Glad to see her attitude I agreed, "Absolutely doesn't excuse it." After a brief pause, I asked, "Bella, can I make an observation and you simply consider it seriously?"

After a second she agreed, "Sure, sure."

Glad to see her courage and trust in me I was thoughtful about my wording before uttering, "It seems like Edward and Jake share many similar qualities. They are both stubborn, certain their view of the world is the correct one. They are both passionate and hot-tempered at times. Maybe these similarities are because they both have qualities that you wish you had in yourself."

She bit her lower lip and appeared uncomfortable.

Patting her hand again, I assured her, "You'll figure yourself out. I'm glad you're giving yourself the time to do so. I believe it is the best gift you can give yourself, and thus everyone who loves you, me included."

She smiled sadly.

For the rest of the ride we discussed how college was similar and yet different than high school. When she dropped me off with Carlisle she looked glad to be home, but weary. She had chosen a difficult path by requesting to become a Cullen, but I was proud of how she was facing life, and told her so before I closed the door and sent her to Charlie's.

* * *

_A/N: The reference to the concept of Cosmology Episodes is shameless my own research and based on a post-traumatic growth model that I participated in creating._

_I know that I usually don't have chapters so long, but I couldn't bear to split this last scene between Bella and Esme. I hope is didn't make the chapter too much of a laborious read._

_I'm excited to hear what you think of the chapter generally and specifically Esme's offer of couples counselling!_


	5. Chapter 4: Respect Is Key

**Chapter 4: Respect Is Key  
**

* * *

I was surprised to see Bella's number on my phone, as it was Sunday early afternoon. Carlisle and I had watched her cross onto Quileute land, and she was scheduled to be there until the early evening. After answering, she softly and with reluctance asked if I would be willing to arrive at Charlie's in an hour, rather than late evening, as we had agreed, to drive her back to college.

"Do you need a doctor?" was the first question that came to mind.

"A mom," she answered in between tight breaths like she was trying to hold in tears.

"Sure, honey," I answered.

Immediately after she disconnected the phone, leaving me confused.

"Should I come anyway?" Carlisle asked rubbing my arm his tone, conveying his care and concern.

After some consideration, I replied, "We have to trust that she spoke the truth of what she needed."

"With every day that passes there is a chance that she will not survive to the agreed upon date of her transformation," he mused.

"Yes, her life does seem particularly fraught with danger," I agreed. "What are the daily odds?" I wondered, knowing that my husband would not have made such a statement without having done the math.

"Approximately 65,487 to one," he answered bemused at my question.

"So, not terrible," I retorted with a smile.

"Worse than most," he rejoined.

Chuckling I admonished him, "You're almost as bad as Edward. Have faith that she knows how to keep herself alive."

"She seems like such a delicate flower in a hurricane," he mused.

"But she's not," I argued. "She must be stronger than most to live in our world. Her delicacy is only external. Internally, she is formidable."

Smiling at me he stated, "I will trust your wisdom."

"As you should," I teased before kissing him and getting dressed, "but I do think that following her from the border to her home is prudent."

His face turned down as if disappointed that we weren't going to resume enjoying each other's company, and then he winked before quickly getting dressed himself.

Charlie and Bella had already crossed over the border by the time we arrived, so we ghosted among the trees following them.

As we stood guard Charlie's treeline, I let him know "Alice wants to start a new venture, and has requested a family meeting."

"Shall I join you over the phone or do I need to be there in person?" he wondered.

"In person is always best," I decided after some thought. "We could probably find a way to code the conversation, but I suspect it would be preferred for us all to speak freely."

"Let us work on arranging that," he informed me.

"Wonderful," I agreed. "Alice will be very pleased."

The Swans had given nothing away in what had happened, neither speaking. As soon as they had arrived home sounds of her packing had been heard from her room, while Charlie was in front of the television with a basketball game on. So when it was near the time to collect Bella, Carlisle ran back to the house and collected the car. I slipped into it in between some of the houses where the woods met the road.

When we arrived Carlisle accompanied me. It was shortly after we knocked that Charlie answered, which surprised me, as usually it had been Bella who opened up the door.

"Come in," he said gruffly.

Bella's heartbeat rang out clearly, as did the shower she was in and her ragged breathing like she was crying while trying to be quiet about it.

After Carlisle and I exchanged a brief glance, we entered their home and followed Charlie into the living room taking his invitation to sit on the sofa.

"Can I get your guys anything?" he asked after a few minutes almost absentmindedly.

"No thanks Charlie," Carlisle answered politely. After another continued stretch of silence he asked, "Is everything alright?"

Charlie rubbed his hand against his face and mumbled, "I swear girls really are from another planet."

Exchanging another quick glance with Carlisle I stated, "Perhaps I should use the facilities before we head out."

"You know where it's at?" Charlie asked rotely.

"Absolutely," I answered getting up and kissing my husband on the cheek before leaving the room.

The sounds of the shower should have been clear to human ears, leading me to believe that Charlie's response was a manifestation of a distressed emotional state. This only confirmed my choice to leave Charlie to Carlisle's wisdom, especially as Charlie and Carlisle already had a decent relationship based on their professional roles. So, I went to the bottom on the stairwell and listened to Bella finishing up her shower.

"Want to talk about it?" Carlisle asked Charlie.

Charlie moved his head and then coughed. After a few more minutes he asked sounding reluctant, "You have two daughters?"

Chuckling like they were sharing a secret Carlisle answered, "Yes, and they couldn't be less alike."

"Are they quiet like Bella?" Charlie finally replied with a hint of curiosity in his voice.

Carlisle chuckled goodnaturedly. "Rosalie is mostly. The exception is when she wants her way. Then, she can be a force of nature that has been a struggle for Esme and I to contain. Alice is nearly the opposite. When she's quiet is usually when she's up to something." His tone of voice made his love and appreciation for them clear.

"Yes, I can't imagine Alice being quiet," Charlie offered with a chuckle.

Carlisle moved on the sofa in such a way that it sounded like he was relaxing and probably attempting to appear even more approachable.

Charlie cleared his throat a few times before he finally uttered, "I just don't know what to do with Bella. She's as stubborn and clear minded as me and as emotional as Renee. Apart from Alice, she has surrounded herself with males as friends. And as much as I'm glad that she and Edward aren't back together, she seems unable to move on. It's like she's already a 80-year-old spinster widow." Then, it sounded like he raked his hand over his face once more. Many minutes passed before he added, "I just want her happy."

By the time Carlisle had spoken Bella was out of the shower, drying off by the sound of it.

"You say that Bella is like you in many ways?" Carlisle offered.

"Yeah," Charlie said gruffly back.

Then, Carlisle gave some silence and sounded like he was moving slightly. "It seems to me from the little we know each other that it has taken you a long time to get over Renee."

Charlie sounded like he stiffened.

"Why would your daughter be any different? She loves fiercely and deeply, which from her descriptions doesn't sound like Renee's top qualities."

Bella stepped out of the bathroom and moved into her room.

"What are you saying, Carlisle?" Charlie asked his voice tight.

Carlisle took in a deep breath. "That your daughter is still deeply in love with Edward, whether you want her to be or not. And that you're afraid she will follow in your footsteps, and you want better for her."

"She deserves better," Charlie stated firmly.

With a smile in his tone, Carlisle said, "I suspected your Mother tried many times to get you to move past Renee."

Charlie humphed.

Bella sounded like she was finishing getting ready, so I walked up the stairs quietly to not alert Charlie of my position, and then gently knocked on Bella's bedroom door. She came and opened it up looking surprised.

"I told Charlie I needed the facilities in order to leave the men alone, but didn't want to enter your room without permission," I explained, "so I've been sitting on the last tread of the stairs."

"Listening in," she teased while she indicated that I should enter the room.

"Well, is it listening in if I literally cannot block it out?" I asked.

She looked at me chuckling.

"Ready?" I wondered.

"Almost," she answered.

Carlisle finally spoke again. "Edward handled us moving terribly, and if it was my daughter, I would want her to find someone who treats her better. Bella deserves only the best. As Edward's father, my hope has been that he will mature into someone who deserves her."

Charlie humphed again this time with more a tone of disbelief.

"My only request is that you consider that Edward for all his good manners and gentlemanly ways was still a 17 year old boy who as a result of Bella was awoken for the first time to feelings he had never experienced prior," Carlisle requested. "He handled things and her extremely poorly, there's no dispute about that. I also remember being fairly poor at matters of the heart at 17."

Bella looked at me fiercely. "You're spilling on the drive."

"No problem," I agreed easily.

She grabbed her bags, her body indicating a mixture of anger and defeat.

"Want any help?" I offered.

Downstairs Charlie grunted once more.

"Edward might never become someone worthy of her," Carlisle stated. "She might find someone else to give her heart to quicker than you did. My experience as a father is to support and guide simultaneously, which is challenging, while also being tentative about my daughters' emotions. It's a tricky maneavour, but you'll get there, Charlie."

"Yeah," Bella replied, which pleased me, since it showed her willingness to admit her needs, "could you grab that bag?"

"Of course," I agreed, smiling at her.

"No need to look so pleased," she grumbled.

Chuckling and patting her shoulder with a feather's touch, I took a step towards her. She stepped out of her room and started down the stairs. I took one quick look through her room before closing her door behind me.

By the time Bella was at the bottom step Charlie and Carlisle were there.

"Let me take your bag," Charlie offered.

"I got it," Bella refuted with a terse tone.

She put her bag down while she put on her shoes and jacket and then picked it back up and walked outside without another word.

"It was good to see you Charlie," I told him while putting on my own coat and then following Bella out.

Carlisle offered Charlie his hand. "Whatever it is, she still loves you," Carlisle offered. "Daughters being mad at their fathers is par for the course, unfortunately."

Charlie grunted. "Good to see you also, Esme."

Then, Carlisle put on his own belongings and placed an umbrella above my head.

"You know that I love you," I whispered at a human level.

"Yes," he replied with a smile, matching my volume.

"Thank you for speaking with Charlie," I offered as we stepped down the stairs into the drive.

"I am not sure it helped," Carlisle replied.

"Nevertheless, I appreciate your effort," I told him.

"She is growing up, and he is struggling to see her as an independent adult," Carlisle mused.

"Aren't we all?" I offered.

We were at Bella's truck when he agreed, "Yes. Additionally, I probably have contributed to Edward's immaturity."

"As have I," I admitted.

He kissed me gently and then told me, "Return to me as I see you."

"I will," I vowed.

He backed up some. "See you soon Bella," he told her, and then closed the passenger door.

She pulled out of the drive without a word nor a glance toward the house, but the tension in her body was clear.

Knowing she would need time to order her thoughts, I looked out the window, enjoying the view, and said nothing.

Finally like a kettle unable to contain the steam anymore she burst out with "He wanted to know why I'm not as cosy with Jacob."

After many minutes of her saying nothing more I verified, "Charlie?"

With a long exhale she verified, "Yeah."

It was over an hour later when she added, her tone slight softer, "I was meant to spend most of the day with Jake and the guys, but when I went over there Jake was being childish. Instead of putting up with it, I left, spent some time with Emily, and then asked Charlie to bring me home. As soon as we were in the car Charlie wanted to know how come I wanted to leave early. I told him that I got sick of Jake's attitude. Then, he accused me of being hung up on Edward and being unable to move on." She looked sad and then added, "I know he's just worried." She took a deep breath. "I don't know how to tell him that I've given my heart away. Jake might have helped, for a while, but I'm not his imprint, and my love for him is the moon in comparison to the sun." By the end she sounded completely defeated.

Pondering how to approach the situation, I asked, "How much of Charlie's words do you think were meant for you and how much was expressions of his anger at himself for not moving past Renee and wanting more for you?"

She looked at me sideways like it was a trick, "Like he was hung up on Renee and is afraid that I'm going to live a life without love like he did?"

"Exactly like that," I agreed.

She appeared contemplative for a while before she stated, "Probably most of what he said was his fear of me becoming like him."

"You're a lot like him?" I checked.

She smiled indulgently, "Yeah."

"So, his worry is reasonable?" I prodded.

"Yeah, except that he could have moved on anytime before now. It's like since he started spending time with Sue that he's forgotten how stuck on Renee he has been. Not to mention that Renee is human," she exclaimed her tone rising with each syllable and then yelled, "I can't! Whatever it is that binds me to Edward is beyond any story that I've read regarding human love, even my father, despite our similarities. He doesn't get it and I have no way to explain it to him!"

When she had calmed down and appeared more collected I asked, "Do you want to tell Edward how bound to him you still are?"

She blushed significantly and then stuttered out, "No. Absolutely not."

"Too scary?" I checked after a minute.

"Way too scary," she agreed.

After humming and hawing for a while I asked, "If you were to die tomorrow, would you regret not telling him your truth?"

She was very quiet for a long time only biting at her lower lip occasionally. Finally she breathed out, "Yes."

"But you're afraid of his rejection?" I checked.

With tremors in her voice like she was about to start crying she agreed, "Not exactly, more like he made it clear that he doesn't want me. It's more than a fear. Simply put, I don't want to endure the cost of him being honest again. It broke me into pieces the first time. I don't want to endure a second time."

Ignoring the untruths in her statement, I instead choose to focus on her problem with Charlie. "You could explain things to Charlie in human terms. It might be inadequate in describing it completely, but it would be something," I pointed out. When she responded with only hemming and hawing I verified, "You don't think Charlie will take your feelings for Edward well?" I verified changing the topic to give her a reprieve from the emotions swimming on her face.

She paused a minute before replying, "Charlie would prefer anyone other than Edward, but more than that he wants me happy. If Edward made me happy, it would take him a while, but I think that he'd come round."

"Then what's stopping you from being honest with Charlie?" I wondered.

Many miles later she finally confessed her voice soft, "How can I explain to Charlie that my heart is set on living with unrequited love?"

Nodding in understanding of how that might be challenging for her, I allowed significant silence before I pointed out, "You just said that he did something similar for over a decade until Sue. Maybe it's not that he wouldn't understand, but that he would understand too well and you're afraid of him trying to push you into moving on?"

She looked at me out of the side of her eyes, and then thoughtfully agreed, "That's exactly what it seemed like. It was horrible. And I'm angry that he would try and force me into something that he was not able to do himself."

Giving time for her risen anger to dissipate, I then offered, "He loves you Bella, and I suspect that he wishes he had moved on, and is simply wishing that for you, so that you don't endure the years alone like he has."

Her eyes watered and after taking some purposeful breaths she admitted, "You're probably right, but he can't force my heart to stop being bound to Edward any more than I can."

Saddened by her factual tone, but unwilling to add my opinion, I instead queried, "Have you thought more about my offer?"

She blushed slightly as she answered, "Yes."

Allowing silence seemed to give her a chance to gather herself.

Eventually she spoke softly, "I have given it a lot of thought. It would be good to find a way for us to relate better. We're going to be living together in a house and as family for a long time." She took a deep breath. "At the same time, anytime I think about trying to improve things between us it seems weird and awkward. You helping us be able to relate as friends seems like a good plan."

"I appreciate your confidence in me, Bella," I told her. "Assuming Edward is agreeable, would you prefer to have everyone else around, there too, or out of the house?"

She seemed to deeply consider the impact of each of these choices and eventually said, "Just the three of us, at least at first."

Nodding my head, I agreed easily, "That makes sense. Particularly, I think it will help Edward feel more comfortable, given his gift and his preference of privacy."

She nodded like she was in agreement and that she had already considered his preferences.

"When is the next window of time that would suit you?" I wondered thinking through possibilities.

"Friday nights are usually open," she admitted.

"Friday is good for me. I was going to run home after we get back, as the part Rosalie ordered won't be in for a few days. I plan on returning on Friday early afternoon, then drive home."

"You're running back, because it's faster than flying?" she checked.

"Yes, running is faster for shorter distances when you calculate all the time for security, boarding, etc," I confirmed. "Actually, the family would prefer for me to fly, as the run has many spaces without cell service and I'm alone. In concession, I've agreed to carry with me a satellite phone and for Alice to be focused on me the whole time."

She smiled nervously and then confessed, "I'm also with you flying when put that way."

Chuckling, I smiled and gushed, "Thank you for your concern. I'll have to tell everyone that you sided with them."

Bella smiled in her pleased indulgent way.

After a few more minutes I enquired, "What would you like a friendship with Edward to look like?"

Initially her body language implied that she was taken aback by the question, but after a minute she relaxed again. Then, she paused clearly considering her answer. When she spoke her tone was sad, "I don't know, Esme. We never really were friends. We kind of skipped that part."

Knowing that to be the case, and equally disappointed for their sakes about it, I asked her, "Well, what would any friendship look like to you?"

Many miles went by before she responded, "Mutual respect, shared activities that both people enjoy, conversations about opinions and life in a kind and open manner, and mutual respect."

"You said mutual respect twice," I pointed out.

She frowned. "I've been thinking a lot about when Edward and I were a couple along with your words about having boundaries with Alice. And I think that one of the basis of friendship should be mutual respect. It's actually why I left Jake's when I did."

"Oh, yeah?" I probed.

"I get how some of his jibes are just playful, but they're also rude. Maybe it's being in college and away from high school, but it's just not as easy to let those things slide. There are people on campus with whom I can disagree and yet still be friendly with and engage with each other respectfully. When I look back at my relationship with Edward, especially after you compared Jake and him, it's easy to see how they both kind of worshiped me, while minimizing my thoughts and ideas. I can see why I let their dismissal of my beliefs and ideas slide, for different reasons, but still. I made a political comment and Jake just dismissed it like I was an idiot, so I left. And Edward used to do that. In fairness, so did Alice, but she's way better about it."

"What about your relationships with Jasper or Rosalie or Emmett?" I wondered.

She thought for a moment before telling me, "They each kind of shrug their shoulders in a way that conveys 'that's youth for you', but it's not really dismissive of me, more like they don't agree and don't want to get into it with me. Other than that they treat me like I'm intelligent and know my own mind. Rose challenges me a lot, but that's her personality. It took me a bit to realise that it was her way of showing respect. She has these high standards and wants me to reach my best. When I get past the abrasiveness of it, it's actually shows that she cares tons. Odd way of showing it, but it's still there.

"Jasper likes teaching me stuff and he's like an older brother, respectful while full of knowledge and experience I don't have. He challenges my thinking, but is way more subtle about it than Rose. Emmett is mostly a clown, but fiercely protective of me and the most vocal about women's rights than anyone I know. If he disagrees, he says so, but it's light-hearted, so easy to take." She chuckled. "I can actually see Emmett being an abolitionist and suffragist."

I chuckled with her remembering some of Emmett's outspoken beliefs.

Then after some silence, I added, "So, with the three of them you feel respected and that's important to you?"

She blushed slightly. "I guess you taught me that friendship without respect isn't truly friendship."

Smiling slightly, I very lightly and gently squeezed her hand. Then, teasingly I said, "Glad to have brought you to my way of seeing things." Circling back, I confirmed, "So, when you were with Jake you perceived that he wasn't respecting your thoughts and ideas, so you left?"

She sighed and her chin came down a little. Eventually she spoke, "It's more than that. He acts like because I live with vampires that I'm an idiot. Instead of having a conversation, he listens only to refute what I say and then makes it out like he's the answer and my saviour. I'm tired of being treated like I couldn't possibly be making good choices for myself, or that even if they're poor that they're mine to make." She took in a contemplative breath. "I told you that I raised my mom. And I think when I got to Forks it was nice to have others be in charge, at least a little. Now I've created these patterns where that's the expectation. Emily says it's just guys being young and the change into shapeshifters, and she might be right. But it also seems like an excuse. Seth isn't like that. He might not agree, and he kind of asks me to be safe and reminds me that you guys can be dangerous, but it's not heavy-handed. You know?"

"There's a big difference in those styles," I confirmed.

"There is," she agreed with my conviction. "I can't be friends with Jake if he treats me like he did, no matter how much he saved me. I left because it dawned on me that his behaviour wasn't that of a friend. He'll probably call and apologise, and I don't want to lose him from my life yet. At the same time, I'm coming to understand that people will treat me how I allow them to. That includes Edward. He might not be romantically interested in me, but even without that, upon reflection on how he treated me, I don't like what I see."

"So, you want to create a new pattern of Edward relating with you, and one important aspect of that for you is him demonstrating that he respects you. You also want to be able to talk with him freely, and do things together?" I confirmed.

The last lingering signs of the emotional impact of Edward leaving her were there in how the tendons of her neck tightened and her eye furrowed just a little bit. It was barely noticeable, even to me. And I didn't think they would leave her, maybe even after the change. His actions had left a permanent mark on her and there was no way of getting around that.

"Yeah, pretty much," she said quickly and in a volume slightly softer than prior.

"Anything else?" I checked.

She blushed very slightly, "No."

After some silence I told her, "I'm proud of you for expecting respect from Jake. I know you have a special connection with him, and he matters a great deal to you."

She chewed on her lip and thought. More than thirty miles later she asked me, "Is it natural to grow apart?"

Considering what she was trying to ask, I told her, "In my classes I learned that the transition from high school to adult life, including college, is big for humans of this era. In my era things didn't change that much until you got married, but now children leave their home for college or other things. Moving from a state of dependence to independence generates lots of changes. Jake, for all of being a shapeshifter, is still a dependent. It would make sense that things between you both might feel different due to this."

Many more miles passed while she considered my words. Eventually she asked, "Has Edward ever moved out, apart from his rebellious period?"

"No," I answered with a sad thoughtful contemplation. Then, I expounded, "Edward has been the odd man out in the couples. Through the years the couples have left and lived alone, but Edward never has. I suspect that some of that might be my fault."

Bella took in a quick breath of shock. "Why would you say that?"

Thinking of how to word it, I told her, "When Edward left shortly after my newborn period had ended, I knew that he was drinking human blood and I believed that eventually his conscious and good heart would be worn down. Each time he talks about getting his own space I think about how heart-broken and downtrodden he was when he returned. I suspect that he sees that image and it changes his mind. Both Carlisle and I have done Edward wrong. Because in our era young people became adults when they got married, we have tended to treat him like a youth. After all that has passed since my first letter to you, I believe that treating him in this way has limited him. Your relationship with him and how he handled things showed Carlisle and I how wrong we were as well as things we should have done differently. Unfortunately, our realisations arrived too late for your sake."

With tears in her eyes Bella asked, "So, you came back?"

Unwilling to hide the truth from her, I explained, "We came back because we saw how wrong we were and wanted to right our wrongs, if it would be what was best for you. You said it was, so here we are. We're not perfect, but we're trying to make amends for our errors." Pausing a moment, I added, "Our errors against Edward are different than against you, but it is our missteps with Edward that contributed to your heartbreak. Edward is ultimately responsible for his choices, but our poor choices were contributing factors."

A few tears rolled down her cheeks.

"I am so sorry, Bella," I offered her, knowing it wasn't enough.

Taking in a deep breath, it was clear that she was gathering her courage before she spoke, "When you first asked about returning, I said yes because my pain was so great. At the same time, it's been hard to heal."

"Forgiveness is a process, Bella," I told her gently. "It's okay to still be upset at us at times. It's okay to struggle with trusting us. It's easy to see our external perfections and internalise that our choices are also flawless. Just know that we love you, we want the best for you, and we are grateful for your grace."

More tears rolled down her cheeks, but she didn't seem upset like she had in the past. I put my hand on hers in support. We had wronged her. There was no doubt, but after many conversations Carlisle and I had agreed that we had wronged Edward first. Times had changed while we hadn't, and we had stayed stuck in the past allowing a model of growing up that didn't match what the world looked like anymore. Long before we had let Bella down, we had let Edward down, and thus our family. The other family members in their own ways had tried to tell us, but we hadn't been able to hear them. And Rosalie was right: it would take us all to repair the damage Carlisle and I had enacted by our inaction.

After her tears had stopped I told Bella, "We're family now. I know we made a major mistake when we left, but we learned our lesson and we might make other errors, but not that one."

It was more than an hour later when she whispered, "I'm not sure Jake is family anymore."

Her words shocked me, but I worked at keeping myself composed, and saying nothing, even though curiosity was building inside of me.

Many long minutes later she added, "Things are so polarised. More and more I see Carlisle's warnings. Maybe except Seth, they see themselves as heroes from some comic book and all vampires as villains. A couple of visits ago Billy cornered me about my housing choice for college. I asked him point blank if you guys were so terrible why did his grandfather make a treaty with you?" She took a deep breath and her words were filled with a saddened anger, "He's so filled with hate, filling the minds of the wolves with the same hate. I get that there's bad guys. I met James and Victoria for goodness sake. I'm not trying to whitewash things. And I can't imagine the struggle to resist your natural source of sustenance. I've listened to your stories, to your struggles, to your failings, and your triumphs. Yes, you're imperfect. Yes, you make mistakes. I might not have seen that when I first met your family, but I see that now. Nevertheless, I still think that choosing self-control over indulgence is a lesson most people could learn."

My eyes filled with venom in awareness that once more I had underestimated her. She did see us. She had forgiven us. She had chosen the higher path. In that moment she seemed to be more the daughter of Carlisle than any of our other children.

When I finally found words I told her, "You are wise beyond your years and generous with your heart more than is reasonable. It is an honour to know you and for you to love us."

She smiled embarrassed.

"Thank you for your graciousness," I told her with a tone of sincerity. "I cannot speak for the family as a whole, but I can say with absolute truth that Carlisle and I are dedicated to being worthy of your abundance of heart and spirit. You make us proud, and, even though we dread the pain you becoming a vampire will cause to your parents, we are both looking forward to the day you become a Cullen in every way."

She smiled with some discomfort, but mostly it seemed like my words had pleased her. A little while later she asked me about my projects and we talked about less emotional topics until we pulled into the driveway.

"See you soon," I told her once the truck was parked.

She smiled at me. "Thanks for keeping me company."

"Anytime," I responded before exiting and beginning my run home.

"Be safe," she yelled in my direction.

Even though she couldn't hear me, I promised her that I would be.

While I ran and even while taking a brief detour to hunt I mused over our conversations and considered the best approach to getting Edward and Bella to create a foundation of friendship. Even if running was less safe, it helped me tremendously, and I was grateful the family had understood my need. At the same time, as I came near the house and texted them all, I reconsidered my wish to do so regularly. This especially hit home when I took the last steps to the house only to hear Carlisle's car coming up the drive, no doubt thanks to some assistance from Alice.

We spent time becoming reacquainted with one another and the tightness of his grips told me more than words could have how much a strain my run had been on him.

When we were more or less satiated, at least for a moment, we lay in bed and I told him of Bella's comments regarding us.

"She is remarkable," Carlisle mused. "Not just to accept us and not fear us, but to forgive in such a way." After a moment he checked, "Do you think that she has fully processed everything?"

Considering that, I answered, "I doubt it, but she has as much as she is able at the moment. She is an incredible person and a rare creature."

"Agreed," he uttered softly.

"As she spoke I had the thought that of all our family she is the most like you," I confessed.

He looked at me startled and then sputtered, "She and I rarely agree."

"She has your heart for others, your ability to see the best in others, and your quickness to forgive," I refuted.

He kissed me soundly and then in reverence asked, "Do you really see me like that?"

Surprised he would even ask I queried, "Do you not see that in yourself? Your care for others caused you to reject consuming human blood even as a newborn and then becoming a doctor to them. You see the best in others human and vampire alike, even the likes of James and his coven. And ills done against you are not held against the other. She might not be your child in mind like Edward, but she seems to be in heart."

He smiled broadly like I had made his day by my words, and then stated, "Thank you for seeing such good in me."

It was a little while later after more rekindling and chatting that I told him, "Bella accepted my offer to assist her and Edward."

"Mmm," he mumbled and then added, "that is a good thing. How long will you be gone?"

"You could come with me," I pointed out.

After a few seconds I could already see that he would say no. "I have two surgeries scheduled that if pushed back could be detrimental to the patients. I wish I could, love."

Kissing him, I assured him, "Well, if you feel up to a run, you could come for a visit in between. You trusted me to be alone for those miles, I could easily extend the same to you."

He smiled teasingly, as if trying to hide how unsettled my running had been to him, and playfully uttered, "Perhaps I enjoy being a bachelor while you're away."

"Throwing parties?" I questioned him with a grin, rather than talking about his discomfort.

"Most assuredly," he answered with utmost seriousness.

"Who catered?" I asked.

For the briefest of seconds he looked apprehensive and then he named one I had used recently.

"And the DJ?" I pressed.

He smiled widely and started laughing. When he calmed himself between chuckling he admonished himself, "This is what I get for not knowing the details of all that you do."

Smiling at him, I agreed.

"What would I do without you?" he asked with lust covering his tone once more.

"Get lost in your books and become despondent," I answered seriously.

"Never again," he growled in a low tone before beginning to kiss me all over. You have to love vampire speed. It felt as if he was everywhere at once.

Out of love this is what we had wanted for Edward. Wrongly, though, we had imagined that marriage would smooth out his edges and assist him in growing up. Instead, we should have been pushing him into growth. We were so afraid he'd run away again, and we allowed our fear to stop us from doing what he needed and our family needed. Not anymore.

As soon as Carlisle left for the shower, I texted Alice needing to check in with her regarding her request for a family meeting.

Next off shift? she asked.

Her reply confirmed for me what I had mentioned to Carlisle in it being best for us to all be present in person.

"Alice would like to discuss her ideas and business plan sooner than later," I told Carlisle through the doors. "When can you next go up to Bellingham?"

"Monday," he answered.

Assuming she would have seen the decision, I then texted everyone else informing them of when Carlisle and I would be joining them, and of Alice's request for a family meeting. Separately, I then texted Edward and Bella letting them know that our first session would be the following Friday.

Once Carlisle was out of the shower, I spoke to him about him hiding his dislike of me running back.

"I did," he agreed with a frown, "but in my defence, I could tell that it was important to you. I wanted you to not limit yourself due to my irrational concerns."

Contemplating this, I told him as he finished getting ready, "My dear Dr. Cullen, I appreciate your intent. At the same time, hiding your feelings won't serve us. Please don't do that."

He stopped and came over to me. "You're right. I apologise. I don't trust in your ability to defend yourself against a nomad who might attack you. And even though the chances of that happening is extremely slim, I still worry."

"Slimmer than Bella dying before she's turned?" I teased.

"Yes, my dear Miss Platt," he replied with a smile and returned to his preparations.

"Thank you for trusting me," I told him. "I promise to only do so again when I need the run. It did me good this time, but I'll keep your worries in mind."

He dashed over, kissed me, and then picked up the last of his things. "Couldn't ask for more, darling," he agreed.

"Be safe," I told him as he left.

"You as well," he replied right before driving away.

While Carlisle was at work, I reread textbook I had on the subject of couple's counselling, drove to Seattle and listened into lectures about family and marriage therapy, making sure to stay near humans keeping Carlisle's worries in mind, got new books, and did everything I could think of to prepare myself to assist Edward and Bella.

Carlisle arrived home Monday in the wee hours, but we spent time together before driving up. Thus, when we arrived not everyone was home. Nonetheless, Alice assured us that Bella, along with Emmett and Rosalie who were on watch duty, would be home in two hours. The rest of us chatted in the sitting room, with everyone sharing how things were going, albeit Edward who sat in silence.

Just as Alice said, Bella's vehicle could be heard coming up the drive with Emmett and Rosalie's footfalls close behind before the two hours were up.

In response to my enquiries regarding her need for substances, Bella had texted that she wasn't hungry. So, we all went to the dinning room, as soon as she walked though the door and greeted Carlisle and myself with hugs, staying in my arms for longer. Carlisle sat at the end of the table with me on his left, Bella to mine, then Alice and Jasper at the other end, then Rosalie, Emmett, and lastly Edward to Carlisle's right.

"Floor is yours, Alice," Carlisle offered.

Alice looked around nervously. Jasper took her hand and smiled assuredly at her, as did I.

"So, I've been playing around with some of my own styles of clothing. Esme suggested that given the global economy and technology, now might just be the time to create a label without anyone ever having to meet me in person, and thus allowing me to hide my identity," she stated. "But it's a family decision, since it contains some risk."

"Rose," Carlisle requested to start, without doubt because she tended to be the most risk cautious.

She looked at Alice. "I know how many years you've wanted this, and I don't want to say no, but it makes me nervous. How are you going to set up those contacts and make the first steps?" Rosalie asked with a tone of genuine interest.

Alice frowned and answered, "I don't know yet. I haven't pursued it at all, except for creating some designs. Instead, I've been waiting to see what the family thought."

Softly and her voice full of nerves, Bella stated, "I'll do it."

Rosalie's mouth opened a little, Emmett beamed, Alice looked exuberant, Jasper looked pleased and mouthed, thank you, and Edward appeared impressed and surprised.

Then, Bella went on her voice gaining strength, "I could say that I'm your assistant or manager, or promoter." By the end it almost sounded interrogative.

"That means speaking to strangers, and making presentations, and being sociable," Emmett teased.

Bella looked a little more pale, but rebutted, "I'd do it for Alice."

"That's very kind of you," I told Bella proud of her courage.

"Thank you," Alice offered and squeezed her hand lightly.

There were a few minutes of silence and then Rosalie spoke once more. "It's one thing to sell your designs, Alice." She sounded almost hesitant to bring up her reservations, "but you're talking about creating a line, right? You want to make a company and insource production and put it in stores and have control of the whole thing?"

Looking around at all our faces, in a pleading tone, she admitted, "Yes, ideally I'd like to have a say in all those things. I'd like to open the factory in a town we've lived in before that is now smaller and struggling with work. I'd like to hire people and generate jobs. I want my designs to also be able to make a difference. If possible, I would even like to have a say in the materials, how things are harvested, every aspect from seed to store."

Everyone looked surprised at Alice's passion, while I beamed at her risking this part of herself, instead of pouring her love of fashion only into purchasing.

Mostly, I was proud of her. This request showed how she had grown as a person. She had always had an interest in human's lives, but she treated them a little like a reality television show – something interesting and entertaining, but not much more. Without doubt Bella standing up for herself, Alice relying less on her visions, and probably Bella getting taken by Victoria had shifted things in Alice. She cared more about the things going on around her, rather than just the future, but with caring more there was more risk. This benefit/risk ratio was a constant in our family with Carlisle's passion for medicine.

Sure, as a family we donated huge sums to our causes, but this was something different. This wasn't Carlisle with his centuries of practice. This wasn't even Rosalie and her shop for the Quileutes. This was something else entirely. And for me it demonstrated how much our family was changing.

"What about the profits?" Carlisle asked.

Alice smiled excitedly, "I was thinking that we could do something like Newman's Own, and donate all the proceeds."

That gave everyone pause, and then they nodded and smiled.

"Single mothers to go to college?" I offered.

"Domestic violence victims?" Rosalie suggested.

"Poor families?" Emmett chimed in.

"War veterans?" Jasper added.

"Victims of crimes?" Edward put in.

"Families of children with illness?" Carlisle suggested.

Then, after a few more minutes and Bella still hadn't spoken, everyone looked at her. Her cheeks pinkened and then softly added looking at the table, "Families of officers killed in the line of duty."

"Objections to Alice taking these first steps?" Carlisle asked everyone looking around.

Everyone shook his or her head no.

"You may proceed, Alice," Carlisle stated, but as soon as she started to squeal he put up his hand. "As this is a new venture for our family, and thus contains risks we cannot even imagine at the moment. You have permission to research the process only. First, you need to thoroughly discover the steps of how most clothing designers go about these things. We could always use one of the trading fronts to do the initial investment, but a business means different laws, different tax codes, and other pieces that are outside of our awareness at the moment. When you're ready, ask for a family meeting, and come with a solid plan."

"Thanks, everyone," Alice gushed, "I really appreciate it."

"This will get too big and have too many humans to watch with your visions, Alice," Rosalie reminded her with a hint of a warning. "Don't get ahead of yourself," she insisted, moving her gaze between Alice and Jasper.

Jasper nodded getting the message that he would be expected to be the level-headed one.

"Oh, I will," Alice vowed, but we all knew how easy it was for her to get ahead of herself.

"Thank you once more for your offer, Bella," I added, "it was kind and brave."

She smiled bashfully and then stated, "It's nice to contribute to the family in some way." Then, she muttered, "Now, just for the acting classes."

We collectively attempted to hide our chuckles.

"It won't be tomorrow," Edward said, sounding like he was trying to assure her.

"Small blessings," Bella retorted and then looked embarrassed.

"Anything else?" Carlisle asked.

No one spoke, so we started to stand.

"Let's do something as a family," I requested.

Everyone gave his or her agreement about the same time.

We enjoyed each other's company until Bella was almost asleep.

"'Night everyone," she offered while heading upstairs.

After her door was closed we talked a little about how she was adjusting. Oddly enough Edward seemed to stay out of it.

Tuesday evening Carlisle and I needed to head home, so he could start his shift on Wednesday. We agreed that I would be back up on the following Friday and that the house would be left to Edward, Bella, and I for a few hours.

Using the time wisely, I focused on studying as much as possible, reading a variety of authors and approaches. When I arrived Bella wasn't home. Over the week I had spoken to Edward and he was agreeable to following my recommendations. I suspected that he didn't know what he was getting himself into, but that part didn't matter. What mattered was his commitment and determination.

* * *

_A/N: __I look forward to hearing your thoughts. Till next time._


	6. Chapter 5: Tough Work

**The full story referenced in this chapter regarding Edward's first car after being turned is from the amazing Jessica314.**

**Chapter 5: ****Tough Work**

* * *

Since Bella wasn't home when I arrived, it was a good opportunity to speak to Edward privately.

Taking Edward enough of a distance from the house to have a private conversation, I reminded him, "Above all else I expect you to remain a gentleman. You will not raise your voice to her; you will not insult her; you will keep your physical distance from her; and you will accuse her of nothing."

In a sad voice he asked me, "Do you think so little of me?"

Putting both of my hands on the side of his head I told him in utter truthfulness, "If it were any issue and any person other than Bella, without a doubt. But when it comes to anything related to her, you have proven yourself over and over again to lose your cool and act impulsively. When it comes to her your emotions overwhelm you, and you do and say hurtful things. This is a normal part of growing into yourself as a partner for and to someone else. However, this process of restoring you and Bella's relationship is presently fragile and if you stand any chance of becoming friends again, you must remain the gentleman. Always. And if you have no other options, then at a last resort run away. Better to hurt a tree or kill an animal than to wound Bella once more."

Nodding and grieved he sputtered as if the word was caught in his might and throat, "Friends?"

"Friendship is the step before courtship," I told him curtly.

"Yes, ma'am," he agreed, looking contrite.

"Good," I agreed and repeated my expectations mentally while I turned and walked back to the house.

A few hours later Bella came home, and as soon as she saw me she blushed and became bashful.

"Food is in the oven, if you're hungry, Bella," I informed her, my tone slightly louder than usual to ensure she heard me, as I was sitting at the far end of the living room.

She nodded her head in acknowledgement.

The kids, apart from Edward, of course, slipped out of the house in pairs and were gone by the time Bella came into the living room with her food.

I had arranged the room so that we each sat in a separate chair forming a triangle. I had angled their chairs so that they were mostly facing me, but could see each other if they positioned their bodies in that manner.

Looking at them both, I started by saying, "You have both agreed to come together with me to work on your friendship. You've both agreed to be honest with each other. I told Edward that if he gets upset in any way he is to leave, so that he doesn't even accidently cause you any harm." After looking at them both and waiting I got a nod from them, I continued, "Also, this space is like a container. What we say here stays within this space and is not to be spoken about during the week, unless it is agreed upon by all of us." Once more I waited until they both nodded in agreement. "We're going to start by you both describing what each of you desire out of having a friendship with the other."

_Relax Edward; you look like a wall waiting to be blasted by cannons._

His posture and facial features softened slightly, but the mask he wore when he was trying to protect his heart was still front and centre.

Inwardly sighing, I then spoke, "Who would like to go first?"

Many long awkward minutes passed before Edward spoke. When he did it was like he was unable to hold the words inside anymore, "Honestly, imagining a friendship with you Bella is almost impossible for me. I know my poor choices and despicable words broke your trust in me, and I'm fortunate that you are even willing to have a friendship with me."

_Edward_ I warned, but he continued as if he hadn't heard me, "But if I'm honest, I miss what we had."

_Enough!_ I demanded of him loudly and he stopped speaking, even though it looked like he had a lot more he wanted to say. _This is not the time for that. You are jumping to step 10 when we're at step 1._

His face fell slightly, and then he moved his eyes a minuscule to acknowledge me.

Her face twisted in rage and like a kettle the words poured out. "And what is it that we had? Nothing more than distractions by your own admission."

At this Edward winced.

"If you weren't trying to stay away from me, convince me that you were no good for me, running from nomads, recovering from my injuries, then you hid me away from everyone else. You didn't respect me, value my opinions, or treat me like an equal. We had a PG romantic relationship with a lot of possessiveness." Her steam was running out and she looked down at her hands. "You kept me at arms length in so many ways, and then dictating my life in other ways, all the while claiming your behaviour was love. For the sake of the family I would like for us to become at least friendly, but what we had wasn't good for me and I don't want it in my future." At the last words she was barely whispering.

During her speech, each time Edward looked like he was going to say something I would mentally chastise him and remind him that listening was a part of the process of creating a relationship. By the end of her words Edward appeared ashamed and crestfallen, which was better, in my opinion, than defensive and haughty.

After a few long minutes I spoke, "I appreciate you each speaking your truth as had been agreed. What seems the most apparent in this moment is how disparate the two of you are in your desired outcome. Despite these differences, it seems like you both would like to take steps towards getting along better." Taking in a purposeful breath to allow my words to sink in, I turned to Bella. "What is one thing you enjoyed when you spent time with Edward previously?"

She seemed to be seriously pondering this before she uttered softly, "Listening to him play the piano." She paused, but appeared like she wanted to say more.

"Go ahead," I encouraged her.

"Well," she started and then stopped.

I nodded for her to continue.

"I know everyone's stories but Edward's," she admitted her cheeks pinkening.

Turning to Edward, I asked him, "What are your thoughts about playing the piano when Bella is around?"

"Not my lullaby though," she blurted out and then mumbled an apology to me.

Smiling at her to let her know how proud I was for her speaking her needs, with a serious gaze added, "except for any pieces you wrote for Bella?"

He looked down at the floor. "Yes, I could do that."

"And how about telling Bella your history?" I asked.

He stilled and looked uncomfortable. "I did," he mumbled.

Confused, I turned to Bella. "Could you say more about what you're hoping for, since Edward believes that he told it to you already?"

Her blush deepened, and she looked nervous. "He told it to me in about five minutes with a few funny stories, but not like everyone else."

I turned to Edward, "We recounted the events of when you were not here. Do you see a difference in what you told Bella and the stories we have told her?"

He seemed to be reviewing his memory and then agreed, "Yes, your stories were more detailed."

Smiling encouragingly, I agreed and added, "We also haven't stopped telling Bella stories. We have shown her pictures of different decades, told her not just funny stories, but sad ones too. We've told her a few about slipups and having to move in the middle of the night. We've told her stories about having to lie when a friend asks if we have seen her son or daughter or husband or wife. We've told her stories about the monotony of time and the struggle to have new challenges. We've explained the role each of us usually have in moving and how we function as a unit to support each other."

He sighed and his shoulders slumped.

"What is your hesitation?" I asked while adding mentally, _Only brutal honesty is going to help the healing._

He looked at Bella and then at me clearly uncomfortable. Luckily Bella appeared to intuit that he needed time to find the courage to speak, so we sat waiting.

After more than a ten minute wait he said softly, "I was afraid."

_Keep going_, I nudged him.

"I was afraid that if Bella heard those things, then she'd see the truth," he admitted hesitantly, unable to make eye contact.

After many minutes and him saying nothing more I prodded, "And what truth would that be?"

Sighing in defeat he uttered lowly, "That I am not worthy to be her friend."

Bella looked sad and shook her head.

It seemed like she wanted to say something to refute his belief, so I stepped in. "Bella cannot be responsible for your feelings and beliefs. Your sense of unworthiness is yours alone. However, clearly, that is not Bella's belief, because even with some of Jasper's, no doubt mild, stories of being in Maria's army, she has responded in nothing else but empathetic compassion. This is your work." Then turning to Bella, I added, "And yours is to not take ownership of what is his work." Pausing to wait for her acknowledgement of my words, when her eyes met mine, I asked, "The question you must ask yourself at this venture, Bella, is what actions or inactions you might have done to contribute to Edward's beliefs?"

Edward looked like he was going to say something, so I looked at him crossly and told him, _This is her work_.

It took a while of thinking and then looking at her hands she softly admitted, "I was so wrapped up in my gratefulness of his company that I didn't really ask. I hinted and pouted, but never came straight out and mentioned what I wanted."

Smiling sadly while Edward frowned, I reminded her, "I'm glad you can see that quality in yourself, Bella. We cannot expect to receive what we do not ask for."

"Yes, Esme," she replied automatically.

Edward's features turned into bewilderment looking back and forth between the two of us.

Turning to Edward, I requested, "Please summarise what your take-aways are at this moment."

His mouth opened, but no sound exited. He blinked a few times. Then, with great reluctance and a tone like the future of the world depended on it, he offered, "Bella wants to hear about my past, but didn't ask directly. I understood her message, even if it wasn't direct, and chose to edit what I told her, thereby limiting her ability to be my friend." Even as he said the words, though, there was a great hesitation, as if the words put together in this particular way did not make sense.

Letting his confusion slide, I asked, "Anything to add, Bella?"

She pondered a few moments and then added a soft, "No."

"So, your homework this week is to tell each other at least one story from your past. Bella, you are to ask Edward at least one direct question and Edward, you are to answer that question without editing, even a little," I informed them. Looking at them both, I asked, "Any objections."

Bella shook her head while Edward uttered, "No, ma'am."

Standing I went and hugged Bella while whispering in her ear, "I'm proud of you." Then, I went in front of Edward and placed my hands on his cheeks. _It is hard to change, especially given our natures, but if Rose can for Emmett, you can for Bella._

He nodded in the affirmative with a little fire in his eyes, no doubt for my comparison between him and Rose.

Over the weekend I lingered in the house spending time with everyone else.

Alice, with Jasper by her side, told me of what her research had discovered thus far. It was a blessing to see them so equally invested in a project. It was an amazing combination of Alice's artistic capacity and Jasper's ability for strategising and logistics.

Emmett, Rosalie, and I went on a run together with Emmett hunting something.

"How are things?" I asked them.

"Bella's good," Emmett answered after some minutes of silence, "and we're keeping Edward in line."

"Glad to hear it," I responded. "How are the two of you doing?"

Rose looked up into the treetops her head in Emmett's lap, and softly answered, "Your project has forced me to take a hard look at myself. It has ended in some tough conversation between Em and me, but we're better for it."

Tilting my head slightly to show my confusion, I said nothing, allowing them to share what they wanted.

"I never really considered how much Em being changed impacted him, apart from the human to vampire part," Rosalie admitted. "I didn't really think through how he had been a main provider for his family, and then had no job in our family." She paused and looked over at him. "He just rolled with it, and for that I'm so grateful, but my inability to see what he was going through was unkind. We've been talking about those years, and what he was going through, what I went through, and how it formed the foundations of our relationship. There are good, solid things there that we're keeping, but we've begun to rethink some other parts."

After an extended silence I commented, "Sounds like tough, good work."

Emmett looked down at Rosalie, as he ran his fingers through her hair, then up at me, "I'm a grown man, Esme."

"You are," I agreed, "and were when you were changed."

He nodded in agreement. "I found myself a place in the family dynamics and with Rose. I'm grateful for both and wouldn't change either for the world. Simultaneously, I'm ready to feel more like the kind of man I was as a human. Not all of it, of course, as I've grown out of some of my foolishness, but in how others depended on me. I don't know what that means yet, given being a rich vampire and no longer a poor Appalachian Tennessee boy of the depression era, but Rose and I are talking about it."

"I'm glad," I told them both, "that you're having these conversations." Then, after a brief pause, asked, "Is there any manner in which Carlisle or I inhibited you?"

He looked down at Rosalie and then told me, "I went into the role requested of me, as I perceived it. If you inhibited me, it was indirectly."

"Well, no more," I promised. "Just let us know how we can support you."

"Yes, Mom," he answered with a smile.

"And everything else?" I wondered.

"Worse than I expected," Rosalie answered with a groan.

We chuckled and she complained a little, but it was far less than she would have in the past.

Blessedly, Bella spent more time in the house than had been reported before her visit with Charlie. We cooked together and chatted like we had in those last weeks before college started. Carlisle joined me each night in between his shifts, but made his presence invisible to Bella, mostly because of the few hours Carlisle was there and the hours Bella kept. The first evening Carlisle had a conversation with Edward, which undoubtedly he would tell me about later. Monday morning after Bella left for work, I went to Forks for the rest of the week.

Once more upon my arrival it was just the three of us in the house, no doubt thanks to Alice.

Looking at Bella, I asked gently, "How did the week go?"

"Good," she answered bashfully.

"Did you keep your end of the agreement?" I questioned.

"Yes," she replied.

Her tone of voice told me that she was proud of herself, which meant it was a struggle for her, but she did it anyway.

Turning to Edward, I asked him, "How did you think the week went?"

"Well," he answered, but his tone sounded disappointed.

Raising an eyebrow, I encouraged him _Be honest, whatever it is._

His refined stiff countenance changed and he looked very much like a lost little boy. The few times I had seen him like this in the past my instinct had been to consol him, but that choice hadn't assisted him in learning to grow up. This time instead I simply sat and told him _Whatever it is, it will not change how much I love you._

Bella looked like she wanted to comfort him, but was holding herself in place. It was something to address with her in private.

Frowning even more, he stated, "I did not like answering her questions."

Bella looked taken aback, but I kept my gaze on Edward and asked, "How come?"

After a tense wait he stated, "It made me uneasy."

"Being honest made you uneasy?" I questioned, even though that didn't seem like him.

He looked up at me slightly confused and irritated like what I had said insulted his honour. "Even from the beginning I have hated to lie to Bella. The only lies I ever told her were when we left. So, no being honest did not make me uneasy."

Holding my smile, I pressed, "Being fully transparent caused you to feel uneasy?"

"Yes," he admitted in a mixer of disgruntlement and haughty defense, causing me to wonder if he would have ever let the words slip past his lips if I he hadn't had a sense of me insulting him first.

_There is nothing wrong with being afraid, _I reminded him.

With disgruntled agitation in his tone he clipped, "I am not afraid."

Bella went from appearing unsure and uneasy to completely confused.

Believing addressing her reaction was critical to her understanding Edward as a vampire, I turned myself to her direction and explained, "We vampires are predators. Everything around us can sense it and desires to flee, even humans, apart from you."

She smiled at our joke and nodded that she was following.

"It is hard for us as vampires to realise that even if we are apex predators that we still have things to be afraid of. There are other vampires, which could best us in a fight. There are shapeshifters and werewolves. So, even if there are fewer things that can harm us than when we were human, there still are a few."

"Like newborn armies?" she said with a hint of a smile on her lips.

"Precisely," I agreed, smiling back.

Edward frowned.

"There is however another thing that we vampires are afraid of, and it is what makes us the most human. We are afraid to be vulnerable. We are afraid of betrayal. The messy parts of relationships which humans fear, we do also." My eyes caught Edward's and I hoped he was hearing me. "I was mentally assuring Edward that there is nothing wrong with his trepidation, and he disagreed that he was fearful." Moving my body at a slow human pace, I turned in his direction, "What is most unsettling to you about being transparent?"

I expected that he would refute me once more.

Instead, he spoke very softly after many long minutes, "She could reject me."

This was a marked sign of his maturing, but I said nothing and kept my focus on Bella, so as to not give away my thoughts to him.

Looking at Bella, it was clear that she hadn't heard his answer. Nevertheless, I asked her, "Were you afraid that if we got to know you, that we would reject you?"

Startled at my questions she blurted out, "Yes."

"Has your fear subsided?" I questioned.

"Yes," she answered with a smile.

"What changed?" I wondered.

She paused clearly thinking before she told me, "Many things, really, but the biggest part was opening up. At first I was hiding myself trying to be what I thought you wanted. But over time each person told me his or her story and I stopped trying to be someone I wasn't. Also, Carlisle, you, and Jasper confronted me about my attitude and had frank difficult discussions about past events. What I learned was that you weren't a flake like my Mom and Carlisle isn't distant like my Dad. It took time, but I eventually came to the conclusion that I was wanted in your life simply because my company was appreciated and enjoyed. It was odd at first, and I had a lot of doubts, but not so much anymore."

"Still a little?" I checked.

She looked slightly embarrassed when she answered, "Well, you still have the capacity to up and leave without notice. I have neither the physical, logistical, or monetary capacity to follow unless you let me."

Smiling proudly at her, I supported her conclusions, "You have only our word, and although we've worked hard at mending the broken trust our leaving created, it makes perfect sense that you're still struggling some to completely trust us. It sounds wise to me that you're a little hesitant. Yet, you aren't terrified like you were."

"No, I'm not," she agreed with a big smile.

Turning towards Edward, I caught his eyes and told him, "I think you and Bella are alike in many ways. Both of you are scared to be your true self, afraid that others will not like the authentic you. You both hide behind masks of what you think other people want to see. To have a deep friendship you have to be willing to put down the mask." Taking in a deep breath to calm myself, I admitted to them both, "Edward has always stood a little outside of the family. He is very close with Carlisle, I suspect because for a time it was just the two of them and Carlisle knew Edward as a human. Edward tries to be respectful of our thoughts, along with putting his wishes and even self to the side for every other member of the family. I thought it was because he was the only single person in the house or due to his gift, but the events of last year allowed me to see that it was more a result of his desire to make others happy. After so many years of acting in this way, it's not surprising that he suddenly was acting in the other extreme." Looking back and forth between them both, I added, "But true friendship requires both asking for what you need and being authentic to the other."

Both of them looked like they wanted the ground to swallow them.

Realising that they had reached their limits, I told them, "We're going to go two weeks before we come together again. I want you both to think about what I said. There's a difference between being humble, caring for others, and throwing yourself on your sword. You each have a tendency to be willing to sacrifice your happiness for another's. So, for the next two weeks you are to ask each other one thing you'd like to know while also considering how your actions of self-sacrificing might have hurt the other."

Both of their jaws dropped open and they looked very uncomfortable.

"Anything else till next time?" I asked.

They both shook their heads no, clearly wanting to run away.

"Okay," I agreed. "I'm going to head to Forks. See you in two weeks."

While driving away I texted the rest of the kids letting them know that the house was theirs for the fortnight.

The drive did me some good, mostly allowing me to think through things, and gaining a clearer view of them as individuals as well as a couple. It was hard to see how they would be able to get back into a friendship with as much tension and distance as there was between them, not to mention that it wasn't my job to be matchmaker, as much as I might want to be.

When Carlisle got home from his shift we hunted and enjoyed each other's company.

"How did your conversation with Edward go?" I asked as he held me.

He sighed. "He seemed agreeable, but given his past behaviour and choices, especially lying to Bella and twisting the truth in our meeting to meet his agenda, I can't say. It's very hard to not be able to trust him implicitly. He can read my thoughts, and I believed that I had a good handle on the kind of man he was. It gave me an image of the kind of relationship we shared, but the truth is that he's a liar and a coward. Sure, he's self-sacrificing and thoughtful of others, but when the chips were down and he had everything to lose, he fled. And the truth of the matter is that I didn't see it, because it had also been the choice I had made. As much as I am struggling to understand who I am as a man, husband, and family leader, it is hundred-fold in relation to Edward." He kissed my forehead. "We've made a good life for ourselves and I'm glad for it, but I owe you a debt I cannot pay."

I went to contradict him, but he interrupted, "Sure, I put my heart on the line when you were a newborn, but how much was that because I believed it was necessary in order to assist you in your adjustment to this new life. I did it in part because I believed that it was owed to you. It assuaged my guilt." He sighed.

"You did your best," I reminded him.

He nodded. "I did."

"You cannot judge your past based on your present knowledge," I reminded him.

"Even though that is true," he allowed, "my weaknesses were taught to my first fledgling, thereby offering him the wrong way to be a man. My choices were harmful to another creature, even though I believed them noble at the time."

"You would have needed to kill me or change me," I contradicted him remembering his struggles from my vision.

"The truth of my feelings is not the same as the truth of my nature. No, Esme, I could have been honest with myself and then perhaps honest with you. Instead, I was neither and it was only by God's grace that I didn't lose you entirely and spend the rest of my existence without you."

Unsure of how to support him I asked, "I'm struggling to agree with you Carlisle and see things as you are describing."

He frowned at my words. A while passed before sound exited his mouth. "Generally, we menfolk are strong physically, but most often you womenfolk have us beat when it comes to the emotional world. The most difficult thing I have ever done in my life was to tell you my feelings and then wait to see if you felt the same. I suspect that as a gender us men would rather fight a battalion than to risk our hearts. There are, for sure, many practical reasons for walking away from you when you were human. But those would be rationales. The truth was that I was so cut off from my own emotions that I didn't know how much you meant to me. It was only when you were a newborn and I could see the differences between my feelings towards Edward and you did the penny fall. For Edward he was aware of what Bella meant to him and he chose to tell himself that his self-sacrifice was noble. But it was no less a coward's move than mine. In both cases the unlying feeling was a fear of rejection."

Thinking hard about what he was saying, I finally responded, "You were a product of all your knowledge and life experiences prior to that moment. It is unreasonable, in my opinion, to hold yourself guilty for not being the man then that you are now. What is important is once you knew better, you've done better. Nevertheless, if you need an absolution, you have it. I just hope Edward can adjust to his life lessons, also."

After kissing me, he uttered, "Well, that is up to him."

"Yes, it is," I agreed.

We talked about the kids and his work and then mine. It was almost time for him to prepare to go to the hospital when I confessed, "I'm worried."

"What about?" he wondered appearing confused.

"Edward and Bella are not maturing at the same rate, with Bella outstripping him," I explained.

Smiling sadly, he agreed, "That is common for girls and boys of their age, well Edward's age when he was turned anyway."

Nodding in agreement, I found the courage to express my fear. "Could she outgrow him as a human, so that when she's changed they are no longer mates?"

His eyebrows bent together in contemplation.

Kissing him, I told him, "Take your time thinking about it. There might not be an answer. I am worried. That is all. You need to get ready for work."

His eyes once more focused on me. "Yes, alright, yes. Work it is."

It always made me giggle when he floundered and this time was no different.

He kissed me once more before getting up and preparing to start his shift.

While he was gone, I worked more on a remodel for one of our properties, studied more ideas to help Edward and Bella, and did a little more painting.

Over the next two weeks we talked more about the future, the past, who we used to be, who we hoped we were becoming, and our intention for the family. More than once over the decades we had mentioned how easier things would be, in a way, if we had been in our 30s or even 40s when turned. We might play the parents of a family, but as the decades had moved on it was more and more unconventional to be young with children. We discussed changing the way we presented ourselves to humans and how that might work. Eventually, I admitted, "I think we need Bella's wisdom."

He smiled at me and agreed easily.

When it was time to leave for Billingsham he had the day off, so travelled with me. I asked him for a story about Edward before me, and he told me one where Edward crashed their new car.

It was a funny story of sorts, but in the light of the last two years it wasn't.

"Was he remorseful?" I wondered softly, unsure that I wanted the answer.

"Yes," Carlisle answered quickly and slightly defensive.

"What were the actions you required for him to demonstrate his repentance?" I asked softly almost frightened of the question.

He seemed to ponder it for a long time before he answered subdued, "Nothing really." Sighing heavily, he added, "I've been thinking about when he returned. I required him to keep to our diet, but what about the hurt he caused us. Sure, he apologised, and there's no doubt he meant it. Just the conversation we had. You absolved me of my actions, but did I demonstrate a form of repentance? What about my betrayal of Bella's trust? Did I demonstrate repentance towards her? What would that even look like? We are not their parents, not really. We are bound together in a way that makes us family, and we are certainly not a coven, but …" then he said nothing for many miles. "We need a family meeting."

"Of course," I agreed.

At almost a whisper he uttered, "I know we need to change. I just don't know what our new form should be."

"We will figure it out together," I assured him.

That evening Carlisle went out with the others while Edward, Bella, and I met once more.

"How are things going?" I asked them.

"Okay," Bella answered, while at the same time Edward said, "Well."

"Bella you go first," I instructed.

"Edward told me some more stories about times with the family in the '60s and '70s," she stated.

"Anything more?" I wondered.

"We played cards a few times," she said softly.

"Did you enjoy that?" I asked.

"Yes," she claimed, but there was reluctance there.

"Be honest," I urged her.

Looking sad, she admitted, "It was uncomfortable."

"Can you explain more, please?" I requested.

"It was stilted and dripping with awkwardness," she admitted softly. "It was like every second Edward wanted to say something but stopped himself. We played a few hands before I couldn't take it anymore."

Smiling in encouragement to her, I told her, "Thank you for speaking your truth. I'm proud of your courageousness." Turning to Edward, I asked him, "What was your experience?"

After a deep inhale he said, "I was grateful for the time we spent together. There is much I wish to say to Bella. And at the same time, I have promised to keep such conversations for our time in these sessions. I just want to do everything right. I know I screwed up and I want to fix things, but every time I try, it seems like I'm making things worse."

Bella looked shocked as he spoke. When he finished, she said nothing, while her look of apprehensive remained.

Hoping I was making the best choice, I pressed forward and asked, "What do you want to fix?"

He turned and looked at Bella. "I want to go back to how easy it was for us like over the summer. I want to be able to be in your presence and enjoy it without the tension between us. Carlisle is right. I was a coward. I believed myself to be a man of principles, and it was those ideals that I used to convince myself of my actions. Yet, the horrible truth is that I was afraid. I allowed my fear to rule me, and instead of speaking my fear I ran like a little child. How do I fix it?"

She stared at him like he had three heads.

We sat in silence for over ten minutes, as each time Edward went to speak I told him _Wait. She needs time to process. She is human. It will take her longer._ He would indicate that he heard me, but clearly waiting was hard for him.

Finally she muttered at barely a breath, "You were afraid?"

It fascinated me that was the part of what he had said that she had latched onto, but said nothing.

He clearly wanted to flee rather than be honest, and a few times his eyes wandered, but then he seemingly forced himself to look at her. "Terrified."

She looked at him stunned.

"You have no idea how many times I saw you dead in one of Alice's visions, either because I had drained you or crushed you. You kept insisting that my love for you would keep you safe, but it didn't."

_Go on_, I encouraged him.

He took a deep breath in and then added more quietly, "I couldn't see any way other way of keeping you alive. I didn't want you to die."

"You could have changed me," she said in a defeated tone.

"Perhaps," he agreed reluctantly. "But what if you woke up angry at what I had done to you like Rosalie and I did. I couldn't bear the idea of you hating me."

She looked like she had experienced whiplash. When she got her bearings she looked at me, "Is this possible?"

"You know Rosalie's story as well as mine and Emmett's. It's possible, but there's no way to know," I reminded her.

She frowned, "Yes, I know Carlisle and you told me about this. Depending on a number of factors, I could have varying amounts of memory of my human life. My emotions will be heightened, and I could wake up resentful or angry."

"That's correct," I agreed.

She looked at me, and then Edward, and back at me. After many long minutes she said, "Thank you for being honest, Edward." Then turning to me she asked, "Can we stop and pick this up in a few days? I need time to think."

"Of course," I told her.

Edward frowned and looked distraught, as she left walking towards her room.

_Thinking is better than withdrawing or angry,_ I reminded him. _Give her space and honour her request_.

It was clear from his body language that doing so would prove to be a challenge for him

_Patience is a part of maturity. Trust in her. Trust that she is loving and kind and wise._

It took him a few minutes, but he indicated agreement.

Unfortunately, Carlisle had to head back to Forks before we were able to arrange schedules for everyone to be together. When the kids had enquired about why Carlisle and I had requested a family meeting when it wasn't New Years, he simply told them that he'd been thinking about the future. Over the next few days it dawned on me that other than Edward and at moment Bella, none of the rest really needed me as a mothering figure anymore. They needed a mentor and perhaps older friend, but not really a mom. It was hard to mentally begin altering how I saw them, but it wasn't hard to conclude that changing my mindset was important for the future Carlisle and I had spoken about. Then, there was the reality that it was unhealthy for a parent to want their children to remain dependent. Even human parents changed their role with their offspring as they matured.

When Edward, Bella, and I sat down again it was clear that Bella had come to some conclusions, so it was only fitting that we start with her.

She rotated her gaze from Edward, then to her hands, and then the floor while speaking. "Coming to Forks and meeting your family has changed me Edward. I am not the same as when we first met. At times, my words and actions prior were inconsiderate and disrespectful of you. For that I apologise. The thing is Edward that you never really explained like you did a few days ago. You just gave me ultimatums and made hard lines that you refused for us to cross. At the time I said nothing believing that as the months progressed you would change your way of thinking. Yet, even now you haven't. Yes, you're being more forthcoming with your reasons and I appreciate that. I really do. But explaining yourself fully makes no difference if this is not a dialogue. So, before I say more, I must ask, are you willing to hear me and change your mind?"

He looked startled at her words while I winked at her in a subtle congratulation. If I could have without offending Edward, I would have been beaming with pride.

He took a few minutes before stating, "I will endeavour to do my best."

She nodded like this was a good enough answer before saying, "I get that you were raised in a different age than I, Edward. You have these ideas about women and relationships and love that no doubt were how humans thought back in your day, but most of that doesn't fly anymore. When you edit, or don't explain, you are saying that you don't trust my intelligence. When you hide your past and lie, you tell me that you are dishonest. Why would I want to be friends with someone who is untrustworthy and insinuates that I am dimwitted?"

He clearly wanted to retort, but before he did I reminded him, _Try and see it from her perspective. Imagine if one of your brothers treated you how you did her. Would your conclusions be the same?_

Fortunately, he stopped and considered her words. It took a few minutes before he responded with "That was not what I intended to communicate."

"Fair enough," she replied, "but intention aside, that is what I received. Over and over in small and big ways you communicated to me that you saw me as less intelligent than you and unworthy to bare yourself to."

Edward looked angry and so I intervened, "Could you explain a little more?"

Bella thought some before answering, "Like the Prom. I didn't want to go. You wanted to go. You told me that I would regret not going and forced the issue. You didn't listen. There was no compromise. You told me what would be best for me and then did that without any input from me. Except, you aren't my father, and even my father doesn't do that. It's insulting."

"Excuse me," Edward stated his voice tight before he marched out of the room.

She looked surprised at his exit and looked at me for guidance.

"I told him that if he ever felt upset he was to leave. Like we told you, we vampires feel things very strongly, and any strong negative emotion Edward needs to work through away from you," I explained.

She nodded looking sad.

"I'm incredibly proud of you. You are not responsible if someone else doesn't like your truth. Your job is to speak it," I reminded her.

"Right," she agreed with a sad smile.

"We'll try again in two day," I told her.

"Okay," she consented frowning, but appeared less burdened as she went to get ready for bed.

I texted the other couples and let them figure out Edward, informing them that I would be in the house for Bella's sake. Then, let Carlisle know that I would be staying longer than expected.

The next two days Edward wasn't home, so I told Bella another two days. The following day he arrived home.

"Come here, Edward," I instructed as soon I heard him approaching.

Everyone else was at campus or out otherwise.

He was completely a mess, muddy with twigs and leaves everywhere and his clothes torn. It was so unlike him. When he entered my office space he appeared defiant.

"Your anger and stubbornness are not going to help you in this case," I told him. "Tell me what's wrong."

"I was just trying to give her the best," he stated clearly in the middle of an argument.

After giving a minute of silence, I asked, "Whose version of best?"

He turned to stone looking confused. Then, very softly he stated, "She doesn't know what's best."

Holding my anger at bay, I checked, "Are you suggesting that Bella doesn't know what's best for herself?"

At barely a whisper he said, "She's very young."

"You are younger," I reminded him. "Does that mean that you do not know what's best for yourself?"

"Of course not," he rejected quickly and forcefully.

With great effort infusing love and tenderness into my tone, I asked, "So, if it is not about age, then is it because she is a girl? Young girls do not know what is best for them, while young boys do?"

It looked like he wanted to say yes, but instead uttered, "Maybe."

"Why would there be a difference simply because of gender?" I pressed.

He looked like he wanted to form his reasoning, but then he stopped himself. Instead he said, "It is hard to change these beliefs."

"Yes," I agreed. "But you must, so that the woman you love knows that she is your balance. If you believe that genitalia determines smarts or capacity in any way then you have learned nothing from having Rosalie as your sister."

He laughed in a self-deprecating concerned way. After a minute he asked, "Why is that these beliefs seem to only apply to Bella?"

After careful consideration, I offered, "Perhaps in part due to the beliefs you were raised with, but also perhaps because it gives you a reasonable rationalisation for steamrolling over her and keeping your heart protected."

"Perhaps," he agreed reluctantly. "May I be excused?"

"Yes," I agreed. "A wash before anything else, please."

"Yes, ma'am," he replied as he flew to his room.

When it sounded like he was finished and settled, I went to his door and knocked.

"Enter," he uttered sadly.

"You missed when the three of us were to meet next. I pushed it back to tomorrow," I told him.

"I just keep messing it up," he moaned.

"Perfection is not a requirement of being loved and wanted," I told him gently.

He looked startled and then nodded.

Closing the door quietly, I debated going back to Forks and then returning, but decided that the family would be served best if I stayed. I texted Carlisle letting him know my thinking and like every shift he had off the days prior, he came up, and we spent it together.

"I'm missing everyone," he told me.

Turning my gaze away from the beautiful scenery and towards him, I asked, "Care to elaborate?"

"This is the first time in our history in which we are actually a distance away from the others while they are at college."

"Yes, usually they study closer to home," I agreed. "And they are growing out of being kids, except perhaps Bella and Edward."

If Bella hadn't come into our lives, they would have attended a college in Seattle and simply commuted.

He nodded in agreement and then continued, "I work and am enjoying it, and you are my priority, but I am missing them. Consequently, I am a little envious of your time with them," he confessed.

"Come back to the house, then, or take a few days off," I encouraged him, but he seemed hesitant. "What is it?"

After a few minutes he told me, "I think it is better for Edward if I am away. He and I created a relationship that needs to change. I miss him, but I believe staying away is the best chance for him to age."

Pondering this, I had to agree. "How about we invite each couple to do something with us? We could go to that spa resort near Ontario with Alice and Jasper? And then we could do the same with Rosalie and Emmett. There's good hunting, the hot springs that we can enjoy, and shopping nearby."

After kissing me deeply he said, "You are just what I need. Thank you."

Resting my head on his shoulder, I replied, "You're welcome."

We stayed in our spot enjoying each other's company until the sun rose, even if it was behind clouds.

"Good luck," he told me right before he turned and ran back to Forks.

As soon as my hand had turned the doorknob, Alice greeted me enthusiastically, "That's a great idea."

Smiling indulgently, I stated, "Glad you approve."

"What's a great idea?" Rosalie came down the stairs eying Alice with irritation.

"Carlisle and I thought it would be nice to spend time with each couple. I suggested the Millcroft Inn and Spa, but we are open to any place each couple would like to go to."

Rosalie smiled softly and stated, "Sounds like a great idea."

"Let me know what weekend works for you guys," I told them.

"Sure," Alice answered while Rosalie said, "Naturally."

Emmett and Jasper barely looked up from their game, so I assumed that meant they were in agreement.

Then, Alice showed me the work she had completed on her business. We were getting near the end of her collection and she looked at me seriously, "I think it would be helpful for me to specialise in costume designing."

"Yes," I offered in support with a hint of a question mark in my tone.

"I want to do more than what my gift has to offer for the family," she explained so softly it was unlikely that it would have been heard by anyone else.

Hugging her I whispered in her ear, "I'm proud of you."

When I released her she looked overjoyed. "Thanks," she offered before running to find Jasper and asking him to go with her before classes.

He agreed readily and sent appreciation and care to me as they left.

* * *

_A/N: I hope this find you and yours well._

_Hopefully you're still enjoying the story. I look forward to hearing your thoughts._

_Stay safe out there!_


	7. Chapter 6: Change Is A Struggle

_**Warning:** This chapter contains some scenes which alluded to sex, which include tussling. I believe that the most intense of these scenes firmly stays within the PG-13 range in which this story is listed. Nevertheless, please be mindful if such topics would be unsettling to you._

**Chapter 6: Change Is A Struggle**

* * *

That evening Bella did not come home, which was the first time she had done so while I had been around. I assumed that she was avoiding Edward. My inclination was to worry about her, but then I reminded myself that she was becoming a grown woman. Even though I could have checked in with Alice and Jasper, who were guarding her, I refrained. If she was asking for space, albeit through her actions, then it seemed contrary to our relationship to violate it. My thought process reminded me of Carlisle's refrain in my vision. Just because I could, didn't mean I should.

Heading east into the rising sun, Rosalie and I went on a drive. She had claimed that she needed to listen to an engine in order to figure out the next modifications changes she wanted to make to it.

As we travelled down the driveway, she moved through the gears quickly, seemingly wanting to see how responsive the engine and transmission were.

"How are things going?" I asked her once we were far enough from the house for privacy to be ensured.

"He's a blockhead," she answered with tone of strong irritation and frustration.

"If you can change, so can he," I reminded her.

She rolled her eyes and appeared very much the cold icy queen Edward had more than once accused her.

Then without notice or reason, her stature softened, and she spoke with a soft and reluctant tone. "You were right. Edward reminds me of the men that surrounded my father and Royce. A girl's job was to look pretty and have children." Her hands curled around the steering wheel a minuscule amount, while her knuckles were taut. With deep sadness and a touch of musing confessed, "I've begun to wonder if all my regrets and animosity is because I didn't live up to those expectations."

With purposeful deliberation, weighing all of the messages of her era, who I remembered her to be as a human, and the kind of woman she was before Emmett, I replied, "Possibly," my pride coming through.

A firm answer to her contemplation would probably never be found, but the very question showed how she was developing and beginning to move beyond the wounds she had brought with her into becoming a vampire. My deepest wish was that this also meant she was finally finding healing from those wounds.

Growling lowly in her chest, in a manner suggesting that she was doing so instinctively, she spit out, "Despite all of Edward's noise about souls, I keep wondering if he doesn't want to change Bella, so that she can stay weak. As a newborn she will be stronger, and after that they will be far more equal in capacity than it is presently. Right now, her status fits his era's ridiculous notions to a tee. Neither Emmett nor Jasper hold such ideas. Both see women as strong and capable, if not suited to different roles than men."

"Perhaps it is how men of his and your class were?" I pondered. "Neither Jasper nor Emmett were of the same upper class as you and Edward."

Sighing with a tone of exasperation, she agreed, "It would seem so. Thus, you were right as to why Emmett is such a good match to me. And, as much as I have wanted through the years to meet the expectations placed upon me regarding marriage and babies from my human years, and a child still would be lovely, I'm beginning to see that being pretty and having children doesn't have to define me."

"Glad to hear it," I commended her. "Your value never laid in those things, and neither did mine. Nevertheless, even with awareness of these truths, it's hard to incorporate those ideas into a new self."

Sarcastically she stated, "You are forbidden to sound like Edward."

I chuckled. "Of course, we cannot have that."

She smiled widely.

"How are the studies?" I wondered.

"Good," she replied. "I'm thinking about focusing on graphic design."

"That sounds like something you would be good at," I voiced pleased at her choice.

"Yeah, I think so too," she agreed.

She told me how between Emmett, Jasper, and herself they had been nudging and prodding Edward into talking about his views, where they came from, if they fit this era and Bella, and then examining how he needed to adjust to grow with her.

We were almost home when I told her, "Thank you Rose."

She smiled wickedly. "Best job ever."

Chuckling at her attitude, I didn't doubt that was true for her, as the present circumstances had switched the power dynamic between them. From the beginning Edward had the advantage, due to his gift, but in this situation Rose held the ascendant position.

Shortly after we returned Rose and Emmett left to keep an eye on Bella, leaving Edward home with me, but he seemed to need solitude, so I left him to it. A few hours before twilight Edward left for class. After an hour Bella returned. After she got herself refreshed, she and I talked about her part-time job. She told silly stories and then did a bit of her homework until Edward returned. Our time relieved any concerns that had arisen within me about she and my relationship, and thus confirmed my hypothesis that she was avoiding Edward. We avoided talking about what had happened the last session, per the rules of our working together.

Upon his arrival we resumed our spots, since he insisted that he didn't need time before we reconvened.

"Edward," I prodded after many minutes of silence. _You did the right thing by leaving the last session. The floor is yours to explain.__  
_

He turned and looked at Bella. "I walked out in order to process my frustration. It is hard for me to acknowledge some of things you mentioned, as they required me to evaluate opinions I've held for a hundred years. Nevertheless, I spent time considering your words, as promised. Even if it took me a while, I can see how my desire to offer you the experiences I miss from my human years might have come across as heavy handed. So much has changed in the last one-hundred years. In my era going to a dance was the event that both sexes looked forward to. I was so excited to experience it again, especially with you, instead of being the only single with two pairs, I made assumptions, and thus put undo pressure on you. I apologise."

She smiled sadly, and after a few minutes told him, "You know, if you had just said that I would have gone more willingly. I don't doubt the importance and value your experiences of being human mean to you, and don't expect you to contort you into a modern man. At the same time, your opinions aren't mine and how things were done isn't true anymore. Prom might be a right of passage to some, but it is no longer the place you are likely to meet your future husband. Nor is there the excitement of the genders mixing in their finest attire, since school is now co-ed. And the truth you refused to acknowledge is that I don't like dancing. I don't like crowds. I don't like parties. I don't like being the centre of attention."

"You go to frat parties," he rebutted, sounding defensive.

"And how, pray tell would you know that?" she answered her tone irate.

Edward looked contrite, although remained silent.

"And for your information, not that I owe it to you, I find a corner or porch and talk to a few people," she refuted irritated.

During the moment of silence, I debated of whether to pursue her feelings or our purpose. Well aware that the feelings would manifest again, I pointed out, "This conversation started in the prior session because the week before you two had spent time together, and Bella had reported the time as uncomfortable. With both of you expressing your past actions and thoughts a little more, let's get back to the question we were working on: what do you need to enjoy each other's company?"

While I had spoken Bella had taken in deep breaths and let them out slowly. When my question was asked, she admitted her tone mostly calm, "I like when he plays the piano while I study," Bella admitted.

"I like when we discuss different books or courses," Edward added after a few minutes had passed.

"Let us start there, then, for the next two weeks. I assume that Bella's statement includes the previous caveat of no music composed for her?" I checked looking at her. After she nodded in agreement, I continued, "The goal isn't to clear the air or speak of old grievances or even to heal the past. Your only goal is to be in each other's company in a manner that is comfortable and agreeable to the both of you."

"Sure," Bella stated while Edward said a soft, "Yes, ma'am."

"Anything else?" I asked.

Bella seemed like she wanted to say something, so we waited.

Finally she sighed and spoke. "I don't think Edward and I can find a way to make things go back to the way they were. And even if they could go back, I don't think that I'd want them to. I like the ideas that have been suggested for the next two weeks, because it's things that we have enjoyed recently."

I nodded in agreement.

Then, she looked directly at Edward, "Can you let the past go? Stop trying to make things the way they were?"

He opened his mouth, but nothing came out.

Subsequently, with a harshness that wasn't like Bella she challenged, "Clean slate, right?"

His whole face fell appearing defeated. "If that's what you're asking for, then yes, Bella, I can do that for you."

"I am," she asserted with strength. After that, she stood up and walked over to Edward and extended her hand. "Clean slate," she repeated with force, took a breath, and then added in a gentler tone, "We are both members of this family and need to find a way to get along."

"And become friends," he said fearfully and in a pleading tone.

"We can try," she stated curtly.

He seemed to be searching her features, and then, albeit slowly, took her hand in his and shook it.

They held each other's hands longer than was necessary and I dared not breathe.

Suddenly, Bella stepped back her heart racing, but with purposefulness left the room and went to hers.

_All right?_ I wondered.

"Probably not," he muttered, "but it's more than I deserve."

Unwilling to unscramble what that meant, I came over and put my hand on his shoulder, encouraging him, "Have faith."

"I'm working at it," he said at barely a whisper.

I texted the others that they could return and got a quick text from Alice that I was welcome to join her and Jasper along with their location. Sometimes her gift was really quite handy, as I had just decided that I would like to speak to Jasper before heading back to Forks.

Following Alice's directions, I found the two of them, with Jasper propped against a log and Alice in his lap.

"I'll just leave the two of you to it then," Alice said with a smile, a kiss on Jasper's cheek, and then running off.

Even though it would have been fine for her to stay, I appreciated her giving us the illusion of privacy.

"How are things, Jasper?" I asked sitting down across from him.

"Everyone is doing well apart from Edward." Then, he paused, "And I'm not sure about Bella."

Waiting for him to continue, I sat patiently.

"Edward is all over the place," he mused, "but most of the time heading in a direction that is constructive. He is the most stubborn fool I know, and that's saying something because Peter can be a real blockhead."

After many long minutes of silence, I checked, "There's hope, then?"

He looked up towards the sky. "Hope that Edward can change? I don't see any reason why that wouldn't be the case. The problem is the timeline. Bella being human means that she is changing rapidly. It's been enjoyable to be around actually. Usually the emotions of teenagers are exhausting and then at college they seem better, but to experience the changes and growth through her has made it look different."

He paused and then sounded slightly sad. "I don't think much about being human, and avoid recalling my years with Maria. They're behind me, but experiencing this stage of Bella's life has made me keenly aware of what I lost at Maria's teeth. Not the vampire part, I mean, because I'm grateful actually for that. But it's strange to think about the kind of vampire I would be, the kind of man I would be, if I had been a few years older when Maria had found me. All of us really, to be honest. This past year has changed us and we've let go of our old mindsets, pain, grudges, those things, but somethings are just stuck. I can't alter myself at the pace that Bella can. It's a beautiful metamorphosis. More than anything I am grateful for the opportunity living with Bella has afforded me to bear witness to it."

Time stretched between us and I allowed his words to settle upon me.

"She is an incredible human," I allowed. "I do think, though, that this is what fulfills Carlisle. Year after year he is still awed by the beauty of their metamorphosis. It is what makes us Cullens odd. The Denalis, for all their diet, do not behold their wonder in the way that he does. I see it also with the community work I do, but the five of you, I'm not so sure if that was the case previously."

He nodded. "Bella has changed us. Emmett has started telling off the young men at school that don't listen to a no from a girl in a way that's like a big brother. Rosalie is more approachable and being kind, if not still slightly aloof from her classmates. Alice wants to contribute to the family in ways that are not dependent on her visions. We've grown into ourselves in ways that have made the home emotional atmosphere even more pleasant than it has ever been."

"Except for Edward," I pointed out.

He sighed unhappily.

"Care to wager a guess at the largest obstacle?"

After a few seconds of thought he answered, "His inferiority complex."

Mentally reviewing my psychology classes and what that meant for my son, I found myself agreeing.

Considering the best way forward, I asked, "Would you mind if I mentioned that to Carlisle?"

He waved his hand as if that was a given.

Hesitant but feeling brave, I posed the question, "What about Carlisle and I?"

He chuckled. "In a benevolent coup, you managed to become the leader. You're stronger. You've always been the heart of us, but with you as also our spine, we are all better for it. Carlisle, as good as a man as he is and as much as he has led us in many ways, doesn't have the natural leadership qualities you do, Esme."

Shocked at his statement I was flummoxed. When I found my voice, it was to protest. "Carlisle knows far more about the vampire world and the human one. He has led us well."

"A president doesn't need to be the smartest one in the room or the most experienced," he countered. His voice became softer, "You might not have known it, but you have always been the glue that holds us together. Without you Edward would be an even bigger pompous ass, Alice would get away with murder, Rosalie would want nothing to do with anyone, but stay out of fear. Edward's problems are in part due to Carlisle's struggle to make the difficult calls, but not you. You see what's best for the whole and the parts, you gently nudge, and request. You're not heavy handed in anyway. At the same time, since your vision, you have shown yourself to be a natural leader and the more you grow into yourself, the more that becomes true. The family is better for it."

My eyes dropped while my emotions swam.

"You did not steal anything," he refuted softly. "There is no need to feel guilty. Carlisle is a healer and scientist first, and a leader second. His reluctance in leading is partially why he is no Maria, and I value that in him. But that does not change the truth of things. In the era you came from in how many families did the mother create the sense of unity, while the husband had the final say? Is this how Carlisle and you want to continue? You are welcome to coordination from the background, Esme. No one in the family would speak ill of it. But just because you are the female doesn't mean you can't lead."

Without real thought the words "Carlisle is my sire," popped out of my mouth. And I looked up at Jasper hoping he understood what I was trying to say, knowing for certain he would feel my uneasiness and sadness.

He sent me encouragement and brotherly love. Then, very softly and gently he uttered, "That's a role that is very difficult to change. Even now I see Peter as my responsibility. We are brothers in arms, for sure, and I would certainly describe him as a friend. It is a powerful bond, and especially as it is our first experiences into this life, a deeply embedded pattern. The choice is yours."

"His name and reputation keeps us in good stead, especially with Italy," I pointed out.

With a smile and a tone of teasing offered, "Perhaps a co-leadership?"

According to Carlisle, the Volturi were three men and their wives had nothing to do with the business of ruling. I thought of all the covens we knew and in each case it was a man in leadership, unless it was an all female coven. The exception was the Denalis, as Eleazar had asked to join Tanya and her sisters, or the Irish coven, but that was because Liam was a wallflower.

Hoping my question would not bother him, I asked, "In your travels with Alice, have you two encountered any covens led by women when there is a male?"

Anger and animosity rolled off him before he relaxed again frowning, "I've heard of a few, but not met them." Then with a regretful smile he offered an apology for his reaction followed by, "If our human culture transforms with us, then our covens would reflect human's recent propensity for patriarchy. If the stories humans tell are true, then prior to the agricultural age most tribes were matriarchal. And even though we vampires like to imagine ourselves as immortal, I know of no individuals older than a few thousand years. Perhaps patriarchal groups conquering matriarchal ones is true of our own histories and not just humans."

Knowing he was touching on something important that contained truth, but not wanting to delve into it deeper, as the topic seemed to have unsettled him, I smiled slightly and pressed, "And Carlisle?"

"Struggling to change," he answered.

"Yes, he's staying away in the hopes that doing so will assist Edward," I confided.

"Thus, the time with the couples?" he verified.

"Yes," I confirmed.

He looked contemplative before he spoke. "Bella also needs time with the both of you." Then, he paused before adding, "And probably Edward with the two of you, so he doesn't feel left out, but you'll need to ensure he stays on the straight and narrow."

Chuckling at the thought, I shared it with him, "Putting that military mind to work in helping Edward grow up isn't quite the same as leading campaigns, I imagine."

"No, campaigns were easier," he retorted quickly with a grin.

"Got to have some challenges in life," I offered back grinning widely.

"Life would be dull otherwise," he agreed.

Allowing the environment to still me, I worked at projecting to him my care and affection along with my appreciation and gratefulness.

He seemed to soak up what I was sending him with pleasure, keeping a lazy smile.

A few hours had passed when he moved slightly and offered an almost shy, "Thank you." Then, he rose and offered me his hand.

"It is I who should be saying thank you," I replied.

He nodded in acknowledgement. "I shall run home. You need an escort?"

As if my human years had overpowered my mouth, I told him, "That would be most appreciated my kind sir."

We walked in a companion silence, as I continued to express how much he meant to me through my emotions. Once I was in my car, he dashed off, and I started my drive back to Forks with all of his words clamouring for attention. The strongest feelings were in relation to Carlisle, of course. I would be appalled if he, even for a moment, believed that I was taking something from him. Could it be that Jasper was right and Carlisle was a reluctant leader? Would he be grateful to take a step back? Reviewing events since my visions, Jasper was correct that I was taking a more active role in our family. It seemed from my perspective that I hadn't been leading at all, just my vision, and then my heart, as I had for decades wanted better for each of my family members. From my clinical work during my family and marriage internship, I had learned that change was hard, and that was for humans. This past year and half had been the most difficult and most rewarding for our family. Did that mean I was leading the family, as Jasper seemed to think?

Putting those thoughts aside until I spoke to Carlisle, I considered Jasper's observations of coven dynamics in relation to gender. Especially when looking at the Volturi, it was clear that men ran our world. They were Greek of old, and so it fit the little I knew of the culture when they were turned. However, Charlotte and Maria were both examples of female warriors in our world, not to mention Jane and other women that were gifted.

Nearing Forks, for the first time since after my first year I was nervous to see Carlisle, and had to actively remind myself that I wasn't a newborn anymore. Trying to gather the courage necessary to face my husband with this new knowledge, I parked the car. Before the key was completely turned Carlisle had opened the door and put out his hand. I took it and we were wrapped in each other's arms kissing and touching.

"I missed you my darling," he murmured.

"And I you."

Stepping away from the car slightly, he then picked me up bridal style and carried me to our room. His arms regularly went around mine, as if pinning them in. His finger pressed into my skin in a way that was noticeable. He covered me with his body as if making himself a shield protecting me from the world. In these and a multitude of other ways his touches and acts reminded me of previous moments after the ending to a dangerous situation. My conclusion was that he was trying to lay claim to me in a manner meant to assure him.

The difference was my reactions. Where in the past I had submitted to his needs and on occasion saw it as my responsibility to calm whatever had bothered him, this time I paid attention to my own feelings. Despite the danger doing so to our house might pose, I allowed my wants and needs to come to the forefront, allowing them to speak louder to me than the conditioning of my human years had formed within me.

I loved him deeply and my body craved him, but whatever had gripped me over these decades into remaining the Esme I had been as a human was loosened, and the words I had spoken to Rosalie settled into me as if it were a form of transformation. I yearned to be the Esme from my vision, the one that climbed trees and baulked convention, the Esme that invited a man to her house. It would be impossible to completely remove the impact of Charles and my era's social conventions, but the vision's version of me was within somewhere. The answer, I intuited, was to let go of my shoulds and well-ingrained beliefs.

Giving in to my vampire nature and the intuition it offered me, I growled deep in my chest in a possessive tone, and increased pressure to my husband's body, matching his behaviours, knowing somewhere within me that it was not enough to crack his skin, but almost. He might want to ensure my well-being, but I wanted to do the same with him. More than ever, I ached to have equitability.

He growled back in a kind of warning, but I did not stop.

He went to move, so he would be on top, and I refused. Of course, he was sufficiently physically stronger than me that he could have forced the issue, but he didn't. Even leaning into my vampire self, I was certain that he was no Charles. I had no reason to fear him, which gave me confidence to assert myself.

My lack of compliance created within him some form of fervency. It was intimidating in its inhumanity.

Instead of leaning into my past human inclinations, I let everything go, as if I were on a hunt allowing myself to be led by vampire instinct alone.

This seemed to create a change within Carlisle, as if my choice pulled him into the same space. We were building to something in our touches. I just didn't know what. As the time passed, our clothes, completely insubstantial in comparison to the granite-like quality of our skin, became shreds that eventually would flutter to the floor.

In the beginning he moved his body as if attempting to enter me, but there was cloth blocking the way. As he actions continued those flimsy barriers gave way. Numerous times he attempted again. Each time I would move in such a way that prohibited the entrance. I was unsure why I was denying him, but continued to allow my instincts to lead me.

Time became irrelevant as we continued in this way. Phones rang, but were unimportant. The rising and setting of the sun was equally as trivial. My thirst began to make itself known, but it was pushed aside. It was like our bodies couldn't bare to have space between them and yet I continued to resist them becoming more joined. As the time passed, his fingers pressed in deeper, while he continued to keep me tightly interjoined with him, but never to the point that it hurt.

The first words spoken between us were his with a deep rumble and absolute finality, "Mine."

Looking into his eyes, I repeated the word as equally forceful, which startled him and I saw something shift within him.

The next words were softer, but contained the same tone, "I want you."

Holding his gaze, I responded, "I want you."

"Yet, you rebuff me," he replied.

"I am not a toy," I answered imagining him being Jasper and me projecting my love for him.

"You are my mate," he retorted.

"Yes, mate," I agreed. "Not an object. Your venom runs through my veins, but I am no fledgling."

"No," he concurred and kissed me passionately. After more hours had passed and his touches became fervent, his hands came inside of my thigh. Noting my uncertainty, he added, "Please allow me the honour. I have been bestowed the privilege of being your mate. No force, my love, a request."

It was these words that seemed to be the key to whatever had locked me from agreeing to his advances.

We enjoyed each other's bodies slowly as if discovering them for the first time. As we climaxed, the mood between us changed again returning to its earlier state. Touches were rough once more and as before I refused admittance. Eventually he voiced, "another request for permission."

"Granted," I agreed.

And even though he held me tighter than the first conjoining, it was no less an equal exchange. The tough touches never returned and eventually he uttered, "Your eyes are midnight."

"Yours are not much better," I pointed out.

"Hunt?" he asked.

"Hunt," I agreed.

We took a few seconds to throw on coverings. Next, as a precaution, we turned off the water main, and then hand in hand we rushed out into the forest. Finding a herd of deer, we drank. By the third I offered the rest to him, feeling full myself. Smiling kindly, he took it and finished it off.

Feeling uncertain, but trusting us, I sat down.

"Any idea what that was about?" I asked starting the conversation.

"No," he replied looking slightly ashamed.

"None of that," I told him. "We are changing. Our family is changing. Jasper believes that I'm taking on more of a leadership role and that doing so had bonded our family even closer."

His features changed to the look he had when searching his memory for something. Knowing that if it was something in his time with the Volturi, it could take a bit. So, I laid down and immersed myself in my surroundings. I had my own theory of what was going on between Carlisle and myself, but I was curious to hear his.

When his eyes refocused on me, he stated, "There are none like us."

"That we know of," I pointed out.

"True," he agreed. "There were many different kinds of mates in Volterra and their relationship, like human, seemed mostly determined on the couple. Are there any vampires that are pressed to change as we Cullens are? Sure, they need to adapt, but to really change? Maybe Aro's belief that our traits are set in stone when turned is simply a reflection of his experiences?"

"Makes sense," I concurred, waiting for him to continue his thoughts.

"We transitioned from sire and newborn to mates. In fairness, that isn't a terribly uncommon shift, and was helped by our strong urges for our mate." He paused, but I remained silent. "But your vision shifted the ground under our family, like tectonic plates. None of us are the same, with perhaps the exception of Edward, but then he wasn't here to shift with us." Allowing the silence again, it took a few minutes before he continued once more. "You are growing into yourself, Esme. This new version of yourself is sexy and alluring; don't think differently."

"But?" I pressed him when he didn't continue.

He looked down.

I moved over to him and lifted his chin. "Whatever changes are happening between us, we will see them through together. You have nothing to be ashamed for. You did not hurt me, and everything we did I consented to. You are not Charles."

Smiling sadly, but seemingly less upset with himself he confessed, "In our family I am either sire or, in the case of Alice and Jasper, leader. After years of being alone and having a sense of inadequacy, our family has altered me into a better man, albeit with flaws as my error with Bella shows. Before the family, I was never a leader. As a human, I didn't want a place of leadership, as it meant following in my father's steps, which abhorred me. In Volterra leadership contained violence I couldn't stomach."

"Yet, you have led us well," I countered.

"Perhaps," he allowed, "but often I permitted Edward to lead, making it seem like I was seeking knowledge through his gift. I am a diplomat, for sure, and maybe even a haven for those like Alice and Jasper. Yes, I have learned how to lead, and my years of experience has served us well, but you my darling are a natural leader. You lead subtly and gently by pulling out the best in each person. I struggle to call us to violence, which served us like with the Quileutes, but not with James, where it cost us tremendously. No doubt if Jasper was the head of the family, he would have handled it very differently."

"You are not Jasper, and he does not wish to lead," I reminded him.

"True," he agreed, and then looked a little ashamed. "For so long I have believed that you were God's gift to me. And perhaps there's some truth to that, but that is not the image that fits you anymore. Now, I see that you are an Amazon. I think that somehow I could feel inside of me how you are stepping into that space and a small part of me wanted my old Esme back." He frowned. "Once more, I don't know how, but you have changed me. Whatever it was inside of me that wanted to turn back time has gone. Instead, I feel incredible peace and am grateful for you taking up more of the responsibilities of the family. I feel freer to focus on my work and research."

"It takes great courage to be true to ourselves, rather than what we believe is needed of us," I reminded him. "You wanting to focus on research and your role as a doctor does not mean that you have failed the family or yourself."

He sat in silence for a while before responding, "I loathed the way my father treated women. I also was in opposition to leading the church the way he did. Bullish insistence of rightness was the model of leading from my father. Aro leads more kindly and with more input from others, so it seems more benevolent, but I learned over time that Aro could be as ruthless if not more so than my father. If my father wielded a broadsword, Aro's style was a katana. When Edward came, I vowed to myself that neither style would be mine. Except, lately I have pondered if instead of finding balance, I went to the other extreme refusing violence, even when it might have been the most prudent choice."

"If that is true, then no longer," I insisted. "I agree with you that you are a diplomat. That is a role of leadership, and a vital responsibility. Your diplomacy has saved our family more than once, and your openness to all allowed Alice and Jasper to enter our family easily. Even if your father or even Aro might see your leadership style as a weakness, I do not. Was not Martin Luther King, Jr a courageous leader or Mahatma Gandhi or Nelson Mandela?"

He looked at me with a smile while raising his hands slightly. "No need to pull out the heavy artillery." After chuckling and a moment's pause he added, "Perhaps you are correct that I do not see myself as courageous. Nevertheless, I can see your point. They led through coalition, peace, words, and diplomacy, and changed their worlds for it."

"And in many cases this type of leadership is more courageous than your father's kind. Diplomatic leadership requires a type of faith in others that your father never had," I stated.

After a moment he agreed.

"I need you, Carlisle," I confessed, "not just as my mate, but to lead this family. I don't have your courage or wisdom or patience or compassion. I wouldn't have thought to make a treaty with the Quileutes. I tend to be a mother bear when my cubs are threatened. There's the fact that the vampire community knows you, respects you, and often is either repelled or attracted due to your name and reputation. If others like Alice and Jasper were to come, they would be coming to you. Then, there is the fact that most covens are male-led, and there seems to be a misogynistic belief in the capacities of us females to lead, and speaking for the family to outsiders keeps me and us safer."

He smiled broadly, "You are such an incredible woman. May I request more of my privileges as a husband?"

Grinning broadly, I answered, "I'd like that."

Just as quickly as we had donned clothes we removed them. Time was once more irrelevant as we became lost in each other.

When we redressed he spoke softly, "Does it bother you that your intelligence and growth in these ways allure me so deeply?"

Surprised at his question, I answered, "No. In fact I find it a relief, because it tells me that we are becoming even more strongly bonded, and to me that means that we are heading in the right direction as a couple." Collecting my thoughts, he said nothing allowing me. "I have this theory that the vampire world reflects the human one more than we'd like to admit. Yet, because of how we live, we work at suppressing our vampiric nature in order to not kill humans. This is not a bad thing; so, don't mistake me. I do, however, think that it prevents us at times from seeing the gifts of being a vampire. We are being more instinctual than humans, which makes us more dangerous to them if we allow, but we can also be quicker to see the truth our instincts are trying to tell us. There's no doubt about our mates for us, while humans never really know. And I think that our instincts are telling us that this new future will serve us individually as a couple to be stronger than before."

Kissing me deeply, he told me, "God could not have given me anyone better."

As we travelled back to the house, I mused, "I wonder what excuse Alice used to cover for us."

He smiled with a slight concern.

"It will be fine," I assured him. "This was more important. You made the right choice for us all."

After a moment he agreed, and then added, "I just don't like letting people down. They were counting on me."

"One of the many reasons why I love you," I told him.

When we got back to the house we checked our phones finding text messages from Alice. It had been a few hours short of 20 days, since I had arrived back from Bellingham. According to the messages, she had told the hospital that there had been a family emergency and Carlisle would call when possible, as we had to travel abroad.

I texted back a thank you and considered these events between Carlisle and I as critical to be added to our needed upcoming family meeting.

Carlisle called the hospital, made his excuses, and got his new schedule, which started in a few hours.

"I might not be home for a while," he reminded me.

"I need to go for Edward and Bella's sessions," I explained.

"When I have my next hours off I will come up and we will have that family meeting," he told me.

"Agreed," I replied. "Come, my husband, let us survey our damage."

We walked around the house and only the ceiling and walls under our bathroom looked like they needed repair, but the second floor, particularly our room and bathroom, were demolished. Fortunately, the house supports were on the outside walls and the one column that ran down the centre where the stairs were located was undamaged.

We started the clean up, including turning off the water into our bathroom, and restoring the water main, but barely made a dent in it before Carlisle needed to shower and leave. We ended up using the guest bathroom, given the state of our own, and showered together enjoying caring for one another. Then, we both headed out. The house could wait.

When I arrived in Bellingham no one was there, which I took as a little odd. Settling into the sitting room to think, I texted Bella and Edward to see if their schedules worked for us meeting this evening.

Edward almost immediately responded with his availability, which was fairly open.

It took Bella over two hours to respond. Her schedule was much more full, but there was an opening for both of them later in the evening.

Texting Carlisle I asked him how he was feeling.

More settled. That strange?

Just more evidence that we are on the path meant for us I replied

With the damage to the house, I decided that I would need to redo the whole second floor. My greatest hope was that nothing too valuable was damaged from Carlisle's office, as we had damaged one wall, but had yet addressed the room.

The sun was near the horizon when Rosalie and Emmett walked in.

"Hey, Esme," Emmett greeted me, coming over and giving me a hug.

Then Rosalie hugged me, holding onto me longer than usual.

When she released me I eyed them cautiously.

As the silence became extended, I asked, "What's going on?"

Rosalie and Emmett exchanged looks. Finally Rosalie spoke, "Are you and Carlisle okay?"

"Yes," I answered shocked at the question.

"Alice was in a state and would only say that you and Carlisle were working on things. We were worried," she explained.

"About what?" I wondered, confused about their reactions.

After many long minutes with me looking at Rosalie expectantly, Emmett answered, "That you and Carlisle were fighting."

Smiling assuredly at them, I told them, "No, nothing like that. No need to worry." After a few seconds, I questioned, "Was Edward here when Alice got the vision?"

Emmett responded quickly, "No, she was on campus initially. She came home, leaving Jasper to watch Bella, and told us the cover story, and that she didn't know how long it would take you two, but that it was critical we stay clear of the house. It sounded odd. We didn't know what would be best, and even more concerning neither did Alice."

I mentally added this event to the list of things to discuss at the family meeting.

"Edward, Bella, and I are having a session at nine tonight," I warned them.

They both stiffened.

"What?" I pressed.

They shared a look again.

"I'm sure they'll tell you," Rosalie hedged, probably because she hated her privacy being invaded.

"Any physical harm done?" I checked.

They looked at each other once more and then Rosalie sighed, "Bella got bruised. She was moving backwards, and you know that girl can barely walk forward. Anyway, she knocked into a door handle. She's bruised fairly bad, but then the wind bruises her."

"And Edward?" I pressed assuming Bella had been moving back from him when she got hurt.

"I grabbed him around like when he couldn't feed for himself, and took him outside," Emmett informed me. "He didn't come home for a few days, but then he was extremely remorseful. Bella hasn't slept here since."

"Well, that would explain how her scent is so slight," I stated. "No worries, I'll get to the bottom of it."

Rosalie smiled in gratitude and Emmett relaxed.

They seemed to miss me, as they settled into the sitting room talking about classes and other going ons. A few hours later Edward appeared.

He greeted me, and then immeditately retreated to his room.

Rosalie looked at me like 'what did I tell you?".

As perceptive as always, Emmett suggested taking Rosalie to the movies. She accepted, but before leaving gave me a hug whispering into my ear as she did so, "You staying a few days?"

Nodding yes, she looked relieved.

Clearly something had happened in the house while Carlisle and I were sorting out things. Getting to the bottom of it would take time, but that wasn't a problem, since I was here until Carlisle showed.

When Bella arrived she was unusually slow exiting her car and entering the house.

_Give us a few minutes before you come down please, _I requested to Edward.

He didn't respond, but I assumed that he would honour my plea.

"Come on in, I won't bite," I promised Bella with a teasing tone once the door opened ensuring to raise the volume of my voice, making sure she would hear me.

She did with a smile, and then came over giving me a hug before settling down at the end of the couch from me.

"We will get to things between you and Edward during session, but it seems like more than that went on while I was away. Could you please tell me your perspective?"

She stammered a little seemingly surprised that I was aware of the mood of the house. "When I arrived home Alice looked distraught. Initially she wouldn't say what it was, only that humans were hard to see. Eventually, she said that you and Carlisle got wrapped in each other and then called whomever, telling them that you two had flown out of the country on a family emergency." She looked at me and I nodded at her to continue. "Rosalie and Emmett wanted to know what was going on. Edward wasn't here initially, and then when he got back joined Rosalie and Emmett in pestering Alice. She must have seen that they would never give up nagging her or maybe it was Rosalie saying that she was going to go to Forks."

Then, she shrugged uncertain. "Either way, Alice gave in and told us that you and Carlisle were working on things and needed time as a couple. That seemed fine to me, but everyone else got real still like it was a bad thing. No one would explain. I ended up yelling at them, and Jasper told me that you and Carlisle had only once had a disagreement and that was about leaving me after my disastrous 18th birthday. They all seemed afraid that it meant something bad, and Edward looked like he wanted to barf, which worried me even more. It seemed worse that Alice couldn't say how long until you two sorted things, which caused more worry and Jasper had to use his mojo to calm everyone. The next couple of days everyone seemed on edge, maybe because Jasper was projecting. I'm not really sure about that part. Then, Edward and I got into a huge fight, and I haven't been home since."

"Come here my sweet girl," I encouraged her.

She crawled into my lap, wrapping her arms around me, and started crying.

Between her tears she told me, "I was just so scared. You and Carlisle seem immovable and untouchable. It reminded me of all my fear and hurt regarding my parent's divorce. I was so scared that you and Carlisle were going to break up."

Running my hand over her head and down her hair, I told her, "Not even close."

With my words her body seemed to relax and her crying decreased.

Not once had I needed to stop breathing. It was a huge accomplishment for me.

Over an hour later from the basement Edward told me it was nine o'clock, and I replayed that information to Bella.

She withdrew her arms, wiped her eyes, and told me, "Let me get a snack and something to drink first."

"Of course," I agreed.

In the meantime I rearranged the sitting room for our purposes.

When she finished everything and was heading back Edward joined us.

_Thank you,_ I told Edward.

He nodded in acknowledgement.

After she seemed as settled as she was going to be, I asked, "So, who wants to start?"

* * *

_A/N: __I look forward to hearing your thoughts, particularly about events between Carlisle and Esme._


	8. Chapter 7: Love Requires Trust

**Chapter 7: Love Requires Trust**

* * *

Both Bella and Edward looked everywhere in the room, except at each other or me.

After waiting an extended period of time and neither speaking, I stated, "Bella, you first."

She looked startled and shook her head no, appearing really embarrassed.

"Edward?" I implored him.

He too looked uncomfortable, and reluctant to say anything.

After many more long minutes and silence, I let them know, "Okay, we'll wait, but we're not leaving until this gets settled."

Keeping my features neutral, I, nevertheless, used the silence to mentally consider all the material I would need to repair the second floor. Although it was not intended to purposely disquiet Edward, he looked sour at times. I was, however, my subtle ways of making it clear to Edward that the current of change was still with us. Without a doubt he disliked knowing the destruction to our home Carlisle and I managed to accomplish. Knowing Rosalie and Emmett along with the circumstance, I honestly thought we had done little in comparison to the possibilities. Fortunately, even though electrical currents had been effected, and thus require extensive work, we had managed to only break one pipe, so the water damage to the floor beams and then the first floor was far less than it could have been.

It was almost an hour later when Bella huffed, "This is ridiculous."

Hiding my smile, I looked at her attentively.

"We were all on edge because we were worried about you and Carlisle," she started looking straight at me. Nodding the once at her in encouragement, she quickly continued. "I was coming out of my room and saw Edward. I asked him if he knew what was happening. He said that he didn't. Then, I sarcastically remarked that he probably wouldn't tell me anyway, since I was a waste of space in his eyes." She looked at Edward, then back to me. "I honestly don't know what caused me to say that. It was rude."

She seemed to be truly repentant, but uncomfortable to say more.

"Continue please," I pressed.

She remained quiet, but fidgeted while boring holes into her clasped hands.

Instead, as giving her a reprieve from her discomfort, Edward spoke, "I was angry at her accusation, even if it was probably deserved. I raised my voice accusing her of being fickle to believe my lies so easily. Rosalie and Emmett joined us while Bella began backing away from me. Her eyes looked like she wasn't really present. At a whisper under her breath she said that me loving her never made sense, that I deserved someone more worthy than her, and that what I had told her was more true to her than anything. Then, she hurt herself by running into a doorknob. I lost my cool and roared, then screamed at how her low self-worth was the cause of her accepting my lies. I also yelled at her that until she could learn what an amazing beautiful person she was that we could never be friends. As soon as I begun roaring, Emmett picked me up and carried me outside, so much of what I screamed was away from her. It took me over three days to cool down and be willing to face my shame for saying such hurtful things, but when I returned Bella was not here and has not returned, so I have not had an opportunity to apologise."

Bella had tears running down her face, but mostly she looked exhausted like she had the few times when we had talked about what Edward had said when he had left her.

My body tilting towards Bella, I asked her compassionately, "Do you need a break?"

She shook her head no, and I trusted that she was speaking the truth.

Looking at Edward, I questioned, "What were you feeling when you made your accusations?"

He appeared uncomfortable with my question, but answered evenly, "Angry, hurt, and frustrated."

Portraying nothing externally, I internally smiled at Jasper's influence in Edward's answer.

"Bella, what were your feelings as he spoke?" I asked.

"That he's right. Everything has been my fault," she answered sounding worn through.

"After he saved you from the van, did you force him to spend time with you?" I questioned.

"No," she answered quietly.

"Did you force him or our family to protect you from James?" I pressed.

"No," she replied with a little more force.

"Did you request him to remove James' venom from you?" I probed.

"No," she retorted getting a little angry.

"Did you force him to go to prom with you?" I grilled.

"No," she snapped.

"Then, how can you be at fault for his words or actions?" I asked gently.

She looked startled. Then, started crying. Through her tears she answered, "My mind says no, but it feels like it should be my fault."

Knowing she spoke the truth, I reminded her, "You said that your mother often gave you the impression that you were responsible for her fits of fancy and making her life work. You have agreed with me that her doing so was unreasonable, as no child could possibly be responsible for the actions of the parent. Yet, the sense of responsibility you carry still weighs on you as if it were true."

After calming herself some she replied, "Yeah, it does. Agreeing mentally has proven to be easier than getting my feelings to agree."

"That's usually the case," I comforted her. "Just keep working on it. You'll get there."

She smiled slightly and nodded her head that she had received my encouragement.

After allowing a moment of silence, I hypothesised, "Could the same pattern you had with Reneé be at play here with Edward?"

She appeared startled and looked over at Edward through the corner of her eye. It took her a while, but eventually she muttered, "Possibly."

Giving Bella some breathing room, I turned my attention towards Edward and asked him, "What truth was there in Bella's accusation?"

"In the past I had a tendency to hide information I thought might distress her," he answered with a tone of regret.

"Had you considered doing that in this case?" I probed.

His eyes dropped, "I considered it, yes, but rejected the idea quickly, as I want to earn Bella's trust. I was upset that despite my efforts to show her that I am working at changing my habits and was not keeping information that we all knew from her, she threw the past in my face, even though we agreed on a clean slate."

"So, attempting to sweep everything away from the past didn't work?" I pointed out.

"No, ma'am," Edward confirmed disappointed.

I looked at Bella until she voiced a "No," sounding a little calmer.

Plainly aware of the distinctions he was making, "Did you tell Bella everything that you knew?" I pressed.

He narrowed his eyes slightly, probably a manifestation of discomfort in voicing the answer.

_Go ahead, _I told him._ I would not have asked the question if I wasn't willing to have Bella hear the answer._

He still appeared reluctant, so I looked at him sternly.

Sensing defeat he admitted his shoulders slumping, "No."

Bella gasped.

Ignoring that for the moment, I prodded, "What did you hold back?"

He looked incredibly uncomfortable.

_She needs this,_ I told him. _I know it goes against your honour code, but you're sharing private things about my life and I'm agreeing. This is important for Bella._

Very embarrassed, but in a clear demonstration of his trust in me, he told her, "Carlisle and Esme had very rough sex that demolished most of the second floor, hunted, and then had more of the same. That isn't usual for them, so they also spent time talking things out. Alice actively works at not seeing our sex lives. She can't help see the decision, but as soon as it comes in, she brushes it aside, kind of like changing the channel. However, in this case she saw a human showing up at the house and potentially getting murdered by Esme. So, she purposefully used her gift to check on them. She couldn't make sense of her vision, but was able to figure out the safest route forward in order to keep humans from the house, including making excuses to Carlisle's work so no possible concerns would be raised there."

He looked at me imploringly.

_Please continue_, I requested.

We had tried to explain some of these things to Bella, but she would always be limited in her understanding until she was turned.

Crestfallen, Edward continued, "Every time Alice decided to send one of us or any combination of us it seemed to make things worse, so she waited to see what would happen, but as they weren't making purposeful decisions Alice couldn't see when they'd talk it through, or even if they would. I wasn't keeping things from you, Bella, except things that are private. I shouldn't know this much about Carlisle and Esme, but I do, and when I do my only choice is to try and forget it, and not speak about it. This kind of stuff is especially challenging, because, as you know, when Alice has a vision it is like she is the actor experiencing it; so, it was like she was there being Esme having sex with Carlisle and then because of my gift, I experienced being Esme having sex with Carlisle." He shuddered. "I wasn't lying to you."

Bella's eyes had grown huge with each statement. After the end, she closed them tightly as if wishing the knowledge away.

"We are going to discuss not the details, of course, but the reasons at our next family meeting," I explained to Bella.

She nodded, still keeping her eyes tightly closed.

Edward went to say something and I shook my head, _Give her time_.

It took over fifteen very long minutes before she mumbled, "Thank you for telling me Edward, and Esme for, um, I don't even know what. It's so hard not to be suspicious. You all have been together for so long that information that makes no sense to me, you all understand automatically. Nevertheless, I shouldn't have taken it out on you, Edward."

He went to refute her and she put up her hand.

"I also appreciate you explaining your gift more. I had assumed that hearing people's thoughts were like tuning into a radio not being in a virtual reality television show. I was so frustrated and hurt by a sense of being left out, despite Jasper's assurances, that I jumped to conclusions. I owe Jasper an apology, and probably Alice too," she mused.

"This is your work, Bella, as is changing your belief in yourself. As ill-worded as Edward's accusations might have been, there is an ugly truth in them, and something for you to continue improving. You have great value, not for what you do for others, what you achieve, or your self-sacrifice, but simply because you are precious, full stop."

"Yes, Esme," she mumbled.

Turning towards Edward I told him, "You must find a way to manage your emotions. Your inability to self-regulate puts an unnecessary burden on your brother and sows trouble for us all."

"Yes, ma'am," he agreed, chastised.

"You might wish to ask Jasper for assistance on how to do so, if you need ideas," I offered.

"I will consider it," he replied, which was his polite way of saying no thank you.

I expected as much. Edward was a prideful young man who didn't like asking for help.

"We shall end here for now," I told them both. "I'm uncertain when, but sometime in a couple of days Carlisle shall join us, and we shall have a family meeting. The three of us will meet in one week's time and see how things are then."

"Okay," Bella agreed.

"Yes, ma'am," Edward concurred.

I stood up and left them both returning to my office.

When I was out of the room, Bella offered softly, "I am truly sorry, Edward."

"I forgive you," he said, his love for her apparent in his tone. "Can you forgive me?"

"I thought I had," she confessed, "but I think it's more honest to say that I'm working on it."

"Fair enough," he accepted. After some silence he asked, "Would you like to play cards?"

"Gin rummy?" she replied after a moment's hesitation.

"Sure," he agreed.

Perhaps them being equally chastised could place them united against me. That would have to be modified, but at least they would be joined in something rather than being miles away from each other.

A few seconds later, the furniture was being moved around. Even if their outburst had been hard, more than anything, I hoped it had allowed grievances to be aired, so they could heal and move on. A little over an hour later, Bella claimed a need for sleep and moved towards her room. Edward retreated to his space in the basement, while I continued working on the second floor.

About four in the morning Alice and Jasper arrived home and we met each other in the sitting room. Alice, no doubt, already know that I wanted to talk to them both, and had warned Jasper.

"What happened?" I asked as soon as we were all sitting.

"I was out when the first vision came," Alice stated, sounding sad and scared. "I immediately ran home, leaving Jasper to keep an eye on Bella. I ran through possibilities until finding one that seemed to work. Then, we waited until things became more clear."

Looking at Jasper, he seemed reluctant to speak. Sending him my care and curiosity, I waited.

"I kept projecting," he admitted.

"How come?" I wondered.

"Usually Alice grounds me, but she was really worried, as was everyone else. I felt their worries and then I'd worry. It was like a double mirror, the emotions kept bouncing back," he explained.

"And the fight between Edward and Bella?" I inquired.

"Alice wanted to get involved, but as Emmett and Rosalie had it well in hand, I decided that it would be best for us to stand down," Jasper informed me.

"When Alice was running through scenarios, I assume Edward was assisting her with the possible future options while you were using your ability to keep Alice calm as much as you could?" I checked.

They both nodded.

"And Bella after her encounter with Edward?" I questioned.

"Not home with Emmett and Rosalie as protection," Jasper answered.

Nodding, I considered what they had said in light of Carlisle's and my most recent conversations. After a lot of thought, I turned to Jasper, "Anything you would have done differently?"

He considered my question and after a few minutes told me, "Alice is so rarely distressed for long periods of time that I have little practice keeping in my gift when I'm trying to comfort her. She becomes my entire focus."

Thinking about that, and a little hesitant, so sending him my regret, I asked, "How did you keep your gift contained when you were with Maria?"

His eyes flashed in rage and I sent him more regret. Then, as if transforming before my eyes he looked like he had aged a hundred years. Eventually he confessed, "Most of the time I didn't. There was too much hatred and fear and bloodlust, and for a long time I didn't even know I had a gift. It was just the constant, and Maria revelled in that atmosphere. Once I learned about my gift, I used the emotions of the environment and increased them purposefully when controlling the newborns or during a battle." He paused a moment as if uncertain he should continue.

After sending him appreciation, he resumed, "It was actually Peter who on the sly and in a joke mentioned that I exuded an atmosphere of fear as if it were a cloak I wore. It got me thinking. It took a bit of work and some feedback from Peter, but I figured out how to use my gift in my work. It also helped me understand why feeding was different for me than others. Maria mentioned once that I was a mirror. She liked to think that I simply amplified the emotions around me, but when Peter and I were alone, I practiced honing it. But I only knew how to generate the feelings around me, since at that time I assumed Maria was right."

"And what have you mastered since coming to us?" I enquired.

"That my gift is much more than a mirror. The greatest change is that I've learned has been how to send out an emotion not present in the atmosphere, but one that I've experienced prior," he stated, "and with being around humans for more than nourishment or possible recruits, I can even generate emotions experienced by humans, but not vampires, like stomach aches."

"I'm assuming that with Alice distressed and your full attention on her, that your gift acted like it did when you were in first years?" I verified.

He contemplated for a few minutes before answering, "More like my primary emotion spread out from me."

"Well, this was a new experience for everyone, so we're all learning," I offered to him. "Thank you for going through the discomfort of explaining. That is helpful for us all. Assuming Carlisle is correct and gifts grow stronger over time, then perhaps also the range you were sending is larger than when you were with Maria?"

He considered my suggestion before answering, "Perhaps double, but I cannot say for sure, since with Maria there was no real way to measure."

Smiling sadly and sending him my pride as well as gratitude, "Without doubt Carlisle will be interested in testing things and helping you understand this part of you more. In the mean time, it might be good for you to practice when Alice has a distressing vision of offering her your comfort as well as managing the mood around you."

"That means it will alter everyone's state that is present," he reminded me.

"Naturally," I allowed. "We shall need to discuss it at the family meeting. I only meant it as a means for you to practice. It makes sense that you were doing what felt natural to soothe Alice and your awareness that you were safe here meant you were able to give her your full focus. These are good things. It's just a question of how we all need to grow from this experience." Pausing briefly, I then added, "I apologise if my questions were distressing."

"Forgiven," Jasper told me with a smile. Then, looking serious once more he told me, "I have presumed that our conversation led to the events between Carlisle and you."

"You're not at fault, but yes," I stated.

"Then, perhaps it is I that needs to apologise," Jasper offered.

"It was merely the tipping point," I told him. "No apology needed." Turning to Alice, I softened my voice, "Thank you for keeping the family safe and for what you were required to see in order to do so. I know it was distressing for you."

She jumped out of her seat and ran to me. I opened my arms and hugged her.

When she stepped back she looked sad, "The future is murky and I can't see clearly."

"Then don't look and trust that we'll find a way forward," I assured her. "The danger came to you, right? You didn't need to search and look."

"Yes," she agreed.

"Relax," I encouraged her. "Carlisle and I are strong. Even if we've never faced anything quite like this before doesn't mean that our bond has weakened in anyway. Please don't worry. We have a lot to talk about at the family meeting. Hopefully, after we talk the future will clear."

She moved back to Jasper appearing calmer.

"What's your assessment, Jasper?" I wondered.

"That Rosalie and Emmett managed things the best out of all of us," he stated after a moment of thought.

"Bella thinks she owes you an apology?" I inquired.

He frowned, clearly searching his memory. After a bit he admitted, "Not sure."

Looking at both of them, I spoke softly hoping it was enough for the words to be private between us. "You both, perhaps more than anyone else in the house, will need to learn from this experiene. You both are gifted in ways that give an advantage to the family and to each other, but every gift has its weakness, and it seems like these events have found the kink in the two of you. Alice, Jasper needs to have confidence in Carlisle and I, even if you can't see it yet. Withdrawing into yourself or doing something without the other's input isn't wise. I understand you were working fast, but Rosalie, Emmett, Jasper, and maybe even Bella might have come up with an idea better than the ones you did. Stopping to check, instead of allowing your fear to rule you is critical."

She nodded with a sad smile.

"And Jasper you must find a way of keeping yourself grounded. Carlisle talked about asking you to step into the role of family leader if such an event were to happen again. To do so, you must find a way that pulls on the best of who you are while leaving behind the parts that no longer serve you. It means keeping the whole in mind, even when Alice is distressed, and even if it upsets her further. It is something we want you to consider. If that's not a role you want, then you are welcome to pass on it. If it makes a difference, after you, Rosalie is our next choice."

His surprise and gratitude with a touch of humbleness spread through the room.

"You're very welcome," I told him. "We trust you with our lives, just like you trust us with yours, no matter how many contingency plans you might have conjured."

He looked a little embarrassed and the atmosphere returned to its more neutral state.

"Change is not always bad, Alice," I told her my voice stern. "I get that you're afraid of the unknown. Without doubt your early years left a mark on you. You cannot allow that to be where you return, though. You are stronger than that. Lean into the family and trust us."

"I didn't mean to," Alice confessed, appearing contrite and still unsettled.

"Change is difficult," I reminded Alice. "Carlisle and I are changing as individuals and as a couple. These changes are good, in my opinion, but they're hard. You work on you. You didn't find happiness to lose it."

She smiled sadly and Jasper nodded appreciatively, appearing his more collected self, and returning to the man who had been a wise brotherly confidant to me.

"Please be downstairs when Bella is ready," I requested and then walked out of the room before texting Bella, so she would see my message when she woke up.

Aware of my need to process events, I went to my office and began drawing. Initially it was a charcoal impression of a family portrait including Bella. But as I continued to draw and allow my mind to relax, the image changed into something different. Not quite a human family portrait, but not a coven either. The greatest difference was that instead of it seeming like the family was complete, our positions in the image gave the impression that there was room for more. Perhaps there were more lost souls out there like Alice and Jasper who would need a refuge. Unequivocally, any addition would shift the family, but we would be able to withstand it. Certainly, the family was open to helping others like the two newborns, but each addition added a potential for pain if they choose to leave, so we would need to think carefully.

As I set the image aside and considered the implications, my conclusion was that the only constant is change, but that was fine by me.

Upon hearing Bella wake, I went to the kitchen and made her some pancakes with eggs. When she came into the room, I asked, "Dining room or sitting room?"

She looked at me wearily and then slumped her shoulders, probably figuring out that she wasn't getting out of whatever I had planned, and replied, "Sitting room."

By the time she got there everyone else had found a seat, and she chose the one next to Edward.

Saying nothing about her choice, even though it was the closest to Edward I had ever observed her choose since his return, I handed her the plate and sat myself.

"Carlisle will be here when he can and we will have a family meeting. What I was hoping to accomplish this morning is to clear the air," I let them know. "What Alice saw via her gift scared her because it was new to her. Carlisle and I were running on instinct and that left humans and others at risk. She did what she thought was best with some support from Edward to keep everyone safe. Her quick thinking and actions combined with the advantages of her gift are greatly appreciated. However, irrelevant of her best intentions and the overall positive outcome, it seems to have caused friction between the six of you. With Bella here we're going to create rules to equalize things."

Bella appeared to relax at the last sentence. The risk of being excluded always sent her on edge. Next time we had time alone it was a topic I would need to bring up.

"For the guidelines I have in mind, each person speaks their peace, using his or her turn to explain and air any complaints. If what is said refers to someone else, then that person will have a chance to respond, no one else. No crosstalk and everything is said so that Bella can hear it."

Looking around, everyone nodded in agreement.

"Bella, do you have commitments for today?" I checked.

"I do have a work shift today, but it's after class, as I'm covering for someone else. Class starts at ten," she answered.

"In that case, we'll pick up where we left off if we don't finish before you need to leave," I offered.

Once more everyone agreed.

"Who'd like to go first?" I asked.

Jasper started. "I would like to apologise to everyone for not managing my gift. Alice and I have talked about it together and then again with Esme. I suspect it was the perfect storm that took me back to an earlier time and how I managed things then. I know it raised tempers and contributed to Edward and Bella's fight, so I owe you two a particular apology."

"No problem, Jasper," Edward offered.

"Forgiven," Bella offered him. "I can't imagine how challenging things were for you."

There was a silence for a few minutes.

"I owe you an apology too Jasper," Bella said softly. When no one spoke she continued, "You told me not to worry and that even if we didn't know the details Carlisle and Esme's relationship was strong. Instead, I allowed my parent's divorce to cloud my mind and fears of Carlisle and Esme ending to overpower me. My head said that Carlisle and Esme are different from my parents, but my fear was too strong."

"My lack of controlling my gift didn't help," he pointed out.

"Maybe," she allowed, shrugging, "but I'm still responsible for my own thoughts and feelings. My lack of managing my own self might have even made your struggles worse. And the truth is that even when I wasn't near the house and thus you, these irrational fears were still present."

"You're forgiven, sis," he told her with a smile, his affection for her touching me.

She looked bashful and nodded focusing on her food.

Silence descended once more.

"Thank you for protecting Bella, Emmett," Edward said, sounding embarrassed and struggling to admit these things.

"That's what brothers are for," Emmett replied easily.

No one said anything for a while.

Then, Alice spoke her voice soft, "I apologise for not consulting everyone or really explaining myself. Seeing Carlisle and Esme like that was really scary for me and I allowed that to cloud my judgement. And then, my struggles hurt Jasper, so I own a part of Jasper's apology." Looking over at Rosalie and Emmett she added, "Thank you for not pushing or saying anything about it. It meant a lot that you trusted me and kept a cool head."

At almost the same time they both said, "It's okay, Alice,"

When silence resumed once more I looked at Rosalie and Emmett.

Eventually Emmett stated, "I'm good. It sucked, but we're all here standing."

Rosalie seemed to be struggling with her thoughts. After a few minutes she told us, "I hate being left out. I appreciate your apology, Alice, and you are forgiven. At the same time, I'm tired of being out of the loop and feeling like I'm an outsider."

Bella's mouth dropped open and she stared at Rosalie.

Rosalie continued as if she hadn't noticed Bella's reaction. "Just because I don't have a gift doesn't mean I can't contribute and it's hurtful," Rosalie finished sounding slightly defensive by the end.

Edward and Alice especially looked contrite.

"I apologise Rose," Edward offered. "What Alice saw distressed me also, and I didn't know how to explain. You were great about it and I really appreciate how you helped Bella. I'll try and do better next time."

She looked at him like he had grown two heads, but then this was probably the first time she'd expressed herself calmly and Edward had apologised. I could only pray that things between them really were changing.

"Fair enough," she stated and then curled herself into Emmett.

"I'll do better too, Rose," Alice promised.

Rosalie maintained eye contact with Alice for a moment and then nodded letting her know that she was forgiven.

After some silence that seemed peaceful, I checked, "Anything more?"

Rosalie looked a little bashful and asked, "You going to explain?"

"Carlisle and I gave into our vampiric instincts while having sex. Given our state, Alice was alerted to the possibility of a human dying if someone would have gotten too close to the house, and of a fight within the family if we had been interrupted. We will discuss what this might mean to the family at a table discussion when Carlisle arrives," I explained. Then turning to Edward and Alice, I asked, "Did I miss anything?"

They both shook their heads no.

"Things are changing," I reminded them all. "They started with Bella's arrival and continued with my vision. Change isn't something to be fearful of, especially as it offers us a chance to be stronger as individuals and as a group. I know you all want to see Carlisle and I as constants, but we are changing too."

Everyone nodded like they understood, but their body language was still conveying apprehension.

"Remember that it is our love that binds us. To have love we must have trust. Trust yourself and trust each other. I'm proud that Edward trusted Rosalie to care for Bella and did not fight Emmett's removal of him from the situation. I'm proud of Rosalie for appreciating that Alice and Edward were trying their best to protect the family, even if that meant she was excluded. And I'm proud of each of you for being honest and forgiving each other. Wherever our bonds have been frayed, we need to heal them."

They all smiled and whispered a form of "Yes, ma'am."

Proud of them I let them know that I would text them once I knew when Carlisle could visit and that I would be in my office if they needed me.

They all stayed in the room chatting and seeming to bond. Most interestingly was that Edward and Bella had both, probably unaware, taken to leaning towards each other. Bella's continued increasing proximity to Edward was good news in my book. An additional welcome was the lack of bickering, even between Rosalie and Edward or Alice and Edward. All of their growth and maturity in handling the situation was welcome if not a bit off-putting. There were errors made, but it hadn't resulted in the regular blame throwing and defensive posturing of the past. Maybe that had all happened before I arrived, but it was, nevertheless, a blessed change. It would be odd for our family, but a group of young adults rather than older teens sounded like a welcomed transformation. I couldn't help but wonder how much of that was due to Bella's arrival to our family.

Sitting in my office reflecting, it was clear that I was stepping more and more into a leadership role. In a way it wasn't terribly different from the tasks I had done all these decades. Gently I had attempted to help guide each of them into becoming their best self, exploring different degrees and interests. The main difference was my approach in doing so. Instead of gentle nudges from the background, I was setting firmer boundaries and clearer expectations.

Carlisle had been texting when he could, telling me how much he missed me and sweet messages. I would be glad for his presence.

Bella had left with Jasper and Alice following her. Within a few hours Rosalie and Emmett also left.

These changes had inspired me. Once it was just Edward in the house, I decided to capture these thoughts and feelings through drawings on a canvas. I was just beginning preparations when there was knock on the door.

"Enter, Edward," I told him with a smile.

He opened the door and leaned on the doorframe reminding me of when we had first met. When he didn't say anything, I continued my preparation process.

Picking out my colours and putting them on the table, Edward asked, "Do you think I was resistant to change as a human?"

Stopping what I was doing and looking at him, I thought about it seriously. "Well, Carlisle says that you were stubborn, determined to join the war effort, despite your mother's vocal resistance, and that you got yourself sick taking care of her, rather than leaving it to the servants."

He looked like he was trying to remember himself as a human. A while later his eyes focused back on me. "The flu took so much."

"Between your sickness and the burn of venom, it is a wonder you remember anything," I reassured him. "But back to your question, my guess would be that your social station allowed your family to withstand the turmoil of the lower classes. Rosalie also dislikes change and you both come from similar social statuses."

He mused, "You think that the lack of significant changes as a human gave us a belief that the world is static?"

"Yes, something like that," I agreed. When he said nothing more, I asked, "Do you know why change bothers you so much?"

After some consideration he answered, "Change feels like a ghost walking over my grave. It's foreboding and has a sense of dread."

Considering his words, I offered, "Perhaps that is something you and Rose also have in common. The biggest change in your world resulted in becoming a vampire. Maybe change feels dreadful to you, because it contains loss and death."

"Could be," he offered nonchalantly, but his countenance suggested that I had hit pay dirt.

Going over and putting my hand on his face, I told him, "Change can be glorious. When a woman becomes pregnant her body changes so much she may come to not recognise herself. Yet, from those changes a new life is born. Yes, death is sad, and change can mean a loss, but it doesn't have to every time. Change in itself is neutral and simply a part of how God made the universe."

His eyes got bigger. "You've come to believe in God?"

Smiling sadly, I confessed, "I never stopped believing in God, Edward. I simply decided before I threw myself off the cliff that God had forgotten me. The events since Bella entered my life, and especially since last January have convinced me that God had not forsaken me, but simply had a different plan for me than I had expected. My son died and I died, but then I was reborn and became Carlisle's wife, and your friend. Bella's appearance has come with nomads and newborn armies, but also incredible transformations of each of us. Along the way, I realised that God loved me and I was beloved. It might be hard to lean into the unknown and have faith, but it is preferable to living a life of fear."

He smiled slightly and after a few minutes told me, "You amaze me Esme. Your entrance into Carlisle's and my life was a difficult change at first, but a blessed one. I still don't think that we retain our souls when we become vampires, but I am beginning to wonder if perhaps it isn't a curse." He stood still for a long time before he spoke again. When he did he sounded wearied by life. "This existence wasn't terrible until I wasn't the centre of Carlisle's universe. I suspect that my mother's life revolved around mine, and Carlisle revolving his life around me suited me well. After my newborn years he craved to get back to work. I wanted to tell him to stay and keep me company, but even then it sounded childish, so I held my tongue. Perhaps ever since each person added to the family has bothered me, because it forced me to share him more. In my head I am aware that, assuming I had stayed human, in less than a year I would have left my parents' home either for the war effort or for college, and life would have changed. No one's life would have revolved about me anymore. When I examine my own thoughts the more they look like Rosalie's, and then I'm appalled." He smiled sideways like he had made a joke in poor taste.

"It is interesting to consider how much you and Rose are alike, especially as you two are the ones that Carlisle felt compassion for to such a degree that he changed you both," I pointed out.

He looked uncomfortable. "Well, that says more about Carlisle than us, I suppose."

Smiling widely I agreed. After a few moments, I asked, "How do you see these reflections connecting to Bella?"

His eyes were at the ceiling clearly thinking. After a long silence he stated his tone soft, "Nothing had touched me like Bella. With her I regained the sense that someone had made me the centre of their world, and it gave me a great sense of contentment. At the same time, my years of murdering humans and then the multiple ways I killed Bella in Alice's visions instilled in me the belief that I didn't deserve it."

"And you were afraid," I interjected.

"And I was afraid," he agreed sadly. "Afraid she would measure me and find me wanting. Keeping her in my life terrified me, her rejecting me terrified me, and ruining her future was deplorable. There was no peace to be found, except in her presence, and yet I was certain I was unworthy of that peace." He sighed. "If Rosalie can change so much that I barely recognise her actions, then I can too. I might have lost Bella, but I can't let the family down, and being the spoiled brat that wants my parents to myself isn't becoming."

"Understandable, though" I countered.

"Perhaps, but no more," he seemed to be vowing. Then smiling sadly he uttered, "Can't have Rosalie outdoing me."

Smiling alongside him I agreed teasingly, "No, we can't have that."

He said nothing for a few minutes and then looking at me appearing lost, he asked, "Do you think Bella could love this new me?"

"What God had put together no man can put asunder, or vampire I might add," I replied.

Sighing, he mused, "I guess that's the million dollar question."

"Yes, probably," I agreed. "But you're only going to find the answer by risking yourself."

Frowning he answered, "As much as I wish that were not the answer, it is the only one I've come to." After a minute of silence he added, "It's strange that the only thing I'm afraid of other than guardians, werewolves, and the Volturi is Bella."

I started chuckling and then thought over my own human life and my vision.

"Sorry, Esme," Edward voiced repentant, "that was insensitive of me."

"Probably the truth," I assuaged.

He shook his head. "It's hard to imagine Carlisle being afraid of you."

Disagreeing, I told him, "More afraid of the feelings I conjured in him and the possible consequences."

He raised his eyebrow. "Are you suggesting that I'm like Carlisle?"

Looking at him surprised, I countered, "Do you not think so?"

"Carlisle is a manner of man that surpasses me by spades," he contradicted.

"Perhaps," I allowed not wishing to get into that discussion, "but that doesn't mean that you don't share many personality qualities."

He pondered that. After some time he stated, "Perhaps, but that also means that Rosalie and he share some of those same qualities."

Smiling widely, I offered, "Well, the three of you are the only ones to have studied medicine."

Edward looked like he was choking. When he recovered, he told me, "I do think that this version of Miss Platt is far more dangerous than the one I first met."

Chuckling, I assured him, "No more dangerous, but certainly changed."

Looking more solemn, he asked, "Are you and Carlisle truly well?"

Allowing my mind to review the first days, knowing full well that Edward would see much more than he wanted, I struggled to find the words to explain, "Carlisle struggles against his nature and sees us vampires similar in many ways to the lessons given to him by his father. He struggles every day to prove that his father's beliefs do not apply to him, and it makes him one of the rarest of our kind. At the same, he rarely allows himself to sink into his instincts. There are no words to explain the experience. What I know is that giving into our vampire nature and what Carlisle and I went through as a result has strengthened us. We are not monsters and although we are not humans, our nature is not wrong or evil. There are those of us who use our nature to do evil, but humans do the same."

He looked distraught and with great hesitancy asked, "Is it not your gift?"

That possibility had never crossed my mind, and my thoughts swirled.

"I didn't mean to upset you, Esme," Edward offered to me.

"What are your thoughts to ask such a question?" I wondered.

He looked reluctant, and then requested, "I need your vow that you will not repeat what I share."

Nodding in agreement, I was curious what would cause him to ask me for such a thing.

"I have mentioned that the tone of thoughts change when we give into our instincts," he offered, and I nodded knowing he had said as much in our first years. "Often my siblings join together when we hunt and when they do so are often unaware that I am still in range. Over the years I have experienced through them the kind of instinctual exchange that was in your thoughts."

"Carlisle and I have never, though," I countered.

He mused, "Yes, perhaps it could be put down to simply it being the first time and it altering your bond, but I don't think that's it entirely. Even in your instinctual state, I sense something else at play, like a greater part of you is seeking a higher purpose. That is the best I can explain it."

I had nothing to compare it to, so took Edward's word for it. It was definitely food for thought. "Thank you for overcoming any personal discomfort discussing this might have caused you. You bring up something important. Would it be possible to find a way to bring it up at the family meeting?"

He pondered that for a while before speaking, "Yes, I could do that if you believe it to be that important."

"If you really believe that my ability to draw and my vision is more than that, and something that altered Carlisle and I, then absolutely it needs to be brought to the family."

"Alright, I will," he agreed, albeit very reluctantly.

"I appreciate it," I told him while trying to picture what he meant.

"Esme," he whined, "once was more than enough."

Smiling at his Edwardian ways, I teased, "Well, perhaps you really are cursed."

He smiled although reluctantly, "Funny, funny."

"Yes, I thought so," I told him playfully. "Please help me."

His face dropping, he muttered, "The things I do."

Closing my eyes, so I could focus entirely on the experience, I slowed it down reflecting on each thought and behaviour. When I remembered giving into my instinct he said nothing, even though I expected him to point that out. Instead, when I had moved my lower body away from Carlisle not allowing him the angle to penetrate me, Edward said his voice strained, "That." Backing up a little, I reviewed the memory even slower. Just like he said, right before I moved my body was an intuitive spark. Focusing on it, I tried to understand what it was exactly, but it seemed beyond my reach like trying to grab fog.

"Try imagining it as a friend or helper in some way," Edward told me, but his voice was distorted like it was far away.

Nevertheless, I did as he suggested. Instead of trying to move towards it, I talked to it like I would a small child. The only thing that happened was a sense of peace that passed over me. When I opened my eyes many hours had passed.

"Jasper home?" I wondered feeling disorientated, which was a strange sensation.

"Yes," Edward replied.

"If you have a moment, Jasper, I would appreciate your input," I spoke knowing he would hear me.

Bella's heartbeat rang out loud and clear as did Rosalie and Emmett's voices.

Jasper showed up in the doorframe and immediately my craving for Bella's blood decreased some.

Realising what Jasper had done, I sent him my immense gratitude.

"Perhaps this would be better accomplished away from the house," Edward suggested, his voice tight. Whether that was his own bloodlust or his awareness of how Bella's blood had called to me it was hard to say.

"A wise suggestion," I agreed, loathing the idea that I might hurt Bella.

Believing that avoiding Bella would be best, I dropped out of my office window followed by Edward and then Jasper. Running away from the house, I caught the scent of deer on the wind and followed it grabbing the first that I came across. Jasper also grabbed something by the sound of it. My thirst decreased I texted Alice, Rosalie, and Emmett where in the forest we could be found, if needed. Then, I placed myself in the lotus position hoping it might help.

When Jasper joined us, I explained Edward's idea that my gift was greater than we had thought, and what we had already done. "I was hoping that I could repeat viewing the memory and the exercise I did, while Jasper you monitor me and let me know if you pick up anything."

He closed his eyes and I could feel wisps of familial love, like my emotions were being wrapped in silk. Aware that the experience, albeit odd, was simply Jasper requesting permission to use his gift within me, rather than waiting for the emotions to enter the atmosphere, I opening myself up, telling myself that Jasper was here to help. Once I made this choice, it was like I had opened a door permitting the wisps of sensors to enter me. It was extremely intimate and consequently slightly disquieting, but, given our conversations, I knew it was uncomfortable for him also, so I worked at inviting his gift in as much as possible through sending him acceptance and my love.

Warning Edward mentally that I was going to begin again and sending Jasper appreciation, I once more focused on the moment Edward had pointed out. Repeating my action of speaking like it was a timid small child, I experienced the sense of complete contentment. Then, there was this awareness that it was helping me and could be trusted. Leaning into that feeling, I tried to convey back to it that it had my utter confidence, in much the way I communicated with Jasper using my emotions. My body seemed to get warm, but from the inside out starting in the centre where the heart chakra is believed to reside. It spread up and down my body along the chakra line. Thank goodness for Alice's period of studying Eastern mysticism. Once my centre felt like it was glowing with heat it spread out towards my skin in every direction. When it covered every part of me I attempted to send it acceptance, appreciation, and love. It became a loop that I did not want to end.

Then, in the far distance I heard Rosalie calling my name sounding worried. Even though I was enjoying this space and was reluctant to leave, her concern pulled me towards her. When I opened my eyes Rosalie and Emmett were looking at me with a combination of awe and concern.

"What?" I asked, confused at their appearance, especially Jasper who looked stoned, which seemed impossible, and Edward who looked raptured.

* * *

_A/N: So? So? What do you think is happening with Esme? (bites my fingernails in anticipation)_


	9. Chapter 8: Sink or Swim Together

**Chapter 8: Sink or Swim Together**

* * *

Standing up, I travelled back to the house saying nothing while Rosalie and Emmett followed me, leaving Jasper and Edward.

We were nearing the house when Emmett told me, "Rosalie was concerned, asked Alice, who then became concerned, and after a brief talk decided for Rose and I to go while Alice stayed with Bella."

The fact that they talked things through were signs that they were already learning from our recent lessons. I could not have felt prouder.

As soon as we entered the house, Alice passed us at a sprint, no doubt going to Jasper's side.

When we walked into the sitting room, Bella asked, "Where'd everyone go?"

Taking a seat in a chair, Emmett and Rosalie settled into a couch with Rosalie leaning into Emmett's shoulder, and I explained, "Edward thought that what happened between Carlisle and I was influenced by my gift. He was helping me sort it out, and then I wanted Jasper's help. We went far enough from the house, so that if we used up our energy we wouldn't be a risk to you."

Bella looked incredibly uncomfortable and uttered, "oh." It took her a few minutes, but when she had collected herself, she asked, "Did you learn anything?"

"I'm not sure, actually," I told her. "Edward was right. There was something there, and it seemed like a light to me. It had a warm and inviting feeling, but upon hearing Rosalie call my name I left the visualisation. When I opened my eyes, Edward and Jasper were still meditating, so them helping me seemed to have affected them. However, I really don't know what's going on."

Only then did it occur to me that I had no idea how much time had passed. Opening my phone to check, it was full of text messages from Carlisle each getting increasingly more worried up until about twenty minutes ago. Immediately I felt ashamed in my delay in contacting him. I messaged back that I was fine, asked for an apology, and would explain when I saw him. He messaged back that it had been a slow day for him in the ER, and after not hearing from me after a few hours, had grown concerned. Apologising again for worrying him, he answered back that there was nothing to apologise for, as I couldn't have known that he would have been looking for me, as he should have been occupied with patients.

Probably reading in between my expressions, Rosalie spoke up, appearing a little embarrassed, "Carlisle called me."

Looking up from my phone, while sending a message for him to be well for the rest of his shift, it dawned on me that he was far more worried than his text messages had implied. It made me doubly grateful that he had reached Rosalie.

After a few minutes, she added, "It wasn't a vision that came to Alice. Due to Carlisle's call I asked her to check on you. She said that you, Edward, and Jasper were in the forest, just like you had texted us, yet she looked worried and confused. As her reaction was disconcerting we ran through possibilities and decided that I would go and check, and take Emmett in case there was trouble, even though Alice hadn't seen any." With a bit of a quiver in her voice she added, "You looked like a Buddha statue."

Smiling at her reassuringly, I explained, "I was merely attempting to focus."

Bella looked like she wanted to say something, so I encouraged her, "Out with it."

Smiling shyly, she hedged by telling me, "If it's too personal, just say so."

Agreeing with a nod, she then asked, "Why would your gift influence what happened between you and Carlisle?"

Smiling at her, I told her, "That is an excellent question. Edward was guessing that might be the case, and we were trying to figure that very question out. Truthfully, we didn't get to the answer. Each time I tried searching, I lost time, and although I came to with Rosalie's voice, when we left Edward and Jasper were still stone."

Even though I had already mentioned them having not returned from their meditative space, my wording immediately caused her to look frightened and asked, "Will they be okay?"

"Come one, Belly-bear," Emmett laughed, "you know we can only get hurt by fire."

She looked a little comforted.

"Maybe the family meeting will help?" Rosalie offered, seeming to offer both Bella and I a kind of assurance.

"I sure hope so," I concurred.

"Where were you Bella during all this decision making?" I wondered.

"Initially I was in my room," she answered, "but then Emmett came and got me. He said that you, Edward, and Jasper couldn't be reached and Rosalie and him were heading out to find you three."

"Were you satisfied in how you were included?" I questioned curiously.

She looked down and muttered, "It was an improvement, but not really."

Rosalie and Emmett looked slightly chagrined.

"What would have been your preference?" I enquired.

"If they would have stopped in my room as soon as they were concerned and simply said 'something's up' or 'family problem' or I don't know, just something. I'm slower than them, so maybe by the time I would have shown up the plan would have already been decided, but at least I would have known what was happening about when everyone else did."

"Sorry, Bella," Rosalie stated. "I'll do that next time. Honestly, I was so worried that I forgot that you wouldn't have heard the conversation with Carlisle like Alice and Emmett."

Bella looked taken back by the idea that Rosalie had forgotten she was human. She schooled her features and replied, "Thanks Rose, that would be appreciated."

"I'm sorry too," Emmett added. "Same reason as Rose, but I can do better."

"Thanks," she answered. Her body relaxed more and she appeared more content. "Can I get a hug?" she asked them both after a few seconds.

"Sure, come and sit with us," he told her.

Rosalie moved so she was lying down on the couch with her head in Emmett's lap while also placing herself into the back into the couch, which allowed Bella to sit in front of Rosalie. Emmett put his hand on Bella's shoulder while Rosalie ran her fingers through Bella's hair. The signs of their sibling care for each other touched me deeply.

No doubt to distract us, Emmett started telling stories of different people at college. Of course, all the stories contained some way that a student made a fool of him or herself. I couldn't be sure if the stories had any truth in them or not, but they successfully distracted me from my thoughts and seemed to have the same reaction to Bella.

When Alice, Jasper, and Edward entered, Emmett stopped mid-sentence and asked, "You guys okay?"

For the briefest of flashes he appeared jealous and angry, but then content. Probably Rosalie and/or Emmett had said something to him mentally.

"Hunted before we came back," Jasper stated, but then said nothing else, taking Alice by the hand and pulling her into his lap on the floor.

Edward came further into the space and chose on the other end of the sofa where Bella had been originally.

"I hope we didn't worry you," Edward told Bella as he sat.

She smiled bashfully and then admitted, "I was slightly concerned. Emmett put me right, but it's a relief to see you two back."

Emmett started back in with his stories.

About thirty minutes later, I informed them, "Carlisle should be here in about two hours." Turning to Bella, I wondered, "You want to rest and us wake you up, sleep and then talk in the morning, or something else?"

"Actually, food would be good, and maybe some coffee?" she suggested.

"I'll make the food, and you make the coffee?" I offered.

"Deal," she agreed with a grin.

As we walked together to the kitchen I put my arm around her shoulder. "You are such a blessing to us. Thank you for everything."

She looked uncomfortable, but replied softly, "I appreciate you guys too. It's odd, but I don't even think about returning to my mother's anymore and my father less and less as the months go by. My mother is so occupied with Phil she barely remembers I exist. It's sad to say, but I think pretending that she doesn't have a grown daughter is easier for her. It allows her to be the young free spirit that she is at her core. When she does call, she acts like we're sisters. I love her and miss her sometimes, but after becoming closer to Rosalie and Alice, I can see how self-focused my mother is. She cares; she does." These last words were said with emphasis. It was almost like she was more trying to convince herself than anyone else. Then, she petered out like she was afraid to say more.

"Relationships are complicated, Bella. You love her and you love Charlie. Nothing will change that. But the nature of your relationship with each is changing. In part, this is just a natural part of growing up. You're moving out of adolescence and into adulthood. But I think that your parents' lack of knowing how to assist you in growing up has a lot to do with how things are now."

She nodded looking sad and contemplative.

"Without a doubt, they want to see you happy," I consoled her.

"I am," she stated with certainty.

"Then that's what matters," I affirmed.

We enjoyed each other's company and chatted a little about her thoughts on the future. I was certainly curious to see how our family meeting might impact her decisions. Hopefully, she would be able to stand in the truths about herself that she was discovering allowing the family's needs to alter her decision making process little. We were a family of strong personalities, and she would need to hold her own.

After eating, she retreated to her room to study. Only an hour had passed when Carlisle's car could be heard in the distance, so Rosalie went and let Bella know that Carlisle was near. I greeted him with a lingering kiss, while everyone else looked elsewhere. Bella came down the stairs appearing tired. She went into the kitchen and poured herself a new cup of coffee before entering the dining room.

"We can wait until the morning," I assured her, concerned.

"I've got a few hours in me," she rebutted.

Not wanting to contradict her and give her the sense that I believed her incapable, I said nothing and sat in my usual spot with Bella to my left.

Carlisle looked at Bella and affirmed what he had heard me say, "Bella, we are more than willing to put this off. So, when you need, just say the word, and we'll wait till after you rest. There is nothing that we're going to talk about that can't wait a few days, let alone a few hours."

"Sure, sure," Bella agreed with a smile.

It was doubtful that anyone believed Bella would speak up easily.

"As you all know, Esme and I had an intense twenty days. First and foremost, I need to express my deep appreciation for all that each of you did to help keep the family safe. Your quick thinking, ability to trust each other, and actions allowed us the time to transform. That appreciation is especially sweet personally as a man and a husband, as it has been for the improvement of our relationship. Esme has given me the basics regarding the conversations she's had with each of you, and some of the unintentional consequences the family experienced. Both Esme and I are apologetic for any discomfort and difficulties you each encountered."

Everyone acknowledged him, and expressed that it had been resolved and all was forgiven, so he continued, "Both Esme and I are also grateful for the growth we have seen in each of you. Over the decades we have lived together in multiple different ways, and although we are not a traditional family, we are bonded deeply with one another. Esme raised the opinion that as we each grow, so does our bonds to one another. In that vein, although how we have often represented ourselves to the human world with her and I in parental roles has served us, Esme and I are of the mind that we should consider something different moving forward."

Their faces contained a mixture of surprise, concern, and uncertainty.

"When Esme and I called a family meeting that was the original reason for us doing so. However, given more pressing issues, what that might look like is a future conversation. Instead, I believe the most pressing issue for us to discuss as a family is how to handle anytime Esme and I are not in a position to lead. In the past, it was Edward and Rosalie, when it was just the four of us. Since adding Emmett, it has been mostly Edward leading the charge. Then, with the addition of Alice and Jasper to the family, Alice and Edward have made the decisions on the rare chance that we were unreachable. With the addition of Bella, the changes to the family, and the events that just transpired, I believe it the appropriate moment to discuss how we would like things to be handled moving forward."

Bella looked surprised and a little confused, while everyone else appeared like they had expected this conversation. In fairness, it wouldn't have been hard to put two and two together for everyone but Bella, simply because she did not yet have the experience of how we functioned.

After a minute of pause, in respect to what Carlisle had stated, I asked Bella, "Do you have questions?"

"Tons," she replied straight away, "but I suspect this is more of a show and tell. I'll hold my questions for the time being."

"If that changes, speak up," I encouraged her.

"Will do," she agreed.

We lapsed into silence until Edward broke it. "I appreciate everyone trusting me and Alice to work together like we have in the past, and I suppose I'm accustomed to being second after Carlisle and Esme, but I have to agree with Carlisle's hinted suggestion that I am not in a position to be in that role at the moment. It will certainly be a challenge for me to alter my inclinations to take the lead, as I've done that job for a century now. And when time is pressing me using my gift to express the group's consensus has expedited things. At the same, I agree that it would be in the family's best interest for it not to be me making the final call."

Rosalie, Emmett, and Bella looked surprised and impressed. Alice and Jasper were neutral and appeared as if they had expected his words, which given their gifts they probably were forewarned.

_I'm proud of you_, I conveyed to Edward.

Carlisle must have said something similar and he nodded his head to both of us.

"I nominate Rosalie," Jasper stated with a small smile.

Rosalie looked shocked.

We all remained silent giving her time.

Bella kept looking around at the faces at the table like our expressions would give her the answers to the questions she had yet to ask.

When Rosalie recovered she told Jasper, "Certainly with all your past experience, you'd be more qualified."

Jasper looked at all of us lingering at me before he spoke, "I still have work to do with my gift. I can't be the one making decisions, especially how we work, with what I released into the house when Esme and Carlisle were out of commission. I will happily lend support and offer my opinion, but I think the decision making should go elsewhere, and I can't think of anyone more willing to ensure everyone's voice is heard and would make the best decisions for the welfare of the whole family than you, Rose."

She appeared stunned and appreciative of his words.

"Alice?" Carlisle asked.

"I've used my gift to help make the decisions, and even if it appeared like I was co-leading with Edward that wasn't my intention or how I saw things. I am aware of my tendency to see my visions as more true than reality, and am working on that. So, first, I apologise if my approach made it seem like I was forcing the family in any way. My heart was to aid whomever in making decisions and that remains true if we choose Rosalie or anyone else," she stated without hesitation, yet her remorse clear.

Rosalie and Emmett told her that she was forgiven. "Water under the bridge," Rosalie added. "This is a new family chapter."

After some silence, Bella raised her hand slowly and reluctantly.

Holding back a chuckle, I told her, "Just speak your mind. The rules for this family meeting are no different than the previous ones."

Nodding that she heard me, she still appeared reluctant.

"It's okay," Jasper encouraged her, sending her courage and our care for her, as I could feel it touch me, probably due to her and my proximity.

Bella looked around at all of us nervously before speaking, "So, Alice's answer seems to imply a no on her part, but I don't understand why she wasn't asked."

Alice turned to her, "Jasper is declining. If I were to take that role, then as my mate he would be assisting me, which would then negate his no."

Bella nodded, but she still appeared confused.

"We live very differently than most vampires," Carlisle reminded her. After a pause he resumed, "The Volturi, for instance, are a coven six, the three and their wives, but in their case the wives get little say in the functioning of the coven, and thus in policing the world."

Bella appeared enthralled and curious.

"In this family, although each person has a voice and role, we would never ask that role to go against the wishes of their mate. As Jasper declined, it was assumed that Alice would too," Carlisle explained.

She nodded, then looked like she was trying to solve a puzzle.

With a brotherly teasing smile, Jasper prodded her, "Out with it."

Looking slightly embarrassed, she looked at Carlisle, "So, if Emmett says no, Rosalie would also decline?"

Smiling, he answered, "That's the general idea."

With that we all turned to Emmett.

He looked at Rosalie, "You want to do it?"

She looked uncertain, but willing. After a few minutes of a wordless communication passing between them, she turned to the family, "How about temporarily until our next move? At that time, we can see if it works for me and Emmett as well as everyone else."

Carlisle looked at Emmett sincerely, "Your thoughts, please."

Emmett chuckled good-naturedly. "I think Rose here will do a great job. She's risk-averse, which is a good thing. She's good at looking at the big picture. She keeps up with humans and their world. I'm happy to stand by her and support her, as long as it's what she wants, but other than supporting her, I'm out."

No one was surprised by his attitude and words, but it would be interesting as the time went by if this role for Rosalie would also change Emmett some.

"Objections?" Carlisle checked.

No one said anything.

After the designated amount of time had lapsed, Carlisle spoke once more, "Esme and I have also discussed my role. We have agreed for Esme to take on more, making her have the greatest say between us."

Everyone was surprised except Jasper, who was smug and Bella, who was confused.

Meekly Bella asked, "Please explain."

"Since I sired everyone but Alice and Jasper," Carlisle began, "and they joined us, it progressed that I was the instructor for them all, they looked to me for guidance and direction, and thus leadership. When Alice and Jasper joined we basically carried in the same way. As my mate, and abiding by the rules our family has made, if I was in surgery or otherwise unreachable, then technically Esme led, but in reality she often demurred to Edward. Some of that is probably because Edward helped Esme through the newborn period," he paused allowing the information to settle in Bella before continuing.

"Esme has always had a gift of seeing the best in others and nudging them in the direction they need to go. However, since her vision, she has become more active. These past months with us in Forks and you all here, she has become the bridge between the two houses. And the truth is that I'm often occupied at work. It has been immensely helpful to me knowing that she has things in hand."

He looked over at me and grabbed my hand. "She also is a natural leader. I am a scientist and a diplomat. We are growing into our strengths and moving past the roles we took on early in our relationship. I believe that growth is mostly down to Esme, her gift, along with her leadership qualities. This is one of the many things that became apparent to us when we were unreachable."

There were a few minutes of silence before Jasper asked, "In what manner would you divide the role?"

His question did not surprise me, as he, over everyone, needed to know the chain of command and division of roles.

"I would still stand as the mouthpiece for the family, negotiate with other covens if necessary, and represent the family. Thus, to the outside world I would remain the spokesperson. Esme and I agree that this generates the safest option for us, as our community is aware of my name."

"The Denalis?" Edward questioned.

"We, of course, are free to tell them of our family dynamic alterations, but I'm also fine if we choose to say nothing. Although, if we go and visit for more than a few weeks, they are likely to notice the changes," Carlisle answered.

Waiting to make sure there were no more questions, I then added, "And I would take on more of the daily family parts."

"Objections?" Carlisle asked. After waiting double the usual amount of time, he looked at me for input.

"I'm thinking that given our changes that we will need a different kind of living situation next time, so I would like to discuss our next move at least six months, if not a year in advance," I requested.

Everyone responded in the positive.

"Thank you," I told them. Then turning to Bella, I checked, "How are you holding up?"

"Carry on," she said through a yawn.

Doubting her, I nevertheless did as she requested, "Anything more before we talk about my gift?"

Jasper took a breath and we all turned towards him. "I just wanted to let the family know that I'm going to be working on honing my gift. Esme has asked me to practice when Alice is in a vision, also monitoring and sending out a positive emotion. Feedback when that happens would be helpful."

Everyone affirmed that they would help.

Next, Alice spoke up, "I know that at the last family meeting I mentioned about opening a clothing line. I'm still in the process. I've made some steps, but not enough to bring a plan." She paused for a second taking in a breath. "I've mentioned to Esme that I'm going to study costume designing this time around, and I wanted to mention my ideas to everyone."

We all gave her the floor.

"I found out that humans have designed a special glue that allows them to adhere false skin without damage. It gave me hope that finally we could figure out how to age ourselves. Of course, I doubt that the glue for humans would work on our skin, but I was hoping someone might be willing to do the chemistry. I'm going to learn more about how humans are doing it in film and stage production, and see if we can modify it for our purposes. I'm hoping that if we all pitch in, we can figure out a way to trick the humans into believing that we're aging. Then, maybe we could stay in a place longer."

"I'm thinking about studying chemistry or biology as my major," Bella put in. "Anything in particular?"

"I'm not sure," Alice answered.

"One step at a time," I assured Bella.

She nodded and then after a second mentioned, "Do you guys know about hand warmers?"

Everyone shook his or her heads no.

"They're little packets that generate heat. It's two chemicals that when you break the packet come together and create heat," she explained. "I was thinking it would allow you to warm your hands temporarily."

"Don't forget contacts," Rosalie added.

"If we had warmer hands, brown coloured eyes, perhaps, and appeared to age, how long until someone asks questions?" I wondered.

"Thirty to forty years, I'd wager," Carlisle offered.

Emmett whistled lowly, then seemingly reluctantly asked, "Will that raise warnings for the Volturi?"

Carlisle seemed to consider that carefully before answering, "I can't see how. They have dwelt in Volerra for over two thousand years and Amun his home even longer. As long as we keep the secret, then I can't say that they would be bothered."

Emmett smiled widely.

"It would have to be suburbs or similar," Rosalie put in. "Small towns are too nosy and inner cities, although offer anonymity are too densely populated for us to live. We'd have to find the space where people don't notice their neighbours for that length of time."

"Northeast?" I presumed.

"Probably," she agreed.

Carlisle looked extremely pleased. "This would really make a difference, Alice. The world is getting smaller, and starting over is getting more and more challenging, especially with the humans' technological advances."

"I can't see if we make it work, and I know our previous attempts have failed, but I want to try again," she practically begged.

"Objections?" Carlisle checked.

There were none.

After the time had passed, Emmett spoke up, "I'm thinking of studying programming for making games. It's a job I can do without meeting anyone, like the fashion company Alice mentioned, and I'm hoping learning more in that area of study will allow me to help the Jay-man with our digital footprint."

"Great idea," I offered.

"Sounds good," both Edward and Jasper told him.

"Cool," Emmett replied pleased.

Looking over at Bella, I said, "I think we should call a break, and pick up talking about my gift in the morning. What time shall we set?"

Everyone looked at Bella.

She became bashful, looked at her phone, thought some and then offered, "10am?"

"Sounds good," I told her. "Enjoy the evening everyone."

Then, I took Carlisle's hand and led him outside. Rosalie and Emmett had joined us.

"Need to hunt?" I asked.

"Sure," Emmett replied.

I swore that boy always said yes to hunting.

Running together, it was good to move at a more natural speed. Although I would never wish Bella away, it was hard at times to remain so slow for such long periods of time.

When the scent of prey crossed us, Rosalie and I followed one trail, while Carlisle and Emmett followed another. It would be good for them both to spend time together. When we came across a herd, Rosalie signalled for me to go first. After drinking down two, I buried them and then we started running once more. It seemed that the effects of my searching my gift was still impacting me. When we found another group of deer, I stood back and cast my eyes on the forest ceiling, knowing how much Rosalie disliked being watched when she made her kills. As much as she had changed, it seemed to be one of the things that lingered on.

When she was done she asked, "Should we find the boys?"

Turning to her, I told her my tone full of admiration and pride, "You'll do a great job."

Smiling reluctantly, she confessed, "I'm nervous."

Hugging her, I told her, "Of course you are. You care and want to do the family proud. If you weren't nervous, I would be worried."

Her smile grew and then she teased, "While you're taking over the reins."

"Hardly," I replied, aware as soon as the word exited my mouth that my tone was defensive. "Sorry," I stated immediately afterwards. Pleading with her to understand, I explained, "I didn't see it, not to mention that I wasn't trying to do any such thing." Sighing, I continued, "I just want to see us become our best."

She grabbed my hands and looking into my eyes earnestly told me, "That is why we all love and trust you." Stepping back a little she stated, "You're not kicking Carlisle out or removing him from his role. You're taking your rightful place and sharing it. I'm so happy for you, Esme. I've always appreciated your mothering and guiding hand, but it has changed. It feels more like we're sisters and as your younger sister, I am grateful for your example. Perhaps with this new role Emmett and I can also find a greater balance."

Surprised at her statement, I queried, "You don't think the two of you have balance?"

She pondered before answering, "In some ways we do, but come on, we all know that I tend to get my way and he's happy to go along with whatever I want. I'm hoping that having this responsibility will bond us closer together and allow us to grow as individuals and as a couple."

Hugging her once more, I then stepped back and putting my hands on her cheeks agreed, "I hope for that too."

"Boys?" she questioned smiling.

Nodding we started searching for them. As we travelled through the forest, she mused, "Interesting that in a family of gifts the two most non-gifted couples are leading the family."

Considering her observation, I agreed, "Yes, that is something to consider." After a few minutes, I added, "Perhaps our lack of a gift gives us the advantage in our family of wanting to make sure every voice is heard."

After some pondering she hedged, "Perhaps."

"If the time comes, just remember to lean into the gifts we have. They might be annoying at times, but Alice's, Jasper's, and Edward's have all contributed to keeping the family from harm."

With earnestness she vowed, "I will."

When we came across Carlisle and Emmett they had clearly been play fighting, and it seemed like only Carlisle had found something based on the colour of their eyes. When Carlisle looked at me, he looked all of his 24 years, and I had to wonder if this change in our family might be good for him. He had admitted that a part of him had not wanted to change and that part wanted to keep his role in the family, but it must have been a small part of him, if our conversations and his present appearance were anything to go by.

"I can't take you anywhere Emmett McCarthy," Rose stated playfully with her hand on her hip.

"True," he answered with a boyish smile before he launched himself at her.

She squealed and attempted to move out of the way, but he moved himself midair and caught her wrapping her in his arms, while also keeping her from getting dirty, as he crashed into the ground creating a divot that didn't exist prior.

She relaxed into his embrace.

As soon as Emmett had sprung Carlisle began moving towards me. He kissed me passionately. "Good seeing you," he told me playfully.

"Good to be seen," I replied with a smile.

We stood looking at them, our arms wrapped around the other's waist.

"Did Carlisle teach you a new move?" Rosalie asked talking into Emmett's chest.

"Not really," Emmett offered. Then dropping the volume of his voice as if we couldn't hear, he told her, "He is hiding some mad skills, though. I suspect that he was a member of the Volturi guard all those years and is only hiding it under that distinguished doctor persona."

She started giggling and looked up at him, placing her hand on his face. "You'll stand by me? Keep me from pulling an Edward or even just being a controlling bitch?"

"Till the end of time," he vowed and then kissed her sweetly. With a big grin he looked over at us, "Oh, the peanut gallery. Didn't see you there."

Both Carlisle and I chuckled.

"Shall we return or do you wish to find something?" Carlisle asked directing his question at Emmett.

"I'll wait for a bear," he replied with a smile.

Rosalie and he stood up, and we started back to the house.

Emmett appeared to be considering something really serious and then asked, "So, does the husband of the vice-president get a cool title? Maybe Duke or something?"

"Second husband?" Rosalie offered trying to sound serious.

"Ah that's terrible," Emmett groaned. "There has to be something better than that. Maybe we can get Edward to call me His Highness."

Rosalie and I rolled our eyes while Carlisle looked amused.

"How is your brother?" I asked, wanting to take the opportunity to get his opinion.

"Imitating a sloth," he replied with a chuckle.

"Better than a stone," I pointed out.

"For both their sakes," Emmett agreed. He seemed to be putting his thoughts together, so we all stayed quiet. After a few minutes he said seriously, "The problem with those high-falutin' lawyers and stuff like Edward's dad was that they were really busy and stuffy. I doubt Edward really got time with his Dad, except maybe at his office or something. And, no offense, Carlisle, but his second life hasn't been much different. Maybe in the beginning you were there a lot for Edward, but since I came into the family you've been busy. Us hillbillies didn't have much in the way of material goods or even sometimes food, but my brothers and I had lots of time with our pops. He taught me how to shoot, trap, fish, skin, and all that stuff. In Edward's world, he wasn't given jobs like that. Not to mention that he has spent his entire existence single. He got himself into a rut. He's a good kid, and he loves Bella. He'll get there."

He paused before continuing, "I've never been so grateful to grow up how I did until recently. It might not have been great as a human, and wouldn't have prepared me to be a lawyer or doctor or accountant or any of those jobs, but it was great preparation for this life. Edward had a great human life, so he sees what he's missing. Mine was hard and I would have never had a chance with a beauty like Rose, so I figure that I lucked out good. That viewpoint makes a world of difference. I'm not trying to knock the downsides. There are some, for sure, but it's all in how you look at it."

Unsure of what to say myself, it was Carlisle that broke the silence. "Your wisdom and clarity of vision will serve Rosalie well if she is called to act for the family in the future."

He nodded and then said his tone serious, "No one wants to replace you Carlisle. You know that right? You've led us right for all my vampire years."

Carlisle smiled assuredly. "Truth be told, my feathers felt a little ruffled at first, but my greatest desire is for the family to flourish. When I got past my juvenile reactions, I realised that this new way was a blessing for me as much as for everyone else. There is a load off my shoulders knowing that while I'm at work Esme will lead us and I can come back home and take orders." He looked a little shy, but admitted, "I am excited actually for how this will allow Esme to come into her own. She's sexy when she's the boss." Then, he winked.

Emmett seemed caught off guard for a moment, but quickly recovered and agreed, "Sexiest thing ever." Then, he leant over and kissed Rose shamelessly.

"Down boy," Rosalie teased.

"Ah, Rose, you're ruining my fun," he retorted playfully.

"Back by ten," I reminded them.

"Will do," Emmett agreed before he swept Rose off her feet and jetted away.

"How does he manage that immaturity and maturity all within a few minutes?" I pondered out loud.

"It is the enigma that is Emmett," he replied lightly.

"I suspect that he is quite wise, but doesn't want his reputation as a clown ruined," I suggested in jest.

"Well, then, we shouldn't expose him," Carlisle said as if being serious.

The house was coming into view.

"Spend some time with Edward," I encouraged him, my voice soft, so that the sound wouldn't carry. "Perhaps Emmett is right and he needs your influence more, rather than less."

"I am afraid that I make things worse," he confessed at a whisper. "It seems that all he wishes to do at the moment is argue with me."

"Maybe that's what he needs," I offered.

Pondering that he allowed, "Perhaps."

Carlisle must have called Edward mentally, as Edward appeared in front of us.

I kissed Carlisle's cheek.

"Enjoy," I told them both as they moved into the forest.

Finding Alice wrapped in Jasper's arms on the couch in the sitting room, I asked, "Mind some company?"

"Please," Jasper replied.

It seemed Alice was distressed, so I asked her, "What's wrong?"

"For decades now I've left Rosalie and Emmett out," she explained sounding remorseful. "Emmett doesn't care that much, but it has wounded Rosalie. She's forgiven me, which I appreciate. Nevertheless, I can't help but acknowledge that this latest time she trusted me to protect the family, and I feel worse. The least I could have done is explained, or asked Edward to explain."

"Perhaps," I allowed.

"Rose will do a better job of including everyone than I have," she admitted.

"Watching how she handles things could offer you a learning opportunity," I suggested.

She smiled, but still appeared sad. "Yes, it could." After a few more minutes, she added, "I didn't mean to leave them out."

"Would another apology, perhaps privately, be in order?" I asked.

She grumbled and Jasper smirked. "I swear the two of you should be the ones posing as twins."

"Jasper and I?" I confirmed.

"Yes," she grunted out. "It's like having a conversation in stereo."

Chuckling I suggested, "Maybe you needed to hear it twice, then."

Frowning she paused, "All these changes are hard."

"They are," I agreed, "which is why I think that Jasper is the strongest, and most admirable of us all. He is not Maria's man, nor the man who arrived beside you, and he continues to strive to self-improve."

She glowed in affection and pride. "Yes, he's the best."

Winking and in a teasing voice, I told her, "We just shalln't tell Edward or Emmett."

Jasper chuckled and Alice beamed. "No, can't have that," she agreed.

After some silence I enquired, "You both truly content with the new plans?"

"Yes," they both said easily.

"It will give us the time we need, and we're only here four more years at most," Alice pointed out.

I was glad to hear her being optimistic once more. It suited her better.

"All true," I agreed.

"Rose might shine," Jasper pointed out.

Alice pouted, and then he said something too soft for me to hear. She nodded and looked resigned.

"Hard to put your future in her hands?" I guessed.

She frowned and nodded.

"In the beginning of this life, you only had yourself and your visions, Alice. You've worked hard in letting the visions not be the most important part of you, and that's been huge. I can't imagine how scary it would be to let go of that, especially as Carlisle helped guide you via your visions after your first viewing of him."

Her face fell and she appeared to be thinking critically. After a while she agreed, "It is hard."

Leaning forward, I reminded her, "The greatest challenge is trust. Find a way to trust that Rose will consult you, listen to what you have to offer, and keep the family safe. Or does that concern extend to me also?"

She shook her head. "It's not you or her. It's the change. The change scares me," she admitted.

"It is frightening because we do not know for certain what is around the next bend," I reminded her. "We trusted you, as a family, to help us stay safe. Trust us and the family to keep you and Jasper safe."

She nodded.

"Concerns, Jasper?" I checked.

He pondered before telling me, "The first few times will be rough, but without doubt lessons will be learned and we will find out how to successfully navigate this new way."

"True," I agreed.

"You're going to do great," he assured me, "no reason to worry."

Chuckling I confessed, "A little worry probably is good. I'm confident that I will find my feet. I just hope that whatever lessons I need to learn won't be too big of a blunder, and thus cause the family too many problems."

"We are stronger united," he reminded me.

"Without a doubt," I agreed, "and we will still have our voting that directs us mostly. It's really only if quick decisions need to be made. If someone were to slip or risk exposure in some way, then my feet will really be put to the fire."

"You are made of gold," he told me sweetly. "Even if you are remolded, your nature will not change. Do not fret."

Smiling at his metaphor I thanked him, then lost myself some in my own thoughts.

"How are we doing on the digital end?" I asked Jasper curious.

"It's getting more difficult," he stated. "As camera phones grow more affordable, removing our images completely is going to become impossible. A nomad being caught on camera is more of a security risk than us, but that's the Volturi's problem. Being able to stay in a place and age will solve lots of problems digitally as well. From a strategy perspective, what would be ideal is to move after 20 or 30 years, but then keep up the aging for another 20 to 30. Then, be abroad and out of contact for another 20 years and in that time put out obituaries. Next, would be to start again with a new name. That way if any descendant ever did find a digital picture we could more easily play the dead relative or descendent card. Emmett studying gaming will hopefully help, not just for him having an occupation that will give him a place in the human society, which will keep us on the pulse of things, but also assist the family. I need another set of eyes, which I've mentioned to him. He is more interested in the future, and my focus has been covering our tracks, so that should work well for the time being."

"What are the odds of a picture of us being a problem?" I asked mulling over his words.

"Almost 400% greater than what it was two years ago," he replied after a brief pause. "I can cover our tracks if the picture is uploaded and even most of the time if it's in a cloud, but otherwise it is nearly impossible, and with the non-hospital elements that are apart of Carlisle's role at some point what we're doing isn't going to work anymore. We could always move to remote places around the globe or something like that for a few decades until I can get a better handle on it."

"Carlisle's work has always created the greatest security risks for the family," I mused hating to think of a time when Carlisle might be forced out of a hospital, "but at the same time it deflects people considering our true nature. No person or individual would put vampire and doctor together, only Carlisle."

He nodded in agreement, but we all knew how integral Carlisle's work was to his contentment, and it did keep people from the truth, even if it increased suspicions at times.

"At the next New Years family meeting, add to your agenda setting up medically-focused non-profits across the globe where we could set up if ever needed," I suggested.

"Done," he agreed.

After some more time had gone by, I asked Alice, "Do you really think that we'll be able to construct a way to appear like we're aging?"

"There will be a limit," she stated matter-of-factly. "Unless they invent even more clever things, I can see up to 50 years old."

Shaking my head in amazement, I stated, "It's hard to imagine. It will radically alter our lives."

"It will take time to apply," she warned. "As you know I've been looking into the makeup used on stage and then movies since shortly after joining the family and the discussion about us being able to stay longer in one place for more than 10 years. The greatest hurdle has always been that our skin doesn't have pours like humans. Thus, we can wear a wig or mask, but the human eye usually can tell up close. The next hurdle has been something that will stay over the whole day, in adverse weather conditions, and also the hospital environment. At the hospital especially, there are fluids and chemicals in the atmosphere, according to Rosalie, that create a risk that it won't stay adhered for Carlisle's entire shift. But I have hope in the new techniques humans are using. It wasn't a promise that it can be done, but a hope that we can find a way."

"Yes, I registered your reservations," I confirmed. "And it seemed like Bella wanted to take on some of the chemistry aspects."

"Yes, it does seem that way," Alice agreed. "As you know that has often been on Rosalie and Edward's shoulders, but as Rosalie's focus on our vehicles has taken more of her time, that has left Edward. Due to Edward's need of a secure room originally, we were able to set up a lab for him. And although he has made some interesting findings, truthfully, it's not his passion. If it becomes Bella's, all the better."

Everything she spoke I knew. It took a lot of work for our family to stay near humans, especially as we wanted to stay a step ahead, but it was great to know we were on the same page. Keeping our nature a secret definitely made sure we were occupied, especially with technology advances happening at such a fast rate.

Thinking things through, even if I didn't know the details of what Jasper did, his lessons over the years on how to keep ourselves digitally safe meant I had a rudimentary idea of what the future might hold.

A frightening idea came to me and with trepidation at the answer, I asked Jasper, "How much longer can the Volturi continue their practice of having humans brought to them?"

His eyes lit up at the puzzle I had given him. I could almost watch his tactical mind at work.

Eventually, he said, "If they have a really good hacker or a couple of them, they could hide such numbers of human deaths for a few decades. I guess it depends on how technologically current they are. Will the brothers even understand the danger or even the weapons humans now possess? Sure, Aro might read the human's thoughts that he kills, but how much stock will he put into it? There are too many variables to say for sure."

"It's not just our family that's changing," I mused.

After a couple of heavy minutes Jasper said solemnly, "I suspect that the vampire world has not faced such a crisis since humans discovered fire."

"Truly?" I checked.

He mused some more before answering, "Humans are at their highest numbers ever, their technology connects them in instants. The stories, if true, are that the coven of Hiroshima did not survive the nuclear blast. And humans are naturally scared of us. Would the world leaders be willing to bomb Volterra in order to destroy the threat of a bus load of humans dying every two weeks or so? I would say yes and they can do it without any risk to themselves. It would be a declaration of war, and none of us would be safe."

Shaking my head to rid myself of fears that did not serve me, I nevertheless told Jasper gravely, "I assume that you've made a contingency in case of such a situation."

His smile was predatory and sadistic while his eyes were alight with mirth. It was rare to see the parts of his old self come through, but when they did it was easy to see why he used to be good at being Maria's right-hand man. "Naturally," he said coolly.

Appreciative of whatever he had come up with, out of curiosity I asked him, "What would you do if you were to advise the Volturi?"

"Move," he answered quickly and definitely.

My confusion must have been clear to him.

"If they were in a war torn country in Africa, for instance, or the Himalayas, or the Amazon then their money would cover most, if not all, of their increasing problems," he explained.

Considering his suggestion, I offered, "I can't see them out of Italy as a base."

He agreed, "They have over two thousand years of ruling. It is doubtful that they will truly know the danger they are in until it's almost too late or is too late. The question is whether or not they can pull off something at the 11th hour."

"Carlisle is from aristocracy like the brothers," I mused out loud.

"Who chooses to serve rather than rule," Jasper retorted clearly seeing the connections.

"Apart from Edward he is the slowest of us to change," I proposed.

"Edward is just scared and stubborn," Alice interjected.

"Mostly stubborn," I agreed. "His stubbornness is, in part, what allowed his to resist Bella's blood and to come back to our lifestyle so fully when he returned to us, but that same quality is a weakness."

"You're proposing that age makes change more difficult?" Jasper offered.

"Humans are often like that," I pointed out unable to clearly form the words for the picture in my head. "And the human world seems to be changing more in the last decade that it did in the five before that."

He narrowed his eyes, looking at me as if I were a prophet. Then abruptly pressed, "What have you seen?"

I was taken back and a little upset by his tone.

He sent me his mixture of familial love with a hint of remorse. Then smiling sadly said, "Let me say that better. What are you imagining?"

Puzzling his question, I answered, "I don't know."

Out of the blue Alice whispered, "Bella might just be our saviour after all."

Completely confused I asked, "What do you mean, Alice?"

She looked abashed and Jasper looked slightly put out.

"It's only a feeling. Jasper's abrupt question is because of these strange inclinations I have been feeling. I can't say for sure, because no decisions have been made, but ever since I awoke to this life, I have believed that I was meant to be a vampire, that it was my destiny, and being a Cullen was critical for what my future held."

Nodding, I said nothing, as she looked like a fortune teller listening to something not of this world.

"Every member of our family is important in order for us to survive the future," she said her voice sounding distant, "and Bella is the final piece. We won't survive without her."

Looking critically between them, it seemed that she was incredibly serious. Would I have what it takes for whatever future Alice saw? Then it dawned on me that it wasn't down to me, I was in a family that would sink or swim together.

* * *

_A/N: I hope that you're enjoying the story as much as I am. I have enjoyed having the characters mature and grow into themselves. It might be less dramatic, but it makes me smile. _


	10. Chapter 9: In A Hundred More

**Chapter 9: In A Hundred More**

* * *

We all sat around the table after Bella had finished her breakfast. Personally, I was slightly uncomfortable with our next topic, but for the family's sake talking through events was important. Jasper's gift touched me, offering me confidence and ease. Smiling at him and sending him my gratitude, I chose to stay silent.

"Who wants to start?" Carlisle offered when no one spoke up.

Bella looked hesitate to speak, but I squeezed her hand slightly as a means of encouragement and everyone waited. She looked around the room and then shyly said, "Anyone mind filling me in as to why we need to discuss Esme's gift. I mean," she started and then stuttered, "it's not like I forgot her vision or its impact," she paused taking a breath seeming even more nervous than when she started, "it seems like I'm out of the loop."

Everyone looked guilty. I had assumed someone had filled her in, and by the looks of it everyone assumed that I had.

"I apologise, Bella," I started, "it seems like we all assumed someone else had caught you up to speed with recent events and the reason for discussing it as a family."

There were collective murmurings of apologies apart from Carlisle, who appeared pleased at Bella speaking up.

Unsurprisingly, it was Carlisle who spoke next, "A gift can often be a complicated thing. Eleazar, the one male of the Denalis, has a gift of seeing gifts. Without him we talk about it and guess at it."

Bella looked around and then stopped at Carlisle, "Why not just go up and talk with him?"

Everyone looked uncomfortable and Carlisle spoke once more, "You know that a human knowing the truth about our world is a crime?"

She nodded and then awareness seemed to dawn. "You don't want to put your friends in the firing range," she muttered under her breath.

Carlisle agreed and added, "Once you are turned then we will all travel up to Denali and Eleazar can add his two cents. In fairness, the first time he met Esme he told me that she had the gift of imagining the fullest potential in something and helping it come true. I always thought that meant in relation to houses and gardens, as she has a magical way with both, as well as her paintings, so I didn't think his words meant more than that. Seeing her gift become more than these outlets, I'm still unsure if he really could add more clarity, even if he did examine Esme again."

Bella looked like she understood the implications. Whether she did or not was another matter. Hopefully she would ask more questions if she needed to.

"Let's list what we know," Carlisle instructed.

"Her vision and support has altered us," Rosalie stated.

"She has been growing into herself and taken on more leadership roles," Jasper added with a wink.

More and more he seemed like a little annoying brother with occasional wisdom. It was a good feeling and allowed me to believe that I could lean on him as much as he sought my perspective. It was new for us, at least at this frequency and with the feelings, but I liked it.

Edward looked questioning at me, I nodded in agreement to his unspoken enquiry, and then he spoke, "I suspect that her gift is what caused the alterations in Carlisle and her relationship." He looked uncomfortable, but nevertheless continued, "In her memories it's different when compared to similar situations in regards to Alice and Jasper or Rosalie and Emmett."

Bella's mouth opened a little and her eyes widened. Then, she looked at me and blushed. Meanwhile, everyone else's mouth tightened knowing what that meant about Edward's awareness of their intimate moments. Fortunately, not even Rosalie said anything. I could only hope that they didn't say anything remiss to him in their thoughts.

"How so?" Carlisle asked, clearly curious with having no sign of discomfort.

Edward appeared to grow in embarrassment, but answered, "At a crucial moment there was this element that I had never seen in a person's thoughts before. I did an exercise with Esme to try and isolate it. When Jasper returned home Esme wanted to try again with him to monitor her feelings. Her belief was that with us both observing her we could determine what the element was that had influenced her, hypothesising that it was her gift manifesting in some new way."

Carlisle turned to Jasper, so then did everyone else.

Jasper's eyes were unfocused and he seemed to be in deep thought. We waited until he spoke, "I cannot describe the feeling. Only literature or the scriptures might accurately capture the sense. It was like being wrapped in complete warmth and love. There was nothing but pure positive notes. I imagine it is a little bit like what babies feel when they live in their mother's womb. No words would do it justice."

After a few minutes Edward added, "A bright light filled my vision, but it wasn't from any source. It reminds me a little of stories of humans who have come near death and their description of moving towards a warm light."

I allowed a minute of silence before I contributed, "When I did the exercise with Edward, I saw something that reminded me of a flame, but not any kind I've ever seen before. Then, when Jasper joined us, I had this lovingly warm feeling start from the centre of my chest and travel in all directions. It was beautiful, but I know nothing about what I experienced or what was happening beyond this."

Long minutes passed before the silence was broken with Bella's voice, "How does this connect with what Eleazar said?"

"Good question," Carlisle praised her and then turned to everyone. "Ideas?"

Bella had a half pleased half embarrassed look. It was darling and told me that she was growing closer to Carlisle. I was glad that she had found a way to move past his mistake.

"Jay-man could you send the feeling out?" Emmett asked clearly thinking seriously.

Jasper looked at me and I nodded in agreement.

"I'm not sure if it will be a true replica. Esme would be best to tell us how close I get," Jasper warned.

"Couldn't Esme just focus on whatever it was and when she's feeling it you send it out?" Emmett questioned.

"Perhaps we should try just Jasper sending it out first," I put in, "Each time I focused on it I lost time and space, and then when I came to was thirsty."

"Oh, yeah, sure," Emmett agreed immediately grasping my concern. "No problem."

"Go ahead," I encouraged Jasper.

He took a deep breath and stilled to stone. It took a minute before I felt the beginning of what he was sending out. About ten minutes later it faded.

"It's like a baby's joy with a mother's love and the euphoria of being joined with your mate," Rosalie spoke softly, her tone in awe.

"It reminded me of laughing with my mother about some crazy thing she had done and being wrapped in my father's arms," Bella said quietly.

"I felt like I was in the presence of angels, trepidation, and raptured pleasure," Carlisle uttered in reverence.

It was a good couple of minutes before Edward shook his head, "What kind of gift could that possibly be?"

Looking at Carlisle, I offered him, "Perhaps it would be helpful for you to share how it touched you?"

He nodded and collected himself, "When Esme and I stopped to quench our thirst any and all wounded pride, lingering minuscule irritation was gone. It transformed how I saw Esme. She stopped being my changeling and mate and became my mate only. It was like it removed all the parts of us that no longer served us and we started anew while retaining the intimacy that can only be had after all our years together." He was beaming with pride for me, while his tone held nothing but gratefulness. "It freed me from struggling through changing my views of us. Not to say those days together were easy by any means, but to be altered in that way over a near two week span, rather years seems incredible and miraculous."

"So, she brought forth the highest version of your relationship?" Rosalie offered clearly trying out the words as they exited his mouth.

"At least as much as it can be at this moment in time," Carlisle agreed beaming.

"Seeing it in her mind has altered my mindset," Edward admitted looking shy about doing so.

"How so?" Carlisle enquired.

Everyone else appeared curious, except Bella who looked anxious.

"The best way I can describe it is that it generated within me a vision," Edward hedged. "It was like I could see myself as if I had stayed human, kept maturing, and settled into life. Suddenly the fears and beliefs that have been fundamental to me seemed unnecessary, like they served their purpose and if I wanted, there was the possibility to grow into the next stage. It was revolutionary for me, and changed how I saw myself. Since you told me, Carlisle, that our personalities were frozen at the time of our change, I believed that change was impossible for me. Now, it seems not just possible but likely, if only I would allow the change to occur."

Bella was nibbling on her lip, a sure sign that she was nervous, while everyone else looked at Edward like he had grown a second head.

"Maybe we're not cursed after all," Rosalie offered softly.

"We're still killers," Edward contradicted.

"So, are humans," Rosalie countered, "They consume mammals, even most of the same animals we kill. Without doubt millennia ago they did so with arrows and spears. We do it with our hands and teeth. But is there much difference? They consume the meat, while we the blood. Sure, we crave human blood, and that part is a little cannibal, but at one time there were humans who drank blood and ate other tribes, not to mention that moneys are cannibals. I'm not suggesting that I want to live with the guilt of drinking human blood and all that means, but maybe we're only perceiving ourselves as monsters because of the values we held as human when we were changed. I can imagine that the humans who became vampires ten thousand years ago would have far less aversion than we do."

We all looked shocked at Rose.

"What?" she replied haughtily. "A girl can change her mind," she offered defensively.

"I'm glad to see the change, Rose, truly," Carlisle offered with a warm smile. "I only ever wanted you to have a chance at living."

"I know," she answered softly with a hint of chagrin. "Esme's been doing wonders all around."

"Why now?" mused Alice.

Carlisle looked at everyone in a gentle encouragement to voice whatever thoughts came to mind.

"It started with Esme's vision," Alice stated, "so maybe it started because we'd moved away from our best selves and her gift kicked in as a way of getting us back on track." By the end it sounded like a question, but it was as good a theory as any, in my mind at least.

"But it's getting even stronger?" Bella proposed bashfully, "So, after a hundred years it manifests?"

"My gift was with me from my newborn years and has strengthened over time," Alice put in.

"Same with mine," Jasper agreed, "although I've learned more about it, and thus have gained skill in using it, as a Cullen in comparison to my time with Maria."

"Mine is like Alice's," Edward contributed.

"In fairness, your three gifts aren't anything like Esme's," Rosalie rebutted. "Esme has always helped each of us grow and move closer to our best selves, it just has been in her words and how she cares for us before now. We made a bad decision to leave Bella, the family was miserable, and then, her gift offers what we need in order to return and get things in order. The family is shifting and changing. We need something new, and then, her gift helps her with things with Carlisle. Maybe that would have been enough, but we have Edward who can stick his nose in things that might otherwise be unnoticed and Jasper too, but in a different way. If Edward wouldn't have mentioned it, would you have found the flame, Esme?"

Considering it, I replied, "No, I don't think I would have."

"There you go," Emmett stated like the conversation was done.

Rosalie was beaming and Bella looked impressed while Jasper smiled lazily and Alice and Edward rolled their eyes.

"Sounds like a good enough hypothesis," Carlisle agreed. "Any guesses on the flame or feeling Jasper sent out?"

"Maybe it's Esme's vision representation of her gift," Jasper suggested.

Carlisle waved his hand for Jasper to say more.

"Edward's and Alice's gifts happen to them, much like how I pick up the emotions in the atmosphere. They're passive and no visualisation needed. They just happen."

Edward and Alice nodded in agreement.

"But when I project it's different. For instance, what I sent out required me to actively remember the feeling and then imagine taking it and spreading it," he offered. "Maybe Esme's mind is simply offering an image and sensation to match her gift so she can conceptualise it better."

"When we were focusing on it while in the woods the warmth started in my centre above the belly button, and then actually what I imagined was it moving along the chakra lines," I told them believing that it supported Jasper's idea.

"Does it matter?" Emmett asked. When everyone looked upset at his question, he added, "Look, if Esme's gift is to help and care for others, then she doesn't need to do anything. It's not like Jasper's emotional mojo. She's not sending anything or doing anything other than being Esme. I mean if she wants to learn more about it, then sure, but it's not like it's a danger to the family or humans or anything at all. So, why do we need answers? Maybe in this case, maybe a bit of mystery is better."

"What are you thinking, Em?" Jasper asked, clearly picking up something in his emotions.

Emmett sighed. "I get that you guys like to know how things work, but knowing how the sunrise gets its colours can take the beauty from it. I've always thought of Esme a bit like a healing angel, and I guess there's a part of me from my human life that has a healthy respect for letting things be unless they're hurting me or mine. This is doing neither and I don't like us picking apart something that is an integral part of Esme like she's a fascinating specimen. It seems rude and I'd hate to disrespect a lady."

His speech impressed me and stressed to me how much he was also changing. He had always had a serious side, but he had hid it behind boyish behaviours. It was fantastic to see him coming more into this part of himself. I would have to tell him later how much him being my champion meant to me.

Carlisle looked at me, clearly giving me the floor.

"I might choose to do some more focusing exercises, just to learn a bit more about it myself, but personally I have all the answers I need, at least for now," I stated. "Thank you all."

Bella applied pressure to my hand before saying, "Anytime, Esme." Everyone else, bar Carlisle, shared similar sentiments.

"Anything else?" Carlisle asked.

No one said anything, so we ended the meeting. About an hour later Bella left for work leaving me to ponder how I was going to have some alone time with her.

Carlisle asked Edward to spend time with him. They went out, and might get some blood as well, but I suspected that they mostly were going to talk. I was glad to see Carlisle following through with Emmett's recommendation. My hope was that this new version of Carlisle would be exactly what Edward needed.

Emmett and Rosalie were in their room spending time together, while Alice and Jasper had left, no doubt ensuring with their gifts to stay clear of where Edward and Carlisle had gone.

After a few minutes considering how to best use the time afforded to me, I decided to paint. First, I drew the spark that had come to me working at not seeing the image in front of me as much as attempting to create what I had seen internally. When I felt content enough, next my hand drew the experience of the light filling me. As soon as I started, it was obvious that it would need to be a series. The first canvas was barely halfway started when I heard Bella come home.

Putting everything away, I found her in the kitchen making herself dinner. Sitting down at the island, I asked her how she was doing.

"Okay, I guess," she answered, keeping her eyes on her chopping.

"No one is home, Bella," I told her in hopes that it would allow her to open up more. "You sound like you have things you need to talk through. It doesn't have to be me, but I'm happy to listen."

She stopped what she was doing and stared at me as if searching for answers through a gaze. "What does it mean about the change of leadership? I don't get the implication or ramification or anything." Then, she started crying, speaking even though her breathing was rough "It's just so hard. You all have a hundred years together. I'm always playing catch up."

Moving to wrap my arms around her, I attempted to comfort her and encourage her to get it out.

Her voice raising in volume she asked in a rhetorical way, "Am I ever going to be enough? Am I ever going to fit in?" Her crying was causing her words to be more ragged as she carried on, "Was it too much to ask for? I've stumbled, literally and figuratively through my life. I couldn't ever completely take care of Renée, God love her. There was always something she forgot and I just couldn't trust her to carry her part of the responsibilities for even the simplest things. And Charlie, has tried, I know he has, and he sent child support, but a bit of money and two weeks a year isn't enough. What did I do wrong?" Then, her crying became too intense to speak. As her legs gave out, I took her gently to the floor holding her in my arms and rocking her all while I whispered assuring comforting words to her.

Edward's and Carlisle's gait came into my hearing range.

_Bella's upset. Please tell Carlisle and come back in an hour or more and tell everyone else to stay away for a bit. She needs to work through this privately._

Their gait immediately indicated that they were leaving. Thank goodness Edward listened to me. In the past, it would have been hit or miss that he might have ignored my request and barged in. Perhaps his trust in me was growing. How that might be was a conversation for another day.

It was over twenty minutes later when Bella's eyes met mine. A touch above a whisper she asked, "Why am I falling apart around you?"

Gazing down at her, I told her sincerely, "Because you need a mother, and I seem to be the closest thing you have to one."

She smiled sadly, then moved herself out of my lap and sat with her back against the island.

After many minutes she asked softly, "Why does it upset me so much? They love me. Renée's great in so many ways. Charlie cares. People have it far worse."

"Sure," I agreed easily, "but that doesn't mean that you got your needs met. Them being good caring loving people doesn't make them great parents. And Bella, I know this might be hard to hear, but they were about two years younger than you are right now when Renee got pregnant and a year younger than you are now when they had you. What did they know about children? I believe that they did an amazing job raising you, despite their limitations. Yes, their lack has meant you've lacked, but that is no different than Carlisle, myself, and Edward. Carlisle and I lacked what Edward needed. We were too afraid to lose him, too afraid that he would return to hunting humans, but mostly afraid that we would lose him for good. And because of that fear we avoided conflict with him. It neither served him nor you. This is the cost of being a parent. You can only offer a child what you have within yourself and your weakness become the spaces where your child is lacking."

She had wiped her eyes many times already, but by the end of my speech she looked surprised and sad.

"It would be easy to be mad at them," she muttered. "When you put it that way, it's hard not to feel sad for them instead."

"Of course," I concurred, "mad and sad are both forms of grief and you're grieving, rightfully so. Grieving what you wish you had and didn't is an important step of the healing process. Another step I believe is important for your spirit along with your future would be to forgive them their limitations, becoming aware of who they are as people, the good, the bad, and the ugly, and then decide the way to engage with them that is healthiest for you."

Sadness coating her features and words as she stated, "I already know that Renée can't be more than an old friend. She's busy with Phil and in a way needs to be the free spirit without a daughter that she wants to be. Charlie is a very loyal person. He cares about me and I think feels guilty, so is trying to make up for the time he lost. I appreciate that and he's great, but we were never close. It's been great to get to know him better, but drawing even closer to him seems hurtful given my future plans. No, the best option is to be happy in my own life, create distance from him slowly in a way that's natural, and hope he has a love-filled future."

"You know them and yourself best," I expressed to her wanting to support her growing maturing awareness. "Just remember that grief is to be expected and, truly, grieving as a human will help you when you do decide to be turned."

She nodded and seemed lightened by the thought that this process, as difficult as it was to her, would aid her further down the line.

"I'm curious about something," I told her as a way of hinting about my desire to change the topic.

She indicated that I should go ahead with a slight tip of her head.

"When Edward, you, and I were together you appeared to desire to comfort him when he had looked lost. I'm wondering if you are aware of your reaction and the reason?"

She tilted her head to the side and her eyes looked unfocused. Then, she stood up.

"Want help?" I checked.

"Nah," she replied, "I think better while cooking."

Smiling at her willingness to be honest and state her need, albeit indirectly, I went back to the island chair and sat once more watching her work.

She had set aside the vegetables and was getting out the pan when she spoke. "I love him, you know. Doesn't matter if he doesn't love me. Doesn't matter if we're barely friends. And because I love him there's a desire to comfort him. I always did that for my mom. She'd get upset about something and it was my job to comfort her."

After a few minutes and her saying nothing else, I enquired, "So, comforting someone when they're upset is a way to show your love?"

Her cheeks pinkened while she agreed.

"So," I mused, "you held yourself from doing so, because you aren't ready to express that kind of affection to Edward?"

A few tears rolled down her cheek and she wiped them. "It's too hard when we're near each other to resist him. It's easier if I keep my distance."

"Thus your hard lines and distance are a way to keep your heart safe, and comforting him would have violated that," I surmised.

She looked up at me startled and after a moment agreed, "Precisely."

Allowing time to pass, I eventually broke it by telling her, "You know, darling, it is common to love our friends. It is, of course, a different kind of love than being in love romantically. You've hinted at loving Jacob and your deep gratitude towards him."

Her cheeks filled with blood and it began to grow down her neck.

"Part of the challenge of being a young adult is learning to distinguish between the different types of love and how to handle the belief of being indebted to someone without that controlling your actions. Accepting another's help, while only giving them your gratitude is often a difficult lesson."

She nodded like she was already learning those lessons, and Jacob immediately came to mind, maybe even her parents.

"The beauty of your wish to become friends with Edward is allowing yourself to learn how much of your care for him is friendship and how much is romantic," I informed her.

Mulling my words over, she eventually asked, "How did you tell the difference?"

Considering how to explain it, I told her, "In my opinion it's different for everyone. Clearly one of the biggest differences is physical attraction. However, it's easy to be physically attracted to someone and there not be love. Vampires too desire physical connection with others that can be trusted, even if they make that connection with someone who isn't their mate. Trust is a component of friendship, and thus important, but you can trust someone, be attracted to them, and not have romantic feelings. To me, romantic love contains a sense of coming home. There's a peace and restfulness that exists nowhere else. It's a precious feeling."

While stirring and finishing her meal, she bit her bottom lip clearly thinking deeply. Sitting next to me at the island, she looked over at me. Then, as she took a bite and chewed she seemed to come to some answer. "I'm not sure I've experienced that."

Smiling for her to continue, she took another bite.

After almost half of her meal was gone she expounded, "It was shortly after I met Edward. I had figured out that Edward was a vampire. It hit me that I was irrevocably in love with him, and thus his species made no difference. If he killed me, if he drained me, if he, fill in the blank, it didn't matter. My love was so profound that I would give him everything, even my existence. I lied about my location when he took me to the meadow for the first time, even though I knew there was a fair chance of him killing me in order to protect him from any negative consequences. At the time my feelings seemed like they eclipsed everything else, my existence revolved around him, and he owned my heart."

It seemed like she had more to say, so I held my tongue.

After a few more bites, she added, "Even at the time I was aware of how unhealthy it was, how it stole my independence and made me worth little in comparison to him. I didn't particularly like how loving him changed me, but it was too powerful for me to be able to resist it. My assumption was that it was because he was a vampire and the nature of mates."

When she said nothing more for a while, I probed, "And now?"

"There's something there between us, and my heart still beats for him, but much of the rest seems to be about me and not him being a vampire."

Putting my right hand on her left hand reaching across the marble top, I told her earnestly, "Being willing to sacrifice yourself as an act of love is a noble attribute. At the same time, doing so blindly and without counting the cost, especially as your words make it seem like you held little value for your life, seems unhealthy. It's much like what happened with James. Your willingness to protect your mom from a sadistic vampire was extremely admirable. The rest was folly. If you had told Jasper, he could have potentially created a situation where you walked into the ballet studio knowing Alice would remove your mother from the situation and Jasper would fight James. Instead, you were willing to die meaninglessly. And offering your blood to Edward was equally folly. If he had killed you, he would have been crushed under the guilt. You would do nothing more than ruin the both of you." By the end my tone contained a note of admonishment.

Her words gave me even greater insight into how very deeply damaged her past had marked her, and it aggravated me. Calming my ire, I worked at having my love and care for her shine through.

She hung her head. "I know that now." She took a breath and looked up at me. "It still seems like taking a breath and my heart beating requires his presence, as if without him they would cease to have purpose, but I'm beginning to see the rest as an unhealthy reaction due to my parents' limitations." Then, very softly she muttered, "I'm still irrevocably in love with him, and I suspect that part will never change."

Smiling encouragingly at her, I told her, "Nothing wrong with irrevocable love, and that love giving you meaning is certainly how us vampires feel about our mates. It's just the rest, Bella. I hope that soon you can believe yourself to be as precious and important as I believe you to be. And, you might want to consider your pattern of comforting someone as an act of love. Nothing wrong with it necessarily, yet, at the same time, if not doing so causes you guilt or shame, that might be something for you to work on."

Through a few tears that fell she thanked me, and then clearly needing a change of topic told me about her chemistry lab partner that was failing to do his part and her frustration about it.

"Group work is difficult with a poor partner," I agreed.

She smiled at me when she knew my comment referenced more than just the present situation, and had a look like she was remembering something.

"I'm just going to do both parts, turn it in, report him to the lab instructor, and get my grade," she informed me, hopefully talking it out had helped her reach the decision.

"It gets easier as you progress," I assured her. "And if you decide to do a Master's or PhD, that will even more be true as your peers will care also."

Her eyes got big. "A PhD?" she mumbled.

"Of course," I replied surprised at her disbelief.

"You know I'm the first in my family to go to college," she reminded me. "Everyone has helped me navigate things. Alice was superb about registration and all kinds of details. Jasper has been great at social interaction, how to be apart but not too involved, Emmett reminds me all the time to enjoy myself, and Rosalie keeps encouraging me to have college experiences in a way that feels comfortable to me. My parents had no advice at all, other than to go."

"You're hard working enough to do a PhD if you wanted," I assured her.

She paused. "I'd be like 28 when I got done?"

"Yes," I confirmed, "something like that."

She chuckled. Looking at me accusatorily, she questioned, "Is this just another way to keep me human till I'm closer to 30."

Purposefully appearing mockingly innocent I taunted, "Who me?"

She started laughing. After she calmed down she muttered, "You're dangerous and cunning Mrs. Cullen; I'll tell you that."

She talked a little more about her classes and work, finished up her meal, and washed her dishes when Carlisle and Edward's gaits came into my hearing range.

"Carlisle and Edward are near home," I warned her.

She turned to me, "We doing a session?"

"I would be agreeable to doing so," I let her know. "Would you be more comfortable if Carlisle were out of the house?" When she didn't answer straight away, only turning back to the washing, I added, "We could wait also, if you don't feel up to it."

About that time the boys came into the kitchen.

Bella looked at Edward and with an even tone asked, "How do you feel about Carlisle staying? You want to do a session?"

He looked at her as if trying to read her mind and then giving up said, "Up to you."

Turning fully around and glaring at him, her voice terse she stated, "No you don't. I asked a question. You answer it and trust me to make up my own damn mind whatever you say. Or do you think that I'm not clever enough to hold your opinion and have my own?"

Putting up his hands as if defending himself, he replied, "I meant it truly. Carlisle knows me better than I know myself at times. I don't mind either way. And having a session now or another day is as equally agreeable to me."

She completely deflated. "I apologise."

Smiling in a way to comfort her, he stated, "Forgiven. I'm going to go get cleaned up, and then you can let me know what you decide."

She nodded and turned back to the dishes. As she put the last dish in the dishwasher and started it, she told me, "Tonight it is, and no Carlisle please."

"Done," I agreed with a smile. After giving her a quick hug, I left the room to set up the chairs.

"Leaving," Carlisle said as he dropped out the bathroom window, as he too had showered. "I'll go to town and listen into a lecture or two."

Texting him my thanks I also let everyone else know to give us a few more hours.

As soon as us three were sitting down, Bella apologised and then added, "I'm not even sure why I jumped to conclusions."

Turning to Edward, I enquired, "How did Bella's reaction impact you?"

He mused for a few minutes and then answered earnestly, "It didn't that much, actually. I was concerned about her reaction, but I just figured that something had happened nothing to do with me and what I said was a tipping point for her."

_I'm so proud of you, Edward, that's a huge change for you_, I told him mentally, while out loud I stated, "That sounds like an important change for you in not taking events as personal affronts."

"Thanks," he offered looking uncomfortable.

Moving so my gaze was more on Bella, I asked, "Was Edward's assessment accurate?"

She paused thinking for a moment and then looked guilty, "Yes, I think so. Esme's and my conversation before you came in had brought up a lot of emotions within me, and I was especially sensitive. I just reacted and didn't take the few seconds I needed to collect myself. I am sorry, Edward, truly, you didn't deserve it."

He smiled gently at her in a way that seemed to show real connection and the beginnings of trust. "Forgiven."

"Thanks," she answered. It also seemed like something had shifted within her.

Sensing that I might have an opportunity to have them speak truths, I looked at Bella seriously, and asked her, "Do you trust me?"

She looked uncomfortable, but nevertheless answered, "Yes."

Then, looking at Edward, I asked him the same question.

"Yes," he replied, appearing hopeful.

With a soft tone I asked him, "Do you love Bella?"

Looking at her, he earnestly answered, "With everything I am."

Bella's face turned red in anger and she blurted out, "But you said-"

He interrupted her and with a heart-broken face stated emphatically, "I lied."

She stood up abruptly, her hands locking into fists on her sides. With a quiet scornful rage, in an almost searing whisper, accused him, "You lied?"

"I lied," he repeated dejectedly.

"Why did you lie?" I asked him wanting to get this all out.

"I was so afraid that being near me would kill her, and I believed that the ultimate way to demonstrate my love for her was to remove the danger from her life, me, even though doing so was excruciatingly painful," he confessed begging Bella with his eyes to understand.

Through a clenched jaw she uttered incised, "You removed my choice and broke me because you were afraid?"

Before Edward could answer, I instructed, "Describe your love."

He looked at me confused, opened his mouth a number of times, but closed it each time.

"As best you can," I prodded.

Intrigue was added to Bella's furious appearance.

_I wouldn't ask if I didn't think it would help. Whatever comes to mind. Perhaps starting with the physical aspects._

"Well," he began sounding uncertain, "I have a physical need to be near Bella. When I'm not, I ache. After I left her in the forest, the pain was so bad that I couldn't hunt. Since returning there's discomfort when she's away at school or when I go to hunt."

"How about when Bella goes back to Fork to visit?" I pressed him. _Brutal honesty._

He looked at me suspiciously and uncertain, but continued, "Based on her usual travel speed, I'd say that after 50 miles it's hard to function. I can, but it's like my whole being is being pulled towards her. Sometimes I manage to get a few things done, but mostly I sit in my room as stone until she's within range."

Bella's continence softened a little and she stared at him her mouth open slightly and her eyes wide.

"Any other physical sensations?" I probed.

Looking bashful, he added, "When she's near I have a sense of warmth in my chest. When I used to hold her, her heartbeat would vibrate through me as if beating for us both. When we touch there is electricity that passes through the contact points and gives me a sense of being alive."

After a few minutes I asked, "Anything more from when you two were first together?"

Appearing even shier, he told us, "I have this unreasonable desire to protect her, like the end of her life would end my existence. I feel compelled to keep her safe at all costs. And I have a strong desire to have her near. It's all very possessive and ungentlemanly."

Most of her ire had decreased apart from her mouth turning into a thin line, while simultaneously the rest of her appeared surprised.

"And how do you perceive your love now?" I asked.

He sighed, "I want it to be like the flame I experienced through your mind, Esme. It was beautiful and joyous without being overbearing. I've known for a while that my fear was driving me. Fear of being rejected, fear of killing Bella, fear of her dying some other way, fear of so much and the fear has just led to misery all around." Then, he paused, "I guess I didn't answer your question. I perceive the way I loved Bella previously as now unacceptable and have this image, but I don't know how to get there."

Looking at Bella, I asked, "Not romantic love, per say, but generally. What are actions that give you a sense of being loved?"

She appeared startled like my question had shaken her out of whatever mental space she had been in. Taking deep breaths, she turned her eyes to me.

"You knew?" she accused.

"Not all, but some," I admitted.

"You could have told me," she charged.

"Would you have believed me?" I asked rhetorically, and then added, "It wasn't my truth to tell. I don't break your confidences, and I don't break Edward's either."

Her whole body deflated and she sat down as if she was physically impacted by my words.

"This conversation isn't about romantic love, per say, although Edward is describing many of the physical symptoms related to vampire mates," I pointed out.

"Jasper was right," she muttered under her breath numerous times. It took almost fifteen minutes before her eyes focused once more.

As soon as they did, I rephrased my questions, "When you have a sense that someone cares about you, what are some actions they might have done?"

She took a while thinking before answering, "When I'm trusted. When my opinion matters. When I'm listened to. I also like being held sometimes."

Turning to Edward, I pressed, "And you?"

He became stone for many minutes before he moved once more. "I'm not sure."

"How come?" I enquired.

He looked uncomfortable, but nevertheless answered, "Because everything that comes to mind sounds juvenile and that's not the person I want to be anymore."

Bella's mouth was open. She looked like she had wanted to say something, but the words got stuck. We waited for her to collect herself. When she did, in a quiet voice she asked, "Was there anything I did that you enjoyed?"

Gazing at her lovingly, he answered, "Talking to you in the meadow, listening to music when no one else was in the house, or you sitting on the piano bench while I played. Even though not hearing your thoughts frustrates me at times, it brought me the most joy I have experienced. With you I felt normal, instead of a freak, not a vampire, not a supernatural creature that hears thoughts, but an individual, no more and no less. It was the greatest of gifts."

"And do you believe that you deserve such a gift?" I pressed him.

He looked at the ceiling for a moment and then me, "Who is worthy? Have we not all fallen short of the glory of God? But if we have all fallen and it is a gift, then who am I to reject something so brilliant? If I was honoured to experience your light, then perhaps this also. I don't understand, but perhaps Emmett is correct and I'm not meant to. Maybe I don't have to earn love. Perhaps it is as you say, a gift. That has not been my belief for all of my life. Even as a human I worked hard to be worthy of the things given to me, including my mother's love and my father's pride."

So incredibly proud of him, I instead focused on this work and asked him, "And are you willing to accept Bella's acts of care, the kind of acts of friendship that build trust."

He sighed like that would be very hard to do and then admitted, "To do so has a tinge like I'm not being a man, like I'm being weak in some way. At the same time, I have Carlisle telling me that being a man is not hiding our weaknesses, but having the courage to be vulnerable. So, I want to say yes, but I suspect it will be hard and I'm bound to make a mess of things at times."

"Can you agree the same?" I probed Bella.

She blinked rapidly, and then slowly took her eyes off Edward and looked at me. "It will likely be a challenge for me as well, and I'm bound to make mistakes also, but yes, I would like to do that."

"Excellent," I praised. "Let's give it two weeks and then I'll be back to check in."

Bella interjected, "I need time away from Edward, though, to think through what he shared today, first."

"That seems fair," I stated working at keeping personal disappointment out of my tone. I was proud of her stating her needs, though, even if it wasn't what I hoped for.

"How long do you need?" I wondered.

"A week, maybe?" she suggested sounding unsure.

"Would you like Edward to be scarce when you're home?" I asked.

She almost chocked in abhorrence. "No, no, I'll stay somewhere."

"You're more than welcome," I offered in support. "However, having Alice, Jasper, Emmett, and Rosalie to talk to might be helpful. Edward is more than able to be away for the few hours that you are awake and here."

"Absolutely," he agreed.

She bit into her bottom lip, a nervous habit that she had all but given up. Gazing into my eyes, she agreed, "You're probably right." Then, looking at Edward's feet she added, "Thank you for being willing to do that."

"It's the least I can do," he assured her.

"And Bella," I added, gaining her attention back at me, "don't hesitate to kick any of the others out. They will take no offense. We all understand about privacy and how hard it is to come by in this house."

"Okay," she agreed with a deep sigh like I was asking the impossible.

"With that agreed, let us meet again in three weeks. Bella has requested one week of distance, and then the two weeks following you are to attempt doing things the other receives as a sign of friendship and care," I summarised.

They both nodded their heads in the affirmative.

"If either of you need more than the first week, or more than three weeks, communicate and adjustments will be made," I insisted.

"Yes, ma'am," they answered at nearly the same time, and then chuckled.

"Jinx," Bella mumbled under her breath.

Standing, I texted Carlisle letting him know that I was on my way to town to pick him up, as I was ready to get back home. Collecting my belongings, particularly the paintings, I let everyone know of my departure and our return to Forks.

Upon leaving I found Edward and Bella on opposite ends of a couch their feet almost touching talking about school. Just as I pulled away Bella was mentioning my thoughts regarding her getting a PhD. Smiling at myself, it was a fantastic change in both of them. Most surprising was that Bella hadn't fled straight away. Perhaps it indicated her increased maturity. And for the first time, I saw that they had a real chance to move past the pain and hurt Edward's reactions to her birthday party had caused.

Pulling up and putting on the hazards, I moved to the passenger seat. Giggling at myself, it dawned on me how habits die hard.

"I think our son is growing up," I told Carlisle my voice full of excitement, wonder, and happiness.

He smiled with me. "Yes, Edward and I had the most illuminating conversation. For the first time he acted like a nineteen or twenty year old. It seems like a miracle, especially as it puts him near Bella's age. Perhaps they will age together."

Pondering that I wondered, "How much maturity do you think is possible?"

Thinking about my question, he eventually said, "Maybe thirty?"

Grinning ear to ear, I decided that was excellent news. Teasingly, I told him, "You know, in a few more years we might not have any teenagers left."

Chuckling, he agreed. After a minute he checked, "Would you miss it?"

Considering that, I answered, "It would be a good kind of missing."

Grinning widely he concurred. "A hundred years later and all grown up. Who knows what life could be in a hundred more?"

Chuckling, the painting of more waywards came to mind.

Turning to face him, I checked, "Are you sure that our family's change of leadership doesn't bother you?"

"No, I'm quite proud actually and relieved," he admitted. "You and Rosalie will do great, and you'll both have the whole family to support you."

We talked about his work a little, the committees I was on, and how we were going to mend any hurt feelings regarding our missing twenty days. We were about seventy-five miles from Forks when I told Carlisle, "I think seeing the flame of my gift is partially responsible for the changes in Edward."

Agreeing with me, he then added, "For sure the feelings Jasper sent out impacted me. I'm no longer as afraid of losing the family. It's like it instilled hope and faith in me. Of course, I don't want to lose my life or my family, but it was like I felt grateful for the years being a vampire has offered me. I felt that if I met my maker tomorrow, I would only express my gratefulness. We would protect what we've built to the bitter end, without a doubt, but if we are meant to perish, we perish. At least I can say that I did some good with the years offered to me."

"And it seems like the family is expecting to do even more good in the future," I reminded him.

"Is it more than we can do to help leave this planet better than when we arrived?" he pondered.

"No, nothing more," I agreed.

* * *

_A/N: I was editing page 9 of 19 when my brother-in-law died suddenly, leaving my sister and six kids aged 16 to 2. __He was a remarkable human being who changed so much in the 25 years I knew him that he was not the same person upon his untimely passing as he was when we first met. He will be missed dearly._

_My encouragement to you would be to take a moment and tell the people in your life how much you care. We never know what tomorrow might bring._


	11. Chapter 10: Growing Pains

**Chapter 10: Growing Pains**

* * *

I finished the series of paintings of me being lit up from the inside. In their creation I had made my body almost translucent, so that the energy that I had experienced shown through. The series was four in total. The first was when it had first manifested within my chest. The next one was my solar plexus and throat shakra also alight. The next one added the third and sacral shakras. The last of the series had all seven shakras alight. Each shakra had represented by its colour, but there was something more. It reminded me of one of the first conversations Carlisle and I had in the cabin in Newfoundland after my original vision regarding what extra abilities I might have brought into my second life. Maybe he was correct that my painting were more than just paint and canvas.

The true confirmation of my ponders as that whether it had been while working on them or after they were done, each time Carlisle would stop in his tracks, turn to stone mesmerized. It was as if my creation had stolen his life force when he set his eyes on it. At each occurrence I would ask him to explain his reaction. He would look at me, open his mouth, perform an almost perfect imitation of a gold fish, and then after a few moments slightly shrug, look chagrined, and claim "I can't find the words." The first few times it annoyed me tremendously. He would pick up my emotional tone immediately, apologise for lacking the ability to convey or even understand himself what about the painting caused the reaction, kiss me passionately, as if trying to tell me something. It was entirely odd, since Carlisle never lacked words, and I mean never. Even when facing Ephraim Black he had the words to convince shapeshifters to trust us. It unnerved me, but eventually, I gave up trying to have him explain himself, as me pushing him seemed to bother him and cause him distress.

My painting and my gift were things that I didn't need answers to. Emmett was right when he said that answers were unnecessary. It just was what it was. I might not have Carlisle's belief, but I could trust whatever it was and have faith that it would guide me when necessary.

Both Carlisle and I had many ruffled feathers to soothe in the community as a result of our twenty day disappearance. It seemed that leaving after Bella's birthday party, only to disappear again, even if it was for a shorter time, created great distrust. Even with all our charm and experience with small town humans, they still spoke badly about us when they thought we couldn't hear. I was uncertain if their flop from almost worshiping served us. The disconcerting part is that their distrust seemed to generate them questioning us more, at least with one another. We would need to ask Edward to come and check out their thoughts to ensure their attitude wasn't leading them to questions we could not answer.

Two weeks later, as promised, I went back to Bellingham and had a session with Edward and Bella. They reported having flares of irritation or even anger at times, and we talked through how to express these emotions in a constructive way. Otherwise, it seemed that they were awkwardly spending time together and getting to know each other as friends. At the end of the session they asked for a month break, stating that they would drive down for Bella's visit with Charlie.

When they came to Forks Carlisle and Edward spent the majority of Bella's scheduled time together. Most of that time they guarded Bella, but whenever possible they spent time in town, so that Edward could check out the townspeople's thoughts regarding us, and I took their place. Edward's report at the end of the weekend was that the town's people thought us unreliable, flighty, and uncaring of their community. It was unsurprising for a small town that was distrustful of strangers to start with. It saddened me that our three year prior investment had done little to buffer us from their negative views, but at least it wasn't close to our secret.

For a few hours when Carlisle was unexpectedly called in, Edward and I stood guard over Bella.

He talked some about how Bella and him were getting to know each other in very broad tone with little antidotes about playing cards or making her lunch, and how everyone else was doing.

_How are your classes?_ I wondered.

"Tedious," he answered.

_How come?_ I questioned.

"It doesn't hold me attention in the way that it has in years past," he informed me.

"Even though it's pre-med?" I checked.

"The basics haven't changed in all the years that I've attended university. Usually the most cutting-edge research comes from the thoughts of the professors and what I pass on to Carlisle," he told me.

"And this university professors are not offering that to you?" I enquired slightly confused.

"There is some interesting research being done," he answered, but there was no excitement.

_Clearly, then, it is more than the knowledge, the research, or the classes. What is it?_

He moved like he was feeling bashful and then after many long minutes confessed, "Nothing is the same without Bella. She brings colour into my world. I've tried to stay engage with the professor's thoughts or the graduate assistants' in order to provide information to Carlisle, but my heart isn't in it. Consequently, I don't want to be in the class at all. I'd rather be with her."

"What's her opinion about the two of you taking classes together next semester?" I pondered.

"She declined," he answered.

"So is it that you are missing her presence or you are disappointed with her no?" I asked.

He frowned at me and then grudgingly admitted, "I do miss her and am disappointed that she still wants distance from me, but trying to honour her request. She's right that our schedules don't work well together. Being friends is hard, and honestly I want more."

_Perhaps she needs the time apart from you to grow into herself. You've had a hundred years to find yourself, to focus on your interests, and form your own opinions. She is still very young._

"It is hard to gift her this," he divulged.

"Absolutely," I agreed, _but is that not a beautiful expression of love? It might not be the extreme expression of self-sacrificing love like when you left her, but from my perspective it still requires self-sacrifice. It is honouring her request of her needs, rather than imposing your ideas of best upon her. Thus, it requires not only humbleness and self-sacrifice, but trust in her._

Almost an hour passed before he spoke again. In a soft voice that barely carried to my ears he uttered, "I'm working on the trust."

_I noticed._

He looked at me slightly surprised.

_When Bella was upset and I asked you to take Carlisle with you and not return for more than an hour, you complied without pause or question. You doing so demonstrated a level of trust in me that I've previously not experienced from you._

He frowned and looked at me sideways. "I trust you Esme," he insisted.

"With Bella?" I pressed.

He took a while to answer and seemed to be reviewing his memories. Eventually he revealed, "It was not my intent to convey that."

_All of us, and Bella most of all, have paid for your fears_.

His frown deepened. "I am terribly sorry, Esme and request your forgiveness for my slight."

"Already forgiven," I assured him, _so forgive yourself and seek repentance._

"How shall I?" he requested.

"Continue demonstrating your trust in me and in Bella," I told him, smirking internally.

He signed heavily. "I was afraid you'd say something like that."

Then, with purpose, he attempted to tell me about his classes and the little things he had noticed about humans that had changed in comparison to the last time he was at university.

At the end of the weekend, while Bella, Edward, and I conducted our session, Carlisle found something to do at the hospital.

The first thing I noticed when Bella sat down for our session was how attentive to her Edward was and how equally willing Bella was to have him do the small things given to any lady of Edward's time.

"How have things been?" I asked.

No doubt picking up my thoughts Edward answered first. "We've talked extensively about how I was raised, how I was taught to treat females, and the ways I want to treat Bella as a friend, yes, but particularly as a female. She pointed out that I don't do those things for Alice and Rosalie, so I had to explain that their husbands do those things, but I step in if their husbands aren't around."

As soon as he paused, Bella spoke, "I guess I never noticed it before because it's subtle, but once Edward explained I could see truth in his statement. It's like they're ingrained in him and he can't help himself. Once I knew that, then it allowed me to feel more comfortable. In my era, these things are only done for romantic reasons, but I could tell that not doing them for me was inhibiting Edward to feel like he was being himself. I did make him agree that if he was allowed, then so were Jasper and Emmett. It has changed the atmosphere in the house for the better. It's beautiful watching them being more themselves rather than trying to be modern for my sake. It's a little like living in a cross between Gone With the Wind and the Bronne sisters, but I'm enjoying it. They occasionally speak to each other in older manners of English and it's great."

She was smiling so broadly it was obvious that she was deeply enjoying herself.

"So, you have a greater sense of getting to know them," I summarised with a touch of a question mark at the end.

"Yes," she answered with a smile.

"Good to hear," I congratulated them both. "And the rest?"

Bella's cheeks filled with blood a little, but it was Edward who spoke first. "We haven't spent much time alone. With explaining the customs of my time, Bella has insisted that we have company."

"How has that been for you?" I wondered.

"It's taken a load off, actually. I feel more comfortable," he answered.

"Good," I offered, pleased. Turning to Bella, I asked, "And you?"

She smiled shyly at Edward. "It's taken some getting used to, honestly. I don't feel the same, but I realised that if I want my thoughts and opinions to be considered and respected, then it's only fitting for me to do the same in return. It's been a challenge at times to find common ground between us, but what we agreed to this past month has been working for us. It's unconventional for how I was raised, particularly by my mother, but then somethings are unconventional for Edward, so it's fair."

Looking at him, I asked, "Which parts are most challenging for you?"

He considered the question and then told us, "In our home I get to act in a manner that feels the most comfortable to me, but then it makes the difference outside of our home even more stark. One of the agreements is that our behaviour towards Bella ends at the door."

I could see how that could be very challenging.

"It seems like you both are on the same page and are learning about each other in important ways, which is a critical step towards a profound friendship," I pointed out.

They both smiled shyly agreeing.

"Are there any unspoken resentments or irritations?" I asked.

Edward gave me a look as if asking should be confess his feelings, and I replied with _not yet. I meant more if these choices had brought up unresolved feelings that should be aired._

"Nothing that comes to mind related to our agreements," he stated.

_What about your disappointment to not be attending classes with her?_

He did his slight no movement, and then added verbally, "There are compromises in our agreement, and although I might wish to have it all, I recognise that we've come to a fair arrangement."

_Very mature thinking,_ I offered to him.

All this while Bella appeared like she wanted to say something but was holding it in.

"Out with it," I prodded her.

She looked down at her hands and picked at her nails for a few minutes before stating, "As good as our arrangement is, I can't help but feel upset that we didn't have this conversation years ago. I guess when Edward and I first met he had all this life experience, and I trusted him to know how to navigate these types of things. Sure, he told me that he was seventeen and had been for a long time, but the implications of that didn't really click. Finding out that he's as clueless as me has really hit home for me how seventeen he is, and honestly, seventeen-year-old boys aren't attractive. They're obnoxious and arrogant and ignorant." Her eyes started to tear up. "It's my fault, as they're my assumptions, and I'm glad that we're talking about it now, but," then she trailed off before adding, "yeah."

For less than a second Edward looked like he had been punched in the gut, but then he collected himself and tried to pretend that her words had little to no impact upon him.

_Why are you hiding you true reaction from her? How is this going to help?_ I asked him, no doubt my frustrated tone coming through.

There was a long stretch of silence before he spoke softly his eyes scared as he looked in her direction, "I don't want to be seventeen any more."

His words startled her and she looked at him confused. After a few minutes she said with her tone questioning, "I thought you said vampires are frozen at the time of their change."

Reluctantly and with his eyes moving to the floor he replied, "Well, I hadn't changed really at all since my transformation and in Carlisle's thoughts that's what Aro told him, so I took it as gospel, but since Esme's vision, everyone in the family has changed. It gives me hope that I can too, and as a result am working on it."

She stared at him with her mouth open for more than five minutes before she said, "Okay then."

"Can you expand more, Bella?" I wondered.

She gnawed on her lower lip a little before stating, "I like the idea that vampires can change, and, honestly, it causes me to want to be bitten earlier than your and Carlisle's preference of 30. At the same time, it's sad that change has come at such a high price, and since you all have returned have been the most grueling of my life. I guess I imagined a future where everything would magically work out. You've told me multiple times that vampirism isn't a cure for anything, and in most ways makes things worse, but it's like Edward's confession opened my eyes to see the truth of it." She turned to Edward and took a deep breath, "I'm happy for you. No one would want to be seventeen forever."

Edward smiled gently at her and nodded regally.

"On that note, let us leave our session for now," I told them. "I will check in with you the next time I'm up?"

"Sure, sure," Bella said at the same time that Edward stated, "Yes, ma'am."

In the midst of my movement to stand, Edward asked, "May we see your paintings of the spark and how it touched you?"

Bristling at his willingness to speak about something he had picked up mentally, I queried, _Why do you ask?_

Bella looked very interested and excited at the prospect, while he appeared abashed. After a pregnant pause, Edward answered, "Carlisle remarked at their impact upon him and I was hoping to see them for myself. I apologise if my request upset you. I didn't mean it, as usually you are glad to share your art."

Scrutinizing him I answered trying to keep my displeasure out of my tone, "Yes, but they aren't usually so intimate and there are many other paintings that I don't share simply because they are not meant to be shared except with my husband."

He looked caught out and embarrassed. "I sincerely apologise. Carlisle spoke so highly of them, and then I saw them in his mind. It made me curious."

Even though I was reluctant to share, it seemed important to Edward, as he rarely broke someone's privacy. His explanation that Carlisle had mentioned them, rather that them being something that he had plucked out of our minds soothed me a little. Thinking over the implications, I decided that, as they were an expression of my gift and not what had transpired between Carlisle and I, it was fine. However, there were some pieces I would not want anyone other than Carlisle to see.

"Let me tidy the space and then you may come up," I told them.

"I am truly repentant, Esme," Edward said beseechingly.

"Forgiven," I offered to him, _but please be more thoughtful about my art in the future, especially if Carlisle is right about how they are another manifestation of a hidden gift I have._

He indicated his agreement. "I will be more thoughtful in the future. I apologise again."

It only took me a few minutes to move the canvases around so that nothing private would be shown. Particularly hidden was my work in trying to capture the moments when Carlisle and myself had been entangled while altering our dynamic, as was us talking after a hunt years ago and most recently. There was something intangible that I was trying to capture, and it still wasn't quite there, so I was frustrated. As a result, there were multiple attempts, all of which I places under tarps.

When Edward came in and saw the series of paintings he too stood gob smacked saying nothing. Bella came up to them closely, looked at Edward, stood back, and analyzed them. Whether it was her being human or whatever mechanism that kept her thoughts from Edward, she didn't seem to be as affected.

Oddly, just like Carlisle, Edward said nothing, as if he were stunned into stone. Perhaps it was the lack of what Carlisle thought and said that had caused Edward's curiosity about them in the first place.

When she was getting restless I told her, "Leave him. He can catch up."

She was reluctant, but nevertheless turned and left Edward behind.

I patted her shoulder in my attempt to indirectly let her know that her choice caused me pride in her.

As we entered the hall she told me, "You are lucky to have had such an experience."

"How so?" I asked at the top of the stairs.

She thought deeply as she walked. As she got into her truck to head back to Bellingham, she added, "It was if I watched you being filled with the breath of God. You are an angel Esme and an incredible mother. If anyone deserves such an experience it is you."

Putting my hand on my heart, I told her most sincerely, "Thank you Bella."

She blushed a little and nodded her head before pulling away.

It was hours later when Edward began moving once more.

"Reactions?" I asked.

He wrinkled his face in deep thoughts and then looked at me beseechingly.

_I told her that you'd catch up to her_ I let him know letting him off the hook.

"Thanks Esme," he stated while he started running. "There are no words," he added almost out of my hearing range.

Since I had already given up on Carlisle explaining himself, Edward's reaction didn't ruffle me.

Then Carlisle got home I confronted him about talking to Edward about the paintings.

"I'm sorry love," he offered. "I have been truly confounded by my lack of articulation and I thought Edward could assist me."

Sighing, as had guessed as much, I pleaded, "Next time, please ask first. I know he was you first and you have a unique bond with him, but they are ultimately my creations."

"You are right, my darling Miss Platt," he stated formally, "please do accept my most heart-felt regrets. I was so consumed with my lack that I failed you."

Sighing once more, expelling a heavy breath, I worked at letting my irritation go. "Apology accepted dear sir."

He then moved towards me, and putting both hands on my face proceeded to kiss me intensely. Stopping briefly, he picked me up, placing me into his arms bridal style, and took us to our room. "Let me show you the depth of my sorrow," he requested.

With a nod, he began to touch and kiss me in a way that conveyed his appreciation and care for me. By the time we joined together the slight was fully forgiven and the strength of our bond restored.

Afterwards, as we showered together, I told him, "Next time I might not be so easy to let it go. As I told Edward, if you're right about my paintings being a manifestation of my gift, then they aren't just a piece of art, and they shouldn't be taken lightly."

"You are of course correct my dear Miss Platt. Lesson learned," he agreed.

"Good," I stated.

Three weeks later I went up to Bellingham and had another session with Edward and Bella. Immediately it was obvious that things had improved between them.

"What happened?" I asked them.

Bella smiled shyly and Edward grinned, but it was Bella that broke the silence. "We talked about our relationship."

Keeping silent, as that didn't explain the changes between them, I waited.

Edward spoke next. "We spent hours going back to the beginning of meeting and describing our thoughts and feelings at the time. We began to quickly see how much we felt the same way, but interpreted the other's actions or words incorrectly." He frowned and paused at if collecting himself. "I had no idea how socially inept I was or how poorly I read people without their thoughts. Jasper has told me for years that I rely on my gift too much and that it's bound to get me into trouble." He sighed and cast his eyes at the wall. "I've promised to work at it while in my classes."

Before I could comment Bella blurted out, "And I realised how right you were Esme about how my view of myself is detrimental to a relationship. I also began to take more responsibility for my actions, but more importantly for my lack of communication. Edward might be a mind reader, but not mine." She giggled while Edward groaned. "So, I promised to say more, to fill him in with what's going on inside of me, and to generally be more transparent."

"I'm proud of both of you," I told them. "And it seems to be helping?"

They both nodded and smiled. Eventually Bella added, "We are communicating better and having less hurt feelings."

"I've had to learn to take what Bella says at face value and trust what she's communicates," Edward admitted shifting like he was uncomfortable.

"And I've had to learn to allow Edward to be less than perfect," Bella confessed softly.

"These are huge strides for you both, and seem to be another critical piece for a strong foundation of a lasting friendship," I commented.

They both nodded in agreement smiling widely.

They shared some of the details of what they had learned about each other as well as their mistakes and how they'd like to work on themselves in order to improve their friendship.

"Let us leave our sessions for now, in that case," I told them when their sharing began to peter out. "Instead let me know if either of you need my assistance."

They both agreed easily.

Over the next month, as promised, Carlisle and I spent one weekend with Emmett and Rosalie and then another with Jasper and Alice. During our time with Emmett and Rosalie, they both spoke a ton about the growth in Edward and how he and Bella were developing a respectful, trusting relationship, although with arguments and periods of them ignoring each other. I figured that was better than how they had interacted before. They were both opinionated stubborn individuals. As long as they kept working through the differences, I saw it as healthy growth.

"He still annoys the heck out of me, but he's getting there," was Rosalie's high praise.

Emmett said little, but seemed grateful and pleased nonetheless.

They both spoke about the joy and challenge of reverting to the social norms of their human youth. If nothing else, it seemed to teach them a valuable lesson and allow them to let go of old habits they had held on to that no longer served them.

When we spent time with Alice and Jasper, Jasper expressed similar sentiments as Rosalie and Emmett had about the new house arrangements. Alice simply said it was nice to see what her human years might have been like, but she preferred things presently.

When the moment arose, I couldn't help myself but ask Jasper, "Were you impacted by the emotions you experienced with me in the woods when I was trying to figure my gift out?"

Looking up to the sky before returning his gaze to me, he answered, "At first I didn't think it had impacted me much, except given me a beautiful emotional experience. But everyone has commented, Rose and Alice the most, and Edward and Emmett some, about changes in me. They've mentioned that I seem less weary, more comfortable, and less expectant of danger."

Considering his admission, I agreed, "You do seem more relaxed, but it's subtle."

He considered his thoughts before speaking once more. "The only difference I can tell in myself is that I feel lighter. Killing another, even as a soldier following orders, has a weight to it that plagues the soul. It's like that burden has been lifted some. I still regret the deaths at my hands and the atrocities I committed at Maria's bidding, but the heaviness of the actions are less."

Smiling pleased at this, I told him, "I am glad."

Carlisle looked puzzled and for a long time we said nothing much just enjoying the atmosphere. A few hours later, Carlisle said in a reverent whisper, "What if Esme's gift of bringing out the best is something like inspiration, and what you experienced Jasper as well as what Edward saw through her thoughts was the source of inspiration. Would that not be akin to looking into the face of God?"

Jasper's mouth tightened. He didn't agree, but wasn't going to say anything. Through the years Jasper never said anything for or against Carlisle's beliefs, but I had gotten the impression that Jasper's stance was something like mine. He didn't disregard the idea of God or believe that we were soulless creatures meant for damnation, like Edward did, but he also saw his actions as something that wouldn't please God.

"Whatever the possible explanation, the evidence of its influence in myself, Edward, and you Jasper seems clear," I put in.

"True enough," Carlisle agreed.

Sprinkled through the weekend we spoke some of how the family was changing and what that might mean, but it was mostly speculation.

Expectedly Bella decided to stay in Bellingham and take summer classes. Also, unsurprisingly, Bella's visits to Forks decreased, and according to reports I got so did her calls to her parents. Charlie, evidently, was courting Sue, and I wondered how much of Bella's lack of contact had to do with a relief that someone would take care of her Dad. By Bella's twentieth birthday and start of her second year she seemed more settled than the year before. We had a small birthday gathering, which she graciously enjoyed. The most fascinating part was watching her and Edward.

Carlisle leaned in closer and breathed into my ear, "I'm not sure if I recognise our son."

It was true. He was still a man of his era, but the tenseness he usually wore was gone. He looked comfortable and as if he was enjoying himself. He also had shown no moments of distress or anger when Bella left to get more food or talked with another family member. My guess was that he was more settled in himself and more confident in Bella. It was a welcomed gift. Bella too seemed the most comfortable around Edward than I had seen since his reappearance. There were many moments when they touched, although those touches were casual by present standards and it seemed Edward was almost unaware of his actions, I decided their growing intimacy required a conversation.

In the morning I texted them requesting some time and suggesting a walk in a local park. Bella said she was available ten to noon, so at ten the three of us got in Edward's Volvo.

Once we were far enough away from human ears, I started the conversation by telling them, "It seems from observation alone that the two of you have you have settled into a solid meaningful friendship."

Bella chuckled and then amended, "Most of the time."

"And the rest?" I wondered.

"We're trying to find ways to negotiate," Edward answered.

"Fair enough," I allowed, as it was expected, given their combined stubbornness. Taking a breath, I broached the subject, "It seems from my vantage point that you both are wishing for more than friendship. Did I read that wrong?"

Bella stopped walking and became angry looking like steam might come out of her ears.

Edward and I stopped beside her while Edward said, "Yes, I would be honoured to court Bella. I didn't think she wanted that, though." Then, he looked at Bella gauging his words.

Like a switch the steam went out of her. Instead, she looked at Edward accusatory. "You want to date?"

"If you would give me the honour," he replied.

She opened her mouth and closed it multiple times before she asked, her voice quivering, "What about what you said in the woods?"

"We've talked these things through, I thought," Edward answered sounding sad. "I have apologised for the blasphemous lies I told you."

"Shall we keep walking?" I suggested.

Bella picked her feet up again and began strolling, admitting, "And I did forgive you. But that doesn't mean that you want to date."

"I certainly would be honoured to date you," he refuted.

Shaking her head, she confessed softly, "I need time to think about this."

Hoping to nip some potential obstacles in the bud, I asked Edward, "What are some of your fears?"

"That she would have outgrown me," Edward voiced, and then added with some hesitancy, "The rejection would be brutal."

"Bella?" I pressed when she said nothing.

"That I'm actually not good enough for him to stay," she mumbled.

Edward looked like he wanted to say something, but I cut him off, "Both of your fears are legitimate. The problem is that they aren't solvable. The only true answer is to take steps forward and see if your fears come true."

They both looked uncomfortable with my answer.

"On that note, I'm going to head back to the house," I told them. Hugging Bella and then kissing Edward on the cheek, I headed off walking into the forest.

When I got back the six of us ended up talking about present obstacles and potential plans for the next year.

Carlisle expressed his nervousness about the occasional whispers he had overheard regarding his lack of aging. However, the overall conversation seemed to lend itself to the idea that we were still hoping for another three years. We had managed eight before.

Carlisle and I also told them how it had taken us until the end of the summer, but eventually the hospital and the town seemed to have forgiven us, or at least decided to no longer hold a grudge against us. However, it seemed obvious that another unexplained absence or abrupt decision would result in us needing to move away. All four of us were in agreement that for us to stay in Forks for the hoped for three years, it would need to be event free.

"Bella could always transfer," Rosalie reminded us in an almost haphazard manner, almost having it sound like her plans were the true deciding factor. "She'll do her graduate courses somewhere else anyway."

Despite being pleased at how sisterly towards Bella Rosalie had become, I kept my joy to myself. Instead I expressed my surprise at the news, "She's decided?"

Rosalie smiled slightly. "No, but there's a glint in her eyes when she talks about the possibility. I think she's afraid that she won't get in and that she's not good enough, but it's there. She's smart and ambitious, just lacking in self-esteem and confidence, although it's getting better."

We continued to enjoy each other's company, but our conversation stopped when Edward and Bella walked in, as the air around them demanded attention.

With a huge grin on his face Edward told us, "I requested to court Bella and she has agreed."

Various forms of congratulations were offered to the couple. Then, Emmett teased, "What are the conditions?"

Edward narrowed his eyes at him and Bella chuckled.

Finally it was Bella that answered, "Any dates will be in public places and will cost under $100."

Emmett began teasing Edward and Jasper shook his head, but looked happy for the couple. Not a few minutes later the three of them headed out to tussle.

"Better join them," I told Carlisle.

Kissing me on the cheek, he headed out.

Bella came and sat next to me and then settled into my side.

"You ready for this?" Rosalie asked.

She took in a deep breath and blew out her cheeks. "I'm scared, no correction, terrified. I don't ever want to go back to the Bella I was when he left. He holds so much of my happiness in his hands and it's petrifying. At the same time, everything within me feels calmer when we're together. I've worked on a lot of my stuff and he's changed too. I don't want to get into old patterns and he seems earnest in his desire to try again. I just hope it's enough."

"Just take it slow," Rosalie advised. "There's no rush. Get to know him, make sure he earns your trust."

"He's changed," Alice put in, "that means something. Try to judge him on who he is at the present and not his past."

She nodded but said nothing more. Alice and Rosalie guessed a little about where Edward might take her on dates, especially given the limitations set. Eventually the conversation turned to the next quarter, guesses on the relationship between Charlie and Sue, how Bella felt about it, and our hopes of staying under the good people of Forks' radar for another couple of years.

When Carlisle left our hearts were full.

"We are not the same," Carlisle mused about halfway back to Forks breaking the comfortable silence that had enveloped us. "It has been hard work, but we are better for it."

"I am proud of us," I added.

"Any successes are due to you my love," he gushed. "You are the glue and the best of us all."

Disagreeing, but choosing to say nothing, I laid my head on his shoulder. The rest of the drive he prattled on about work things.

Bella's classes were harder during the next quarter from all the accounts she gave me over the phone.

As we came close to Christmas, Alice let us all know that she was ready to lay out her garment company plan.

Additionally, it seemed like Edward might have made a breakthrough about a substance that would allow the aging elements to be adhered to our skin. According to Edward, it was actually Bella who had made the breakthrough.

It was all exciting news and I was looking forward to having the family together for Christmas.

And, of course, as the family was in Forks, Rosalie was planning on spending some time at the car shop with the Quileutes, no doubt accompanied by Emmett.

Bella spent Christmas Eve and Day with her father and at the reservation. She, then, came to the house the next day.

As soon as Bella sat down she blurted out, "Charlie asked Sue to marry him, and she accepted."

Everyone offered his or her congratulations.

"What would be an acceptable gift?" I wondered.

She scrunched up her nose and then with some reluctance told me, "I'd like to get them a honeymoon. We could say it was from all of us."

"Tell me Sue's preferences and I'll work it out," I let her know.

"Sounds good," Bella agreed. Then, she turned to Carlisle appearing hopeful, "Does that make Charlie a Quileute and knowledgeable about the truth?"

As diplomatically and kindly as possible, he told her, "Many Quileutes hear the stories and don't believe. Being a Quileute isn't a guarantee of knowing the truth in their oral histories. Even with Sue being an elder and sitting on the council, I suspect Charlie would continue to think of them as stories rather than the tribe's true history."

Her face fell and she looked resigned, "I figured as much, but I couldn't help getting my hopes up."

"Understandable," Carlisle replied.

"Do they have a date yet?" I wondered.

"No," she answered, but there seemed to be something there that I would approach her about when we were alone.

"Well, let us know the dates, so I can make sure the gift works for them," I let her know.

She agreed and the conversation quickly changed to the packages surrounding us, mostly because Alice had grown to be so incredibly excited that her movements no longer could pass for appearing human. In the midst of her enthusiasm, it was a joy to exchange gifts, particularly in having Bella be included. It was different from years past, as Bella had requested that the gifts be handmade or under $50. The gifts from Emmett were silly, but it was fascinating to watch as everyone became more creative. It was a delightful change, even if we were unlikely to repeat the conditions every year.

After presents, we played games, and simply enjoyed each other's company.

Once Bella began to yawn, Edward persuaded his siblings that she needed to take her leave and walked her out to her truck, as she was going to spend the night at Charlie's. Right as he closed the driver's door, he asked, "Any problems from the Quiluetes?"

"Just the usual warnings," she told him. "They care and don't understand. It's fine."

No one had been keeping guard over her over the past two days, since we had all gone hunting together. It took a fair bit of persuasion on Carlisle's part. He insisted that she could keep herself alive for the brief time we would be gone, the wolves had kept her safe for the few months between her 18th birthday and our return, as well as the fact that the seven of us needed the time together. We had agreed, reluctantly, and then had resumed our guard duties upon our return. We had all been relieved that nothing untoward had happened during our family hunt. Ironically, it seemed like Carlisle was more alleviated that he had been proven correct than his initial words had conveyed. It seemed that rational or not, we felt better in knowing one of us had an eye on her.

Jasper and Alice were watching her over the next twenty-four hours, so ghosted in the trees along her drive.

Once they were out of earshot, I turned to Rosalie and Emmett and told them, "I have something to show you."

Going to my art room, I presented them my paintings of finding my inspirational spark and it filling me. Just like Carlisle and Edward they stood statuesque for many hours and then struggled to articulate how it had impacted them. However, they were both grateful that I had shown the paintings to them.

Afterwards, Carlisle and I spent time together as a couple. While laying in each other's arms talking about minor things, my mind continued to muse over our family. Carlisle, Rosalie, Emmett, Edward, and my time together really highlighted the changes in all of us. Rosalie was calmer, more mature, less to anger, more level headed. Emmett still made jokes and made everyone laugh, but he knew how to temper it and put his foot in his mouth less. Edward was pleased with his progress of changing, despite how much he had to go, and its impact upon his relationship with Bella, even though it was progressing out of friendship at a snail's pace. It seemed Bella had taken Rosalie's wisdom to heart, of which I was glad.

Edward must have been thinking about his relationship with Bella, because after the sun rose, when the five of us reconvened, Edward asked us out of the blue, "How do you know when it is the right time to propose?"

"Is Bella interested in marriage?" Carlisle asked with a genuinely curios tone, but there was a hint of incredulousness there too.

Edward admitted that he wasn't sure.

"Probably should start there," Emmett teased.

"Marriage isn't the only sign of commitment in this era," Rosalie put in. When Edward didn't answer, she added, "It's like the discussion you guys had that changed our behaviour in the house. What you see as right and true might have very different meanings for her."

"A conversation about her beliefs and ideas about marriage seems like an excellent starting point," Carlisle agreed.

"There's no rush," I reminded Edward.

He looked uncomfortable and it wasn't hard to guess at the problem. Unsurprisingly it was Emmett that voiced it, "You want to wait until your wedding night to do the deed."

"If I can without killing her," he commiserated.

"Cheer up," Emmett refuted, "if human-eating vamps can do the jiggy with human women and the Denali sisters with human men, then you can with how much you luuuuvvvv her."

"Thanks, Em," Edward offered, rolling his eyes, but it was clear under the playful rebuttal that he truly did appreciate the encouragement.

Rosalie looked at Edward seriously, "I understand your intentions, and they are admirable. Just make sure that you are crystal clear when conveying to Bella that these are your beliefs and tell her how come you see things this way. I doubt she feels the same. She might be shy and reserved for most girls of this generation, but she is a modern woman."

"That is true," he agreed, his tone making it clear that this was his greatest concern.

"And when Bella and you are ready to be more physical," Carlisle put in, "I suggest you, her, Esme, and I have a conversation to make sure she understands things clearly."

Edward squirmed and seemed to be struggling with what to say.

"She's already pushing the lines of acceptability?" Emmett teased.

"She sees these things differently than you do," Rosalie reminded Edward.

"Have you spoken to her about it?" I wondered.

Seemingly choosing to ignore Rosalie and Emmett's statements, he looked at me and admitted, "Not yet."

"Well, maybe having that talk should come first before talk of marriage," Carlisle suggested. "Discussing value, needs, wants, and future intentions are the backbone of a solid romantic relationship." And appeared to be adding more mentally.

"Yes, sir," Edward vocalised, whether that was in relation to Carlisle's spoken words or mental ones was impossible to tell.

"We could set aside some time New Years Eve," I offered, hoping that making a plan might be helpful.

Slumping, but also appearing relieved he agreed.

It was unusual to see him struggling like this anymore, as it was more reminiscent of his behaviour when first meeting Bella, but at least this time he had come and spoken to us about it. It was a huge sign of his growing maturity and I was proud of him, so told him so mentally.

The rest of the time, before Alice and Jasper returned, the five of us passed with easy conversation and enjoyable fun.

Rosalie and Emmett took the next shift, leaving Alice, Jasper, Carlisle, Edward, and I together. It was as equally joyous to spend time with them. When I showed Alice and Jasper my paintings they too stood frozen in front of them and then seemed unable to articulate how the painting had impacted them. It was slightly irritating to get no concrete feedback from my work, but as there was nothing to do about it, I let it go.

It seemed like Jasper was growing into himself. He told more jokes, which were witty wordplays. Most surprisingly was how he teased Carlisle and how Carlisle responded. It was like I was being gifted with blessings upon blessings.

Edward and Carlisle decided to take the next shift. There was little doubt in my mind that they would both be discussing Edward's work with the adhesive and his concerns around Bella. Of all of us, Carlisle was the most experienced touching and interacting with humans without leaving a mark on them.

Emmett, Rosalie, Jasper, Alice, and I had a great time and most of it I spent in stitches laughing so hard at the boys' banter.

Alice and I took the fourth night into the day, although the Swans spent most of the time on the Reservation, so we were either at the border or at their home.

"How are your studies and work going?" I wondered.

"It's looking promising," Alice exclaimed with a huge grin.

"Explain to me exactly how it works," I asked, even though she had explained it to the family, I wanted to try, once more, to imagine what she was hoping to do.

"It's almost like a skin graft," she explained.

"But our skin is fundamentally different from humans," I rejoined confused.

"That's one of the hurdles that has kept it from working in the past," she admitted, "that and the adhesive."

"Okay," I allowed. "Keep going."

"So, I'm using the technology of skin grafting from human medicine that has been modified for stage and film productions, where instead of the graft hiding a wound it is used to create the illusion of aging." Nodding that I was following, even if I didn't fully understand the mechanics of it, she continued, "Evidently the makeup artist fools the human eye into believing the actor has aged by creating grafts that are wrinkled, etc. When they are applied, because it lays nearly flat, the human eye is fooled, even in person. Of course, none of our kind are fooled, but that's not the point."

Considering the steps, I wondered, "How are the grafts made?"

"The medical ones are grown in a lab and they are almost genetically identical to human skin. The ones used for actors are made of silicon or other similar materials. This latter source would probably be best for us, as it's non-organic elements offer more of a chance that we can manipulate it to match our skin's appearance."

"This sounds like it requires Rosalie, Edward, Carlisle, and even Bella, not to mention yourself," I proposed.

"At least in the beginning it will require a lot," she agreed.

"Financially?" I enquired.

"Also a significant investment, as well as space to perfect the procedures. Then, we need a cover story in case a human were to ever come across it, but that's the easiest part."

"Is it worth it?" I pondered out loud.

"Yes," she said vehemently.

Looking over at her in surprise, without words I asked her to explain herself.

Her shoulders slumped, she admitted her words barely audible, "I'm tired of being fourteen through twenty four. It's not so much that I wish to be thirty, but rather I want the freedom to start a venture and carry it for a while and not have to hide in the background. It is important to me, to all of us I would say."

"True," I agreed. After some time had passed, I broke the silence. "Humans think about the best part of their lives, the moments when they felt the most free or happiest and they wish to bottle those moments or hold them still, frozen in time. Over and over their movies and art proclaim the wonders of such a thing, but we know the truth. Such moments cannot be held constant; by the very act of containing them, the moment becomes sour. I suspect that those of us approaching or are already on earth one hundred years are beginning to see the costs to a greater degree than when we first were transformed. In the beginning it was new and novel, but no longer. I think that is why Carlisle is so enthralled with medicine. It is what keeps his mind fresh."

"But even he is limited in what he can do because of his youthful appearance," Alice pointed out.

"Very true," I concurred. "It's ironic that Bella wants her life easier, while we are working to make our lives harder."

Alice chuckled. "Yes, that is ironic. She does not see yet that her life struggles are what are transforming her into a stronger more formidable wiser person and that the process is beautiful."

"Does the caterpillar appreciate its struggle to become the butterfly?" I pondered. After some minutes I added, "No, I think Bella sees in us the beauty she is lacking just as we see in her the beauty we are lacking."

"We wish to be more like her and she wishes to be more like us?" Alice offered.

"Precisely," I uttered softly.

Alice sighed. After some time she asked, almost as if talking to herself, "Is there a sentient creature on this earth that is content?"

"All but humans, I presume," I told her, "and then all the creatures related to humans like us and werewolves and shapeshifters."

Almost an hour passed before she told me, "I think that's what drew me into your series." Looking at her confused, she gratefully continued, "As I looked at the series it was like I experienced true contentment. Almost, not quite, but nearly, I could feel the same energy flow through me and encompass my being. Us vampires have more hours to be productive in a day due to not sleeping, we live much longer lives than humans, we don't need to spend as much time acquiring our basic needs, and yet with all this extra time we are just as, if not more, discontent than humans. There is something important about having purpose, and your series contradicts that and says all that you need is found within. It is powerful and words are absolutely inadequate, if not useless."

For a long time she left me to my thoughts while she appeared to be scanning the future. Could Bella understand the cost she would pay to become a vampire any more than we could understand the costs of being human? I could easily see how us Cullens, and probably me especially, had tended to see what I longed for, which humans had without thought or effort. Their bodies could change. They could have children from their own seed and I could not. They could grow to see their grandchildren and even great-grandchildren, which was something far beyond my reach. Yet, I had riches and security and safety they did not. I had a wonderful group of people around me that I called family. I was not battered and mistreated as my life with Charles had been. Coming back to Forks and helping Bella had humbled me in many ways. I no longer envied humans. Instead, I was grateful for the life I had, while wishing I could give others even a little of the blessings bestowed upon me.

Alice spoke some about the kind of fashion she wanted to create and I told her about some of the living space designs I had been considering for our future, as well as things like if we wanted soundproof spaces like I had given Bella. Alice challenged many of my ideas and added her own twist as I did with her fashion line. It was odd how our relationship was changing, but it was like she was becoming the youngest sister with me the eldest, Rosalie the middle, and then Alice. It was an odd shift, but one that felt welcomed.

When Jasper and Rosalie arrived to cover the next shift we went back to the house. It was certainly nice to get dressed in dry clothes, but for the first time since my early years I appreciated how unaffected by the elements I had been. It was a blessing, even if it did come with a thirst for blood. This wasn't the life for everyone, but maybe Alice was right that Bella was destined to be a Cullen.

Carlisle, Edward, Alice, Emmett, and I enjoyed each other's company. One of the greatest blessings I came to realise by the end of the day was that no matter how we were configured we still enjoyed being together, and that hadn't always been the case. It wasn't challenging to retrieve from my memory years when Edward and Rosalie could barely be in the same house together or how Jasper was in the room, yet set apart. This Christmas season none of that had happened. This time each person, with the exception of Bella, as she was absent, had been a part and welcomed by the others. Sure, we disagreed and there were passionate discussions, but not once had furniture been destroyed, things been thrown, someone stormed out of the house, or hurtful words used. I could certainly get accustomed to the young adult version of my former teenagers, even if I might miss the mothering part of them a little. The pains of change had been emense, but if this was the reward, I was grateful for it.

* * *

_A/N: Thank you for your support during this difficult time. It means a lot to me._


	12. Chapter 11: Becoming More of A Cullen

**Chapter 11: Becoming More of A Cullen**

* * *

Emmett and Carlisle did the last shift only arriving a little before Bella. I greeted Bella at the door and asked if she would be up for a chat with Edward, Carlisle, herself, and me before the festivities and then our family meeting tomorrow.

"Sure, sure," she answered looking concerned.

"I was thinking your room, since it's soundproofed," I suggested.

"Yeah, okay," she agreed, walking in that direction after greeting everyone.

When we entered her room she got onto the bed and I took the rocking chair. "Edward and Carlisle bring your own chairs," I told them.

Edward arrived a minute later with a chair from the dining room. He placed it near Bella's bed the opposite from me.

"I apologise, Bella," he told her shortly after sitting.

She looked at him wearily. "How come?"

"I mentioned our increasing physical contact in passing, and Carlisle and Esme decided that a conversation was necessary," he explained.

Her cheeks pinkened, but not nearly to the same degree that they would have a year ago.

"We just want to make sure you and Edward have clear information, especially as vampire and human relationships contain inherent risk, and we wish you to be safe in our home," I added.

A couple seconds later Carlisle entered carrying a chair from his office. He closed her bedroom door and placed the chair down in front of it, so he was gazing at Bella.

"This is going to be a bit like a medical meeting with some parental advice thrown in," Carlisle warned her. "We are not in any way telling you what you can or cannot do, what your limits of your physical activity with each other should be, or dictating your choices. However, there are significant risks and those should not be ignored."

They both nodded in agreement looking incredibly uncomfortable, but putting on a brave face.

"What are the limits you have set at the moment?" Carlisle asked.

After many minutes of silence with Bella staring back and forth between us and her comforter, she answered, "Touching."

"On the outside of clothes," Edward added.

"And kissing," Belled included.

"Closed mouth," Edward inserted.

"It would be unwise, Bella, to kiss Edward open mouthed," Carlisle stated in his doctor tone. "Apart from the fact that our teeth are sharper than razors, his venom could enter your system in this way and has some potential to inadvertently begin your transformation, according to the Deneli sisters."

She looked a little ashen while Edward looked slightly relieved.

"Touching is fine," Carlisle continued, "However, it would be best if you told each other where and how you would like to touch the other or be touched before it happens. This is to reduce any surprises, as, Bella, you becoming surprised could create changes in your body's chemistry that could make it more alluring for Edward's bloodlust, and thus more challenging for him to be around you, especially in a closed space like a bedroom. And any surprises Edward experiences might cause him to move suddenly and hurt you."

Bella looked taken aback, but said nothing.

"This is especially true in touching bare skin and even more so if you were to touch each other in areas considered intimate," Carlisle added. "In addition to much conversation before action, I would also recommend a confidence in each other's touch and reaction in ways that have agreed before progressing to something new. Also, Edward, it would be inadvisable for you to kiss Bella anywhere open mouth or to put your venom on her skin in anyway."

Edward looked like he wanted to flee the room from embarrassment, while Bella looked shocked.

"Questions? Concerns?" Carlisle enquired.

They both shook their head in the negative.

"Well, come to me, please, if anything presents itself," Carlisle requested.

"Bella, we also wanted to let you know that Carlisle and I are encouraging you and Edward to spend time talking about the boundaries around these things while living in the same house. Especially, we recommend you both discuss what the spaces mean to you. For instance, doing something in the common areas can take on a very different meaning than in the bedrooms. Also, we recommend you discuss what these touches mean to you each. As you've become aware over the past months, the eras in which you were each raised have very different ideas about interactions between the genders and the significance of touch. As an example, Edward, what does kissing a lady's hand mean?"

"A way of showing affection and appreciation for her presence," he answered easily.

"Bella?" I probed.

"That he's being smooth and trying to get laid," she answered uncomfortably.

"Same act, two very different meanings and interpretations," I pointed out. "It is critical that you two talk about each of these things, what they mean to you, and find common ground."

"Will do," Bella agreed, her eyes wide.

"Yes, ma'am," Edward stated seemingly taken aback by Bella's answer.

"And please come to me if you need assistance in these conversations. They are new for you, and my goal is to aid in this process as our sessions were intended," I explained.

After many minutes had passed and neither of them had said anything, Carlisle probed, "Penny for your thoughts."

"I was just thinking how many hurdles it will be to have a relationship of this kind with Edward," Bella blurted out. Then, she looked over at him and apologised. After putting herself together more she continued, "When we first dated I was more ruled by my hormones than my mind, if I'm honest. This time, especially as we're still working on building trust, my mind rules me more. Nevertheless, I thank you both for the food for thought you've given me." Turning to Edward, she added, "I think you're worth it, we're worth the conversations and the work, so don't take my comment as a dismissal. I was simply expressing my surprise at my new awareness of things I had never even considered prior."

"Forgiven and forgotten," Edward told her.

Hopefully he would actually do both things.

"I too am grateful for bringing these things to our attention," Edward stated, "but it is uncomfortable to have my relationship under the family microscope, as if our choices were not our own."

"Can they be your own?" I asked.

He looked affronted and Bella upset.

"We are tied together," I pointed out. "We are not human and Bella is yet to be a vampire. Your very relationship is precarious and puts the family at risk. We want your happiness, both of yours, and so we support you, but please do not be juvenile enough to believe that you two are an island unto yourselves. You are each critical pieces to our unit. And any false move endangers us all."

Bella looking chastised and guilty affirmed, "We will be more careful and thoughtful about the impact to the rest of the family in the future. And thank you for bringing all these things to my attention. I appreciate it."

"I apologise," Edward offered. "You're right. We are not islands unto ourselves."

"You are not alone in having your relationship scrutinised. I clearly remember a young man keeping an eye on things between Carlisle and I. And certainly the family had lots to say about Emmett and Rosalie, especially given her state of mind when he was changed," I reminded him.

Edward's posture changed and it was clear that I had gotten through to him. "Of course," was his reply. "I was not suggesting otherwise."

"It is different when you're the one being closely scrutinised rather than the one observing for danger," I simply reminded him.

"Very true," he agreed, smiling nostalgically.

"Anything more?" Carlisle asked.

They both shook their head no, and I had nothing more to add.

"Let us enjoy the holiday," I told them. Turning to Bella, I told her, "I got champagne this year and made the little hors d'oeuvres you liked from last year."

"Thanks, Esme," she told me, coming over and giving me a hug.

"Of course," I told her.

Taking her hand in mine, we travelled downstairs. As had become our custom since Bella joined, we spent the evening playing family games and enjoying each other's company. Bella nibbled on the things I had made and put them in the toaster oven to warm if she needed. She drank soda most of the night, but tried the champagne when we sang in the New Year. This year, though, she and Edward kissed briefly once on the lips. Emmett and Jasper, of course, whistled at them and catcalled a little in jest, but it was clear that they were teasing in a positive way. Fortunately for us all, they took it in stride and not once did Edward get flustered. We stayed together as a family until she was struggling to stay awake. When she wished us all a Happy New Year's and went off to bed, I had a feeling that the next year would be her best yet.

It was early afternoon when we all gathered for our New Year's family meeting.

Rosalie recommended and we all agreed, as expected, to change Emmett's off roader this year. Her cost estimate was $60,000 higher than she projected, as she wanted to alter it in ways she had not previously, in order to take Bella's humanity more into consideration, so but we all approved the expense easily.

"The family made over 2.6 billion dollars this past year. However, our expenditures and non-profits were higher this year also, so nothing to raise flags about. We'll need to make less this next year," Alice informed us.

"All of our projects had enough money," Edward reported. "However, unemployment looks to be up, so I'd like to add 10-20% to each project as a safety net. Ten percent would be about 250 million and twenty approximately 500 million."

"Twenty percent," everyone said at different times other than Bella who remained silent.

"As a contingency plan, I'd like to start setting up medically-focused non-profits across the globe where we could retreat to if the need ever came up," Japer stated. "I'm thinking two for this next year, six the following year, ten in year three, and at least twenty by year seven. The initial cost would be probably somewhere in the range of 10-50 million depending on the countries and the necessary bribes."

Everyone nodded their head in agreement, while Bella just stared at him, her eyes wide.

"We are agreed," Carlisle proclaimed.

Alice then handed out a proposal for her business. Her portfolio was interactive with fabric types and images, including the business aspects. It was easy to follow, which I had assumed she had done for Bella. It was impressive. She had accounted for every strand of thread and how her business would help women across the globe. It was completely sustainable and fair-trade possible. "It will take at least a year or two in order to get the first designs complete, so there's some time."

"Risks?" Rosalie asked.

"Initially the usual regarding our nature. Bella as offered to solve most of those issues. On the rare times that my physical presence might be necessary, I plan on getting around that by dressing eccentrically with a hat, gloves, and boots. Also, my intention is to do most of the original connections virtually. It's even possible that I'll only need to go once to check it out, and then everything else remotely," Alice explained.

"Objections?" Carlisle asked.

Rosalie looked at Alice and sighed, "As long as you take each step carefully and don't rush, being extra precautious, even if your visions don't show trouble. If you commit to these steps, then I don't have any."

"I'm excited to see your designs come to fruition," I told Alice. "However, for the family's sake I echo Rosalie's requests. If you can promise to stay in the moment and enjoy the journey as well as be hypervigilant, then I approve."

"I have similar reservations," Carlisle told her, "but I want to support you in this. Be extraordinarily cautious. It only takes one misstep and we've promised Bella to be here for her."

"I don't know if I can do this," Bella voiced.

Everyone looked at her surprised.

"I don't mean the parts about meeting people and representing Alice. Even though those still are uncomfortable for me, I'm more confident now than when I first offered." She took in air pausing briefly before continuing, "I'm more concerned at the moment that I won't have the time available like Alice might need."

After the allotted time nothing else was spoken.

"Approved, but with reservations," Carlisle stated.

"A three month check-in?" Alice offered.

"At that time can you detail what Bella's role might be and how much time that might take?" I suggested.

Bella relaxed and nodded her head in agreement.

"Yes," Alice agreed. "That's actually a good idea."

That seemed to relax everyone.

"A good compromise," I agreed.

Alice smiled pleased and Bella looked relieved.

Bella looked around nervously and then spoke, "Sue and Charlie's wedding will be this year, probably in the summer. And with helping Alice some, I'm thinking of taking a lighter load next quarter and then no classes over the summer. That will probably mean that it will take me five years to graduate with a degree in Chemistry."

Smiling in pride at her, I patted her hand. She was beginning to really think about herself in relation to the family. It was momentous.

"What about your position, Carlisle?" Jasper asked.

"So far no problems," he reported. "Alice has suggested at the end of this year to start wearing glasses. Hopefully that will give me the time we need, but if not, then Esme and I will leave Forks and I will take a respite until we decide where to go next."

"Fair enough," Jasper answered.

"Objections?" I asked everyone.

After the allotted time had passed, I told Bella, "Sounds good darling."

She smiled and looked more relaxed.

"In that case, we will plan on moving over the summer of 2011," I told the table. "That means in 2010's New Year's meeting I would appreciate potential locations and I will have potential living arrangements, and we will discuss possible cover stories."

Everyone nodded his or her head in agreement.

We enjoyed the rest of the day together. That evening she went back to Charlie's and we resumed our watch over her until the next week when they all drove back to Bellingham.

It was only when I went up to Bellingham for a few days to check on things after the next quarter had started that I finally got to speak with Bella alone, and only because I met her on campus. It was a mostly cloudy day, so we found a bench under the hanging of the library in case the sun peeked through.

After some initial chatting, I enquired with her regarding my reason for wanting her alone, "When you spoke of your father's engagement, I noticed something. Do you want to talk about it?"

She sighed. "Actually, Charlie came to me on the first day I arrived in Forks, and spoke to me. To me there wasn't much to consider, so I gave him my answer fairly quickly. I feel guilty now, though, because after you and Carlisle spoke to Edward and I, it dawned on me that I had acted without consulting the family. I've learned my lesson, though, and won't do that again."

Beginning to worry, I asked her to explain.

She looked down at her hands and sighed once more. "Charlie wanted my blessing for him to ask Sue to marry him."

As this didn't seem like something worth her feeling guilty for, I said nothing.

Many minutes passed before she started speaking once more. "He's old fashioned and wants to not only get married, but live with Sue, which makes sense. They've been talking about each selling their houses and buying something together. However, due to Sue's place on the council and Seth still attending the reservation's high school it needs to be on the reservation, and Charlie needs it to be as close to Forks as possible, in case there's an emergency. I told him that I was cool with him selling the house and their plans. I packed up everything I wanted from my room over the break, and brought it to Bellingham in my truck. Once they're married, and Charlie goes to sell the house, then I'll go help him and take any of the things that he no longer wants, but I'd like."

It was a plan that made sense and it seemed like she was supporting her father in his happiness, so I stayed quiet hoping she would explain more.

It took another long silence before she continued, "Charlie asked me about money and explained that once he was married everything would go to Sue, since she would be his wife. That also meant that any money from life insurance or that kind of stuff would be shared with Leah and Seth. I told him that between my scholarships and my plans that I couldn't see money being a big problem for me, and I encouraged him to make Sue his benefactor for everything, and went so far as to tell him that I trusted her to make sure his wishes were fulfilled if something were to happen to him." She drew in a deep breath. "I assumed without asking that Sue would be better off with Charlie's money than me. He asked a lot of questions that I didn't know how to answer, and then we began going round and round." She looked down. "Then after the sex talk, I felt so retched that I haven't known how to bring it up." Tears started down her face. "I'm so sorry."

Putting my hand on hers, I offered her support, "Thank you for admitting what happened. Let's have a family meeting next time Carlisle is off work. I'm sure between the eight of us we can find a solution. As a side note, I support your decision to give Charlie's money to Sue, but I can see why your willingness to do so would have raised questions for Charlie. He knows that you and Edward are dating again?"

She nodded yes and looked relieved, despite her tears.

"Next time if he asks a question that you don't know how to answer just tell him that it's a good question and you'll think about it. Then, we can discuss it," I told her. "And next time, please bring these types of things to the family. Each person brings something valuable to the conversation."

Sighing in relief she agreed and apologised again.

"No apology needed. You're learning as we are," I reminded her. After some more comfortable silence, I told her, "I have something else that I'd like to discuss."

"Shoot," she assured me.

"When you were a senior in high school we had many conversations about your fears of being left behind or left out. From your asking about your plans at the New Year's Family Meeting, it seems to me that you've put these fears behind you."

She thought about it a bit before replying, "Not completely. The truth is that you all could decide to leave and there is no way I could stop you or follow. However, I've come to trust that you were being honest with me. I feel included and am getting better about making sure others know my plans, as we talked about before that trust is a two-way road."

"Great progress?" I checked.

She smiled slightly embarrassed. "Yes, I am changing. I still have those fears, but they're small and I no longer allow them to rule my decisions."

Smiling warmly at her, I commended her, "like I mentioned the last time we had this conversation, your fears are reasonable. Fear that the past will repeat is rational and it takes a lot of courage to trust in the midst of those fears. I'm very proud of you and grateful that you're willing to trust us again despite our mistakes."

"You're welcome," she stated at a whisper.

"On a equally fearful note, Rose mentioned that you and Edward are moving at a snail's pace much to her delight."

Bella chuckled lightly. "Rose has turned into a wonderful sister, just don't tell her, otherwise it'll ruin her reputation."

It was my turn to chuckle, as she had Rosalie pegged.

After a minute she told me, "We are being slow. I keep telling myself that we have eternity. No reason to rush."

"True words, Bella. I'm proud of your wisdom."

"Thanks," she answered.

After that our conversation was lighter, speaking about other things until she left for class.

The next evening Carlisle was able to come up for a few hours.

After Bella explained to them what she had told me regarding her difficult conversation with Charlie, she went on to elaborate, "Charlie was surprised that I wouldn't want any of his money to help pay for more schooling, a house, a car, anything. I tried to push aside any of his concerns by explaining that I have a scholarship and my continued schooling would come with a job at the university, and that the Clearwaters needed it more. He was confused at my attitude and went into cop mode. I didn't know how to explain, so just kept repeating the same things. At the end, I told him that he had taken care of me and it was fine for him to take care of the woman he loved and wanted to marry. That stopped the questions, but he seemed suspicious."

"The point of this meeting is to have a cover story, which matches what Bella told Charlie and soothes his concerns as well as questions," I told everyone.

"We can't tell him the scholarship is Cullen money or that you're supporting me," Bella reminded everyone.

Rosalie was the first to speak. "What if we used the same organization that funds your undergraduate scholarship with money for your continued education, assuming you still chose that path, and you told Charlie that you couldn't remember the details, but had found them, and we could make something he could see? We could also make it so it covered some living expenses for your first year after college, if on the chance you decide to work instead."

Bella looked surprised, "Scholarship organizations do that?"

"It's irregular, but possible," Rosalie answered, "especially as we set it up to be kids of cops. That kind of back story makes it more likely than something else, which works in our benefit."

"We could also forge documents from universities or a company or have you win money on some fun night at the casinos. There are unlimited options," Jasper detailed.

She smiled at him and turned to Rosalie, "I'm more likely about to get through the grilling with your idea, as it's the closest to the truth."

"Done," she agreed. "Jasper and I will make it pass a cop's inspection."

"Thank you," Bella said to them both. "On a similar note, we gave the money I saved to Renee by a prize drawing, and were going to do Charlie next, but I think it would be better if we waited until after he's married. Can we change it to the Quiluetes next instead?" Bella asked.

When no one objected, Carlisle said, "Sounds like we're in agreement with that suggestion."

"Alice and I will make up the paperwork and flyer," Jasper put in.

For a few minutes no one said anything and then Carlisle asked, "Was he offended that you were rejecting his generosity?"

She looked at him uncomfortably, "I didn't mean it as a rejection. It's just that already I have more money that I know what to do with. I've given Renee a ton, started from scratch, and already I need to give the next amount away before it gets to be too much that someone would question it."

Emmett jumped in and offered words of comfort. "It takes time to get used to the sums of money we talk about as a family when you come from a family that doesn't have wealth. Remember, my family barely had food to eat. When I was controlled enough I left them a sum on their doorstep, but it was hard. Without doubt your Dad sees it as his job to provide for you, even if it's meagrely. He might be afraid that you don't think he's up to the task."

Her eyes watered and it was clear that she could see what Emmett meant, even if she had never intended to convey that message.

"What if you accepted some of his money, promising to put it aside as a deposit for a house or something like that, and put it in an account for that purpose, so he can see that, if any awkward questions are asked, and then we move that exact amount into the fund meant for him?" Emmett offered.

She wiped a tear and told him, "If that will soothe his wounded pride, I'll do it. I was just trying to be practical and help him out without giving away any secrets."

Edward consoled her, "It takes practice to walk the thin line we do. Considering you did great. You might have ruffled him, but nothing we can't easily repair."

She offered him a smile of thanks.

With that encouragement the meeting end, we sat in the living room telling Bella stories, and enjoyed each other.

It took over two months for there to be visible strain on Edward, which was huge progress in my book, especially given the early months of their relationship.

_What is it? _I asked Edward almost immediately after arriving, requesting he hunt with me.

"It's harder than I expected," he admitted.

_What is?_ I repeated.

"All of it," he said in a strop. When I raised an eyebrow to him he frowned. "It's hard to change. I am working on it, truly, as I am keenly aware that not doing so will cost me Bella, but most days it's like trudging through sludge. I have decades of the same thinking patterns, same behaviours, not to mention my moral codes that I have clung to."

_What is the hardest to change?_ I enquired.

"My beliefs," he decided after a few moments. "I enjoy taking Bella places and us getting to know each other better. However, as I do so it becomes more and more apparent how differently we view things. It's a constant challenge."

_I suspect mates are meant to do that, and thus why our society says that mates change us so much_, I offered.

He huffed.

_Did Carlisle change? Did Rosalie?_

"Yes," he agreed after reviewing his memory. He seemed reluctant to admit something.

_Spit it out. You'll probably feel better for it._

"I think that part of my reluctance to change is my fear that I am betraying my human parents. They sacrificed so much for me and died. I am all that lives on from them."

Allowing silence to descend between us, I admired this aspect of Edward, yet could see how it was holding him back from changing.

_If you were to distil your parents' virtues, what would they be?_

Over an hour passed before he spoke once more, "Honesty, respecting others, kindness, and do no harm."

Working to put words together carefully, I voiced, "How is changing not living up to those virtues?"

He looked at me as if I had removed a mountain from his path. And then, his voice strained asked, "Do the details not matter?"

_For me, you honour them by living their virtues. Even if you had not become a vampire and lived out a human lifetime, customs would have changed._

He tilted his head to the side in thought.

"The struggle is to decide if the details in how we engage in our world matches the virtues in which guide us," I told him.

Silence surrounded us once more, so I cast my eyes upwards and focused my thoughts on the beauty of the leaves, the strength of the bark of the tree, the rhythm of all the animals living and using it as a home, and how the light formed contrasts of colour tones upon everything it touched.

A great deal of time had passed when he uttered at a whisper, "I'll work on it."

_It is all that we ever can do_.

With those as my parting words, I returned to the house and spent time with everyone else. Edward still had not returned by the time that I drove back to Forks.

A month later Carlisle and I travelled up together and the family had another meeting, as agreed.

Alice's presentation and explanations were detailed and clear. By any guess Jasper had helped. They included the meetings she had already had, which ones were likely to need a face to face conversation, and when she needed Bella.

Everyone seemed pleased with the steps she had taken, along with the precautions, with the exception of Bella, whose frown just got deeper and deeper.

"This isn't possible," Bella stated after looking through it.

Alice tilted her head to the side and scrunched up her face appearing confused.

"I think that you're forgetting my humanity, Alice," Bella expanded. "I need to eat and sleep. I have a job and school. When I said yes my imagination conjured one or two a year."

Alice frowned. "There's only so many meetings in the beginning in order to set things up."

"I can't do this and manage my life," Bella retorted.

"Then quit your job, and I'll pay you," Alice answered hotly.

Bella looked like the life had been taken from her while her mouth was open wide. Then she turned to Jasper and uttered lowly with ire, "Don't."

He nodded and offered gently, "Just trying to help."

"I need to take a walk," Bella announced. When Edward stood, she insisted, "Alone."

He acknowledged her words and sat back down.

"Rosalie, Emmett," I requested at a volume and speed Bella would have never heard.

"On it," Emmett replied.

Once the front door closed, I turned to Alice. "Share your thoughts please."

Jasper wrapped his arm around her shoulder and her eyes were filled with venom. "She's right. I did forget about her time limitations. I just was imagining her as my assistant like we had agreed, and it seems like that's not what she wants at all. I didn't mean to upset her so much."

"I'm proud of you for not using your visions to confirm how things would go and allowing yourself to enter into this meeting without the use of your gift," I told her. "We shall wait for Bella to return."

Carlisle and I went to the living room, and I rested on his shoulder trying to imagine what had caused Bella so much upset.

Almost an hour later she could be heard walking up the drive, so we all reassembled at the table.

As soon as Bella sat down she spoke, "I'm sorry for losing my cool. And I appreciate Alice that you forgot my humanity, as it speaks to how you see me." She took in a long breath and let it go. "Here's the thing. Even without your gift you do this thing where you assume that other people think and engage in the world like you. Instead of deciding for me, I would have appreciated multiple conversations before this moment. In fact, your lack of coming and talking to me was what set my reaction in motion. I kept waiting for you to talk with me, to get my input, to see what my schedule was like, and you never did. It's grating."

Alice sat with her head down twiddling her fingers. "You're right, and I'm sorry."

"Apology accepted," Bella said, and then with a huff added, "this is a sore spot for me Alice. You treated me like an object, like some kind of puppet in those first months of meeting each other. I am responsible for not speaking up and telling you my truth, even if I could tell it was your language of love. But I'm not her anymore, and that shit doesn't fly."

"Here, here," Emmett voiced loudly with pride.

Bella smiled at him.

"Alice, how about you re-examine the meetings and try to decrease them generally, and then talk to Bella about what's left along with your expectations," I offered.

"Sure," Alice agreed.

Then I turned to Bella.

"Yeah, that's fair," she agreed. Then, with a smile turned to Jasper, "Okay hit me with your mellow vibes."

Everyone chuckled, him included.

"Two weeks enough time?" I checked.

"Yes," Alice agreed.

"Otherwise it's looking good," Carlisle added, which pleased Alice.

We moved to the living room and chatted until Bella went to bed. "Thank you for seeing me as your equal," Bella told Alice as they ascended the stairs.

"You're welcome," Alice replied.

"Jasper, would you go on a run with me?" I asked him shortly after Edward asked the same from Carlisle.

As we ghosted through the forest I asked him how things had been.

"Decent," he replied and sent me contentment with anticipation.

"Yes, I suppose everyone is ready for Bella to be turned with perhaps the exception of Edward," I mused.

He chuckled. "Nevertheless, we all know waiting is better for everyone, apart from our impatience."

Smiling I agreed, "Yes, apart from that. So, Major Whitlock, how am I doing?"

"Just dandy," he answered with a grin.

"Any recommendations or feedback?" I wondered.

After a few minutes he stated his accent think, "Nah, you're doin' just fine."

Enjoying his playfulness, I sent him my mirth. "And how are you my fine sir?"

In a somewhat strained voice he told me, "Alice is changing."

Knowing that the rest of his words would come, I said nothing sending him my care for him.

"She's still her bubbly optimistic self, but this business has pulled her to becoming more serious and to mature," he expounded. After more many long minutes he said, "It's nice, odd, but good. It has equalised our relationship."

"You have changed also," I reminded him.

"Yes, as I become more hopeful, she becomes more staid. We are more of a compliment to each other."

"I'm glad to hear it," I told him. "Change is challenging, even when it's for the best."

"True," he agreed easily, turning back to the house.

"Any updates?" I questioned.

"Just a sense that we'll be tested soon," he stated while his tone was distant.

"Anything concrete to go on?" I wondered.

"No," he said, "just an old soldier's intuition."

"Most reliable instrument," I affirmed.

"How are the people of Forks?" he wondered clearly wanting a change of topics.

"More fickle and closed-minded that I hoped, but nothing concerning yet," I informed him.

"Edward's changes have made him almost enjoyable to be around," he joked.

"Oh yeah?" I teased back.

"No down in the dumps and no wild mood swings," he jested. "Soon you'll have no more teenagers in the house."

"A blessing and a struggle," I told him. "The struggle for me is only due to the satisfaction mothering you all gives me, but there are other ways to meet that desire and I'm working on finding them."

"Good for you, Esme," he praised.

"Thanks," I responded with some appreciation.

As soon as we returned to the house Carlisle and I returned to Forks.

When we returned Alice and Bella had worked out a schedule that worked. The greatest compromise on Alice's part was that it slowed down the process, but that was soothing to Rosalie. With the family's official blessing, Alice began the process of starting the business.

Other than these minor bumps, the quarter went well.

According to Bella's report, she returned to Charlie with the information put together for her, along with an apology and explanation that she simply didn't want for him and Sue to struggle when her basic needs were being taken care of by the scholarship. That had seemed to ease him, along with Bella's insistence that she trusted Sue to be fair if anything untoward were to happen to him before he retired from the force.

Sue and Charlie's wedding was set for July.

In May Carlisle came home and told me that Charlie had stopped by the hospital to invite us to the wedding. It was a nice gesture. It was thus with a heavy heart that I rung him the next day at his office to thank him, but let him know that out of respect for Sue's family's dislike of our family we would not be attending. He sounded genuinely disappointed, if not also slightly relieved.

Over the summer we arranged for the Quileutes to receive the money Bella had been acquiring on their behalf. There were some that were disgruntled, but Bella somehow convinced Sue and Billy that the money was completely hers and the only Cullen influence was how it had been invested. Once that hurdle was overcome, the tribe started construction on a new community centre with one request from Bella. She was insistent on the building having an engraving of some sort that would stand the test of time and would make it clear that the building was a gift to the Quileute Nation from the Swan and Cullen Foundation. I hoped alongside her that it would ease the way for future Quiluete generations, while also reminding the Quileutes that we wished to be good neighbours to them once in a while.

Bella reported that the wedding had been lovely and a wonderful representation of Quileute culture. It had been a huge concession on Edward's part to not go, but with great strain trusted Bella to return to him. However, it resulted in Bella letting go of many of the old wounds and trusting Edward more. Their relationship was really blooming into something magnificent.

September Bella turned twenty-one. We all accompanied her to a club. Alice appropriately dressed us, so we all looked about the same age. It was something we hadn't done in a while, and Bella's birthday was the perfect occasion. Each family member took turns ordering Bella their favourite drink, which was mostly by smell or appearance, since modern alcohol bore little resemblance to our eras, not to mention that Emmett and Jasper had been the only drinkers while human of our group. She also moved her body on the dance floor with at least Alice or Rosalie in tow. I couldn't describe what they were doing as anything close to dancing, but Bella seemed to be enjoying herself.

Edward did an excellent job at not crowding her.

In the morning Bella decided that partying was as dumb as she had believed and never wanted to drink again. Her hangover, Emmett's teasing, or the fact that Carlisle refused to ease the consequences of the night probably didn't help her conclusions. When Carlisle had insisted to Bella that hangovers were all a part of the human experience she had stuck her tongue out at him and then smiled. It was a small moment, but a significant sign of their improved relationship.

It seemed like Charlie's wedding had altered Bella's opinion about marriage a little, but in October Edward and Bella asked me to help them talk through their stalemate.

Once our seating was arranged and we were settled, I asked, "What's the problem?"

They looked at each other, which I took as a good sign.

Sighing, Edward started, "I want to wait until we're married to touch each other's private regions, and Bella disagrees."

"You first, Bella," I requested.

"Edward is not human, so he doesn't carry disease, there's no way to get pregnant, and the dangerous parts due to him being a vampire, which include his venom, I've agreed would be a poor choice."

As she seemed done, I looked at Edward.

"I see the privilege of touching Bella in these ways something to be cherished, and I wish to demonstrate my commitment to her by tying myself to her first."

"So, Bella, you see this as a next step in your relationship with Edward and having discussed the risks, are ready to proceed, while Edward sees physical intimacy as something sacred that is done solely between a husband and a wife," I summarised. They both nodded, so I continued, "Bella, has Edward made you aware of the social beliefs regarding women who had sex before marriage?"

"I am aware," she told me.

"In that case, why would you ask the man you profess to love to turn you into that type of woman?" I asked her.

She looked uncomfortable and then stammered, "I didn't think about it like that."

"And Edward, why would you hold to these beliefs so insistently. Certainly there is some compromise. For instance, even if you don't wish to have intercourse before marriage, would you be willing to share in release through touch?" I pressed.

He looked incredibly uncomfortable, to the point of wanting to run away. It took him a while, but when he calmed he admitted, "I'm scared of my reactions, and honestly the thought, although exciting, unnerves me. I don't wish to take Bella's virtue."

Understanding the importance of that for Edward, I asked, "You've moved past your era's level of acceptable touch, so where is the line of virtue?"

He looked at me stunned and then frowned seriously contemplating my question. When he spoke it was clear that talking about such things was difficult for him. "To break the hymen absolutely."

"And if it is already broken?" I pressed.

"Any action that would have done that," he answered.

Turning to Bella, I asked, "Is that an acceptable limit for you to wait for marriage?"

She frowned and then admitted, "I wasn't planning on getting married until I had my PhD, assuming that's the path I want."

Sighing, I regretfully told her, "I can see how that would fit your worldview. The problem is that when you graduate from your undergraduate studies and we move, then your family and friends can never be permitted to see us again. We will have new names and the Cullen family from Forks will have ceased to exist. Thus, if that's what you choose, your wedding cannot include any individuals from your life from Forks or prior. Or you can get married before the end of the summer of 2011."

Her lips turned into a thin line, "And if I don't wish to get married at all?"

"Then, you and Edward are going to struggle. Asking him to compromise is one thing. Asking him to fundamentally alter his beliefs is another," I told her my voice firm.

"I hate that my choices are limited," Bella grumbled.

"This is the cost of being a Cullen," I reminded her. "We do not act as separate entities. We are not islands upon our own making. We consider our actions in light of how they might affect the others. We are tied together. We rise and fall together. You know this." Pausing a moment or two, I then continued, "And you do have choice. None might be exactly what you wanted, but you are not a toddler. Wishing the world to bend to your will does not make it the case."

"I know," she said softly sounding reprimanded. Then, looking at Edward she told him, "I need to think about it. I appreciate your willingness to compromise more for me. I know it was hard for you."

"Your welcome," he answered.

She said goodnight to us both and went to her room.

Edward put his head in his hands. "I wish I could say yes to her. My body wants to so badly."

"Holding onto your values is admirable and honourable, Edward, as is your willingness to compromise," I praised him. "You do Carlisle and I proud."

"Thanks," he answered. Looking up at me, he stated, "I need to clear my head. I'm going to take a run and maybe catch a deer."

"Of course," I told him.

I stayed around for a few days spending time with everyone else. It was thrilling to see each of them growing into his or her potential.

On the third day Bella asked if Carlisle could come up and us have a family meeting.

Two mornings following everyone was assembled.

"The floor is yours," I told Bella.

Her cheeks were bright red, but she found the nerve to speak. "Edward and I are at a crossroads. He hasn't formally proposed, but we are talking about marriage. In my mind I had imagined these steps after all my studies, whatever those might be, and Esme explained that in 2011 if not earlier, you will need to disappear. It's hard for me as an only child to remember that my life is no longer completely my own. So, after thinking about the pros and cons, I'd like to hear you guys' suggestions regarding the timing."

"Depends on whether you want your father to walk you down the aisle and your mother to be in the audience," Rosalie stated.

"If I invite Charlie, then that means Sue. And my Dad will want me to invite other Quiluetes and people from Forks," Bella stated.

That thought stopped everyone in his or her tracks.

Carlisle broke the silence. "We have a treaty with the Quiluetes. They would be welcome to the wedding, if you wished to extend an invitation. At the same time, the treaty says that we will not bite a human, so unless the council, Billy Black, or Jacob Black gave their permission for you to be changed, they will no doubt surmise that the treaty will be broken."

"What if we were to figure out a way for me to be changed without me being bit?" she asked.

We were startled and Emmett asked, "How?"

She looked at us nervously and then admitted, "I was thinking of a needle. I'm not sure if that's possible, but humans receive drugs and vaccines that way all the time, and it goes directly into the bloodstream."

Carlisle and Edward exchanged a look.

"I could certainly look more into it," Carlisle agreed, "And that would avoid the letter of the treaty, but not its spirit. Ephraim Black wanted us to agree that we would not kill humans, and from their worldview becoming a vampire would mean that you would die. We agreed to those terms with the complete expectation of following them."

"Any chances of getting an exception made for me?" Bella asked.

"You know this generation of shapeshifters better than I," Carlisle told her.

Bella looked around seeing if someone else wanted to say something.

"It would be easier for the move and us disappearing if you were not married," Jasper put in.

Bella crinkled her nose. "Then, I would pretend to Charlie that Edward wasn't in my life or we weren't long-term material?"

"Yes," Jasper answered, "but I can work options if you don't want to do that."

"I'd like to see Charlie give you away," Alice put in. "I really like him. I know you guys have your own lives, but it seems sweet to me."

"No preference," Emmett put in.

Edward remained silent, but then she already knew his opinion.

"Thanks guys," Bella told everyone.

Carlisle and I stayed till the evening and then headed home. Through the day we talked about the pros and cons. The truth was that there were a long list on both sides. Unfortunately, it seemed like the lines of their physical intimacy might be the defining factor.

Bella decided to spend the days up to Christmas and then the days after Christmas with Charlie.

On New Year's Eve we were warming food when she told me, "The Quiluetes seem unable to move past their beliefs that me becoming a vampire equates to my death."

"That must be disappointing," I told her knowing how she had hoped to convince them.

She shrugged. "I knew it was a long shot."

"Has that impacted your thoughts about a wedding?" I wondered.

She looked at me mischievously, "Well, Edward would have to propose, wouldn't he, if we were to have a wedding?"

"True," I agreed, winking at her.

It was clear that her vague answer was due to Edward's proximity, so I purposefully began thinking about other things.

The evening was delightful as we welcomed in 2009 and our meeting the next morning productive. Alice was moving forward, slowly, but surely with her fashion business. It was good to see her proceed and the caution in which she was doing so.

The year passed easily with the exception of a verbal altercation between Bella and Alice in April. Rosalie called and asked for me to come up, as neither was backing down.

When I arrived they were calling each other names.

"Stop," I bellowed, opening the front door.

They both looked at me scowling.

"What's happening?" I asked softly, trying to defuse the tension.

"She's a control freak," Bella seethed turning herself in my direction.

"She's a stubborn mule," Alice retorted.

"Enough of the name calling," I demanded. "What started this?"

"My first presentation for her business is coming up," Bella started with tears in her eyes. "She didn't tell me that I have to fly to Argentina for the meeting, which means I miss a midterm, and she picked my clothes."

Looking at Alice, she simply nodded those things were true.

Bella then looking at Alice with tears streaming down her face. "How could you? We've been at this almost a year. You know how I am Alice. I don't like surprises, and being told what to do is a sore spot for me."

Jasper looked pained, but I sent him hesitancy. He acknowledged my request by a slight nod.

"Haven't I changed, Bella? Have I not done enough to earn your trust?" Alice asked her voice tight and wobbling.

Then it was Bella's time to look despondent.

"It seems to me that each of you is acting out of assumptions that the other person might not share," I pointed out. "Alice, did you set up all the details with Bella, including the amount of time you would be gone, etc?"

"Not everything," she admitted. "I was excited about it and she said yes, and I forgot her limitations again."

"How flexible is the person you're meeting with?" I wondered.

"Not very," Alice answered. "She was booked more than a month out."

"But you could push it back a month if needed?" I checked.

"Yes," she agreed reluctantly.

Bella looked lost in thought, but I continued on, trusting her to speak up if she needed me to stop.

"And the clothes?" I pressed.

"I've got most of the raw materials figured out, as everyone knows. Once I went to the possible places and vetted it, there were a few phone calls Bella made, and then emailing." She paused like she was reluctant to speak the rest. "Getting this contract is really important to me, and what Bella wears will, in part, determine if the contract is agreed to or not. I didn't mean to come off as controlling, as much as I wanted everything just right."

Looking over at Bella, I asked gently, "Since you're essentially representing Alice's brand, would you be willing to have her dress you for the part."

"I'm not some dress up doll," she seethed.

Alice's face fell and she uttered, "I know that I did that in the past, but I haven't in years. I respect your style, and maybe get things that are higher quality than you usually would, but never even in those early months did I think of you as a doll. I was just excited to share my passion with you and wasn't good at taking no for an answer. I vow to you Bella, this isn't about that."

"Let me think about it," Bella offered.

"Agreed," I stated on behalf of Alice.

When Bella went up to her room Alice wrapped herself into Jasper's arms. "Is she ever going to move past this?"

"The deeper the wound the longer it takes to heal," I told her. "And I don't think it's about the clothes exactly, as much as it is a reminder of how little power she has in comparison to us. She's still terrified that we're going to change our minds. I think that you dressing her remind her of before and the events after her birthday. Just keep showing her that her fear is unfounded."

In the morning I knocked on Bella's door and told her the analysis of the situation. "I know it's asking the moon and the stars. Please trust Alice and be aware that the more she wants something the more she tries to control the factors to get the outcome she wants. Even without using her gift, it is who she is."

"Okay," Bella offered and said no more.

On my way home Alice called to tell me that they had compromised. She agreed to change the date and Bella agreed to present herself any way Alice decided. It was a huge step forward for both of them.

Since Jasper and Edward were going with them, I convinced the boys to figure out a way to record Bella, so the rest of us could view her pulling off the biggest lie she ever told. It saddened and pleased me to know how much like a Cullen she was becoming.

* * *

_A/N: Thank you for reading. I hope this finds you and yours as well as can be. I look forward to hearing your thoughts._


	13. Chapter 12: Doubts and Final Choices

**Chapter 12: Doubts and Final Choices**

* * *

Carlisle and I went up to Bellingham to greet Alice, Jasper, Bella, and Edward upon their return from Bella's first meeting on Alice's behalf. Bella was glowing, so I assumed it went well.

Once everyone was back in the house, Bella stated, "You all go watch it at a volume where I can't hear, while I make myself something. I don't mind you seeing, but I don't want to view myself."

It was a reasonable request, and one that showed her willingness to find a compromise between our wants and hers.

Alice had dressed Bella so that she fit the part of a fashion designer's assistant to a tee. It appeared that Bella's clothes were Alice's creation, although from available materials. It was a charcoal grey pants suit with a coral blue silk blouse, and slight blue open toe heels the same tone as the shirt with precious gems that matched the jewellery. Her hair was pulled back in a tight bun, her makeup aging her beautifully, and her jewellery showing off her neck in a covetous way. It was so masterfully done, that it almost didn't look like Bella.

Bella took everything out of the portfolio case Alice had put together, explained Alice's intentions, and then took a step back waiting in silence, allowing the woman to think unobtrusively. Where Alice's energy might have overwhelmed the portfolio, Bella's quiet presence became almost a backdrop to Alice's creation.

The woman asked a few questions, which Bella answered with confidence, as if were an oral final exam, detailed, but brief and precise.

Eventually the woman stated, "It is masterful. Where is the contract?"

At those words, Bella removed the contract where Alice had already signed.

"It is a shame I couldn't meet Eleanor," the woman mused, clearly trying to extract information from Bella.

"Unfortunately Eleanor's medical condition restricts her in many ways," Bella answered like a chess master.

"Yes, perhaps next time," the woman prodded.

"Hopefully," was Bella's response before putting everything away, thanking her, and leaving.

From beginning to end it wasn't even thirty minutes.

I was so proud of her, and said so when she came into the living room.

Alice explained the next meetings would be similar, only with different manufactures, and production of materials should begin in the next year. It was a joy to see her so exuberant, and Bella proud of the role she played in Alice's happiness.

Bella had completed the third meeting as Alice's assistant and the summer was in full swing when I noted that Bella's nervousness had turned into her becoming more and more short-tempered, and when I asked, the couples concurred. Each time I enquired with Bella about how she was feeling and doing, she would not disclose whatever it was, and then would change the topic. Their fourth meeting was approaching when I let everyone, including Carlisle, know that I planned on confronting Bella. With Carlisle's schedule, it resulted in us going up the first weekend of August.

When we were all present and Bella was cooking I started by asking her in my soft caring motherly tone that she had come to appreciate in those first years after our return, "What is it Bella?"

"I'm fine," she answered tersely.

"Clearly you're not," I answered keeping my tone. "You're irritable, grumpy, and short-tempered."

"Jasper telling on me?" she accused.

"Of course not dear," I replied. "Came to my own conclusions. Your face alone gives you away. You've always suggested that your face was an open book. Not to mention that you don't usually respond to my concern for you as if I were attacking you, nor have you previously jumped to the conclusion that Jasper would betray your privacy. So, what's going on?"

"It's dumb," she replied her shoulders slumping and sounding defeated, yet guarded.

"Perhaps," I allowed, "nevertheless, out with it."

"Everyone's home?" she checked.

"Yes," I told her.

"Might as well talk as a family," she grumbled, "rather than pretending that we're having a private conversation."

"If that's your preference, we shall meet you at the table," I agreed, ignoring the tone and the implied accusation.

Getting Jasper's agreement to not interfere with her emotions, but certainly us, if needed, even if it impacted Bella, I sat in my usual chair trying to evaluate once more how this had been building.

When she joined us, it seemed like she had clammed back up.

She was nearly halfway through her meal, when I guessed at her hesitancy, "We all know that you're a very considerate person Bella. We appreciate you not wanting to speak your mind in fear of hurting us, but holding it in isn't working."

Looking at me scornfully, she curtly retorted, "And what if I don't want to?"

All of us stilled shedding our human pretenses, apart from Carlisle, shocked at her retort.

Her anger increased, like she was finally releasing a valve she added, "I have to run everything by you all. I've stopped being my own person. I'm your beard for the human world. If that were not enough, everyone is up in my business, as if I'm some specimen in a lab. I have bodyguards at all times. Edward and I still haven't made it past second base, because we have to talk so fucking much about everything, which is awkward for us both, and thus we often avoid it. Maybe I should just go to one of those frat parties you all wanted me to experience in my freshman year, get blinded drunk, get laid badly by some drunk guy, and live a human life, or maybe I should do something reckless, so I'll be in danger of dying and I can just be a vampire already." By the end she was nearly yelling. Then immediately she put her hand over her mouth in horror, her eyes huge, as if she wished that she could take the words back.

"Don't apologise," Jasper told her sternly.

It took Jasper's words to animate us once more.

Going back over the words, I had no idea what she meant by 'human beard'. _Edward, _I called for his attention, _do you know the term 'human beard'?_

He did his slight no thing.

Knowing that the details weren't as important as the sentiment, I put it aside.

Softly and with great tenderness, while I had been mentally conversing with Edward, Carlisle spoke, "This is just one of the many reasons why our secret is kept from humans, and then a quick decision made if revealed. The Volturi keep human employees, and they often don't last long from the strain. I had hoped that giving you more autonomy than the Volturi give their human employees would aid you. Perhaps I was mistaken in this regard. Nevertheless, from my view you are actually handling the strain very well, all things considered.

"Much of the human experience is due to the threat of death. Living in the moment, being reckless, taking risks or the opposite, eating healthy, getting regular exercise, taking calculated risks are all a part of being human, especially in the individualistic culture you are from. You were raised to believe that your life is your own. For many human raised this way, since they know that their life, at most, is one hundred years, they make many of the choices you are threatening or choose the opposite direction, like I described. There is a freedom in that, which we do not have. If we make a choice, like killing James' coven, then someone might in two-hundred years seek retribution. Our decisions have long-term consequences both as an individual and to each other, as you saw with Victoria. Another of our kind could target Rosalie for something Jasper did back when he fought in the Southern Wars. Additionally, when we are turned everything becomes increased, including our emotions; we are slow to trust and quick to want vengeance. Thus, as Cullens, we consider our actions in light of these truths.

"In our family a couple might go and take some time apart from the rest in order to have more privacy that us being together allows, but we stay in touch regularly, and then return together. Actually, Alice joining the family has allowed us more freedom, as she can see through her visions if there's a threat and thwart it, even if we are not completely together. As you know, Alice's visions of you are less reliable than of us. Then, there's the simple reality that you are more likely to be harmed than us. Our family might act like humans, and so deceive you into thinking that we are like a human family with a weird diet, but it is a lie Bella. We are not human, and thus act and choose in ways that do not fit your worldview."

By the end of his speech tears were running down her face.

"Are you doubting that becoming a Cullen is worth it for you?" I asked needing to know how much these feelings and thoughts were impacting her future considerations.

She looked at each of us and seemed, perhaps for the first time, to be really weighing her choices with the wisdom these few years had given her.

Then, softly as if loathed to voice her thoughts, she asked, "How can I really weigh these things?" Taking a breath, and with more tears added, "I cannot say what it is to be a vampire until I am one. Even with your stories, it is not the same. I cannot say what it is like to live with a burning throat or a desire to massacre innocents, simply because they smell enticing. Will those costs be worth being a member of your family? I believe so. However, as great as being a part of your family has been, and as great as you all are, my vision of you has changed. You don't shine like demi-gods in comparison to when I first met you. All this hard work on myself has allowed me to see that my view of you all was heavily coated in my own lack, stemming from my parents, envy of what you presented, and my own childishness in seeing your care for one another as a fairytale from a human perspective, rather than it being for mutual survival. And although I love Edward irrevocably being with him comes at a heavy price at the moment, and I'm not even turned yet."

"I thought you didn't want children," Rosalie put in after some silence.

"And I still don't," Bella told her. "It's not about that. It's about the hard work of negotiating a relationship with someone born at the turn of the 1900s. It sounds great and romantic, especially as much as I have immersed myself into literature. A part of me relishes in the idea. There are so many things that I like about Edward's ways that modern men don't do, but then there's a ton others that he doesn't that modern men would."

"You talking about sex?" Emmett checked.

"Yes," Bella answered with a blush, "and other things."

"We all have agreed for you to become a vampire, and Esme and I certainly believe that the closer to thirty you are the better, but it also seems like the situation is no longer working for you," Carlisle pointed out. "Let's start with what you want."

After a long silence, she answered, "I need time to think about that."

"Fair enough," he concurred on behalf of us all, "and we will do the same."

"Agreed," she uttered. "Excuse me." Then, she went to her room and got ready for bed, avoiding eye contact with us all as she went.

Jasper looked concerned and was probably running risk analyses, but everyone else looked upset and flabbergasted.

"No accusations or insults," I warned them by tone letting them know that this was non-negotiable. "This is no one's fault. We are not going to place blame, even with ourselves. There was a risk this day would come by allowing her to grow older and learn more about herself and the world. We knew the possibility and weighed it worth the risk for her and our long-term benefit."

Each responded with a "yes, ma'am," except Jasper who still appeared to be calculating and Carlisle who simply squeezed my hand in encouragement.

After almost an hour of uncomfortable silence, each one of us lost in our thoughts, Emmett blurted out, "What's a human beard?"

We all shrugged or shook our heads no. Guess I wasn't the only one lost on that turn of phrase.

"The Google was no help," Emmett announced after looking at his phone sounding disgruntled.

"Any objections to Bella being turned after her graduation from college or even sooner?" I asked everyone.

Rosalie looked sad and in a small voice said, "No, she's old enough now."

Edward's chest rumbled, but he said nothing and then shook his head, no doubt answering someone's question.

"Jasper?" I dared to ask.

"I'd rather have an angry newborn than for the family to lose her. We are too bound to her to let her go," he answered curtly and with a warning in his tone.

Rosalie threw daggers at him with her looks.

"Rosalie's all about choice, and I get that, but she already chose. There's no going back," Emmett said softly and with sadness coating his words.

"I share Jasper's opinion," Alice added.

We all looked at Edward.

"You know my opinion, but if being separated from her was painful before, I don't think that I could withstand the pain with all the ways we are closer," Edward stated clearly trying to sound detached, but his heartbreak was clear.

"I don't know how to weigh my belief in a person's ability to choose, particularly a woman, with the likelihood that losing her would destroy our family," I confessed.

Carlisle took a deep breath and uttered softly, "I am in the same quandary as Esme. Both options contain an element that requires me to betray my values and thus myself. I already compromised more than I am comfortable in my agreement to change her, even if she were physically healthy."

Even our votes demonstrated how Bella might splinter the family. She might not fully understand, but all of my conversations with her were intended to help her ease into being a vampire and a Cullen. I wasn't trying to restrict her or smother her, and the possibility that she was experiencing that was excruciating.

Edward's head fell closer to his chest and he uttered softly as if loathed to do so, "I have been moving too slow for her liking. I've been not having the conversations Esme recommended and generally being yellow-bellied out a combination of fear and my original beliefs. I suspect that my reluctance and actions have implanted the idea that our promises are empty, although that was not my intention."

Everyone reacted by growling at him, and then Jasper's faux calm covered us all.

"You knew that you couldn't drag your heels here, Edward," I accused him, furious.

"I know," he replied even more sorrowful.

Realising how I had broken my own request, and looking at everyone, I decided that we needed a break.

_I apologise Edward. That was uncalled for and simply a manifestation of my own fears and self-recriminations. Forgive me._

He offered me his affirmative.

"What's done is done," I told them. "Let us spend the rest of the night hours considering the options available to us."

Rosalie, Emmett, and Edward left immediately.

Alice whispered, "She has been waffling since the second meeting she did on my behalf. Although Edward without doubt holds much of the responsibility, I cannot help but think that I owe some. I should have at least talked to her about it sooner, or you. I apologise. Without my visions to guide me I was afraid to mention it. Not to mention that doing so would make it more real. I was afraid of swaying her into wanting to remain human, but not wanting to go back to my old patterns. I was stuck and chose to wait and see."

"Forgiven," I told her, which Carlisle repeated. "And I am proud of you for not using your visions, despite the huge temptation and stakes. This is not ideal, but I agree that reverting to your old patterns would have likely created more damage and undone much of the trust we've built with her."

"Yes, well done, Alice," Carlisle collaborated.

"Thanks," she said, "but I still am upset."

"Doing the right thing isn't a fix," Carlisle told her softly his eyes gentle.

She stilled, seeming to internalise that information, and curled herself into Jasper.

Carlisle and I went to the living room and snuggled in together.

The sun was peeking over the horizon when I broke our silence, "There have been great joys in having her human these years, and she has filled in part of me that could not have been expressed and soothed any other way, but the pain is equally as intense, if not more so. Despite my gratefulness, I do not want to go through this again."

"Bella is a strange exception to so many things, including having practically no fear of us and the lovely way that she sees us," Carlisle mused, "and my sentiments are the same. She has brought immeasurable joy and also worry and strain. We are all the better for her presence, though."

"We are," I had to agree after some thought.

The idea of losing her caused my chest to feel like it was being cracked in two. For better or worse, the pain made it clear to me that I never wanted to get close to a human again like I had Bella, not for their sake, but for mine.

"You know when mothers give birth the experience is fervently painful, but then once the baby is in their arms, they all but forget the pain. Maybe that is the blessing of being human. Their bodies were designed to alter memories. This pain I'm experiencing even at the idea that I might lose her, I can't alter it. Sure, I can choose not to dwell on it. I can allow it to be in the background or stored in my mind, so that I have to spend time finding it."

At my last words Carlisle chuckled knowing how he did that on occasion.

"But we are incapable of the memory distortions humans possess. I don't usually envy that aspect of humanity, but it would be nice right about now."

"Bella might not understand, but what you are describing is only one of the myriad of ways that mark our fundamental differences," Carlisle uttered softly. He then paused deliberately as to collect his thoughts before continuing, "And you shouldn't envy them. Our memory is a blessing, especially as we get older. Furthermore, attachment comes the risk of pain. Tanya and the girls still miss Sasha. Like you were describing memories, we can push that pain into a place where it is not in our primary thoughts, but it leaves a mark. We have been blessed to not experience that kind of scaring, but we might. It seems like no life on this planet is without upset and pain, and often it seems like these experiences are the tools God uses to forge us into the creature we were created to be."

Vibrating discontent in my chest, I said nothing, even though he was probably right. Didn't mean that I liked it.

When Bella was heard starting her day the couples reappeared joining us in the living room, while Edward stayed in his room.

"Let's reconvene after I get myself some breakfast," Bella told us as she opened her door. "I asked for my morning shift off, so I have until class."

"Sounds good," I replied on behalf of us all at a volume that she hopefully heard.

She only made herself some toast and a glass of orange juice, so it didn't take long before we were all at the table once more.

She looked at each of us lovingly and then Jasper sent out her feelings. Then, she straightened herself up and told us, "I'm better at it, but I'm like Charlie, not so great at finding words to talk about the mushy stuff. It's part of the cause of the problems between Edward and I, but that's not the point." Clearly agitated with herself, she took some bites of toast, a deep breath, and then spoke once more. "I love each of you, and don't want to hurt you, so forgive me if what I'm about to say does."

Taking a brief pause, she told us, "My mother is fun and exciting and silly and a child at times. As a result, I often fell into the role of caretaker. She teases me that I was born thirty, but I have to wonder how much of my lack of childish behaviour has to do with her rather than me. There's no way to say, and I'm not sure it really matters, but what does matter is that when I arrived at Forks living with Charlie was a breeze.

"For the first time I got to be a kid. Instead of watching out for my mother, I got to focus on me. I can see now how I was acting out, being rebellious, and flirting with danger could have been due to me finally being able to. The more that Edward warned me, the more mysterious he was, the more I wanted to figure him out. When I met all of you, it was like walking into all that I had dreamed and hoped for as a child living with Renée. Esme and Carlisle, you both really are incredible people and parents. I got siblings and fun and laughter. In one swoop, I got all the great things about Renée without any of the burdens.

"Ironically, it has been helping Alice that has altered that image. Those things are still true, and I do still see you all that way, but I have begun to see other things that were hidden from me before. The biggest part is that you all are expert liars. You lie to convince everyone you interact with that you're human and not apex-predators. You build foundations and help the world, but it's all a part of the subterfuge. Because you are not human, but wish to live around them, this is what is required. I get that; I do. There's two parts in this awareness that I'm struggling with. One, if I continue to choose to become a vampire, then I will be doing the same. For someone like me who loathes lying, it's hard to imagine my life full of it. The second, there's a chance that with you all having at least a century worth of becoming experts at lies, subterfuge, and smokescreens, I'm wondering how much of what I see about each of you and the family is true."

By the end her tears were beginning to flow.

Rosalie looked crestfallen while her tone was irritated, "I don't tell my story to anyone. I don't live with humans. And I certainly don't share my life or husband with them. We might not exhibit all of our speed or other vampire attributes when you're here, but our home has always been the only place where we are ourselves. We might put on our masks when we leave, but not here. And it's insulting that you would even contemplate otherwise. I told you this life isn't great, but you wouldn't listen. You were sure of yourself and what you were getting into. And what? Now that your rose-coloured glasses are being taken off, you're having doubts? Put on your big girl panties and suck it up.

"What now that you can see that our lives are not a fairytale you want to run away and find one somewhere else? I hate to break it to you: there are no fairytales. My human life, most would consider, came close to perfection, to a storybook, and you know what? It was callous and empty and shallow and full of the fake shit you call lies. You come from this generation where you imagine yourself as an independent person, and I'll take that over women being property any day, but just as your mother's choices impacted you, your choices impact others. Accept it, deal with it, or be a coward and flip us off and walk away now that things have gotten tough.

"You know what you've taught me? No life is perfect. I might wish that I could have had kids, but you're right. Even humans can't have kids at times. And my life with Emmett has its own downsides, the burn in my throat probably at the top, but in exchange for a hundred years of being with him with little worry of him getting hurt or dying. I have decided that it's a small price to pay. You did that. And what? Now you want to spread your wings from us? You want to be your own person? What the fuck Bella?" she spat angrily.

By the end of Rosalie's rant Bella was sobbing heavily and her mouth was a little open like she was either surprised or had started to speak and the words got caught.

"Let's take a break," I told everyone.

"No," Bella refuted between breaths.

We all looked at her confused, even Alice, which meant that she wasn't using her gift to check outcomes. I was so proud of her and would mention it later.

Carlisle got up and returned with some tissues while I put my hand on her arm in comfort and support.

She blew her nose, wiped her eyes, and took some deep breaths. We gave her the floor.

"Thanks, Rose," Bella said softly looking at the table and then looked at Rosalie squarely and added, "I love you too."

Rose smiled slightly and nodded her head before leaning into Emmett's chest.

"As usual, Rose is right," Bella chuckled. "The more and more I become a part of your lives, and especially in presenting myself as Alice's assistant, it seems like I'm removing myself from the human world also. It's just so hard to watch my peers and compare it to the life I've chosen. I love you all. The pain of losing you before was more than I could bear, and my life without you would be like asking me to return to a black and white silent film after living in a 3-D surround sound world. I've spent a lot of time thinking and I do still want to become a vampire, but I can't do this for much longer. It's like I live in a no-man's land by being neither. The living in-between has become a huge strain. And, honestly, the rest of what's going on with me is between Edward and I."

Since no one but Rose had spoken, I looked at the rest of them in turn, encouraging them subtly to speak candidly.

"My temperament is much like Rose's," Jasper began speaking solemnly and his accent thick. "I am slow to trust. From the beginning I have loathed the risk you knowing our nature has meant to the family and to me. I have ended the life of many humans for information far less consequential than you have. Yet, here you are. Even more, we have begun to know each other as people. Without doubt I will be glad to have you a vampire. But do not believe that me permitting you this time of your growth is anything other than an act of care and a reflection of the meaning you hold to this family and me. If it were any other human, I would have either killed you or turned you and suffered the family's wrath after the fact."

Bella appeared a little shell shocked by his brutal truths.

She was only just beginning to right herself when Emmett spoke. "I hold you as one of my own, and my true sister, human or not. The idea that you were struggling with something and didn't confide in me is hurtful. And I am your bodyguard because I don't want to risk the chance of losing you. Even if you don't like it, it's bound to continue for a few years after your turning, as you won't be safe around humans. This is how I show my love, and for you to take it as anything else is hurtful."

Before Bella could even form words, Alice added, "I knew you were struggling, but was afraid to ask. I wish helping me hadn't caused you so much internal turmoil. Even still, I won't apologise for asking for your help. You've been amazing, and I'm glad it's shown you more about what it means to be a Cullen."

Edward caught my eye and shook his head no. Without doubt he and Bella would talk privately.

"You have met all of our basic conditions, Bella," Carlisle told her. "Our request for you waiting was a hope for the benefit of all our sake, but clearly the cost to you is too high, which is contrary to the intent. Consequently, when are you thinking?"

"After graduation," she answered her tone slightly detached as she looked around the table her eyes glazed.

"Objections?" I asked the group.

Edward appeared distraught, but voiced nothing.

"We are agreed," Carlisle stated.

It took Bella a few minutes before she smiled nervously, and told us, "Thank you, and I'm sorry for not talking about this earlier. I just didn't know even my own thoughts for a while, and then once I did, I didn't have the words to tell you all. And I am sorry for the pain not doing so has caused. I feel bad about it."

"You have to keep in mind that we're learning too," I told her. "We left Forks after your birthday without checking in with you, making our own assumptions, all of which we've talked about. But what maybe you failed to consider is that what you're experiencing as restriction and us wanting to talk everything through with you is us trying to not repeat what happened before. Maybe we took it too far, and we can certainly discuss that as well, but it is not an act of restriction. Instead, it is an act of us demonstrating our love for you, and trying to show you that we learned our lesson."

Everyone bar Edward agreed, while he curled a little into himself in shame.

_You are forgiven. No reason to be ashamed. You're learning also, _I reminded him.

Whether he heard me or not I couldn't tell, as he gave no response.

Bella's eyes met mine and she mumbled, "I hadn't thought about it that way."

"Maybe our attempts at inclusion went too far, but we are trying to learn you, include you, and adjust to fit you into our dynamics, while also teaching you about how we live in a human world," I told her in love.

She nodded a few times and then took tissues to clear her eyes and nose. Then, she stood up and hugged me before sitting back down.

After a minute she added, "I guess I still need to learn to speak up sooner when things begin to bother me, even if I don't have the words yet. It just is a lot, especially in comparison to my peers."

"But you're leaving them behind," Emmett pointed out sounding confused.

She looked down. "Maybe it's a human thing."

"It's your stage of development," Jasper put in. "If you stayed human longer, you would eventually come to see that these comparisons are meaningless."

Bella looked at him as if studying him closely. After a minute she stated, "Guess that I can't be independent and compare myself to others."

"You're choosing your own path," Jasper told her, "and it is one that includes interdependence. Many humans, especially of your generation would probably reject your choices, but they are yours. No one in this house has imposed upon you. You might not fully comprehend what you're choosing, and maybe you're getting it at a deeper level, but we've never hidden the truth from you. If anything, you've hidden the truth of our lives from yourself."

Her eyes did not leave his as he spoke, and then stayed as if hypnotised by him. They remained like this for many long minutes as we all became statuesque wondering what he was doing. Then, for no apparent reason he blinked and the connection was lost.

Bella looked at the table and in a solemn voice promised, "I'll work on it."

There was a brief silence of acceptance before Emmett asked, "Care to explain a human beard?"

Her cheeks pinkened a little as she spoke, "So, a beard is usually a girl who marries a guy who is gay to allow the world to think that he's straight, when actually he's not. She is the beard. You're using me like that."

We all looked taken back by her assertion.

"Ah Baby Bell, you don't have to, you know?" Emmett voiced before anyone could speak. "You volunteered. We didn't ask you to do that."

She smiled at him while her countenance was sad. "I do it though. Angela and Ben became friendly with Edward and Alice because I sat there. Maybe it's a species thing. I don't know."

"Is this why you didn't want us in your classes?" Alice asked.

"Yes," she answered reluctantly. Then after a minute added, "You guys can't help it, but when you're in a space you draw all the attention to you. It was my way of getting the human experiences you all asked me to have."

Jasper appeared like puzzle pieces in his head were slitting together, and he was beginning to get a hint of truly grasping her for the first time.

"And I knew I was offering to be Alice's beard," Bella put in. "It's just been harder than I imagined and opened my eyes in ways that have caused my head to spin."

"Well, Bella, you're no one's beard here," Emmett teased. "Alice would find a way without you. You just make things smoother. Your reserved nature and approach balances her."

Bella smiled. "Being a beard isn't a bad thing or an insult. It has just forced me to pretend to strangers. Lying to Charlie about my whereabouts seems like a typical teenager thing. Lying to company owners about who Alice and I really are is another thing altogether." Looking at Alice, she said, "I'm not complaining. I get the false names and bogus passports. It's not bad, just rocked my world."

Alice then started talking about her business and checked in that Bella still wanted to help. They worked through some details before Bella had to go.

"Let's talk when you get back," Edward told her.

"Yes, let's," she agreed as she left.

Once she was down the road, I asked Edward, "Want to talk about it?"

He looked at each of us and asked with sadness, "How have you all done it? Change so much, I mean. Even with my gift I cannot understand."

"You think too much," Emmett stated jokingly and then huffed turning serious. "You just do it. You stand on the edge of the cliff and decide and then go. You're trying to slowly descend the cliff. That's going to take too long if you're going to keep up with Bella."

Edward looked appalled.

"I would not have phrased it quite that way," Carlisle said, "but I agree with Emmett in essence." No doubt adding something mentally.

"Is she worth it?" Rosalie asked him, her tone soft and gentle.

"Yes," Edward replied fervently.

"Then take the risk, even though it terrifies you," she told him.

He nodded in acknowledgement. "I'm going to go hunt before class," he told us.

"Don't think so much," Emmett yelled loudly and then chuckled.

Rosalie turned to Jasper, "What were you doing to Bella in your staring contest?"

He stilled like he was uncomfortable with her question, then he looked up and stared at her in a similar way that he had Bella for only a few moments.

"Wow," she uttered.

And then he repeated it with Emmett, then Carlisle, and when he got to me asked, "You sure?"

"Yes, please," I replied uncertain of his warning.

When our eyes connected I had the sensation of falling into him. Then, it was like he showed me the rawness of his feelings about me, and then it was like I was looking at a mirror seeing my emotional self. When I came back into the room it was disorientating.

"Thank you," I told him, having no other words to articulate how meaningful him showing himself to me was for me.

He tipped an imaginary hat to me.

"Our lure plus a bit of your gift?" Carlisle hypothesised.

Jasper shrugged.

I looked at Carlisle and made it clear in my expression to stop asking.

Carlisle looked abashed and nodded at me.

"Did it help Bella?" Rosalie asked him.

"Not sure," Jasper answered, "but it was worth trying. She's conflicted between her choices and what she's observing. According to all the psychology classes I've taken and other things I've read, this is typical for this stage of human development, but it doesn't serve us, and we can't afford to have her waiver. As Emmett stated, she's already chosen."

Carlisle and I clearly didn't agree, nor did Rosalie, but we weren't going to get into it. As long as Bella wasn't asking to remain human, the conversation was mute and not worth getting into in my opinion.

Carlisle and I retreated to the room set aside for our rare visits. On the way, I squeezed Jasper's shoulder sending him my feelings towards him.

Carlisle and I comforted each other and allowed each other to find assurances in our touch and intimate knowledge of each other's bodies. When we re-orientated ourselves from our embrace the sun had set and no one could be heard to be home other than Edward and Bella.

"I should be apologising too, Edward," I heard Bella say. "I'm as much at fault."

"Well, no more," he stated. "Is there anything we have yet to discuss that we need to?"

"No," she answered.

Her heart was beating faster than usual, which I took as a sign of anticipation. Her heart rate accelerated even more, and he was clearly kissing her.

By the time Carlisle and I got dressed and were leaving via our balcony, Edward asked her, "Bedroom?"

"Yes, please," she answered.

"Well, that's progress," Carlisle muttered sounding slightly uncomfortable.

"It's for the best, my dear Dr. Cullen," I teased.

"Yes, and I'm happy for them," he agreed, "but I'll be calmer once she's turned. I just worry about it while she's human."

"One more reason in support of our agreement for her to be turned after graduation," I reminded him.

"Indeed," he agreed.

"And please let your curiosity about what Jasper did drop," I requested. "He rarely exposes his abilities beyond helping the emotional atmosphere of the house."

"I didn't know we could use our lure on other vampires," Carlisle told me. "I'm going to spend some time in my memories of Volterra. I suspect that all the kings had mastered something similar to what Jasper did. It just unsettled me, Miss Platt."

"Puzzle all you want," I told him, "just please remind yourself how much it takes for Jasper to open himself up."

"Of course," he answered with a smile and a kiss.

When we returned to the house about sunrise, Bella was asleep and Edward was in his room.

As a way of showing her how much she meant to me, I made food for Bella, and Carlisle joined me.

An hour later she came down dressed for work. There was no sign of bruising and she seemed happy.

"We're heading back to Forks, so I made food for you," I told her.

"Thanks, Esme," she told me.

"I love you," I told her, "and you are my daughter. Nothing about my feelings and care for you is a lie."

She nodded smiling slightly at me. "I know that somewhere inside of me. My insides are spinning too fast at the moment, but I know you love me Esme."

"Good," I told her. "Talk to your siblings."

She smiled broadly, chuckled, and replied, "Yes, ma'am."

"Have a good day," I told her as she left, and she waved back.

As Carlisle and I drove back to Forks, he tried to explain to me that her demeanour had simply been an expression of how humans felt when they learned information that upset their understanding of the world. His words, although clear, did little to soothe my worry at losing her.

By the time of our next visit, it was obvious that they had all talked through things, as there was more warmth and calmness in the house than it had been for over a year. Blessedly, her and Edward were also being more demonstrative. It was a good sign, in my opinion.

For her birthday we bought her activities that would be more enjoyable as a human than once she was turned. Emmett got her skydiving. Rosalie got her hang gliding. Jasper got her fire arms training and practice. Alice got her a three day spa treatment. Edward got her a trip to Las Vegas, so she could try all the food and take in the shows. Reminiscent of her eighteenth birthday, Carlisle and I got her open tickets to spend one more time with her mother. Immediately, the plans began of when Bella would do each one.

Our gifts seemed to ease whatever last pieces of the conversation had remained within her and had given her comfort. Maybe having something tangible that her becoming a vampire was actually approaching helped her. Perhaps Jasper's eye contact thing combined with whatever internal work she promised to do had aided her. Or there was always the chance that her and Edward becoming more intimate made all the difference. Nonetheless, her previous grumpy behaviours ended and she seemed to have settled into an even more mature way than before.

As Christmas was upon us once more Edward proposed and Bella accepted. When they told the family, Bella said that they agreed the summer after graduation, so that her family could attend. A year and a half away seemed like a long time, given Edward's physical intimate restrictions, and Bella's wants.

"I'll alter my species status after the honeymoon," she told us.

Bella expressed her worries about us being able to all show our expectant age at the wedding, but Alice assured her that the right clothing and hair styles would allow us to get away with it.

When I got a moment alone with Edward he expressed that they'd come to a fair compromise, and even though she would be turned, he was assured enough that she wasn't choosing to be a vampire recklessly.

Positively, Bella responded similarly to Edward, letting me know that is was a fair compromise. Even better, she seemed appreciative of me asking.

I could not have been prouder of them both.

We agreed as a family to meet once a month even if it was briefly or over the phone to make sure nothing unspoken was arising. Our commitment to Bella in this way seemed to also aid her, even if they annoyed her at times.

At the New Year's meeting I started off by telling the family, "I think we should present ourselves as siblings living together as we are orphaned or something. Carlisle, Rosalie, and Jasper could easily be related and we, their spouses. Then, Edward could be my brother."

They all looked at each other looking relieved as well as pleased.

"Objections?" Carlisle checked.

When there was none, I proceeded to show them my living design, which was a large house, appearing to humans that had been divided into four separate spaces. "We need to discuss if we want soundproofing or not, since we now know the technology works."

After some conflicted conversation Jasper put in, "How about enough for private conversations, but not true proofing. That way we gain more privacy, while also allowing any emergency to be known by all?"

It was something everyone could agree upon.

The longest discussion was our new surnames. Eventually we agreed upon Carlisle, Alice Jasper, and I being Platt, Rosalie and Emmett being McCarthy, and Edward and Bella being Masen.

Carlisle agreed to start looking for his next position with the new name, once Jasper had it ready.

After much discussion it was agreed that the aging process might not be ready for this next location, so we planned on being there eight to ten years.

The rest of the family business had been the standard fair.

Bella had definitely decided on applying for a doctorate program in Chemistry. The hope was that we would be that we would start after her doctorate and have the aging capacity by the time she graduated.

In February Carlisle and I came up on a whim. When we arrived no one was home, but Edward and Bella. Sounds of them enjoying each other's bodies were clear. Carlisle and I smiled at each other pleased to hear the sweet murmurings of endearment and passion as we ran away to give Edward privacy.

For Spring Break Edward and Bella met up with her mother and Phil in Chicago where Phil was playing an away game. She seemed satisfied with her time with her mother and their correspondence dwindled even more, despite the upcoming wedding the next year.

Each time Bella did one of the gifts from her twenty-second birthday we all went and enjoyed watching her experiences.

Her senior year was a challenge for Bella academically, but she managed to ace her classes while also assisting Alice from time to time.

She still had moments when the adjustment to being a Cullen would get to her, but when that would happen, she would talk it through with someone, often me or Rosalie, and we would make adjustments if needed.

When her birthday came, we asked what she would like for her last human birthday, and she requested a room at a restaurant where there was dancing. She invited people from school and danced with all the Cullen men. She seemed to have a great time.

By our New Year's meeting in 2011 Carlisle had found a position in Worcester, Massachusetts, and Bella had been accepted to MIT, Clark University, and Columbia University. She chose MIT to stay near Carlisle's position as well as the opportunity it afforded her personally. Charlie told everyone in town.

I had bought some land and we ultimately decided for me to build a housing development of four houses, as Bella suggested that might be an easier sell for the neighbours.

In June they all graduated together, but we were honestly most proud of Bella. She had kept her own, and that was really saying something.

After the graduation and all the guests had departed, we sat down as a family. The monthly check-ins had ended up being almost unnecessary, but it created the space for everyone to air grievances.

"Last time we checked Bella, the plan was to have the wedding, be gone with Edward for the rest of the summer, then ask MIT for a year's leave, and tell your friends and family that you and Edward are going to travel for the year. Then, assuming your bloodlust is controlled enough, start your studies at MIT the following Fall," I surmised.

"Yes," she agreed.

"And I have agreed with her plan of using a needle to insert my venom," Edward put in.

"I shall research the quantity and the material to withstand our venom," Carlisle offered. After a pause he checked, "To the heart?"

"We thought one to the heart and one to the femoral artery," Edward stated.

Their agreement on this issue had lifted a huge burden from Carlisle and I was grateful to them both.

"Your friends and family?" Jasper asked.

"I'm hoping that with limited contact over the year of travel explained by lack of access and being occupied," Bella answered. "My friends from college are none that I would stay in contact with. I barely message Angela anymore. Renée and I haven't connected in at least three months. Charlie and I exchange grunts occasionally. The only real complication is the Quileutes. They are unlikely to buy the story, and will guess at the truth, especially as I asked them to allow the exception."

"Will they break their silence and say something to Charlie?" Jasper pressed.

"No," Bella answered her voice sad. "If him marrying Sue and moving to the reservation revealed nothing, my year travelling will certainly not."

Jasper seemed content enough with her answers.

"How are you about it all?" I asked her.

"Nervous," she answered with a sad smile. "I am no longer a child. The cost you all warned me about I can see more clearly than before. It will be hard without a doubt. This life I'm living and the form in which I dwell will die. It's a heady thing to think about. But I've counted the costs, and decided it to be what I want for my life. I don't want to lose any of you, and Edward and I are wonderful together after all of our hard work. The price is steep, but nothing in life is free."

Rosalie smiled brightly at her. "I'm glad you waited, as much as I am looking forward to having you a vampire."

Emmett teased about wrestling. Alice talked about high heel shoes.

It was wonderful to see it as her becoming a permanent family member. Maybe it was a little bit like going from fostering a child to adopting one. Either way, I was glad for what was approaching.

In July, we had the wedding, as per Bella's request, on our property with Reverend Webster marrying the couple. It was tense at times, but the Quileutes, humans, and us, including the Denalis, all seemed to co-exist in the space for the few hours without any altercations. At a family meeting we had voted about the Denalis and decided that it would harm our relationship with them to not include them, and hoping that Edward and Bella getting married would protect them if the Volturi were to find out. Irena chose not to come, as she didn't think she could be in close proximity with the Quileutes, as she was still upset about Laurent. Despite the guest list and underlying tensions, it had been a beautiful affair.

Carlisle had already given in his notice and the house was shut up until we would live here again, assuming we could find a way to repair the damage Bella's change might have with the tribe. A few days after Edward and Bella had left for their honeymoon we officially left Forks and moved across the country. According to Jasper, our digital trail showed Carlisle and I going abroad with Doctors Without Borders and the rest of the couples getting jobs. Evidently, if Charlie ever ran a background check, there would be no concerns. The only hiccup was that he would never lay eyes on us again.

We were in New York state when Carlisle got a strange call from Bella. "Edward has been stone and unresponsive for more than five minutes. I'm growing concerned."

"Has anything happened to surprise him?" he asked in his doctor tone. "He'll appear statuesque if he's struggling to process information."

She paused a moment, took a deep breath, and then told him, "I think I'm pregnant."

"Then, you will need to return," he stated. "Come to the Massachusetts home."

"You talk to Edward, while I pack," she told him.

"Tell her that I'll book the flight," I told Carlisle and then proceeded to call the airlines.

Carlisle relayed the message to Bella before she put the phone down, and then he proceeded to comfort Edward and tell him that the family would support them.

When Edward spoke his voice was strained, "We'll see you soon."

They were off the island and heading back by the time that I called him with their flight information.

It was decided for just Carlisle and I to greet them at the airport. They both looked tense.

_You are not in this alone_, I reminded Edward. _Trust in your family and our love_.

Simultaneously, I wrapped my arm around Bella, and asked, "How were your flights?" hoping to get her mind off her worries.

"Uneventful," was her answer, but she looked dead on her feet.

"Did you not sleep?" I wondered.

"Not really," she told me.

We went to the baggage claim, collected their belongings, and went to the car.

"Let me sit in the back with Bella," I instructed.

Edward slumped defeated, but did not object.

It was less than five minutes after she had placed her head in my lap and I had been running my hand through her hair that she seemed to drift off.

"Has she been eating and getting enough fluids?" Carlisle asked, sounding concerned.

"Not since the news," Edward reported, and then explained, "She rarely eats enough when she's experiencing any strong emotion. Thus, it's normal for her, but she needs sleep, food, and liquids."

"Perhaps talking it through as a family will help," I suggested.

Edward looked over beseechingly at Carlisle appearing like a lost little boy, "You said it wasn't a possibility."

Carlisle's posture sagged. "I was wrong, and cannot apologise enough."

Carlisle must have thought something, because Edward asked, "Does he know more?"

"He will explain all that he knows," Carlisle affirmed.

"There was a native woman who stocked the house and her tribe had stories of incubuses. The images in her mind were horrible," Edward told us and then shuddered. "The creatures tear their way out of the mother's womb killing her in the process and look like the most demonic expressions of evil known to humans. She thought I was an incubus, the most deplorable of all cold ones." His body quivered and it was clear that he was overwhelmed with fear and grief.

Taking my hand away from Bella and putting it on Edward's arm, I assured him, "Any male that rapes a woman is deplorable. But think about the Denalis. They are the female version and leave the human men they bed happy and none the worse off. We have to separate the truth from the legends, clearly intended as a warning. The Quiluete warnings are their true history, but that doesn't mean the stories apply to us."

"Try to not have your fear rule you," Carlisle pleaded.

It was asking a lot of Edward and of us, honestly, but I reminded him, _You aren't the teenager you were. You have learned to face fear rather than run from it. Trust in yourself, in Bella, and in the family_.

Then I repeated the same sentence over and over. At some point I wasn't sure if it was for Edward or for me.

* * *

_A/N: I want to thank my beautiful and wonderful fans __or inspiring me through our conversations since the last posting. You shaped this chapter into something far richer than I had created originally. Thank you for all your notes and support._


	14. Chapter 13:We Shall Never Be the Same

**Chapter 13: We Shall Never Be the Same**

* * *

When we arrived at the property we woke Bella, knowing that would be her preference. She appeared slightly improved. Getting her more sleep was on the top of my agenda.

"The houses are unfinished," I told her, as we came up the entranceway.

In truth it was a construction site more than anything.

We went into the house designated for Edward and Bella, as it, at least, had been closed in. The interior was basically bare, but at this point that seemed immaterial. The interior was warm, and I was grateful for whoever had thought of that detail.

"We finished the fireplace installation, got firewood, and started a fire," Rosalie informed us, explaining the temperature.

"Let us go to the living room and sit near the fire," I suggested as a way of filling Bella in, since she would have been unable to hear Rosalie.

When we came into the room the four of them were already seated on the floor in two sets of twos each on the other side of the hearth. I sat on the left next to Rosalie and Emmett, putting Edward and Bella near Jasper and Alice, in case Jasper's gift would be needed for them.

Edward repeated to everyone what he had learned in the mind of the native woman about the incubi.

Then everyone turned to Jasper, especially Edward, who had the appearance of a drowning man hoping Jasper was going to give him a life raft.

Jasper must have conveyed something mentally, because Edward's face dropped into desperation.

"There were stories told from some of the covens close to South America of male vampires stealing human women out of their beds in the middle of the night only to rape them and then return them before dawn over and over again until the women killed themselves. From my understanding, it was meant to be a deterrent to not venture into South America, as the rapists were made to sound like the scariest most sadistic motherfuckers," then Jasper looked abased and quickly muttered, "sorry Esme. With those stories were tales of the seed of the vampires destroying the mothers from the inside out and then ripping them to shreds along with any vampire that dared enter their lands. It was all a bit like propaganda to me."

Carlisle looked like he was examining his memories, so we all waited. Eventually his eyes gained focus once more and he offered, "Perhaps Zafrina, Kachiri, and Senna of the Amazon coven might know how much of these tales have truth. I had heard of the stories of incubus before, of course, but not about impregnation."

"How could we speak to them?" I wondered.

"Rose and I can go," Emmett offered. "They know Rose at least, and she would know how to find them."

Trying to see all the options, I asked Carlisle, "Do we know anything for certain?"

"If I did an examination, and could get a rough estimate of fetal development, then I could perhaps extrapolate a due date?" he offered.

Everyone seemed in agreement with this plan.

"That okay with you, Bella?" Rosalie asked.

"That's probably a smart place to start," she agreed looking more asleep than awake and ashen.

"I'll go find something to make that work," Carlisle offered.

"I'll help," Rosalie put in.

Right as they were standing up, Alice said softly, "I can't see Bella anymore. She's like the Quiluetes."

"My guess is that the fetus is obscuring her gift," Jasper put in.

We all collectively closed our mouths and said nothing. Voicing our concerns over this development, seeing all the others in front of us, seemed moot.

Making a decision, as it did need to be a topic of conversation eventually, I told them, "Let's sort Bella first, and then we can dissect Alice's gift."

No one disagreed and Carlisle and Rose sprinted off.

"I'll see about plane tickets," Alice stated. "Landing in Brazil?" she verified.

"As close to the eastern part of the Amazon as you can manage," I confirmed.

Jasper had his eyes closed and seemed to be using his gift, as Bella and Edward both looked more relaxed.

Knowing the well pump had been installed to completion, I went in search of some way of creating a cup for her. Unfortunately, finding nothing else, I ended up using the cup holder in my car, assured, however, that Rose could fix it.

By the time I had brought Bella water, she looked like she was falling asleep again, which was good, in my opinion.

"Leaving tomorrow morning," Alice told us. "I'm going to go shopping for some basic things for Bella." Then, she paused as if uncertain, and asked, "What kinds of foods?"

"Eggs, potatoes, greens, fruit, beef, and lamb, for sure," Edward told her.

"Okay," Alice agreed sounding relieved at the instructions.

"I'll text you some items that can be found at a drugstore," Carlisle told her.

Without doubt not seeing Bella was hard for her, but then she had all these recent years of practice living without her gift, thank goodness. I couldn't imagine how insufferable she would have been otherwise.

A few minutes after Alice left Carlisle came down. "We're ready for you, Bella."

She stood and looking at Jasper told him, "Thank you."

"You're welcome, sis," he replied, and then told me subdued, "I'm going to get a quick deer."

Emmett said nothing, but could be heard chopping wood using his hands. It was productive and allowed some of his worry to be released, I guessed.

Taking the time with everyone else occupied, I imagined my spark and imagined it filling me, while not completely losing myself to the sensation, as I had initially been prone to do, and asked it to help guide us on the best path for us all. Given the events, I was grateful for Carlisle's gentle insistence that I practice being intentional about using my gift and keeping a part of me aware of the present.

In the meantime, Carlisle's voice could be heard giving Bella instructions, and it sounded like Rose was aiding him. He was asking questions I vaguely remember being typical, like possible dates of conception and first changes in appetite, smells, or anything similar.

When they finished, Bella and Edward came downstairs and resumed their position in front of the fire, I opened my eyes trying to be attentive to what my gift might be trying to tell me. Offering Bella the cup full of water, she was reluctant to take it, but had the cup emptied by the time Rose and Carlisle descended.

Emmett came back in with a few logs, which he threw on the fire, and told Bella, "I made you a rough outhouse. It's nothing to be pleased about, but at least you'll have an illusion of privacy."

"Thanks, Em," she told him with a smile.

Edward appeared very grateful, offering him a slight smile also.

Jasper told us, "Alice said to continue without her, and will be filled in."

Carlisle looked around to all of us. "Bella appears to be at the end of her first trimester already. I'm estimating her conception to be a week to two weeks past, which would mean a due date of about a month from now."

We were all shocked, including Bella, who appeared to be wrapping her hands around her stomach.

Carlisle looked around and with great hesitancy told everyone, "It would be amiss of us to not discuss the options, including termination."

Bella winced and seemed to hold herself tighter, while Edward looked grateful and relieved.

"Let's start with your thoughts, Bella," Carlisle offered.

She looked up at him, tears in her eyes with a flare of anger.

With great tenderness in his tone, he told her, "I get that in your era a woman's body is her own to choose whether to carry a baby or not, and the option of choice has been hard fought for. At the same time, please realise that emotions are running high, and already your body's natural instinct to protect your young has started. Please trust us, as you have all these years. Whether you like it or not, carrying your fetus to term has great impacts on all of us. If you didn't survive, neither would Edward, and although we'd have a new life, it would be at the cost of you both." She went to argue and he rebutted before she spoke, "Don't try to convince me that Edward could go on without you when we both know that's not the case, new life or not."

Bella sagged, her anger fled, and the tears increased.

"If you were to survive, it would be likely as a vampire, which alters our plans in multiple ways. I'd need to resign, you would need to pull out of your PhD program altogether, and us all move to a place more appropriate for a newborn plus the child. Our plans of being here would be unwise with so much unknown. Then, there's a chance that you wouldn't be able to with your child for at least a year. So, the child would have to be raised by the family, while we also assisted you through your newborn years. Additionally, there's the fact that we don't know if this child would be like an immortal child, which is against the law. We don't have enough information to rule out anything, and so the risks to us all are the greatest we've ever faced, even possibly more than Victoria's newborn army. This must be a family decision," he stated with conviction.

It was rare for Carlisle to speak in this way, but when he did it would take a fool not to notice how persuasive he could be.

Her tears were flowing even heavier and her body posture had turned into resignation, which was a shame. Simultaneously, it was better than her fighting us.

It took her a few minutes collecting herself and a look passed between both Edward and Jasper as well as Bella and Jasper to know he was helping her.

Eventually Bella spoke, "I am already in love with the peanut growing inside of me. I never intended on having children, but having something that is a combination of Edward and I, which I thought was impossible, seems like a miracle. I can't imagine a miracle being evil. If some James-like creature had stolen me from my bed at night, raped me, and then impregnated me, then I might want to die. In that situation, my child might be full of pain and hurt, acting poorly without a mother's love and a monster for a father, but this isn't that. Edward and I could not have created a monster. No one is good or bad just because of their species or nature. This creature growing inside of me will be beautiful and wondrous, because love and warmth and family will surround it. Not to mention that we have a doctor, an empath, and a mindreader to help. I just can't believe in anything other than my peanut being a beautiful gift and expression of our love."

Her words were moving and as equally persuasive as Carlisle's, particularly it appeared to Rosalie. She had truly grown into herself beautifully.

"Edward?" Carlisle requested.

He looked down at Bella and then over at Carlisle and myself. "More than anything I'm afraid. I cannot shake the images of immortal children ripping their mothers apart and then destroying towns. If that were not enough, it seems cruel to me that she and I were finally so happy, having done the hard work to mature together, both in repairing the wounds of the past and ensuring that Bella's physical age of twenty-three was not a barrier between us, and waited to make it smoothest for the family, only to be thrown back into a space of risking our lives. If the choice were mine alone, I would choose the safest path to ensure Bella's as well as the family's well-being, which would be to terminate the pregnancy."

It was hard to see them disagreeing over something so important. Yet, she lay in his arms, crying, while he comforted her. The fact that they were able to discuss this and support each other was a huge testament to their growth and maturity, especially Edward's.

"Rosalie?" Carlisle asked.

She sighed and looked like she was fighting a war within herself. "I'm torn. On one hand, I naturally reject any threat to the family. I'm risk aversive to say the least, and I dislike change generally. Yet, the opportunity to have a baby in the family is an incredible one. A part of me wants to say it's worth the danger, but another part of me tells me that even a baby isn't worth us all perishing from the Volturi, or worse, it being an immortal child and we having to kill it ourselves in order to keep the law. Tanya, Kate, and Irina have never gotten over their mother's death as a result of her creating an immortal child. On top of that, they say that it's very difficult to kill an immortal child, because of their innocent appearance. I'm uncertain and am hoping Emmett's and my trip can help bring answers, so I can make a more informed decision."

Her weighing the options instead of jumping into a direction based on her emotional reaction alone was a testament to how much growth had occurred within her.

"Emmett?" Carlisle requested after a few minutes had passed.

"My thoughts are very much like Rose's. When human I enjoyed my younger siblings including helping my ma raise them, but I don't think it's worth dying over, especially if it would be an immortal child," he said sadly.

"Jasper?" Carlisle asked.

"I speak for Alice that we have preferences over Bella than any child," he stated. "For me without more information, the risk is too great."

Something passed between Jasper and Bella, which caused Bella to relax and for her to offer him a tight smile.

"Esme?" Carlisle requested.

"My thoughts are somewhere between Bella and Rosalie. I don't want to have to imagine living the rest of my existence without Bella and Edward, and any new life would not replace the hurt such a loss would cause me. At the same time, I believe that the stories are warnings and do not speak the truth. I choose to hope that even if this child were not human, it still could be taught right from wrong and grow into a productive member of our family."

Bella smiled gratefully at me.

I returned a smile of encouragement.

After a few minutes Carlisle spoke. "I am torn between my role as doctor and desire to keep our family healthy and whole. The risks are immense. Thus, I am inclined to protect what we are, even against an unknown danger. I agree with Rosalie about the difficulty of ending the life of an immortal child, even if we were to agree that it needed to be done. However, as a doctor, I have sworn an oath, which includes mothers and their unborn children."

When he said nothing more I enquired, "How long do we have?"

It took him a little over a minute before answering, "A week to two before we're in the third trimester, assuming that the rates of development hold."

"Shall we wait to decide until Rose and Emmett find out more?" I offered.

"And if they can't?" Edward asked his tone pleading.

"Then, we will have to decide based on what we know at that time," I suggested.

"Can we give it the full two weeks, then?" Bella implored us.

"Seven days," Jasper requested, clearly disliking that idea.

"Ten?" Rosalie offered.

Bella looked disappointed and meekly requested, "Eleven? And I promise to seriously consider the consequences to everyone, to come to a place of acceptance of what we decide, even if it would be extremely painful to lose my peanut."

Compassion coating his tone, Carlisle told her, "Many parents are required to make the difficult choice you are making. Not all fetuses are viable to the world, and on occasion the parents decide to terminate for the health of the mother, as she is not likely to survive. Even if the time scale isn't usual for humans, these are difficult problems faced all over the world, Bella. If it comes to that, we can have a funeral or anything else you might need to grieve. Either option is a challenging path."

His words seemed to comfort her, as she nodded her features relaxing.

Jasper looked at Bella and no doubt taking in her emotions along with her care and love for her, agreed reluctantly, "Eleven."

She looked over at him and thanked him.

"Eleven it is," I announced with a heavy heart. "We will all do our part to come to a place of peace, irrelevant of our final decision."

Reluctantly, everyone agree.

Rosalie and Emmett went for a quick hunt.

Jasper went to do his usual route of securing the grounds, laying trails, and such things. It was how he handled extra stress.

Carlisle got out the laptop he had travelled with and started ordering hospital equipment.

I went and collected more firewood, as Bella had seemed to be shivering some, even if the temperature wasn't low. My first consideration was how to get this house human liveable with Bella here. The plan had been for them to return a month from now, by which most of the construction would be complete. Her lungs wouldn't do well with the particles construction would bring.

Bella and Edward hadn't moved, even though I had brought Bella more water.

Rosalie and Emmett returned about the same time as Alice. She had purchased way too much.

"I didn't look to see what we needed, so I bought everything," she answered to my curious look as I put things away.

She started taking the personal stuff up to a room upstairs, well without walls or doors it was hard to call it a room per say, but it was meant to be one. About the same time, Jasper reappeared and helped her. It only took them a few minutes, since they were moving at a normal speed.

"Requests?" I asked Bella.

"Omelette," Edward stated.

"They seem to be the food that I like the most since peanut's arrival," Bella qualified.

It was an easy enough request, so I got started.

Fortunately, Alice had even thought to buy coolers and ice. Electricity and outlets needed to be the first job, for sure.

Alice and Jasper next joined Edward and Bella.

"You know I love you like a brother," Jasper told Bella.

"Yeah," she agreed, sounding tired.

"I hope you're right and you prove me wrong," he continued looking at her earnestly, "but you know my past. I fought for many years and it is ingrained in me. I will fight to stay on this earth and keep this family together. Please don't see that as me fighting against you. I am fighting to preserve what I have."

A few tears rolled down her cheeks, as she assured him, "I know that." Taking a pause, she then added, "I can't explain it. Everything inside of me wants to make anyone who threatens my peanut an enemy. That's not to say that I believe you, Alice, or even Edward are my enemy."

He nodded. "It's natural. Mothers are the most ferocious of all creatures, especially when defending their young. As long as you remember that everyone here loves you, loves Edward, and only wants what's best for the family, then you'll do fine, regardless of the outcome."

She cried some more and when she collected herself told him, "Maybe it's the hormones. I feel excessively more emotional than usual."

By the time I brought Bella her food, Rosalie and Emmett had grabbed what they needed, and less than a minute later raced away.

Looking at the six of them, I stated, "I think we should change our plans and do Carlisle's and my house first. Once it's complete, Bella and Edward can move in, while we work on theirs next."

"And if we have to move?" Jasper enquired.

"Then, we'll hopefully have four habitual spaces that we can rent rather than as they are," I explained.

"Fair enough," he agreed.

"As soon as the stores open, I'm going to call and get items delivered," I informed them. Then, looking at Bella, I instructed, "Sleep. Your job is to take care of yourself. Sleep, eat, drink water, and let us know what you need."

Smiling and looking impishly she replied, "Yes, ma'am."

While Bella slept, Alice and Jasper went to catch something to quench their thirst. Carlisle and I held each other, conveying without words our fear and hope.

Once business hours began, Carlisle called companies about maternal care equipment, including an ultrasound, and I called all the vendors and companies to deliver material meant for my and Carlisle's house. There were a few things that wouldn't get here until tomorrow morning, but the important items would be here in a few hours. It would cost more in delivery fees than the materials, but the price was irrelevant to me. I would have paid even more if they had required it. In fact, it was a few hours later when the trucks began to appear. With each delivery I also tipped the men a couple thousand in cash and thanked them for doing what it took to get it to us. Hopefully it would get us in the local's good books, while also making it more likely to get what we needed moving forward.

As soon as the last truck left, Alice and Jasper showed up, having perfect timing as usual. Carlisle appeared at my side, letting me know that he could do no more for Bella, and was thus ready to work. The first items were wiring and plumbing. Jasper chose electrical, so Alice joined him, leaving Carlisle and I to do the plumbing, after I showed Jasper the heating and cooling unit I had purchased for all the homes, which had zones, allowing different parts of the houses to be a different temperature than others. The electrical elements also meant putting up the solar panels, although the actual panels were one of the things not able to show up today.

In the many things Alice had purchased included blankets, pillows, and a foam mattress. With them Edward had made Bella a bed. It was almost ten hours later when she awoke, and then there was the sound of her retching.

"And she thinks this is a good thing?" Jasper pondered to himself.

"A mother will endure almost anything to ensure the welfare of her child," I reminded him.

"Humph," he grumbled, but then went quiet once more.

They were an incredible team, as Alice didn't need instructions to accomplish what he needed.

Usually in this type of work Carlisle and I would be chatting, but we were both lost in our own thoughts.

"Edward needs to hunt soon," Carlisle uttered clearly midway between some line of thinking.

"Next time she rests," I told him, aware of how Bella had been clinging to Edward. It was my assumption that a small part of her old fears were appearing with these events.

All along Edward and Bella could be heard talking. He made her breakfast and then they reclined in front of the fireplace again. A few hours later she insisted that she wasn't an invalid and walked over to the communal ponds, respecting my request that she stay away from the construction dust.

With the land and its location, I had decided to collect the rainwater, placing it in water tower near the top of the houses. Then, any grey water from the four houses was to be funnelled into a three tier pond that would clean the water, provide a visual water feature to the property, which would include fish, and contain back up water if we needed. The black water was being piped into a special tank that would allow it to be changed into something like fertilizer after a year or two of processing. Of course, all of these elements for the four houses were designed to meet human uses. I couldn't imagine us meeting that demand, since the only water we used was for bathing, and the only black water would be the little time left of Bella's humanity.

Despite the excess needed to present the appearance of our human needs, between these systems and the solar panels we were hoping that it would allow us to live without the need to hook up to the city supplies. Our only true concern had been the possible smell. More than anything, it would allow us to behave normally without questions being raised and it supported our story to the locals regarding our wanting housing so far away from the town. It had actually been Bella's idea, as we had always done the opposite and tried to fit in.

"You'll never fit in," Bella had argued. "Better to give them a reasonable human explanation for being odd. Writing you off as eccentric is better than being curious."

Bella came over to the part of the ponds where Carlisle and I were working and sat in the grass nearby. Once they arrived, I set Edward to work in the house with Carlisle. To Bella I explained what all the pipes were for and how they would work. She was more aware than I about the chemistry that made it all function, but she seemed to appreciate the practical elements. Explaining while I worked slowed me down some, but it was enjoyable.

When she was hungry once more, Edward walked back with her and made her food. Afterwards, Carlisle requested to measure Bella once more, as it was close to 24 hours since the last time he had done so.

It didn't take long, and then he told her and us, "Rate is a little faster than I had estimated. Looking more like 12.5 days to her third trimester."

Jasper's discontent could be felt, even though we were nearly at different sides of the house. In my attempt to support him, I sent him my hope.

By the time Bella ate dinner she had been sick three times, struggling to even keep down water, and when she joined us appeared greener than her usual porcelain tone. Jasper came over to her and sent her to sleep at her request, even though asking him to do so seemed to disgruntle her. Edward went on a hunt and Carlisle returned to doing construction, and I did a few small jobs in their house while keeping an eye on her at all times.

It was about an hour later when Rose rang to say that they had landed, cleared customs, and were heading out with the satellite phones. The atmosphere seemed to change with her news, as there seemed to be more hope. By the time Bella had woken, Edward had returned, and she asked him to take her to the outhouse. They then returned to the nest he had made for her in their house. She seemed to fall back to sleep, for which we were all grateful.

Jasper and Alice were beginning to finish up with the fundamentals, so started on insulation, as well as the light soundproofing on the outside walls, as we had agreed. Carlisle and I finished installing baths, shower stalls, sinks, and toilets just as the sun began to rise indicating the start of the next day. The project was actually a welcomed distraction from the worry that could have been occupying my mind.

During the evening, Edward went on another quick hunt. Due to the stress we were all under, we knew it would be important to go regularly, and him more so, especially as he seemed to be only getting a bare minimum each time.

Alice and Jasper agreed to hunt tomorrow night and Carlisle and I would go the following evening.

Bella awoke and repeated her morning as it had been yesterday. It was a few hours after she had joined us, once more next to the soon-to-be-pond, that I was able to test the water system.

"You should be able to stop using the outhouse sometime today," I let her know.

With a huge grateful smile, she told me, "That sounds great. I've never been so glad for vampire speed as I am right now."

Chuckling, I went back to work, all the while talking to her about the different elements of the house. We were using state-of-the-art human technology to portray her suggestion to the human world.

Carlisle and Edward were tiling the bathrooms. Jasper and Alice then finished their jobs and began putting up the sheetrock along with installing the outlet locations. Everyone in the family had been trained years ago how to read my architectural drawings. Thus, they could install everything as designed without instructions.

About two hours later following a short nap, Bella asked if I could spare Alice to accompany her on a walk. Knowing that continuing to be active was an important part of pregnancy, I gave them my blessing, while I took the opportunity to go and install the kitchen counters.

They seemed to talk about inconsequential things, simply enjoying each other's company, although there was some conversation about Alice's clothing business as they headed back.

Then, seemingly out of the blue, Bella told her, "I feel like I've just messed everything up. I'm a human that knows the secret and then I go and get knocked up. I'm torn between my sense of obligation and desire to protect the family and my love for my peanut. I wish there was a way to help you understand. Maybe I'm foolish; it's just impossible for me to consider that love creates a monster."

Alice's sigh was heavy. "The women who turned the immortal children loved them, even though it was illegal, and even though it was a death sentence. We don't always love the things that are healthy for us."

Images of Charles flashed through my mind, and on cue Edward became more ridged. Bella's love for Edward and his love for her had been an unhealthy version before her 18th birthday. His love had been possessive and hinted on being overbearing and controlling. Many times I had warned him about how he was close to the line of being like Charles. And Bella's love contained such a lack of self-value that she would have literally given her life to feed him. Then, there was Rose's love of Royce, or maybe more accurately, the money, position, and title he would have given her.

Proud of Alice's assessment and speaking the truth, I had to agree that although love could be wondrous, it could also be destructive. The question was which kind of love was Bella displaying towards her fetus.

Bella said nothing back, which hopefully meant that she was taking Alice's words seriously.

"I'm going to make myself something," Bella told us, as she veered towards their house with the camping stove and food.

Edward went to go.

"Don't," I told him. "Give her space to think, process, and be alone."

Disgruntled, but agreeable, he settled back into his job. Sounds of her making a bowl of cereal seemed to calm him.

It wasn't thirty minutes after she had finished eating that she called his name and sounds of her retching could be heard. After she was back in the house, she told him, "I don't think that agrees with me. No more cereal or milk."

"Rest please," he pleaded and about ten minutes later her even breathing could be heard.

Alice and Jasper were almost done taping, mudding, and sanding the walls when Bella woke up. Carlisle had completed the bathroom tiles, including the floor, and had begun the fine carpentry aspects, while I was about a third complete with the tiles in the kitchen, which included a tiled floor. Coiled electric wires under the floors heated the house, which would be under foam and wood flooring in the rest of the rooms. Maybe by morning the house could have Bella enter it without fear of her being electrocuted.

When she woke from her rest, Carlisle asked to examine her and this time did not alter the dates, much to our relief. We all were acutely aware that forty-eight hours had passed, leaving only nine days for us to come to a decision.

The next four days went much like the previous two days. The exception was the progress on the house was slowing, as we couldn't use vampire speed as much, Bella had an indoor toilet and kitchen, and she seemed to be unable to eat any processed foods or dairy. She was also keeping less down generally, which increased everyone's worry.

It was then on day seven that we got a call from Emmett and Rosalie.

"We're on the way home," Rosalie informed us. "We were able to talk to the locals and get some facts. It's lukewarm at best. We also left a satellite phone with a solar charger in case we have follow-up questions. We'll be on the next flight home."

"Okay," Carlisle confirmed. "We look forward to your news."

For the next eighteen hours we all tried to focus on the tasks that needed to be done, including Bella who had offered to paint. The house was finished, apart from furniture, which were mostly in storage, so were unable to finish the house until a decision was made.

"Can we tell stories to celebrate?" Bella asked.

It was one of the small ways that her humanness had changed us. Before her we never stopped to celebrate until the job was done. To her one house was an accomplishment. To us the job would be completed when all four were done. Nevertheless, we indulged her acknowledging that it might help our worries.

Alice told stories about her years alone and Jasper told a few funny ones that included Emmett and then surprisingly, Carlisle told a few from his early years. They were ones I had heard, but everyone else hadn't and enjoyed them. When Bella went to sleep, we got started on Edward's and Bella's house. It was quicker, as the layouts were similar, except that it had a basement for experiments and other such things. We were a few hours away from finishing the plumbing and electrical when Bella awoke. She was still eating her omelette when Emmett's truck could be heard. We all collectively sighed in relief and gathered in front of the fireplace in Carlisle's and my home. We didn't light a fire, as Bella said she didn't need it.

Ironically we ended in the same configuration as the last family meeting.

Strangely Emmett was the one that started, wrapping Rose in his arms, "So, Zafrina, Kachiri, and Senna were easy enough to find, as they greeted us after about fourteen hours of searching. What took so much time was that they knew of local offspring between a male vampire and female humans and had offered one of the children their protection. It took some time and explaining our situation for Kachiri to go and ask if the offspring would speak to us. He must have agreed because we met him. His name is Nahuel and he has half sisters. All of them are the products of rapes from a vampire called Joham who believes himself to be creating the next version of vampires who will rule the world. We also met Nahuel's aunt, Hullen, who helped his mother through the pregnancy, and was turned by Nehuel. According to Nehuel, male offspring are venomous and females are not. He also said that blood is required to be given to the mother, as the fetus needs blood to grow and survive."

None of that sounded so bad, so when Emmett took a breath, it was clear that the rest would be poor news.

"The parts of the tales that are truth are that Joham steals women from their homes at night, rapes them, returns them, and waits until they get pregnant. When they begin showing, the communities shun the women for not having a man and since the gestation is rapid, claim that she's carrying a demon, and expel her from the village. Then, according to Nahuel, he follows the woman until she gives birth and steals the child from her. He holds no value to humans and sees them as breeding cattle. As a result, Nahuel's half-sisters, who were raised by Joham, have his beliefs. Nahuel is different and under Zafrina's protection from Joham, because when Nahuel's mother was tossed out of the village Hullen went with her. Hullen taught him to respect humans and how deplorable Joham's actions are."

If I weren't mistaken, it was like Emmett was delaying.

Then, sighing heavily he went on, "All the women died. Every single one. We asked Nahuel if a woman could survive, and he was emphatic that it would be impossible as a human, but couldn't say about surviving as a vampire. None of Joham's victims lived, but then Hullen pointed out that they had little care and no support. She honestly was more hopeful than Nahuel, but not much."

Rose spoke, but it was into Emmett's shirt as if needing his protection against the words. "All the offspring grew rapidly and then slowed eventually becoming immortal, at least as it seems, as Nahuel is 150 years old, more or less. He eats human food and consumes blood. He is stronger than humans, but less than vampires. He can go out in the sun without drawing much attention. The offspring are children in every way that human children are, albeit with a faster development period, but the birthing process killed the mothers. There were none that survived the process. Hullen said that Nahuel ate himself out of his mother's womb, and the amount of blood loss would make it challenging to have enough blood in the human body to allow the transformation into a vampire."

Then, she shook with grief and Emmett strengthened his grip around her.

"Thank you," Bella uttered, and then paused before adding, "I wish it hadn't brought you such suffering."

"You're welcome," Emmett replied on both their behalf.

"I need time to consider this information," I informed everyone.

Carlisle added, "I will begin the process of acquiring Bella's blood type. Either way, it seems like she would do well with a transfusion."

Agreeing with his input, I then suggested, "In a few hours we will be starting our day nine, since we decided to await making a decision. We still have time. How about in the morning after Bella sleeps we'll reconvene?"

No objections were made and Carlisle got started on getting some of Bella's blood type.

"Jasper, would you mind hunting a deer? You and Emmett can drain the blood for Bella?" I requested.

"Yes, ma'am," Jasper replied quickly with Emmett in agreement shortly afterwards.

Alice and I returned to working on Bella and Edward's house. We did not speak, each lost in our thoughts. More than anything I empathised with Rosalie's reaction. To hear such horror stories be true and the loss of human life was atrocious. Yet, that was not Bella's story. Did it mean another outcome? I didn't know, but what I needed was Carlisle's arms. When he came to the house, I stayed close to him working next to him allowing his proximity to soothe me. When Jasper and Emmett returned, we three went to observe Bella curious as to the outcome. We all but Carlisle held our breaths while Emmett brought her a cup of blood and Rosalie added a straw at the last second. Bella was half awake and hesitated at first, but then with pure determination drank it down. Almost immediately her colour looked better.

"Food?" I suggested.

"Yeah," she agreed, still not fully awake.

I served her a beef stew and then considered how I could begin making dishes that contained blood. That was a problem to be solved in a bit. She ate the stew more heartily and readily, which was a relief. As soon as possible, I looked for recipes calling for blood and found a few. With my new meal plan in mind, I went back to the house to work until sunrise. When the stores opened, I left going into town. After collecting all my ingredients and getting home I started with black pudding. It was supposedly a morning dish, which I figured that I would add to her omelette, one of the few things she still kept down.

In the morning she sat eating while we joined her to talk things through. It was joyous to see her eating the pudding first. It gave me hope.

Carlisle started the conversation, his tone serious with a hint of his doctor demeanour. "So, after considering the information Rosalie and Emmett bravely brought back, these are the options as I see them, but please be free to add others. One, we decide to terminate the pregnancy."

Bella paled, but said nothing and kept eating.

"Two, we decide for Bella to carry the fetus. For option one, after the last eight examinations and taking into account the information given to us by Nahuel, it would seem that the embryo sack is more like vampire skin than human. Thus, it would require a caesarean section, opening up the sack, most likely by the use of teeth, and then removing the fetus. Assuming option two, it would seem that delivery would be the same as what I just described. To ensure the fetus' and Bella's success, I would want to remove the fetus before its due date by one to three days, which should still permit enough gestation without the fetus initiating its own delivery. If these were to be the steps of delivery, along with someone else initiating the change, and then me sowing up Bella's wounds, while also giving her a blood transfusion, I believe both can be saved. Both options are risky to Bella as they both require the same procedure. The exception is that with option two the fetus and sack are at greater risk of harming her."

Everyone was frowning, even Bella.

"Clearly with option one we have some chance to continue as planned and Bella can be transformed as intended. However, with option two we would absolutely need to secure the houses, finish what we can, and move to a remote location, perhaps even the cabin in Newfoundland." He allowed about five minutes before requesting, "Bella?"

"I trust your expertise as a doctor, as well as Rosalie's, and Edward's to help me survive. Already with the blood I feel better."

"Edward?" he enquired.

He closed his eyes tight. "Either way Bella is at risk. At the same time, I can see Nahuel in Rosalie's and Emmett's mind. This fetus isn't a demon, although I can see why the stories were painted that way, especially as the males are venomous. As much as it terrifies me, I don't want to go against Bella's wishes when the greatest of my fears are not true. This won't be an immortal child."

After some silence Carlisle requested Rosalie go next.

She looked at Bella. "Selfishly I want you to carry it. If you are willing, then I will support you. But that means you giving over the responsibility of raising your child to the family until you're past your newborn year. You need to think about that. It's a huge cost in the short-term."

Tears rolled down Bella's cheek and she mouthed thank you.

Emmett went next. "It seems risky either way. My concern was an immortal child. If that's not the case, then I'm down with having a kid around, even if that means a lot more work for us all and more risk to Bella."

There was silence for a while until Jasper spoke looking at Bella seriously. "What you carry within you cares for you, and you are deeply attached to it. My greatest fears are also removed. I don't like the risk, but I also see helping you accomplish this wish of yours as a chance to redeem some of my crimes from when I was with Maria. A creature that grows and changes, a child that matures into an adult, no matter how much vampire nature it has, deserves a chance at life. That assumed that you're willing to carry it and pay the price. This won't be your and Edward's child like humans think. This will be the family's, especially, as you won't be able to be the caregiver for at least the first year. You would be taking a tremendous risk to offer a gift to the family. If you're going to be resentful or upset that this offspring is not yours, then you might want to reconsider carrying to term."

Not even a minute later Alice spoke up and looked at Bella. "Make sure you're willing to pay the prices. I'll support your decision either way."

Bella's gaze came to me, and I told her, "I would be honoured if you blessed the family with a baby, and I will do everything to find food to help you along and raise your offspring to know that you are the mother, but it is a huge sacrifice to carry a child and then miss those first years, especially as the development speed is theoretically so much greater."

Bella looked around and after some breaths requested, "Can Edward and I talk about it and we reconvene in a few hours?"

There were no objections.

Edward and Bella decided to take a drive to have some privacy, while the rest of us went to work on their house.

When Jasper and Rosalie were in the same room, she asked him, "Can you truly feel the fetus' feelings?"

His voice was reverent, "Yes, it takes some work to separate it from Bella's, but they are beautiful and pure, full of contentment and peace and affection. I can feel how attached Bella is also, which impacts my own sense towards it."

It was a while, but then a soft "Thank you" from Rose.

Two hours later Edward's Volvo could be heard heading our way.

Going to my house's kitchen, I started making Arroz de Cabidela.

Once Bella was in the kitchen Edward took the blood that had been set aside from the deer and warmed it. Gratefully he had warned me. After her cup of blood I served her the dish, which she seemed ravenous for.

When she was finished Edward let the others know, while I washed the dishes.

Putting the last dish away, it seemed like such a menial task in comparison to how monumental the next conversation would be. It was an odd juxtaposition. No matter what we chose as a family, what was certain was that we would never be the same. Centring myself and imagining my spark, I squared my shoulders to face whatever our future might hold.

* * *

_A/N: Hopefully this chapter really highlighted how much the family has changed, individually and as a unit, at least that was my intention. Thought? Opinions?_


	15. Chapter 14: Changes in the World

**Chapter 14: Changes in the World**

* * *

When we all gathered once more, it was actually Edward who spoke. "Even though I don't see Bella's pregnancy as a miracle like she does, we have agreed, given the similar methods needed to remove the fetus, that we should give this life a chance. On the assumption that Bella will be a newborn, I will be with her, and likely will be joined by Jasper and Emmett. That leaves Alice, Esme, Rosalie, and Carlisle with the primary responsibility to do the work of raising the child until Bella's bloodlust is controllable. We would like to request altering the Newfoundland cabin so that Bella can be contained, like in a basement with a vampire-proofed room, much like Forks. That way we can support Bella and the infant as a family. Also, Bella and I believe that our plan of changing her by injection will serve us. As such, we would like to request Carlisle and Rosalie to be in attendance for the birth itself. Bella promises to abide by any and all medical advice, including picking a date for the caesarean."

After a few moments of respectful silence to ensure Edward had nothing more to say, Carlisle asked the group if there were any thoughts not yet expressed.

There were none.

Expecting Edward and Bella's answer, I told the family, "We will need to do enough to close up the houses here from the elements, so that when we are ready, we can return to finish them. To accomplish this, I will need at least one couple to stay behind and close up the property completely. We will also need to prepare the Newfoundland house, unless someone else has a preferable location."

"Denali?" Emmett wondered.

We all looked at each other, seemingly each unwilling to voice our concerns regarding that option.

It was Carlisle that spoke. "I think that exposing them to a child after things with their mother Sasha might be unkind."

"Just checking," Emmett told us, and the tension that had built immediately dissipated without Jasper's influence.

"Objections? Concerns? Additions?" Carlisle asked.

"My PhD?" Bella voiced meekly.

"Up in smoke," Jasper replied curtly. "We can remake your undergraduate degree with false names later, but it will take you more time to be ready to enter human society than they will allow you to delay your entrance."

"Even with a bribe?" she asked grinning mischievously.

He looked at her seriously and then answered with a slight smile that hinted at devilish intent, "Let me look into it."

"I will withdraw from my position," Carlisle let us know.

"And I will let my assistant know that I will not be in touch as regularly and set up some contingencies," Alice stated.

After a few minutes Carlisle checked, "Anything else?"

We all looked at Jasper, since he maintained our digital lives.

"Identities kept for the time being," Jasper told us.

No one rebutted him.

"Better than fleeing in the middle of the night, but we're doing our regular closed, declined, and excuses made?" Emmett checked.

"No alterations except the ones already stated," I summarized.

He rubbed his hands together and asked Rosalie, "Ready to go to town and spread a little gossip?"

Bella giggled.

"What sis?" Emmett asked her looking innocent.

"Carry on," she replied to him with a wide grin and then after a few moments looked at Jasper. "Charlie and Renee?" Bella asked.

"Email maybe, but before leaving Massachusetts, you should contact them both and move forward with your previous plan to tell them that you'll be travelling, and enjoying the first year of marriage, and will be not able to touch base with them regularly," Jasper suggested. "Let me know the details you want, and I'll make the trails."

We waited the allotted time and no one said anything else.

Bella looked sad, but firm.

"We are agreed," Carlisle stated with what sounded like a heavy heart.

"Before we begin those steps," I told the family before the agreed upon silence ended, "we should discuss the impact of Alice no longer able to see Bella." Turning to Alice, I added, "Unless you don't want to."

She appeared hesitant, while also appreciative for the opportunity. "I get something similar as the Quileutes. With them it's like we disappear when we encounter them. With Bella it's like she's a void, but I can see around her."

"Any input?" I asked Jasper confident they had already discussed it at length.

"With the Quileutes there is nothing emotionally also, as if they don't exist in this plane. With Bella, she receives information, but Bella herself is blank. So, more localized. The most obvious reason is the fetus."

The room was completed silent for a few minutes minus the sounds of Bella's humanity before Carlisle spoke, "We have hypothesized that the Quileute genetic coding has a natural inhibitor to Alice. What if she does not see them, simply because they are governed by instinct shifting forms without choice? Simultaneously, this fetus is also changing rapidly at an instinctual level, and thus changing Bella in ways that remove her from Alice's gift?"

Alice looked contemplative and then asked, "So, when the baby arrives, Bella will return to my vision, as she will be a vampire making decisions?"

"Not as a newborn," Jasper stated with authority.

"You could see Victoria's newborns?" I checked.

Alice closed her eyes most likely pulling on the images from her memory. Edward closed his eyes also, no doubt following along.

"Generally, I couldn't see them great until they decided to come towards us," she reported.

"Okay, good," Emmett put in, "all sorted. Alice will be able to see Bella once she's a newborn on those rare instances when she makes decisions, and no one knows what our new addition will be like for Alice. Time's a wasting and the reason why doesn't matter that much. Alice is used to not watching Bella's future. We're all good." Then, after a second added, "Right?"

We all smiled at him, Rosalie most of all.

"Yes," I agreed, "I suppose we are, unless there's more to add."

"Lots of time to pin it down," Carlisle agreed.

Alice turned to Emmett, "Yes, I'm good. It's helpful to talk about it, since at first I was worried."

He smiled back widely his dimples clear. "You're indestructible, and Edward watches Bella like a hawk. No need to worry."

We all chuckled at the truth of things.

"Anything else?" I checked.

Our preset amount of time for silence passed, and then we all got to work.

I arranged for the Fork's furniture and belongings to go into long-term storage, and for movers to transport the items we wanted in Newfoundland including Carlisle's medical equipment, the blood from the blood bank, and a delivery bed for Bella. Carlisle and I travelled up to Newfoundland, while the rest stayed and finished the parts that were critical on the houses. Edward agreed to take up my cooking duties of blood-based foods, and Rosalie committed to doing Carlisle's daily measurements on Bella.

When Carlisle and I arrived we informed the house's custodians that we would be staying through the year, but would continue to pay them. Then, we started digging under the foundations and pouring the cement. We were only four days into the project when Alice and Jasper arrived, which greatly sped up the work. I left them three to the basement, while I focused on creating a room for the new arrival. At any given opportunity Alice was busy purchasing everything we would need for the child for a year, especially as once Bella was turned, we wouldn't want any deliveries. The house was remote enough that the snow should keep everyone away, especially as we planned on not plowing and anything else to make it accessible.

The next two weeks were a whirlwind of movement and decisions. When Edward and Bella drove up, she looked reasonable for where she was meant to be in the pregnancy. Edward insisted on carrying her practically everywhere, terrified she would hurt herself. She bit her lip regularly as if she were trying to keep the words in. He wasn't overbearing, as much as taking no risks, but it was clearly hard for an independent woman like Bella to keep in her complaints. The fact that she did so was a testament to her growth and coming to understand Edward in a deeper way.

When they settled he shared with us, pride apparent in his tone, that he had begun to hear the baby's thoughts, and Jasper reported that the baby's emotions were getting more complex. Rosalie had mentioned over the phone that Bella had a few bruised ribs from the baby's movements. When Carlisle asked about it, Edward told him that he had spoken to the baby and explained the need to move slowly and gently as to not hurt its mother. Two days later Rosalie and Emmett arrived. We had already hunted in preparation for the birth, and thus able to offer them immediate greetings to them. Straight afterwards, they went to quench their thirst.

Carlisle had been able to gather more of Bella's blood type legally and had also stolen some. The last few days before the planned birth date, he gave her transfusions in hopes that it would aid her for delivery. She would receive the rest during the procedure, at least according to Carlisle.

Jasper, Alice, Emmett, and I agreed to be out of the house during the operation, but close enough that we could hear what was happening, in case we were needed. It all sounded like it went according to plan as the infant's first cries were heard. A few minutes passed, although it seemed like much more than that due to my anticipation, when Rosalie came out with a bundle. It was a girl who Bella had named Renesmee Elizabeth after Renee, myself, and Edward's mother. It was an honour. According to Rose, Bella was changing and although it had been risky, it all had gone to plan. Immediately, Jasper nicknamed the baby Ren, which I thought was terribly cute.

She was beautiful and even more amazing than I could have imagined. It was about twenty minutes later after meeting our new addition Carlisle told us that the house was cleaned of blood. Carlisle joined Rosalie, Alice, and I, while Jasper and Emmett went to join Edward. Giving Ren her first bottle of animal blood, I couldn't imagine myself more blessed.

Bella had been placed in the basement, but even still I was concerned about the lack of noise. When Jasper came up he looked worried.

"What is it?" I pressed.

"She looks like she is asleep," he told me frowning. "Everything sounds and smells correct, but it's odd. Out of the tens of thousands of transformations I've witnessed never once has someone been still like that. The pain is real enough, so there's that."

"Maybe because she expected it, the experience is different for her?" I pondered.

"Perhaps," he allowed, although clearly still unsettled.

"It could be the medication I gave her," Carlisle added. "If you say the pain is there, perhaps the Morphine is successfully blocking her brain's receptors?"

Jasper looked at him incredulously, but said nothing, simply grabbing Alice's hand and leaving us. No doubt they would be back shortly.

Rosalie was completely smitten with Ren, as was Emmett. Certainly she wasn't without love. It only took a few hours to realise that she was gifted, when she used it to ask for her mother. We explained that her mother was resting, but loved Ren a great deal. Without doubt Edward was watching Ren through our eyes, but he never left Bella's side.

Right on cue at three days Bella's heart stopped. As agreed, only Edward was in the basement with her.

"Thank you, Edward," were her first words.

"You're very welcome," he answered. "I'm just relieved that you made it through and are still with me." Shortly after he grunted and reminded her that she was stronger.

"Right," she replied. "Will work at remembering that."

"Renesmee?" she asked a few seconds later.

"Doing well," he answered, "but you need to hunt first."

"Sure, sure," she agreed.

That was our queue; Rosalie and I went to Ren's room and locked ourselves in. All sounds outside of the walls were muffled, so that Bella would not be attracted to Ren's heartbeat. Our precautions seemed to be for naught, as nothing untoward transpired. Then, a few hours later a knock came on the door letting us know that Bella was back secured in the basement.

Carlisle greeted us with a smile and then informed us, "Bella has requested that she begin the desensitising to see Ren. I am inclined to agree, since, blessedly, Ren does not spark any of our thirst. Do you two have any objections?"

"No," both Rose and I answered, and then Rose gave Carlisle an onesie that was heavy with Ren's scent.

We came back to the living room and Ren placed a hand on Rose and then me probably showing the same image of Bella right after Ren's birth.

"Yes, that's your mother," I confirmed. "She was tired from having you and then thirsty. Your father, Edward, and the rest of the guys are making sure that she is okay. She's strong, and we want to keep you safe."

Ren frowned and tears came to her eyes, but she settled.

About an hour later Jasper came up looking distraught.

"What's wrong?" Rose and I asked almost together.

He shook his head. "Nothing."

We both wore looks of bafflement.

"That's the problem," he continued. "She has this strange ability to take her emotions and dial them down. She doesn't feel particularly thirsty, although she should. She isn't confused or angry. Well, that's not entirely true. She has those feelings, and then she like decides that they're not serving her and smoothers them without my help."

"A gift?" Rose asked her eyes wide.

"That's my guess," he answered. Then taking a few breaths, he told us, "But I came up to get you three. The guys are going to contain her, and you are to bring Ren down. For this first time no contact, just in the same room. Then, we'll see." He turned to Ren and his countenance shifted. He walked towards her and she touched him, probably sending him the same image she had shared with us. He smiled at her with a touch of sadness, "Yes, we all know you miss your mother and want to see her. But you're a wee mite at the moment, and we all, your parents included, are doing everything possible to keep you safe. Trust us please."

Ren frowned, but appeared like she understood. A few days old and understanding such a complex idea was beyond strange, welcomed, but odd.

"You take her," Rosalie said handing over Ren. We both knew Rose was a stronger fighter than I.

Jasper led us into the basement with Rose next and me in the caboose. We left the door open, so I could escape at any moment.

Bella's eyes were only for Ren.

"When you're ready take in deep breaths," Carlisle instructed.

It took Bella a few minutes before she did so, and a huge smile broke across her face.

"No desire other than to hold her," she reported.

Jasper nodded in agreement.

"Nevertheless," Carlisle stated after a few seconds of contemplation. "Let's get you something to drink and then try being closer to her. Even if the urge isn't there, this process is emotionally exhausting, and you are stronger than you are accustomed."

Bella frowned, but agreed sadly. "Be a good girl for Esme and Rose," she instructed.

Ren smiled and then waved.

Bella waved back and smiled exuberantly.

I left, and then Rose. We put together a bottle of formula, then we went up into Ren's room and played with her, feeding her when she asked. She clearly preferred blood, but Carlisle said she needed human food too. Personally, I thought formula was particularly foul smelling.

When we were informed of Bella's safe return by the knock on our door, Ren was asleep. Nevertheless, we went down to the basement and everyone stood exactly in the same places. Step by step Bella walked towards Ren with Edward on one side and Emmett on the other. While she took deep breaths, she checked herself, and then Jasper nodded approving. It was a slow process, but better than the alternative. When she stood in front of me she slowly put her hand out and then laid it on Ren's midsection.

"She's having happy dreams," Edward told us with a smile.

"She's very content," Jasper reported.

We all stayed like that each of us taking breaths and allowing Jasper's calm mojo to ease the tension that had been there. When Ren started waking Bella tensed some.

"Try and relax," I encouraged her. "Babies are attuned to emotions."

Bella smiled sadly and leaned into Edward taking in deep breaths. It was a smart strategy.

When Ren opened her eyes she showed me the image of Bella that she had before.

"Yes, that's your mother. She's feeling better," I told her. "Having babies is hard work, and she is a trooper."

Ren seemed to want to touch Bella, so I kept a firm grasp of her, but allowed her to grab Bella's hand.

Bella's eyes were unfocused for a moment and then she gasped, "What was that?"

"It seems that Ren has a gift," Edward answered.

"You're an incredible little girl," Bella told her, while removing her finger from Ren's grasp. "Thank you for sharing your days with me. It was great to see what you have been up to." Then, she took a step back and whispered, "I think hunting would be a good plan. The images of the bottles were too much."

Smiling in understanding, I left followed by Rosalie. While Ren and I went to the nursery, Rosalie made Ren a bottle of blood and brought it up.

"All our fears and none have transpired," I uttered in awe.

"You think that she'll be able to do her PhD after all?" Rose asked in a hushed voice like the words might dispel what we had thought was impossible.

"Ever since Bella, the world has been turned on its head. Edward dated his singer. We grew and changed, becoming closer as a family. Bella who came into our lives at seventeen and a half is close to being twenty-four. That is seven years in our world with close calls, for sure, but still. The whole story belongs in a fairy tale," I gushed.

"Apart from the hard work and growing pains," Rose muttered with a touch of irritation.

Chuckling, I agreed, "Apart from that."

Each day over the winter was like its own miracle. Ren grew so rapidly that it was almost sad. Bella had moments when she would forget her strength, especially when she and Edward were being intimate, but otherwise she was adjusting rather well. After the first three months we all started acting human, so that Bella could get accustomed to it. She seemed to take to it more naturally than any of us had. And we each took on subjects to teach Ren.

With Bella not lost in the newborn haze, as we had expected, she was able to be more of a mother than she had planned. Despite these pleasant surprises, Ren was raised by us all. It took Jasper about eight weeks to stop being on edge, but once he conceded that Bella was just odd, the whole house settled. Ren was a joy to us all and bonded us in deep meaningful ways, as well as healing regrets and wounds that would have otherwise never been soothed. It was an incredible experience.

Every couple of months Bella sent an email to Renee and Charlie. Renee's responses were unpredictable, but mostly self-focused, while Charlie's were constant if not a bit short, but then he wasn't a man of much words.

At our New Year's family meeting it was agreed that towards the end of the upcoming summer we would plan on returning to the human world and the lives we had intended before the pregnancy. It was risky, adding Ren and a newborn, but we decided it was worth it. It's funny how things we thought were going to be problematic weren't and problems we couldn't even see spelled out doom. But I guess that's life, even with Alice and her ability to see the future.

We returned to our houses in Massachusetts almost a year to the day after leaving them. As Bella was hoping to complete her PhD, we decided it would be best to keep Ren out of school at least in the beginning.

In the first semester, Bella reported having to leave class a few times and then make excuses. Her grade suffered a little, due to an uptight teacher, but no humans lives were lost. We all collectively breathed easier.

The first time Bella called her father was to wish him a Merry Christmas. It seemed that instantly Leah and Seth, who had been in the background, started growling and were aware of Bella's change of species. A few days later she received a call from Sue, to whom she explained that she had been turned at her behest rather than die and no one had bit her. From that day following, Charlie's requests for Bella and Edward to visit became practically non-existent. We were sadly grateful that the tribe's anger meant that Sue was probably running interference and creating more of a gap between Bella and her father. Additionally, we were deeply appreciative that the Quilietes, despite their disapproval, decided that our actions had not violated the treaty.

Two years after Ren's birth, Garrett stopped by for a visit and was initially afraid of Ren, assuming she was an immortal child, but warmed to her before we parted ways.

Ren's first three years went by in joy and love. Bella completed her comprehensive exams. Alice's clothing line thrived and the advances in virtual communication allowed her to be the inventor and creator without showing her face. She claimed that her staying in the shadows was a result of having social anxiety and an undisclosed medical condition. She paid her human assistant handsomely to be the face of the company. Emmett started programming games and even created a business from it. He and Jasper also created the technology needed to protect our identities and the whole family became even more averse to our picture being taken than we had in the past. Fortunately, the family was very close to fixing the problems needed so that we could appear to age.

Rosalie, Edward, and I did most of the raising of Ren, whose growth had slowed, thank goodness. According to Rosalie, we would have three more years before Ren would stop physically maturing. By appearance she looked like a preteen without the common human hormonal traits that accompanied those years.

The Denalis had been putting pressure on us to come for a visit. So, after no longer being able to put them off, we rented a private jet and went during Christmas break. When we arrived it was a surprise to also find Garrett there and that he had found his mate in Kate. I was glad for them both.

Kate, Tanya, and Irina had initially been irate at seeing Ren, but it only took them a few seconds to realise that her heart beat. Once we were settled, we explained the events. Eleazar more than any other was shocked at our news.

When Edward requested he share, Eleazar simply stated, "I have never met a mother that survived, and had assumed no half-breeds existed."

When pressed by the group to explain, he looked weary, but reluctantly answered, "Usually they are lacking instruction, and thus their behaviour is very similar to immortal children. Thus, the Volturi have responded in kind."

We were all surprised by such news. I refused to allow it to impact me. Though, Eleazar's knowledge was scary and sad. Ren was probably a year or so from having the appearance of a teenager. It was clear to us all that she wasn't an immortal child.

The conversation eventually turned to Bella, and her odd newborn year. We explained our belief that knowing what was coming aided her.

However, Eleazar had a different take on it, "Carmen was aware of what she was choosing when I changed her, and although she was more calm than most newborns, it wasn't anything close to what you're describing. I suspect that Bella's behaviour has much more to do with her gift than the other factors."

"I told you'll," Jasper muttered seemingly appreciating having his theory supported, since he was the only one that had entirely rejected the idea that knowing beforehand would help.

"Other than keeping Edward from hearing my thoughts," Bella refuted, "I don't seem to be gifted."

Eleazar smiled in a charming yet devious way, like he was luring her into a trap.

Carman hit him gently and seemed to be chastising him without words.

Eleazar's smile turned more genuine and he told Bella, "I have not encountered a vampire with a gift as strong as yours since the twins. At the same time, I cannot tell you exactly what it is that you can do, as you are a shield."

"We suspected she was a shield of sorts," Carlisle agreed. "Mental shield?"

Eleazar agreed, "And more than that."

"More?" Carlisle, Edward, and Bella all asked at almost the same time.

Her eyes got huge and Jasper looked smug.

"I cannot say, exactly," Eleazar hedged, "as the nature of her gift obscures it from mine, but given the strength of it that I can sense, absolutely."

Carlisle looked at Eleazar in trepidation, "She would be coveted even above Alice by Aro."

"Without doubt," Eleazar concurred, his tone somber.

After some looming moments of silence, Bella asked, "Can you help me learn more about it?"

"Of course, child," Eleazar offered.

We talked some more, but when the conversation lulled, Bella pressed Eleazar once again to learn more about her gift, and so everyone went outside to watch the training.

Jasper pulled Eleazar aside and they conversed in low tones.

Edward scowled, but said nothing.

"Let us start with you, Kate," Eleazar decided, clearly with Jasper's approval.

Thus, began us spending our time helping Bella. Eleazar and Jasper seemed to be in their element. It had only taken a day to discover that Bella could extend her shield to cover Edward. Alice then volunteered to be the next test subject, as Bella and Alice were closely bonded and although Rosalie and Bella were sisterly, it wasn't like Alice. No one was willing for Ren to be a test subject, even though she wanted to. It was hard for Jasper to not protect Alice and Alice to not use her visions to see the outcome, so it could be a more genuine test. Nevertheless, three days later Bella had been able to protect them both at the same time.

When we all went hunting, I engineered it so that Eleazar, Carmen, Carlisle, and I were together. Carlisle and I had already spoken about it, and he was in support of my request.

After we had each found something and when no one else was around, I told Eleazar, "I'd appreciate your help."

Looking at me confused, he asked, "With what?"

"In our story we left out how I've been meditating and its effects on Edward and Jasper," I confided in him and Carmen, as she was close enough to hear me. "We did so out of respect for my privacy. I'd like to do so now and have you observe me. We are divided in the family about whether or not I have a gift."

"You do," Eleazar replied his tone sweet. "I told you on our first meeting."

Smiling at him, I repeated to him what he had said, "I have the gift of loving."

"You do," he repeated. "Loving is not a small thing in our world full of fear and greed."

"Perhaps," I allowed, "but it seems that since Bella's 18th birthday, I have been able to imagine the most harmonious and truest outcomes. And I have been able to assist each of our family members in change, including Edward."

He mulled over my words and then looked at me critically. "It seems that your gift has increased in strength over the last century, but that is expected, and true of all vampires. To start in this life with a gift at Bella's strength is unusual for sure, but for a gift to develop over time is not."

"So, you don't see a change in my gift, only it growing in strength?" I checked.

"Yes," he answered with a smile. "Love is one of the rare things that changes us vampires other than venom. Your gift is subtle, but the gift of loving is a beautiful thing, just not prized by Aro."

Smiling at his attempt to lighten the mood, I playfully retorted, "Well, that's good to know."

"Yes," he agreed with a wide smile. "Your family has enough for him to covet already." Shaking his head, he teased Carlisle, "Only you could have four gifted vampires out of eight that would attract Aro's attention."

Carlisle appeared bashful and shrugged.

Wanting to get back on track, I requested, "So, will you monitor me while I meditate?"

"Of course," he replied with a tender caring smile.

Sitting in the lotus position, since this had seemed to aid me best, I closed my eyes.

Carlisle moved a bit away from me, sitting down at the base of a tree.

Carmen moved near Carlisle, while Eleazar sat down across from me, but there still was more than ten feet between us.

Focusing within, it was easier to find the light and have it fill me, given my practice doing so over the last years. Wanting Eleazar to have a true opportunity to evaluate what was happening, after it filled me, I sank deeper into the light and myself. I allowed it to guide me towards the feelings and images that came, letting go of remaining aware of sensations surrounding me, and trusting Carlisle to keep me safe. Perhaps hours later, at the periphery of awareness, I felt jolts of alertness, which were clearly from Jasper, as they were being sent as a form of Morse Code. It was a clever communication device he had invented and then trained me on. In addition to asking me to return to him, it told me that everyone was present. Coming back into my awareness, I sent him appreciation in return in the same fashion, requesting that he ensure Eleazar keep whatever he sensed private.

The response of agreement was all that I needed to know to have assurance that Jasper would ensure it was so.

When I opened my eyes, Tanya blurted out, "What were you doing?"

"Meditating," I told her.

"And Eleazar?" she turned to him.

"Joined me," I answered.

He confirmed, but he almost sounded groggy, which was weird for a vampire, but common in relation to touching my gift, as Jasper and Edward were often similar.

Jasper spoke, using his gift and natural charisma, "Remember we told you that after leaving Bella, due to my attempt at draining her on her 18th birthday party, Esme was getting lost in her thoughts?"

The Denali sisters and Garrett nodded.

"I suggested meditation to her," Jasper continued, "and it seems to be aiding her and the family. Her gift of love is almost tangible in the air when she meditates. It is a lovely experience."

His ability to tell the truth while keeping my confidence was masterful. Even more stunning was that it seemed to immediately alter the Denali's reaction. Instead of confused and apprehensive, they were agreeable and curious.

"It seems to most affect those with gifts like Edward's and Jasper's, well, and perhaps Eleazar, whose talent allows them to pick up what is in the environment beyond our senses," I told them as a form of explanation. "What did you experience Carmen?"

She smiled at me letting me know in her look that she would keep my confidences. "Honestly, I did not participate as much as observed. I was curious to see what you meant by meditating. Perhaps next time, I too can try and still myself."

Smiling back warmly in appreciation, I hoped it was enough to convey my meaning.

"What about Kate?" Tanya asked.

"Has a different kind of gift that starts from within her and radiates outward, much like Esme's love, so she is likely to respond in the same way as you, Irina, and Carmen." Then, he turned to Bella, "How about you?"

"She loves me in so many ways, and her love has formed me into a better version of myself in a variety of aspects that do not include meditating," she answered, smiling in love at me. "Each time we have meditated as a family, I find it centring and rejuvenating, but I cannot say that it has touched me like Edward."

He nodded his head like that made sense. "Your love is picked up more strongly by those who have gifts to do so, but clearly it touches everyone you meet."

Smiling at him in gratitude at his kind and diplomatic words, I said nothing.

Emmett then blurted out, "So as much fun as staring at Esme and Eleazar has been, can we go back to enjoying the hunt?"

Everyone chuckled at Emmett's exuberance.

There were debates about hunting groups or competitions to challenge the hunt. Eventually, the Denalis, Garrett, and our seven, as Ren had been included in the games, decided on a combined form of a complicated capture the flag, which included hunting prowess. Apart from his strength, this was Emmett's gift. He had a magical way of making the most mundane thing fun. The four of us declined, and the rest seemed to expect that we would continue to spend time together, as we usually did, given Carlisle and Eleazar's years with the Volturi and how much Carmen and I had in common.

When everyone was out of hearing distance Eleazar waved at Carmen to come and sit next to him, which she obliged, and then Carlisle copied.

"It was like watching love become manifest," Eleazar told me in reverence.

"You were still and non-responsive for greater than six hours," Carmen told me her tone worried.

"I cannot say why that happens," I told her. "When I first started practicing the meditation Carlisle required for him or someone else to be in the vicinity who does not have a gift, as he worried that I could be attacked easily. Thus, I originally was practicing when Carlisle and I were in the Forks house and he was doing his medical research stuff. Over time I have been able to meditate while also keeping a part of me aware of my five senses. However, in order to show you the full impact like Jasper and Edward had experienced, I allowed myself to be completely immersed in it."

Carmen looked at Carlisle and they shared a look. Then she uttered, "It was apprehensive, but Carlisle calmed and comforted me."

"Thank you," Eleazar told Carlisle.

He nodded his head, but said nothing.

"It was moving," Eleazar expounded, "and beautiful. It was like the spark of your gift that I usually sense turned into a bonfire and filled me with its warmth." Then, Eleazar frowned, appearing contemplative.

Carlisle chuckled. "Yes, Edward and Jasper were as equally lacking in a description. This is why Esme wanted to ask you about it. Given your gift, she was hoping you might have some insight."

"Let me ponder it," he answered.

"Shall we find more blood?" Carmen asked.

"Yes, let's," I replied and the men agreed.

It was over a week later when Eleazar and I were alone he came up to me and uttered softly so the words would stay between us, "I believe that what you are experiencing and, through you, others, is simply a more concrete manifestation of the core of your gift. Perhaps over time, you could project it into the atmosphere and it impacts others like how Jasper does. I cannot say. However, it does seem that the potential loss of Bella pushed your gift into developing faster than time would have done otherwise. Nevertheless, it is most likely that what you are doing presently would have come in a few centuries anyway."

"Thank you," I told him, truly appreciative of his insight, as it helped put my mind at ease, even if it gave me only marginally more clarity than before.

The day before we were to leave, a mated nomad pair showed up on the border of the Denali's land. They happened to run into Tanya who invited them back to the house. If she had warned us, we probably would have removed Ren from the room, but she was in the main area learning history from Carmen. The visitors paused briefly when their eyes passed on Ren, but said nothing. They stayed long enough to meet everyone and exchange some stories, but it was clear that they were uncomfortable being around so many of our kind, especially in an enclosed space, and after thanking Tanya for her hospitality, left.

We returned to Massachusetts and were close to the end of the school year when Alice had a vision of the Volturi visiting. According to what Alice could see, we would be charged with harbouring an immortal child. Even though the decision had been made, it looked to be some months before they would arrive.

After a heavy and long family discussion, it was decided to contact all our friends and ask them to be witnesses and to meet us at the Newfoundland home, as well as spread the word through the vampire world. Carlisle took the summer off, much to the hospital's dismay, and we closed up the houses, moving back into the Newfoundland one. Within days the Denalis arrived and then others. Each that met Ren were moved with the story and unsettled with the idea of hybrids generally. Rosalie called Neheul who agreed to come along with Hullen and the Amazon coven. When Ren and Neheuel met, Ren asked lots of questions of how his developmental process had been.

Our greatest contention was whether or not to ask the Quiluetes to stand beside us. Since Bella's stepmother was on the tribe's council, it wasn't an inconceivable request, and we had fought together prior, but in a split decision, it voted that the Quiluetes standing against the Volturi wasn't in their best interests.

We certainly had individuals show up that were unexpected like the Romanians and Amun with his coven. Even some of the Asian covens Alice, Jasper, Rosalie, or Emmett had met had sent coven members. There were also those that I had never even heard of previously and Carlisle had never met, but were disgruntled with the Volturi in some way.

Jasper, Peter, Garrett and other fighters led training camps and Carlisle along with Eleazar offered to help those with gifts hone their capacities, which Bella joined at every opportunity. She had been taught fighting by Jasper over the years already, but we still didn't know the full potential of her gift.

As Alice was able to pin the time down, we seemed more and more unprepared for the moments ahead. Jasper told me one day about a week before they were meant to arrive that soldiers prepare the best possible, but that there is no such thing as completely prepared. His words, although disconcerting, allowed me to focus instead on my belief that our love for one another would get us through.

When the Volturi arrived they did so like an army of old, and just like Alice predicted their numbers included the wives, all of the guard, and their own witnesses.

Aro spoke first, "Carlisle, my dear friend, I came to see for myself the rumour that you harboured an immortal child. Yet, it seems like you have assembled an army."

"Only witnesses that this child you speak of is the natural born offspring of my son Edward and his wife Bella," Carlisle told him.

The three of them step forward, so those who had come with the Volturi could see.

It seemed doubtful that there was a vampire coven not represented, for the exception of warlords and their newborns, like Maria.

Caius appeared furious. "So the charges are true."

"How can a naturally born child be compared to the immortal children? Their daughter has been kept from humans, and when old enough taught the necessities to keep the secret. As she eats and has other human functions, she actually is less at risk of exposure," Carlisle refuted. "Just like a newborn, they have taken responsibility for their creation until such time as she can care for herself, and we as a family have supported them."

"Clearly since there was an offspring, a human knew your nature long enough to become pregnant and bear the child," Aro spoke softly as if regretting the words.

"And then was changed," Carlisle stated. "The law was kept. The human who learned the truth was turned, as you can see with your own eyes."

Looking disappointed and upset, Aro stated, "The technology of the human world requires an ever present vigilance. This is a time, more than ever, for us to keep the secret. The risks are simply too great."

Nehuel stepped forward and he looked at Carlisle who nodded in agreement for him to speak.

"What about the women like my mother who were raped to create me?" Nehuel pressed. "Are you claiming that a vampire loving a human and keeping her well, even through a pregnancy, breaks the law, but my father's actions are acceptable, since I am over one hundred and fifty years and not once had the Volturi come to stop him?"

Then, Nehuel stepped back, but the murmurs on the Volturi side could be heard, especially from the women.

"We must stay in the shadows and be nothing more than myths," Aro countered. "Your father's actions, as upsetting as they are, did not break the law, and if the rumours are to be believed, have only increased placing us into mythology." His pause was pregnant with anticipation, everyone hanging on his words. "But this is not the case here. This half-breed, by Carlisle's own admission, interacts with humans. Do you or any of the offspring of your father do this?"

"Not that I know," Nehuel answered truthfully, but disappointed in how Aro had painted it.

As if speaking to his subjects, Aro told the crowd, "The laws about immortal children were made for the same reason werewolves were hunted to extinction or guardians are left in peace. All of these sub categories, everything the Voltrui have done has been to keep our secret, to protect us from prosecution from the humans, and given their recent weapons, keep us from annihilation."

Many from the crowd gasped in surprise.

"Yes, there are crimes in which we as individuals might have a strong loathing for, and rape is certainly one that is abhorred. However, the Volturi do not enforce these types of things. Our role, since we formed, was to keep our secret. It wasn't hard when I was first turned to imagine a time when the humans would vastly overwhelm us in sheer numbers," Aro waxed. "We are here because the Cullen family is risking our secret. Whether it is from an immortal child or allowing a human to get pregnant and then tend to that human long enough to create an offspring does not matter. What is important here is the risk of exposure the Cullens have created."

Caius looked pleased as punch, while Marcus' apathy turned into a frown.

"We agree to the critical need to keep the secret," Carlisle began. "By living within human society we have been aware, more than most, at how close humans are to discovering us. Yes, they have weapons, which could destroy us, like what happened in Japan. And yes, they number the stars and could, if they worked together, annihilate us. My family is as much at risk of dying by their hand as you, my dear friend. However, because we do live by hiding in their midst and using the myths to obscure our true nature, we have come to believe recently that we have an even greater threat than the ones we have faced previously: technology.

"There are so many cameras in cities now recording and watching their streets at better and better quality that it seems almost a matter of time before one of us makes a mistake and is caught in the act. Then, there are the cameras on their phones that allow them to record our image at a touch of a button. There are location trackers that tell their loved ones and authorities the last place they were. And they have computers that can take this information and come to conclusions that they could not prior, even fifty years ago. We are equally concerned as you, my dear friend. And my family is grateful for the role you play in this world. We are merely trying to do our part, including overcoming these technology concerns and even discovering ways to fool the humans into believing that we are aging."

My pride in my mate and his persuasive ways was hard to contain, but I managed to keep a straight face. This was the version of Carlisle that had kept him in Aro's graces while he lived with them for those decades. His eloquence, passion, and charisma were exactly why he was the face and voice of our family to the world.

There was a general disquiet in the Volturi ranks. These things had been conversation topics over the last weeks as our visitors had arrived, but it seemed like their witnesses were not aware of many of the things in which Carlisle had spoken.

"To the matter of my granddaughter, I have to concede that her presence and what she represents is a risk. So, too, are any newborn without attention and care. Nehuel had his Aunt Hullen to teach him and his half-sisters have their father. There is no disagreement regarding the tremendous risk a half-vampire offspring could have in our world without guidance and training. Immortal children were banned because it was found that they could not be trained. Newborns are allowed because they can be. Thus, by your own admission of the necessity of keeping the secret, it would seem to me that our granddaughter Reneesme falls squarely in the category of someone capable to be trained to keep the secret."

A hush fell over the two sides.

"Perhaps if I were to get the information from your own eyes, I might be able to see that of which you speak," Aro spoke like it was a kind gift.

Carlisle smiled like Aro had given him the perfect way out of the situation, and then instead of stepping forward, he stated, "Perhaps it would be even more fruitful for you to also gain understanding from reading my wife, Esme, as she often manages the family when I am at the hospital."

Aro smiled warmly, even though his eyes were calculating, "Of course."

We walked forward to him.

Aro took Carlisle's hand and then after commented, "As always your presence teaches me things. You do see the world so distinctly."

As Carlisle and I had agreed, I lifted my hand and then immediately imagined my spark and let go of my senses, trusting Carlisle to keep me safe. It seemed like less a second had passed when I felt Jasper's gift telling me to come back. Upon returning to the moment, I smiled kindly to Aro and then stepped back. Like Eleazar, he looked slightly stunned, but his scowl gave his appearance that he was in thought. Carlisle and I walked backwards towards our family.

"We need to confer," Aro announced after a moment.

It was not even three seconds later that Edward gave the signal that Alex was beginning to send his gift, which I relayed to Carlisle through Morse code tapping on him. The only possibility of such a short time frame on his part was if he had been instructed to do so before they even arrived. Except, it never reached us. The only way that was possible was that Bella's shield protected us. With a great prayer of thanks to God above, I continued to try and use my gift to see what would be best for all. Carlisle was right that we needed the Volturi. Someone had to use the stick to keep our race in line.

Shortly after it was relayed that Jane was trying her gift on our group with no success.

A few times through the brother's discussion Caius eyed us sideways, and the longer they spoke with no evidence of the twin's gifts working the more agitated he seemed.

When it was abundantly clear that the twins' gifts were not effective on our group, the brother's turned back to us. I did not know the brothers well enough to know what they might say, but Carlisle relaxed infinitesimally, so I hoped for good news.

"How I have missed our discussions, my friend," Aro lamented. "Over the years we have come across a rare few half-breeds and in each case they were a danger to our secret. We are pleased to discover that doesn't have to be the case, as we are always loathed to kill needlessly. Thus, we concede that your granddaughter did not break the law by her birth and that the human Bella is now a stunning vampire, and thus the law, although broken, was mended in her case. However, the close relationship you keep with humans, especially as there are nine of you, flaunts danger, despite your earnest intentions to keep the law. Nevertheless, as there are no witnesses to you breaking the law in this regard, only grave concerns, we find no grounds to find you guilty. Therefore, as a remediation of the risk your choices create for us all, your family is requested to use this knowledge for the common good."

"We would be more than willing to share with anyone who seeks our assistance. For instance, my son Emmett has created software that makes phone calls secure beyond what the human governments can collect. We are also more than willing to offer lessons on how to avoid detection by the human technology, as well as other aspects that our family has been using to keep ourselves from exposure," Carlisle offered.

Aro smiled, but he looked exceedingly displeased with Carlisle's generosity and openness to everyone.

The ways of the old were falling away, even in our world, and the exchange made it clear that our family's way of life had something meaningful to offer to our world.

"Please come visit us soon," Aro told Carlisle right before they turned and left.

As the last of their cloaks could be seen, we turned looking at each other in wonder. It was the best outcome we could have imagined.

Shortly after our guests began to leave. When they did so, if they requested, Emmett gave them an encrypted phone, which if I had understood correctly relays to monitoring devices a random human conversation thereby completely hiding the true one, along with a solar charger. Their software was sneaky and something only Emmett and Jasper would have come up with.

"Didn't know you had it in you," Jasper teased Carlisle with a clap on the back when the family finally came together to discuss what had transpired.

Carlisle appeared bashful and then looked at Jasper, "I guess I am more of my father's son than I knew."

"I could have never imagined the day when diplomacy and rhetoric would supersede the brawn of the Voluri," Jasper gushed, then in a hushed tone told him, "You are creating quite the following, maybe not for the animal blood, but for respecting human life and culture. They fear the humans a bit now, and that's a good thing. Three hundred years and your dream is just beginning."

"I blame Esme," he retorted clearly self-conscious.

Smiling widely I welcomed the blame.

When we were once more just the nine of us, Alice told us that Aro had decided as soon as he entered the field to end us, but that it had changed after he took my hand. She didn't know how come, but I had to believe that Aro had experienced my spark and doing so had held his hand.

As the winter came to an end, our life returned to our hectic normal.

When Bella graduated with her PhD, she told Charlie that she already had a job, so wouldn't be at the graduation. He was disappointed, but seemed to understand. Her mother had forgotten that she was even graduating.

By her graduation, she along with Edward and Rosalie's help had discovered how to create what was needed for our appearance of aging project. Deciding to stay in the area, we began trying it out. The first months were a challenge to get used to the fake skin being adhered and the strange sensation it created, but eventually I got used to it.

Rosalie, Emmett, Jasper, and Alice ended up staying busy in their companies, which helped the vampire world stay ahead of human technology.

Bella got a tenured position at MIT and thrived there all the while using her skills to aid our world.

Rosalie opened a garage specialising in historic repairs. She had a waiting list.

Edward and I kept the home front together, while I dabbled in my home designs and Edward his composing.

Carlisle got to fulfil his greatest wish and rise in the ranks of the hospital creating lasting systemic changes.

Ren requested and after a lot of warnings as well as trepidation went to a human high school. She found it difficult to make connections and keep the secret, but also appreciated time away from the family. After she graduated she requested to go meet Charlie. With reluctance we voted to allow her to go with the condition that she keep her identity withheld. Carlisle called the Quiluetes and told Billy that she would be travelling, ensuring his guarantee of her safe travels. It was then with great surprise when she called Edward from Billy's home number to tell the family that Jake had imprinted upon her, and she wasn't sure what to do, as he had become Alpha. Bella was actually the most upset at fate sending someone to Ren when she was so young.

Jake was uncomfortable coming to our place and we were unsettled about her living with the Quiluetes, mostly due to the risk it posed to Charlie. Thus, as a compromise they decided to travel the world for a few years, and Jake gave over his responsibilities to Seth. It didn't take long for the vampire world to be full of stories of a guardian and our Ren.

It took another two years after our trial for Aro to request our assistance. Just as Jasper had predicted, technology had made their usual hunting practices increasingly challenging to cover up. It seemed like Aro was in our debt, although he ensured to make it seem like he was doing us a favour.

It was hard to know what the future might hold, or how life could get better. In a strange way my paintings were beginning to come true, just not in the precise way depicted.

Whether we existed for one additional year or ten thousand, I couldn't ask for more.

* * *

_A/N: So, those of you who have read me before will know that I usually have epilogues, and this story is no exception, although be warned that it will not be very long. I wait in anticipation to your thoughts as we come to a close._


	16. Epilogue:Start of the Rest of My Life

**Epilogue: The Start of the Rest of My Life**

* * *

Grudgingly, I, Bella Cullen nee Swan, have to admit that Carlisle and Esme were right. Being frozen in my mid-twenties was definitely wiser than if I had been forever nineteen. When I look back at myself from those years, I shake my head and roll my eyes. There's nothing great about being a teenager, except that it passes. Over the years of being in college, I grew into my body and into my self. Without doubt it was hard work, especially as Esme wouldn't allow me to rest on my laurels. Sure, Victoria's army and the whole of the Volturi charging us with a crime might have made epic scenes in a movie, but they weren't the moments where I was really tested.

It took awhile for me to really grow into a space of being able to trust someone else. Neither of my parents had been especially trustworthy, in that lean on them and they don't break, kind of way. Charlie was consistent, but he simply wasn't a part of my childhood enough to be able to trust him with the hard emotional stuff. So, the first people I grew to trust were Esme and then Carlisle. Not with my safety, which was a far easier commodity to give away, no, with my inner world. Slowly, but surely, Esme broke through my childish ways and in loving gentleness and kindness nudged me into opening up. Over time I learned about a courage beyond facing death: being vulnerable and living with the consequences. The first test of this kind I faced was allowing Esme to see the parts of me that my insecurities and shame kept covered.

The family thinks that Esme's gift is some superpower like Edward's mind reading or Alice's future-seeing. And maybe it is. But I don't think so. I think Edward had it right from the beginning when he told me that Esme's gift was love. She loved me. She was able to see through the teenaged girl who believed herself responsible for the behaviours and actions around her, and who thought obsession and addiction were the signs of ultimate love. Instead of seeing what was in front of her, she saw my potential and through her love helped me remove the obstacles preventing me from becoming the highest version of myself. At twenty-four plus six vampires years I'm not there yet, but certainly a hell of a lot closer than I was at seventeen when we first met.

Ironically, Esme was also right that the best thing I could do for Edward and my relationship was to grow into my best self. So much of my college years were a mixture of self-discovery, learning how to be in a relationship, and making sure that Edward knew that my expectation was for him to keep pace with me. It didn't really matter what age he was when his body was frozen with venom as much as his emotional maturity mattered. And, as is true with most humans, time, or rather events over time, push us towards maturity. In my case the pushing force, even if it didn't seem like it at the time, was Esme.

In those first years of college it was Esme that forced Edward and I to have the difficult conversations, to be honest with one another, and to express our needs as well as our expectations. Simultaneously, she pushed me into figuring myself out, facing the reality of my mother as well as my father, their failings, their strengths, all the gifts they gave me, and all the ways they wounded me. And then, she prodded me into acceptance, forgiveness, and forming adult relationships with each of them that worked for me and my future. Except, it didn't feel forced or pushed or prodded. Instead, it felt like love. It was a tough kind of love, the kind where you want to walk away, because it requires genuine effort. I'd never known love like Esme's, so it took me until after I graduated with my doctorate to be able to see how it was love.

In the beginning of our "sessions," as she referred to them, I was half grateful and half terrified. She must have been weaving her magic on Edward as well, because he started opening up and allowing me to see the true him. As he did, I could see past Edward's vampiric perfections and see the imperfect person. Underneath the stone body was a frightened young man most of all of being rejected, of not being good enough, and I had to wonder the kind of parents he might have had. Eventually, I came to see how similar we were. We both felt inadequate. We were both self-sacrificing. We both took on the responsibility for things outside of our control. We didn't balance each other in these ways, which I came to see was a weakness, even if it did allow us to understand each other.

Growing to find those qualities repulsive and immature in myself, I then grew to have the same feelings about these qualities in Edward. Over time I saw love not as being self-sacrificing, but as trying to meet another's needs without compromising ourselves. I saw taking responsibility for things outside of myself as a controlling nature due to being given an inappropriate amount of responsibility for my age. And I grew to see that my feelings of inadequacy were a poison killing me, and thus damaging any relationship I would try to have with someone else. Once, when Edward and I were in the house alone making dinner together, I told him so, adding that his inadequacies were doing the same to him.

I had completed the moment saying, "Humility is fine and all, but being a pompous ass is no better than believing yourself inadequate. Both are inaccurate representatives of your or my true selves."

That's not to say making those inner changes were easy. There were things I simply wasn't great at, and I came to learn that Edward was good at so many things, because he was a perfectionist rather than it being because he was a vampire. Emmett alone drove that part home.

Us compromising was hard. His turn-of-the-century values clashed with my millennial ones time and time again. No element of our relationship was that more true than physical intimacy. When we finally had agreed a way forward and he moved beyond light kisses and casual touches had been the first time that I began to truly see how our hard work was paying off. Blessedly, his touch ignited me in ways that no frat boy had ever come close. It confirmed for me that despite all the sacrifices, the path I had chosen was worth it. Although, my doubts along the way had seemed to really challenge Esme. Fortunately, she stood by me and believed in me through it all.

Sometimes I almost don't recognise myself in my thoughts and feelings. In those moments more than any other I am so grateful for agreeing to Esme's and Carlisle's request to grow up some. As I did the hard work of healing the wounds accidentally created by my parents, so much about how I saw the world changed. Recognising how young they were when they got married, and how few tools they had to cope with the responsibility of raising a child allowed me to honour them, be grateful for them, and see the ways their lack had become mine.

As the time went by and I grew up Renée became a self-centred teen who wanted to remain young and free rather than face the hard stuff. Or maybe my view of her had changed; it was hard to know for sure. Either way, by the time I graduated college we had become sporadic pen pals. I wished her, and by extension Phil, well, but by my graduation from college the distance between us was clear. She was great fun, but a terrible person to rely upon, and thus not someone I wanted to call friend.

In comparison, I found myself regretful of my treatment of Charlie in the years I had lived with him, and told him as much. He clearly cared about me, was a family man, and was a great step-dad to Seth and Leah. He loved me dearly, but didn't know how to do the emotional work to create intimacy. And knowing my desired future, I didn't put a lot of work into deepening things with him, although it was clear that we were very similar creatures. Once I considered how Edward had qualities like Renee and Charlie, which was an exercise in irony.

As it happened by inches it was hard to see the ways in which I was changing through college, although sometimes Emmett's jokes were a good reminder. However, all the work I had done on myself, Edward had done on himself, and we had done as a couple really was tested when I became pregnant. He wanted to control the situation and blame himself, but he didn't give into those patterns completely. He spoke his fears and listened to my wishes. It was the kind of relationship that I needed, even though I hadn't known it at seventeen. It wasn't high school infatuation. It was an adult, challenging, compromising exchange. He heard and respected my feelings, while I agreed to reasonable alterations for my well-being, even if him carrying me everywhere grated on my nerves. I wasn't a child and getting my way and throwing a tantrum about it wasn't going to help anything. Fortunately, he behaved similarly, since even though the conversations were strained, we muddled through without any negative impacts to our new marriage.

The family's reminders that our child would be raised by everyone and would not be ours in a human sense was a relief for me, as I believed myself more prepared for parenthood than my parents had been, but still not even close to being ready. Ren, as Jasper nicknamed her, was a delight and although I did some parenting, the guidelines for her were mostly decided by Esme and sometimes at family discussions. It was certainly not a usual American way of raising a child, but then again, our family wasn't human.

By the time the Volturi came to put us on trial, our family had learned how to trust and rely on each other. It was intense and we were all afraid, but we leaned upon each other, willing to die together if need be. There were no running away plans. There were no flights of fancy. There was nothing other than doing our damnedest as individuals and as a team to save our own lives. Even Ren was given a role to play. Well, maybe Jasper had contingency plans, but then again he wouldn't be Jasper without having a backup to the backup backup plan. We teased him about it, but then these contingency plans had saved us a few times when I was human, so the teasing was in love.

Esme's gift of love and bringing out the best in others seemed to touch everyone she met. And although the Volturi's decision not to kill us all was probably more strategic than anything, it was interesting to watch her touch the lives of all of our "witnesses". Peter, Charlotte, Russell, Sarah, and Nahuel seemed the most impacted by her, but then I believed her gift only worked if the person was open to receiving her loving ways.

If God was love, then Esme was an ambassador from heaven, even if she was a vampire.

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_A/N: I thought it would fun to end the story in Bella's pov, since I started it that way. Sadly, this is the last story in this AU. I first posted A Little More Heart in 2016, believe it or not.  
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_The next story I have planned is in Jasper's pov and a completed different world than the one I've been in for the last two years, although of course, still in the Twilightverse. It will definitely be rated M, as it will explore his past as he works through the events he will be facing. If you're interested in that kind of thing, I look forward to having you follow it._

__A huge shout out to kiwihipp who Betaed many a chapter in this series. _Furthermore, I thank all the people who encouraged me to write this story and supported me through its process and the changes in my life. This story was dedicated to you and words of appreciation are insufficient._


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